I know I’m sounding like a broken record but I am just so heart broken and tired all I can do is just cry.
Yesterday, my mother told me that if she had to do it over again she’d get herself fixed so she couldn’t have me, she blames me from being born, messing her life up, being sick early in my life, being raped and sexually abused, ruining our family ties, losing my job cause of a brain bleed I’m still suffering with, all the while I am taking care of her as she’s gotten older.
So when she sees me or hears me cry, she makes me feel like I’m a failure, she makes me feel ashamed because I’ve never been loved, she makes me feel ashamed cause I was raped and haven’t gotten over it, she tells me that she hasn’t forgiven me for shaming her for allowing myself, her son to be raped.
I certainly know why I cry, there’s a lot of baggage, so please once again I want to tell you how sorry I am for being like this and crying but even though I know I’ll make it, sometimes it hurts so much, thank you for being there and listening
AKA help me.1968