I thought we I was moving on

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It was January of 2013 I lost my house and my job, part of me was relieved I thought this would be great way to move on and get better, well others had other ideas.

From the first day that I moved with my mother to the new home she hadn’t talked to me except when she had to, this went on for 3 months, for me it became very awkward and made me feel like I’ve done something, so I asked her what’s wrong?

Once again she couldn’t contain herself she just started yelling out ever since you were raped you have been nothing but the biggest disappointment in my life, I hate you for not being a man and losing your job and house, and I am so ashamed of you I don’t want people to know that you are mine.

She became sick and I took care of her in April and by July I was back at taking care of her full time.

A mistake I made is in 2014 I left my place of worship that I had been for twenty years for a place with some level of control, sanity, respect, dignity, and love. I had developed new friends a circle of people who showed me everything I had missed for so many years. The problem was because i love my mother I convinced her to join me, in hopes we could have a better mother son relationship. Wrong, within minutes she had told my circle of friends about my rape, what kind of person she thinks I am, and how I can’t work so I’m worthless. Most of my friends just accept me with all that happened no matter what happened, I lost a opportunity of finding someone to love or care about, we were doing pretty good until my mother told her everything, then everything fell. Maybe in should be happy, it most likely wouldn’t have worked out.

My mother gets very upset with me now cause I have a that small circle of friends that she can’t come between, that bothers her, so she keeps me a virtual prisoner most of the time which with my health problems are causing me pain, suffering, and bouts of non stop crying.

I thought I would be moving on, I thought my life would be better-

After July I will be seeking treatment and help every way I can, I made that promise to myself, and I will not give up, I will not give up not now or ever. Nobody will get me down, I will rise up


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4 comments

  1. Ashley Day Captain

    Since you felt relieved when you lost your house and job, I’m thinking you wanted a fresh start. You were ready to branch off into a different direction, but your mother became ill. Being able to turn to a comfortable environment, like a place of worship, can take some weight off our shoulders. It makes sense as to why you were interested in creating a bond with your mother because she’s the person who raised you. Your mother had no right to tell your group of friends information that wasn’t hers to share. You have a kind heart because you take care of your mother, even though you aren’t obligated to. I wish she could realize how lucky she is – You endure her hurtful remarks and try to be the best son you can be.

    Never, ever give up.

  2. CarmenR Volunteer

    I’m so sorry for your mother’s actions. What she is doing is unfair and cruel. I am glad to see how focused you are on seeking treatment. Keep up your positive attitude, and remember that promise you made to yourself. You can do this!

    Carmen

  3. Heather GG

    You can find your path to healing and peace. Taking the first step is the hardest.

    Why are you waiting until July? Have you reached out to your local rape crises center? They could connect you to resources, likely free or low cost.

    Thank you for sharing

  4. Erin Day Captain

    I’m sorry that your mom is doing this to you-none of this is fair or right. I’m still glad to see your determination, and that’s really amazing. We are here for you and to support you.

    Erin