I Snapped

I Snapped

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I was at work today and I blew up at one of my managers, Lola. She was being very rude to me to begin with and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I know what I did was wrong; I shouldn’t have been so mean to her but I’m not a pushover either. When someone attacks me I attack back, which is ironic because throughout all of my abuse and rapes I wouldn’t fight back. However, when somome is consistently trying to be hurtful, I have no problem voicing my opinion.

I’m going to call into my work and apologize to her in the morning. I feel bad. I’m normally not so bitchy towards people but the stresses of the day and of work, coupled with Lola’s remarks really got to me.

I’ve never snapped at another manager or employee before, and I’ve worked at many different places. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I just hope I don’t get fired because I really need this job.

Has anyone gone through something similar, where they just lost it at another person? I think one of the reasons why I’ve been so on edge is because I’m dwelling on my trauma. A lot of my trauma I’ve endured over the past two years, for example, I’ve been raped 4 different times in the year 2017 and in the year 2018. It’s a lot to handle, and there’s so much more. When I’m thinking about my trauma I can’t focus on my work, and that’s why Lola was so rude to me. 

Even though she got on my nerves, what I did wasn’t okay. I realize that. I just hope I can make it right. I’ll keep y’all updated. Hopefully, she accepts my apology.


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22 comments

  1. Gamato04

    Please keep us updated, we want to help you in any way possible. It is okay to think about your trauma, it can be part of the recovery process. DO you think it would help if you told her that if you seem out of it at work, it is because you are dealing with something personal? You don’t have to go into details, or even tell her if you are not comfortable with it, but it can sometimes be helpful. I think that everyone has accidentally snapped at someone that they did not mean to at least once in their life. That is completely normal for anyone to do because sometimes we are overwhelmed.

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Zelda,

    Thank you for coming back to update us on your story. Everyone snaps sometimes and that is totally ok, you are only human. I’m sure she will be understanding as long as you go and apologize and explain to her that you have been having a tough week and have been dealing with a lot. Sure, it wasn’t ok to explode on her but if she was being really rude to you it’s also important that she realizes that is not okay. If you note that when you go and apologize to her I think it could be very beneficial for the future working with her.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  3. Kayla Volunteer

    zelda,

    I hope you were able to talk to Lola and work things about. It’s okay to be honest and admit that you’re dealing with some personal issues. Maybe she will empathize and be more gentle with you moving forward. I work in the HR department at my work, and I always appreciate honesty from employees.

  4. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there,
    I think sometimes pressures of every day life can get the best of us. I believe that it’s a good thing that you’re willing to go to her & appologize. This shows how strong you are. I understand about being triggered. I also believe that you didnt mean to take it out on someone else. It sounds like circumstances just the best best of you. Hang in there.
    Dawn

  5. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Like you said, you’re reaction wasn’t anything that you meant and you are planning on apologizing. Sometimes when traumatic experiences occur, the reaction can be projected onto whomever is there in a given moment. You’ve been dealing with many stressors and when a stressful environment or some stressful responsibilities start to pile on, some emotions may come up without your understanding of why or how. As you plan to apologize, you might be able to explain yourself as having some other issues that have been on your plate lately and you didn’t mean to take it out on her.

    Stay strong <3

  6. Harton.13 Volunteer

    zelda,
    It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself, and I would advise you to be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, especially when we’re dealing with other stressors and trauma. The fact that you feel so much remorse and are already planning on apologizing shows that you didn’t lash out maliciously and are going to try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You sound like a compassionate person who just hit a breaking point, and I don’t think many people would hold a grudge against you for that. I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve been through these past two years, and we’re always here for you if you need to share some more.

  7. Megan Volunteer

    Hey zelda,

    I’m sorry that this happened. I’ve definitely been there before though. Where I’ve had so much going on and so much stress that I accidentally took it out on someone else. I think what you’re doing is the right thing though. I would definitely apologize to Lola and maybe explain that you’ve got a lot going on and that’s why you lost your cool for a bit there. It’s good that you are aware of what you did though and that you are trying to make it right. That’s really big of you.

    I hope everything goes well!
    Megan

  8. Lizzi

    Hi zelda,
    We all have a breaking point. Whether you snapped because of stressors in your life in general or specifically what your coworker did to you, something put you over the edge and you snapped. Not saying it’s okay, but I think most people when pushed to that point will react in a way that is out of character for them. I’d like to think I’m a very calm person that can handle a lot without blowing up on anyone, but I got a real attitude with a coworker on Thursday. I said something to her that was less than kind, and basically challenged her knowledge of her job. It was somewhat necessary but I could’ve had said it in a better way. I have fully blown up on a coworker before because he had always been emotionally and verbally abusive to me and one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. Again, not that any of this is okay but it happens. It sounds like you feel remorseful for what happened and it’s good that you plan to apologize to her. Try not to beat yourself up for it. It happens, and you’re taking the correct steps to fix it.

  9. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, thank you for sharing your story with us. I think your coworker will accept your apology and understand. I believe we all have a spot that’s still sore, and if someone hits it in the right place, we just might go off, and that’s part of healing. I hope all turns out well and please come to us again if you need anything. I hope you have a lovely day

  10. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I think sometimes we need to let it out because it’s a buildup. Don’t be hard on yourself sometimes we need to let it out.We all have bad days and most bosses will understand.

  11. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi zelda,
    I think it is okay that you went off on her. You realized it wasn’t okay and you want to apologize which is great. I think if you didn’t want to apologize, then it would be a problem. You have been though a lot which can make anyone short tempered. I know with my boss I also get very short tempered because he asks questions that he can answer himself if he either checks my weekly availability or the request off calendar. Don’t be too hard on yourself though. Everyone gets short tempered and everyone has bad days. Your boss will understand.
    -Alyssa

  12. musicislove

    Hi Zelda,

    I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with your traumas so much lately, its completely understandable to be over stressed and snapping happens, especially when someone is being hurtful. It’s good that you planned to call and apologize, being the bigger person is strong. Did you call and if so did it go ok? Wishing you the best,

    Delaney

  13. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi zelda,

    Sorry for the delayed response on this post. Thanks for telling us what happened with Lola. I completely understand how you feel. I’ve snapped at people multiple times and always feel awful afterwards, but it really is a learning experience. It’s helped me figure out what my triggers are and how to deal with situations where I can feel myself getting tense. Did you end up calling, and if so, did she accept your apology? Looking forward to your update.

    Marissa

  14. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi zelda,
    I definitely understand that feeling. It’s not easy when you’re dealing with trauma, and it can be hard to tell people that we’re having a bad day, week, etc. It’s amazing that you want to make things right, and you sound very self-aware, which is a wonderful trait to have. I read your comment below – I’m glad she accepted your apology. I think it can help to tell people that we’re having a bad day. We don’t have to tell them the reason if we don’t want to – how little or how much to say is our decision. Yet that communication can be helpful. It’s something I’m still working on as well, so you’re not alone when it comes to this. I think practicing self compassion and self care is important when we’re coping with trauma. It can help us reset, and we’re not as hard on ourselves.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re always here to help, and I’m glad you’re sharing your story here. You’re strong, and you can get through this!

  15. Jess Volunteer

    I have definitely experienced this sort of reaction before. It’s incredibly difficult to be mindful of our reactions when we are under more stress, like anniversaries of traumas or even just thinking of the traumas. Like others have said, I’ve found that communicating with those around me is the most beneficial route to utilize. If I know it’s going to be a harder day, I try to communicate that with my team members and manager.

    I think it’s amazing that you are able to recognize that your behavior wasn’t the best way to react and that you’re ready to apologize. That’s often the hardest step – recognizing that we were in the wrong. The strength you show in being able to acknowledge that is amazing! Keep up the good work. In the meantime, trying some coping skills might help you. Try some meditation, try something new, watch your favorite TV show or listen to your favorite music. Do something you love or that you’ve always wanted to try. Sometimes getting our mind off of things for even 10 minutes can be so beneficial to our moods. <3

    If you need anything else at all, please let us know. We are always here and we believe you.
    -Jess

  16. Jevati Volunteer

    Hi zelda,

    I’ve definitely been through something similar, where I snapped at another person — I think pretty much everyone has been in that place. I think it can be hard when there’s so much going on behind the scenes that other people don’t know about. I know I feel similar to you in that it’s very difficult for me to focus on the day-to-day work when I’ve got a lot of trauma going on.

    I think it’s really wise of you to have such a thoughtful understanding of what you’re thinking and feeling, how it affects you, what that means for your relationship with Lola, and what that means for the future. It’s very tough to be in touch with all of that and consider all of that, so I hope you’re taking some time to really congratulate and affirm yourself for having these perspectives. And, of course, we’re here for you!

    – Jev

  17. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there zelda,

    I think that it’s a human experience to push back when we’re being treated unfairly. It sounds like you do want to make things better and not hold onto that anger, and I do hope that Lola understands. It might help any future clashes with her if you express to her when you’re having off-days. You don’t necessarily need to share any specifics with her, but you might want to just let her know that you need a little extra grace and patience. I have started to express this to my bosses, and when I’m upfront about them about where my head is at, they’ve given me that bit of understanding that I need in that moment. I’m very sorry to hear that you’re in this negative headspace from your trauma, though. Give yourself some down-time to ease your mind–read your favorite book or watch your favorite TV show! This might give you a little reprieve from thinking about your experiences, and that rest might be enough to give you some strength back.

    Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

  18. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, zelda. Thanks for sharing. I struggle with anger sometimes too, and have definitely taken it out on people I shouldn’t have. I think acknowledging it and apologizing is the best thing you can do. I’ve read that it’s common for survivors of sexual abuse to take out their anger on people who aren’t their abusers because it feels safer. It makes sense. You have every reason to be angry. Directing that anger into healthier outlets is the complicated part. I’m working on that as well. Writing it out in my journal and exercising helps me. Find something that works for you.

  19. zelda Volunteer

    I did apologize this morning, she accepted it. I just hope my anger doesn’t cost me my job.

  20. Shannon Volunteer

    hi zelda,

    I’m sorry you had to go through that. I know how it feels to snap at people you work with, and its good that you are apologizing. I hope she accepts your apology as well, let us know how it goes. Thank you for sharing

    Shannon

  21. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi zelda,

    I am so sorry that this happened! I truly think you are very inspiring for acknowledging that what happened was not okay and being able to apologize. That is something that so many people struggle with and I think you are SO strong for fighting and standing up for yourself as well. I think it is very common to get stressed or anxiety and snap at someone who maybe you didn’t mean to. It is a very normal thing to do! The apologize is the hard part sometimes! You have had a lot going on in your past with your trauma and it is a lot to handle definitely as you mentioned. Be patient with yourself! It is okay to struggle, and being able to accept that and recognize it is amazing! You are on the right track, you are doing everything you can! Stay strong! Know we are right here with you! Put yourself first always!

    Sending lots of support,
    -Natalie

  22. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thanks for coming back to update us. I know that there’s been times where I’ve snapped at people and regret it-I think it’s very nice of you to apologize. Let us know how else we can help you.

    Erin