I’m Done Being Blackmailed with my Nudes

I’m Done Being Blackmailed with my Nudes

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I don’t really know how best to talk about all this, but I’ve been holding everything inside for too long and I just want to explain everything anonymously.  I need to vent and build up courage to tell my mom what’s happening even though I know she’ll probably get pissed off at me for it.  So, I kind of want to get everything off my chest so I can focus on the important bits and tell my mom the right way and calmly, but I can’t tell her the full story with all the details.

I’m 15 years old and in high school.  Puberty has hit me very hard.  I don’t know to best describe it, but my body is sexy and my boobs are enormous.  I’ve been getting sexual attention since I was 11.  Right now, is no different.  Because of my body I’ve always been bullied for my looks by other girls.  I’ve been called a slut more times than I can remember, just because of my body.  Guys have been nicer to me but it’s obviously just because of my body.  You ever have a guy come up to you and try to trick you into rubbing your elbows behind your back?  I get that every day.  The guys that aren’t nice to me call me things like, “Hooters”, “Cow Tits”, “Milk Jugs”, and “Titty Monster” all for obvious reasons.  The only thing every one of them have in common is that they stare at my boobs.  Not even the quick glance kind of looking but the creepy full on stare.  Some assholes are so bold that when I talk to them, they’ll try to have a conversation with my boobs.  I hate that.  People treat me like a blow up doll and not a person.  I fucking hate it.

Because of all the sex attention I got I never dated until months ago.  Let’s call this guy I dated Asshole, because that’s what he is.  Because I already had a bad reputation because of my body I wanted to keep things clean and nonsexual.  I wanted a boyfriend, but I didn’t want to have sex or do sex stuff.  When I started dating Asshole I was a complete virgin in every way.

Well because I didn’t want Asshole to get any ideas, I told him up front that he and I would never have sex of any kind.  I told him he couldn’t have my body in that way.  I even got specific and told him he would never have sex with my vagina, my butt, my boobs, or my mouth, or even see me naked.  He seemed upset but eventually he agreed to all that.  I would not have dated him if he complained right then and there.

Well, Asshole and I dated.  It was kind of weird having a boyfriend.  I’ve always kept guys at an arm’s length away because they all just want sex.  Well Asshole was cute and funny and said all the right things.  I got used to him.  Liked him.  Loved him.  I’ve never been in love before.  I lowered my guard.

And so, I ignored all the little things Asshole started doing that made me uncomfortable.  Like slapping or grabbing my butt.  We’d hold hands, sure, but sometimes in public he’d clap my ass and keep his hand there, squeezing me as we walked somewhere.  I hated that but I didn’t know what to say.  I told him to stop a few times, but he never did.  Asshole wanted sex and he kept dropping ‘hints’ about that.  About how ‘good’ girlfriends ‘took care of’ their boyfriend’s ‘needs’ and all that.  That he couldn’t wait to see how I reacted to the size of his cock.  To the taste of his cum.  I just wanted someone to love.  He and I used to hug a lot and it was about that time I realized the reason he loved hugging and cuddling with me so much was because he loved the feeling of my boobs flattened against his chest.

This next part is important.  And I want you to understand I did this all in complete privacy in my room.  I have a camera on my phone, just like everyone else.  Well, there’s one thing I had never done before that I wanted to try out.  And that was to take naked pictures of myself.  I saw other girls online taking pictures of themselves.  It looked fun.  I wanted to know if I looked good or not.  I know guys think I’m super hot, but I wanted to see if I thought I looked good naked because sometimes with how big my boobs are I feel like a freak.

Mom always warned against me taking naked pictures of myself.  Threatened me, really.  “Only sluts take nude photos of themselves and send them to guys or put them online.”  But this was just me and I wasn’t going to send the pictures to anyone.  Especially not Asshole.  He would have gotten the wrong idea.

So I stripped naked and started posing.  I took a lot of pictures.  A lot of just my boobs from lots of angles.  Pictures with my face and my boobs.  Close-ups of my pussy and ass.  Full body pictures.  With the delay timer I took even more daring pictures.  I took a full body picture of me on my bed hooking my ankles around my neck while I used my hands to spread open my ass, all with a smile on my face.  I took a few shots of my hairbrush’s handle all the way in my pussy.

I even made a few videos – videos of me topless with my hands behind my head and shaking my boobs at the camera.

And I never sent them to anyone.  Never moved those nudes anywhere else.  NEVER.  The nudes were on my phone for only a few days before I felt ashamed at having taken them.  I look like a total slut in my pictures and videos.  So I deleted them.  That should have been the end of the story.

But it wasn’t.

Asshole got more demanding.  Eventually he got pissed off and grabbed my boobs through my top.  I was so embarrassed and scared I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t fight him or slap him or his hands away.  I just let him play with my tits like a complete coward.  He was way too rough, and he hurt my boobs.  My boobs were bruised afterwards.

I could barely sleep that night but knew what I had to do.

The next day I broke up with Asshole.  He was PISSED OFF.  He called me a “fucking teasing cunt bitch”.  It was so bad.  I cried.  But it ended.  I thought it was over.

I kind of talked about it with my friends.  I gave them the full details.  They weren’t sympathetic at all.  They couldn’t believe I hadn’t sucked his dick because, “Sucking dick is what girlfriends do”.  They couldn’t believe I hadn’t even shown him my naked boobs.  The way they talked about it I was the bad guy in the relationship, and I should have felt bad for ‘wasting his time’.  I felt like shit.  It felt like everything was my fault.

And that was that.

Until a little more than a month ago.

Out of nowhere I got a text from Asshole.  It was a picture of his erect dick.  He said, “I’ll forgive you for everything you’ve done and denied me if you suck my dick, cunt.”

I told him to go fuck himself.  That was a huge mistake.

In a few seconds he sent me a video.  It was a video of me shaking my boobs at the camera.  One of the many nudes that I had deleted.  He said, “I tried to do this the nice way and ask you to suck my dick like I deserve but you were a cunt like usual.  Unless you want this and every other video and picture you’ve taken sent out to everyone you know, you’re going to do everything I say from now on.”

My heart stopped in my chest.  All my muscles tightened up.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t believe that he had got my nudes somehow.  I had never sent them to him.  I had never shared my phone with him.  I never left my phone by itself.  I have no idea how Asshole got all those pictures and videos.  And he has ALL OF THEM.

Asshole’s next text said, “Take off all your clothes, cunt, and send me a picture of you fully naked within the next ten minutes or else EVERYONE gets to see what you look like naked and what a whore you really are.”

I didn’t have a choice.  I did what Asshole said.

He said, “Good to see you can follow orders, cunt.  You’re my slave from now on.  Never forget that.”

And that’s how Asshole started.  For the past month he’s made me suck his dick so many times. I hate it.  I hate Asshole.  He never calls me by my name anymore.  My name is Cunt.  He’s stolen my virginity.  He’s stolen my anal virginity.  I have nothing to give my future husband now.  Nothing.  Asshole has had anal sex with me and then made me clean his dick with my mouth.  It’s one of the worst tastes imaginable as you can guess and is completely humiliating.

Asshole has even used me as a toilet.  By that I mean pissing into my goddamn mouth and having me swallow it all down.  He even made me thank him for doing that.  He’s even said that eventually he’s not going to just piss into my mouth and that I’ll become a true human toilet.  Asshole has literally said that soon one day I will be swallowing HIS SHIT STRAIGHT FROM HIS ASSHOLE.

I can’t take this fucking shit any more.  I fucking can’t.

So tomorrow I’m going to tell my mom what’s going on.  I need her help to stop Asshole.  I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m scared.  I fully believe Asshole will send out my nudes like he threatens the instant he realizes what I’m doing.  I’m so scared but I’m going to do it.  I’m not backing down again.  I’m going to tell my mom what’s happening and everything that happens next is what needs to happen.  I can’t be Asshole’s slave anymore.  I won’t be his slave anymore.  I won’t be his fucking toilet.  I won’t swallow his shit.

I’ve cried and I know I’ll cry much more in the future, but I need to do this because Asshole is only going to get worse to me if I don’t.  I’d do it tonight but it’s way too late and I don’t want to wake up my mom.

I’m going to tell her in the morning.  Wish me luck because I know it’ll be a disaster.  How do you even tell someone about this sort of thing?

Thank you for reading all of this.  I’m super emotional right now  I know it was a bad read.  Asshole is just a monster.  He makes me so sick.  I can’t believe I loved him.  And I feel like such a slut for making those nudes pictures in the first place.  And I know this was a rant and I’m sorry, but I just needed to get this all out.  It took me so long to write this.  It was just gibberish at first because I was crying but I cleaned it up so people can understand me.

Thank you and I wish you all the very best with your own problems.  I hope after I tell mom that the worst will be over.


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25 comments

  1. Jess Volunteer

    I am so incredibly sorry this has happened to you. The boys who treated you like an object. The guy who made you trust and fall in love with him, then abused that very same trust by attempting to pressure you into sex of any kind. The same guy who then blackmailed you into following his orders. You deserved absolutely NONE of that. Your body is YOURS and no one should treat your body like their dumping ground. You are also so much more than your body, and those boys who acted like you weren’t? They don’t deserve any of your attention. You are not any of the degrading words you feel like for taking those pictures. You absolutely had a right to experiment. I don’t know how your ex got ahold of those pictures and videos, but he had no right to take them and he is horrible for what he is doing to you now.

    I’m glad you’ve decided to tell your mom. It’s going to be incredibly difficult, but she needs to know so that you can get the help you need to get out of this situation. I hope writing out what has been happening helped you in your conversation with your mom and that it went as well as it could. If there is anything else we can do for you, please let us know. We are always here and we believe you.
    -Jess

  2. Gamato04 Volunteer

    You are incredibly strong and brave for telling us and your mom. I’m so sorry all of this happened. Not once was it your fault. It is normal to explore sexuality and experiment with pictures meant only for yourself. What isn’t okay is your ex stealing them and blackmailing you. I hope he learns his lesson soon and that all of this ends because you never deserved a bit of it.

  3. SAL Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope it went well with your mom. Nobody deserves to be threatened and treated like that. None of this is your fault at all. Those photos were private and they don’t make you a slut. He no right to use those against you or treat you the way he did.
    Stay Strong,
    Stella

  4. Kevin Casey Volunteer

    Sorry you went through this you sure know how to go through that I hope your mother will understand it’s not your fault nobody should be blackmail nobody nobody should he doing these things to people it’s not right if you need anything or have any questions we are always here for you thank you for sharing your story

  5. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi NotAToilet,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so so sorry that you have had to deal with this. You didn’t deserve this at all. You are not a slut, and you deserve better. Asshole is horrible for treating you the way that he did. You have every right to take nude photos of yourself. Your Mom shouldn’t have said what she said about nude photos, even though I’m sure she meant well. We are all here for you and we believe you. Please continue to share your story with us. Stay Strong. I wish you the best of luck telling your Mom. Asshole is a monster. We are here for you. Please do not hesitate to reach out to our crisis hotline: text VOICE to 741-741 you will receive immediate support.

    Tyler

  6. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi NotAToilet,
    I am so so sorry this happened to you. You do not deserve this. You are not a slut. You had every right to take those pictures and videos for yourself. The fact that he was blackmailing you is not okay. I know this is not something you want to talk about with your mom, but what he is doing to you is a form of torture. This is something that your mom needs to know because it is hurting your safety. We are here for you if you need anything for support. You can also text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help or you can use our find help tab on the top right of this page. You are so strong and brave. You will get through this. I believe in you. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  7. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    I am so incredibly sorry for what has been happening, and what you have been through. You are not a slut and you shouldn’t be ashamed. It’s natural to explore your body and be curious. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you are not to blame. You are so incredibly strong, and please know that we are here for you through this. You deserve respect, and happiness. Stay strong, and let us know how we can help you. We here at AVFTI are thinking of you, and sending our thoughts.

    Carmen

  8. zoeyb

    Hi there,

    I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I am so glad you decided to vent- I hope you feel some relief from doing so. You’re right, Asshole is a monster, what he is doing to you both physically and psychologically is absolutely not okay. It is 100% within your power and your right to tell or not tell whoever you want; including police. We are here for you and we believe you.

    -Zoey

  9. Amysue43 Volunteer

    You are NOT a slut; you are a STRONG WOMAN! You’re are very frustrated and have every right to be! This is not your fault and you should not hold yourself responsible for this. You are taking steps in the right direction and we are here to support you every step of the way! You have been through a very traumatizing experience and we BELIEVE you! Please do not hesitate to reach out to our crisis hotline: text VOICE to 741-741 you will receive immediate support.

    Amy

  10. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I first want to start off by saying that I am so sorry that you have had to deal this terrible person. What he is doing to you is not okay at all. Most importantly you DO NOT ever deserve to be treated like this, regardless of what your body looks like. You are a person and you deserve all of the love and respect possible. We are here for you and we are on your side 100%. I think the best thing for you to do right now is to talk to your mom. It might be difficult and tough for you to get through but this needs to end. Your mom’s job is to be there for you and to support you even in the toughest of times. Remember that what this person says to you is not true at all. You are not a slut for taking pictures of yourself, I promise you that. It is normal to feel the way that you did and be curious. Again, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. You do not deserve it. You are incredibly strong for living through this. Stay strong. Please please let us know how we can support you. If you need to talk to a counselor immediately text VOICE to 741-741 to talk to someone immediately. Also, there is a link at the top of our website, “FIND HELP” to find support in your area. Update us as much as you would like. We are here for you! Stay strong!

    Sending immense love and hope your way,
    Natalie

  11. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your powerful story, I’m so sorry you had to go through this, we will always be here to help and give you the support you need please come back and continue to share with us , stay strong and keep on fighting! We believe in you.

    -Brianna

  12. Megan Volunteer

    Hey girl,

    I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. It’s so unfair that your first experiences with boys are them being rude about your body and this Asshole. You deserve so much better. Asshole is completely out of hand and on some sick power trip that needs to stop. None of this is your fault. It is totally normal to explore your own body and you didn’t share the photos/videos with anyone so you really could not have known he could get a hold of them. He might have found a way to hack into your accounts and I would definitely suggest changing your passwords on everything just to be safe. You are so strong for sharing with us and gathering the courage to share with your mom. We are here for you in whatever you need. If you want to check out our resources page in case you need any additional help or are thinking about trying therapy, that might be beneficial moving forward!

    I wish you all the best. I’m rooting for you!
    Megan

  13. Lizzi G Volunteer

    Hi NotAToilet,

    I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I’m finding it hard to come up with words to say because this is just all so wrong of him. You didn’t deserve this. You did nothing wrong. You are not a slut. You deserve to be respected and not treated this way by any person. You don’t deserve the nightmare you’re going through. All I can say is that I would keep everything he sends you as proof in the event that you want to report this and take action against him. It must be hard being so young and having a body that attracts such negative attention but that doesn’t mean you should be treated like this at all. I hope that there is someone in your life you trust to talk to about this and can advocate for you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone and continue receiving his abuse. I really appreciate you sharing your story with us and I hope things get better soon.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  14. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t and don’t deserve this, and NONE of this is your fault. You shouldn’t be ashamed. You took those pictures for you. There’s nothing wrong with exploring your body and exploring yourself. That’s for you to do. I’m sorry he has been manipulating you and harming you. He has no right to do that to you-no one does. I hope your mom was supportive-please let us know what else we can do.

    Erin

  15. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey Girl,
    Thanks for sharing your story with us and i am so sorry this happenned to you. Woman are not objects and men should ackowledge that woman also have emotions and any verbal abuse draws a huge impact. You are not anything what the douche siad because its your body. I want to let you know this wasn’t your fauly at all and you are loved . I understand the pain to have trust in someone and then the invidual uses his trust for gain. I am so sorry this happeend to you. We are here for you and know we are here to support you. No matter what decision you make we are behind you 100%.

  16. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey girl,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry the boys you know only view you as an object. You will find someone that doesn’t, some day. You’re so young, so you’ve got lots of time. I’m sorry you are being treated so badly. It is appalling that someone can be so abusive and straight up disgusting. You’re not a slut for taking nude photos. In fact, it’s normal to get acquainted with your body so that if you ever notice something abnormal, you can get it checked immediately. Also, it’s your body! Who cares what you do with it! No one should. That’s only your business, and he completely invaded your privacy. Do you have an iPhone? Maybe he hacked into your iCloud. I’m not sure what the Android equivalent to iCloud is, but I’m sure there’s something. Maybe try changing your password? At least that would (hopefully) prevent him from doing anything in the future.

    I just want you to know that none of this is your fault. You wanted to be loved, and you thought that’s what he was giving you. Some people are tricky and manipulative, and I’m sorry you got sucked into that. But it’s normal to trust someone that you think cares for you, and it’s awful that he took advantage of that.

    Have you told your mom yet? Please keep us updated on what steps you take in the future. You deserve justice for all that he has done for you. I’m so glad you shared with us because that is SO much to handle on your own. We are here for you. We support you, no matter what decision you make.

    Stay strong,
    Marissa

  17. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there NotAToilet,

    You are so brave for sharing your story. I can tell this was a tremendous amount to bottle up and handle alone. Asshole had no right to do any of this to you – to take advantage of you or abuse you. This is not your fault in any way. I’m inspired by your strength to share your story and to have the courage to tell your mom. You deserve support from her and to have help in getting him to stop. There are many resources out there to help you including AVFTI. If you’re feeling up to it, please feel free to let us know how you are doing in the future. Your bravery is truly inspiring. We are here for you.

    Keep on fighting,
    SFM

  18. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hi NotAToilet,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for all you have gone thru. You did nothing wrong and did not deserve this. I agree that it’s good to tell your mom and see how she can help you. Also text Voice to 741-741. Please let us know what we can do and keep us updated. We are here for you!
    -Stay strong
    Marie

  19. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi NotAToilet,

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way at all. And I want you to know that this is not your fault. This is all on him. You aren’t a slut. And your friends are completely wrong too. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. Your affirmative consent should be respected at all times, no exceptions. With that said, I do think telling your mom is a good next step. Have you considered contacting the police? Asshole can get in a lot of trouble for having those pictures if you’re under 18. But I know that is a large step and you should only do what you’re comfortable doing. We also have resources here. You can look under our “Find Help” tab. You can also text VOICE to 741-741 and be connected to a trained counselor. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We believe you and we support you. You are not alone. You are so strong and you are going to get through this. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help and feel free to post again if you need to say more or give an update. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  20. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi NotAToilet,
    I’m so sorry this guy has been treating you this way. It’s absolutely horrible, and I’m infuriated about the fact that someone would disrespect someone else so much. You don’t deserve this at all, and it wasn’t your fault. He is the one at fault for this.
    Your friends are also wrong about what they said. You don’t have to please someone else by disregarding what you’re comfortable with. You should not be pressured into doing what you don’t want to do, and your consent should be respected.
    I truly hope you’ll be able to get out of this situation and that your mother will be supportive. It can be extremely difficult to tell someone about this, so I recommend that you have a plan in place (a general idea of what you’re going to say, how to respond depending on whether or not she’s supportive, etc). There are a few hotlines on our Find Help page, such as RAINN, etc., which might be able to help you.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re here for you if you ever need anything. I hope everything goes well, and please feel free to update us if you feel comfortable. You are strong, and you can get through this.

  21. Colton Kim Volunteer

    I am really sorry that all these terrible things happened to you. NO ONE deserves to go through what you have gone through. Asshole is definitely an asshole. Telling your mom will be tough and it’s possible that she may not understand right away, but I hope that she will understand you and that you are very brave for telling her. I know that others here also called you brave and that’s because it’s true. You are brave. I hope that everything works out for you and that Asshole will be punished for the awful things he has done.

  22. Shenna2213 Volunteer

    I am so sorry that you have gone through this. You do not deserve this humiliation and you are all that much more brave for going to your mom and telling her. Please do not feel shame in loving your body naked and vulnerable…that is the most beautiful and raw form of the human body and I am sorry that that part of you has been taken from you. Thank you for sharing your story and being so brave, I know that this is very difficult and all of us here at AVFTI are her eif you need anything else! Continue to stay brave and do not let him or anyone else take your body away from you.

    Much love,
    Sheena

  23. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that you ae going through this. You do not deserve to be subjected to that sort of behavior. I think that telling your mother is the step in the right direction. Since you are under 18, him having those pictures and videos puts him in a lot of legal trouble as well. Have you thought about going to the police? I know that all of this is scary, but you have every right to do things privately and for yourself without worrying about others seeing things. He took something personal from you and that was a terrible thing. Please let us know how we can help and support you further and make sure you are safe. Feel free to reach out to us again or even give us information to contact you directly as well. We are here to help you in any way that we possibly can.

  24. kelly Day Captain

    I’m so very sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one does. I know how hard it can be to speak out about something like this, but I think telling your mom or another trusted adult might help. I think you’re very brave for speaking up. This needs to stop. There are other resources out there to contact if you feel like your mom may react badly (check out our “Find Help” section). Remember that in no way is this your fault and you are not a slut. Please do not hesitate to let us know if you need help. We’re here for you.

  25. JProshuto Volunteer

    No words can be explain how I am feeling right now after reading your story. If you ever need someone to talk to please text VOICE to 741-741 and you will connected to a counselor. Also use the “get help” section to find local help. Thank you for sharing your story with us at AVFTI. Please continue to let us know how you are doing and we look forward to hearing from you again