I’m a little confused

I’m a little confused

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Lately I’ve been a little confused on how I’ve been feeling.

Part of me feels like I’ve been strong in dealing with much of my abuse, trauma, and sadness, including the recent death of my angel.

The other part is, if I feel like this at all, then why do I feel like a failure, less than a human, and that everything that has happened I deserve.

I don’t want to really bother anyone over stupid things, but seriously why do I feel like I’m nothing but less than a human, if I’m really strong and able to take things like I have over the years?


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7 comments

  1. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi Focus,
    You are strong and you definitely dont deserve anything that has happened to you. I hope you know that. These are not stupid things, these are your feelings. I cant answer that for you. But I do know you have over came a lot and you are a fighter. A lot of people down below mentioned counseling. I think this might be very beneficial especially after Crystal’s passing. I wish you the best. Keep pressing on. Much love
    Kristin

  2. BriGriffith Volunteer

    focus.1968,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s okay to feel confused. Your feelings are always valid. You’ve overcome so much pain, and I’m so proud of you. You deserve to feel loved and supported. Please remember that you are never alone, no matter how alone you may feel, and that AVFTI will always be here to listen to and support you. Sending you so much love and strength as you continue to navigate difficult feelings. I believe in you.

    – Bri

  3. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    I’m sorry your feeling like this. Everyone gets down here and there. You just lost someone who you thought you would never lose. The feelings you have are normal. Have you ever tried to talk to someone. Therapy is really helpful. If you don’t want to talk to a therapist you can text VOICE to 741-741. You will make it through this. You are strong.
    -Alyssa

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    I think your question is important. Healing is a long and inconsistent process. On some days we may feel strong, and on other days we may feel terrible. There are even some days when we feel a mix of everything, and those are the most confusing days. That being said, your feelings are valid and important. It’s not easy to ask ourselves (and other people) why we feel a certain way, which is why I’m proud of you for reaching out. I do think that counseling could help you figure out your feelings, but that is a step you can take if you feel ready. There’s no pressure.
    We’re here for you if you need anything. Continue to stay strong.

  5. Mary Volunteer

    The fact that you are here today, reaching out for help shows that you are strong, focus.1968. Everything that you are feeling – the confusion, the sadness, the failure – it’s normal for you to feel all of those things when you have been through something as devastating as trauma and abuse. You did not deserve to go through what you did, and I am so sorry for what happened to you. This community is here to support you, and nothing that you have to share or talk about is stupid.

    Both Kelly and Erin mentioned counseling. This might not be something that you are feeling up to right now, but talking about what you have been through in the past and what you are feeling here and now can be helpful if you’re interested. Some of the resources available on the website can be found here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/counseling/

  6. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, focus.1968. I don’t think this is a “stupid thing,” I think it’s a very important question. I think it’s something we should ask ourselves more often – why do I feel this way? Whether it’s good or bad. Everyone has different experiences that can shape who they are. People who were abused and told they were worthless from a young age can carry that with them throughout their lives. It takes a lot of strength and courage to ask that question. I agree with Erin, maybe seeing a counselor can help you sort these questions out.

  7. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    It’s a confusing feeling, isn’t it? I sometimes feel worthless, helpless even, even after enduring the pain and trauma that I have felt and still powering through. Your life is worth something. Have you been able to see a grief counselor after Crystal passed? That may help. Let us know what else you may need.

    Erin