It was January of 2013 I lost my house and my job, part of me was relieved I thought this would be great way to move on and get better, well others had other ideas.
From the first day that I moved with my mother to the new home she hadn’t talked to me except when she had to, this went on for 3 months, for me it became very awkward and made me feel like I’ve done something, so I asked her what’s wrong?
Once again she couldn’t contain herself she just started yelling out ever since you were raped you have been nothing but the biggest disappointment in my life, I hate you for not being a man and losing your job and house, and I am so ashamed of you I don’t want people to know that you are mine.
She became sick and I took care of her in April and by July I was back at taking care of her full time.
A mistake I made is in 2014 I left my place of worship that I had been for twenty years for a place with some level of control, sanity, respect, dignity, and love. I had developed new friends a circle of people who showed me everything I had missed for so many years. The problem was because i love my mother I convinced her to join me, in hopes we could have a better mother son relationship. Wrong, within minutes she had told my circle of friends about my rape, what kind of person she thinks I am, and how I can’t work so I’m worthless. Most of my friends just accept me with all that happened no matter what happened, I lost a opportunity of finding someone to love or care about, we were doing pretty good until my mother told her everything, then everything fell. Maybe in should be happy, it most likely wouldn’t have worked out.
My mother gets very upset with me now cause I have a that small circle of friends that she can’t come between, that bothers her, so she keeps me a virtual prisoner most of the time which with my health problems are causing me pain, suffering, and bouts of non stop crying.
I thought I would be moving on, I thought my life would be better-
After July I will be seeking treatment and help every way I can, I made that promise to myself, and I will not give up, I will not give up not now or ever. Nobody will get me down, I will rise up