I shouldn’t have to

144 38

I went to go see my primary care doctor and updated him about what happened between me and my ex;

It’s sad that he agreed with me that I shouldn’t have to physically defend myself against my partner, that I had every right to defend myself. I shouldn’t have to even do that when it’s someone who vowed to protect me…nobody should find themselves in a committed relationship or marriage defending themselves from their partner..

He recommends I get on state insurance so I can get seen in with a therapist ’cause I’m more than likely “trauma bonded” to my ex..


Join the Conversation

38 comments

  1. Ashley Day Captain

    Jamie Marie,

    I’m proud of you for confiding in your primary care doctor. Although it was upsetting to have him agree with you that you shouldn’t have to defend yourself against your previous partner, I hope it was helpful to know that your doctor is on your side and has your back.
    I hope you find a therapist you connect with and feel supported by.

    You deserve to heal.

    Ashley

  2. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so glad that you talked to your doctor about what happened and that he validated your reactions! I completely agree with him – you had every right to defend yourself in that situation, and no one should have to defend themselves from their partner. I hate that you were put in that situation.
    To echo Lara, how do you feel about therapy? I think it’s a good idea to start therapy, but with that being said, it’s important to do what you feel ready for. If you don’t feel ready, that’s completely valid.
    Thank you for updating us. I hope you’re doing well, and we’re here to support you! Please write back if you need anything.

  3. larakopp Volunteer

    Hi, Jamie Marie:

    I’m glad that you were able to tell your primary care doctor about what happened—That took a lot of courage!
    I agree that you shouldn’t have to physically defend yourself against your partner and that you have every right to defend yourself!! I’m sorry that you had to go through that.
    How are you feeling about your doctor’s recommendation?
    We are here for you! Please keep us updated and continue to reach out if that’s helpful for you! We’re here to listen!

    –Lara

  4. meg Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m glad to hear that you were comfortable enough to confide in your primary care doctor about your history. I agree entirely, that you were well within your rights to defend yourself and that it’s totally bull that your ex put you in a situation that you had to defend yourself.. I am so sorry that happened. I think that even without potentially being trauma bonded, having a therapist is a good idea. They’ll help you navigate the extremely complex healing process that happens with trauma. You are on the right path. You are doing so so well. We are always here for you and I believe that you did the right thing.
    -Meg

  5. jao1820

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Its good to hear that your primary care doctor validated your action and provided support and resources to help you. You are so strong and brave to come out and talk about this occurance with your doctor and with us. You should never have to physically defend yourselve against your partner, you do have every right to defend yourself and protect yourself against someone trying to hurt you. How would you feel to use those resources provided by your doctor? Would you be comfortable talking to a therapist about your experience? You dont have to, if this may make you feel uncomfortable. If there are any additional resources you may think need, we are willing to provide them for you. Stay strong and safe!

    – J.A.O.

  6. lizzi

    Hey Jamie Marie,
    Thank you so much for sharing this update with us. I’m glad your doctor agreed with you and validated you. You shouldn’t have to physically defend yourself against your partner. And if anyone ever tries to hurt you, you do have the right to defend yourself. I’m not sure if this is what you wanted to hear from your doctor, but I’m proud of you for bringing it up and I’m glad you have such a great doctor that is concerned about your wellbeing beyond just your physical health. How do you feel about your doctor’s recommendation about seeing with a therapist? I think therapy is so helpful for anyone, trauma or not. It’s just good to have someone to talk to about life, but especially when we are going through a difficult time emotionally. If you aren’t ready to see a therapist yet, that’s okay too. It’s your decision. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you through this time.

  7. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for updating us. I hope your doctor’s input made you feel a bit more validated regarding your feelings towards your ex! I completely agree – you should never have to defend yourself from your partner. How do you feel about getting on state insurance and seeing a therapist? It’s a good suggestion, but you should only do so if you’re comfortable coming forward and speaking a bit more openly about it. Please don’t push yourself! Let us know if we can do anything for you or if you just need to talk 🙂 Remember, we’re here for you!

    Marissa

  8. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    Thank you for coming on here and taking the time to update us! I’m glad you received some closure about your conflicting thoughts from a professional. I’m also glad that you agree with him. You realizing that you were completely right when you defended yourself is a great sign of personal development. No one in a committed relationship/marriage should go through such traumatizing experiences. I also strongly agree with seeking state insurance, but at the end of the day, that is your decision to make and you know what’s best for you. We are here to support you through your healing journey no matter what, and I hope that you’re able to seek safety in someone else. Feel free to come back and update us. All the love.

  9. haesol Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for posting. I agree with your doctor too, you shouldn’t have to defend yourself from your partner. It seems like you are aware of this too, and that’s great. Seeing a therapist is your choice and no one else’s, and it can be hard, so we will support you in whatever decision you make about this. I hope you can find help either way, and that it brings you peace and safety.

    Please update us at anytime if you want, we are here for you.

    Stay safe,

    -sol.

  10. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I agree with your doctor. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself against someone who calls themself your partner. Therapy can be a wonderful tool to move forward after a bad relationship. I hope you can get on state insurance. If you need anything else please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you.

    All the best,
    Becca

  11. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for taking the time to update us! I’m glad that you have a primary care doctor who you can trust and who is supportive of you. You are definitely right that you shouldn’t have to defend yourself from your partner. I hope everything goes well with getting insurance and a therapist. We are always here to listen to you as well!

  12. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for updating us. It’s good you were able to talk with your primary care doctor about all aspects of your well-being. Seeing a therapist can definitely be helpful for everyone. Whichever way you decide, we are here for you. Take care.

  13. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie,

    Welcome back, thanks for coming by and trusting us with another update. I am glad you have a primary care doctor that cares both about your physical health and your mental health. I agree too, you should be safe in a relationship and not have to defend yourself. I hope that you are able to get in and see a therapist if that’s what you want to do. Therapy is very powerful and can be helpful. I hope that brings you the peace you need. Please come by and share an update with us again, we always love to hear from you!

  14. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey Jamie i am glad you got to see your doctor and talk to him about was going on. it was really good to see him support you and validate you. Him suggesting you to see a therapist is great idea. Good luck and please keep us posted we are here for you!

  15. musicislove

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m so glad you were able to see your doctor and talk to him about your situation. It’s great that he was so supportive and validated you, his suggestion to try to get insurance so that you can see a therapist is a really good idea. You’re definitely right that you shouldn’t have to defend yourself from your partner, a partner is someone you should feel safe and happy with. Good luck and please keep us updated, we’re here for you!

    Delaney

  16. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    It’s great that you have a primary care doctor that you felt comfortable sharing these experiences with. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. It sounds like your doctor was supportive as well in validating your experiences. I agree with them that you do have the right to defend yourself, but you shouldn’t have to with someone you’re in a relationship with. I know it’s not always as simple as that and the situation with your ex has been really hard for you, but you should always feel safe and protected with the person you love. I think it’s a good idea to move forward with seeing a therapist if you feel comfortable doing so. Take care!

    KatherineL

  17. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for updating us. I think your doctors advice is good. Insurance can help make therapy more affordable and help get you further along on your healing journey. You can do this! Stay strong.

  18. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hey Jaime Marie,

    Thanks for updating us and I’m so sorry about what your ex put you through. I know having a therapist will be helpful to dealing with everything. Please keep us updated.
    Stay strong
    Marie

  19. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    I’m so sorry about your terrible ex. No one should have to defend themselves physically against their partner. I think seeing a therapist would be a great idea so you heal and recover from the traumatic experiences you’ve undergone. Please continue to keep us updated and stay strong!

  20. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey again, Jamie Marie,

    I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing your experience with your doctor! I agree that seeing a therapist might be helpful for you. It might be a little daunting to have to figure out how to get on a new insurance plan. My therapist recommends that, when facing something that seems really daunting, breaking it down into individual pieces and spending a half hour or so per day on them can help make it seem manageable. This helps me a lot and might be something that you can use, too.

    There’s a lot of stigma still associated with therapy, but know that we’re here for you whenever you want to talk, also. A lot of the volunteers and fellow folks who post stories are in (or have been in) therapy, so we can sympathize with you on that. You can do this!

  21. Neesha Volunteer

    I am sorry to hear that your ex partner wasn’t safe. I’m glad your doctor validated you. You are both right no one should have to defend themselves physically. A therapist might be helpful as you heal and recovery from your past abuse. Be safe and stay strong!!

  22. colton95 Volunteer

    I’m sorry about your horrible ex-partner. I hope that you will be okay and that if you do go to therapy that the therapist will be understanding and supportive. Stay safe and strong!

  23. Nichole-SW94 Volunteer

    Welcome back Jamie Marie!

    Thank you for keeping us updated. I am glad you opened up to your doctor about your relationship. I am really happy that they were able to hear you out and agree that your situation is not okay and should be happening. I try to not think of it as sad that they agree, rather, reframe it that someone hears you and understands. They empathize with you and confirm your feelings (and the truth) that NO ONE , including yourself, should have to physically defend themselves from someone who we committed ourselves to. I agree with your doctor seeking support from a therapist. I know from personal experience that opening up to someone without judgment can help talk through issues and traumas. I feel that if you are comfortable with it, it will be a great step in healing and trying to fight through your situation. Please keep us updated!

  24. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    It is wonderful to hear that you have support from you doctor and that he is able to provide you with resources to help. So many times, people in those postitions do not take the time to listen and miss out on opportunities to actually help their patients. It is also wonderful that he is recommending mental health services and not just a persctiption.
    Keep taking care of and advocating for yourself!
    Sending love and strength,
    Roxie

  25. Starling Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m glad that you were able to talk to your doctor about your situation and that they were supportive. I think your doctor’s idea of getting state insurance is a good idea. Therapy could be a great next step and could be very helpful for you. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  26. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie-Marie,

    Thank you for sharing. Discussing this with your doctor demonstrates a real strength. It can’t always be easy to talk about these things and you show a real commitment to getting the support you deserve. Seeing a therapist sounds like a wonderful idea and a productive next step. you deserve to have some peace.

    All the best
    -Rachel

  27. Rustin Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    It’s incredible that you were comfortable talking with your doctor about this. If this is what your doctor recommends, it might be a good idea to follow through with the recommendations. Stay safe, and let us know how this goes. If you have anymore thoughts on how you feel about what your doctor told you, you are welcome to share that as well as long as you are comfortable with sharing. Keep us updated!

  28. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    It’s good that you were able to talk to your doctor about this. I’m happy he was able to help you and give you advice. Your doctor is right too you shouldn’t haven’t to defend yourself to your partner like the way you had to. I think your doctor gave you good advice. Thank you for updating us. I’m happy that things are going well for you.
    -Alyssa

  29. zelda Volunteer

    I hope your start to the week is going well, Jamie!

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I’m glad your doctor gave you some advice on finding a therapist. A licensed professional could definitely lend insight into your past relationship with your ex. I don’t know enough to say if you are trauma bonded to him or not, but what I think is not important. What do you think? I agree with your doctor and with you. Nobody should have to protect themselves from somebody who vowed to love, respect, and cherish them. I’m sorry to hear you were put in that position. Your primary care physician sounds like he cares for your wellbeing. I’m glad you trust him enough to let him know what is going on, and I’m glad he listens to you and takes your concerns seriously. You deserve to be heard and respected. If your ex decided to treat you like nothing more than garbage, I’m happy to hear you’re no longer with him. Sometimes, a bond between two people should be broken. You deserve a partner who will treat you as his queen, not someone who disregards and disrespects you. Take care, Jamie Marie. We’ll be here if you need us. ☀️

  30. Amysue43 Volunteer

    You’re right. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself from someone whom you should feel safe with and who vowed to protect you. I’m sorry that you’ve been put in this situation as it’s not something you had signed up for. It’s really great that you decided to share your story with your primary care doctor. They will help you find resources and connect you with people that will support you through this. You are strong! This is evident how you told your doctor about your concerns. We are here for you and support you!
    Stay strong <3

  31. Lex Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back to share with us. I am glad that your doctor showed support by agreeing with you that you should not have to physically defend yourself against your partner. Therapy has so many benefits, and has shown to be helpful for many individuals!

    Stay strong! We are here for you, always!
    – Lex

  32. dzreid Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,
    I am so glad that you are able to find comfort in knowing that you can share with your doctor what is going on! Yes, I agree that maybe seeking help of a therapist would benefit you. There are tons of women shelters around that offer free counseling or make referrals. There are therapists who also work on a sliding pay scale where you may only have to pay a certain amount for each session. I believe any time a person has to physically defend themselves, is not only unsafe, but is emotionally damaging. You don’t deserve to have to live this way! You deserve better. It makes me sad how someone that is supposed to be a protector, has placed you in this situation. You are a survivor! Now, hold your head high & fight for your peace, freedom & healing. You are worth it. I believe you can over come this!
    Dawn

  33. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share with us. I’m glad that it sounds like your doctor was supportive when you told him about your ex, and you should never have to physically defend yourself against your partner or anyone who says they care about you. I really cannot recommend therapy enough-it’s been really helpful for me. I know it can be scary to think about going to therapy, but we are also here to support you. Come back anytime.

    Erin

  34. Solongago Volunteer

    I think it is a good step to tell your primary care doctor about what is happening. I am glad that he seems supportive and gave you an option for getting help for this. I think telling him was brave and an indication that you want better for yourself, you want to heal and work through this.

  35. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am happy to hear you were able to get into your primary care doctor and talk through some of what had happened. It’s great to know that there is someone who cares about your best interests and is willing to give you the advice you need. It sounds like this is going to be a good step for you. It is good to hear that he agreed with you about not having to physically defend yourself. You have the right to always feel safe. We are all hoping that you are doing well and looking forward to hearing from you any time. Best wishes for a good week ahead!

  36. JWorks Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    It was great that you were able and willing to speak to your doctor about your trauma. He is right about the fact that you shouldn’t have to defend yourself in a relationship. Let us know if there are any updates with therapy or self-reflection!

    -Jay

  37. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for sharing an update with us!! I am very glad to hear you felt comfortable talking with your primary care doctor about what you have been going through. You are right, no one should have to physically defend themself against their partner. I hope his recommendation is helpful for you as well!

    As always, you are so so strong! Keep pushing through! We are here for you every step of the way 🙂

    -Natalie

  38. adrian Volunteer

    It was strong of you to talk to your doctor about what happened, Jamie. And, how brave of you to share that experience here with us today. It sounds like you were comfortable opening up with your doctor and that is a positive thing to have in your life. It is also positive to desire to unpack your relationship with your ex, which seemingly left an impression on your life. Know that we support you here for that healing journey, whatever that looks like for you. Stand tall knowing that you are in a better place now and are on the path to a healthier life. Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care-
    Adrian