I never wanted to admit that this happened….

I never wanted to admit that this happened….

185 21

I
have a story. I have a few stories actually but today, I have just one
story. 

I was with my
(ex) boyfriend for about 4 1/2 years. When we broke up, I was devastated. I was
newly single and learning how to heal my broken heart with alcohol. I was 21 so
I was new to the bar scene. I had a few guy friends that I thought had my best
interest at heart. I thought that going out drinking all day with these guys
would keep me safe from all of the creeps out there. I had a friend, we will
call him Chad, which went out to the bars with me a lot. There was one
night that I went out with my brother and a friend. They both wanted to call it
a night earlier than I wanted to so they left and since I had run into some
people that I knew they figured I would be alright. I drank WAY too much that
night. I could hardly walk, I could hardly talk and defiantly could not drive.
I called my friend “Chad” to see if he could come pick me up and take me home. He
did. He came and got me and took me home. I don’t really remember the car ride
home. I vaguely remember him carrying me up the stairs to my apartment. I don’t
remember him putting me in bed. I do remember him being on top of me, having
sex with me and not being able to move. I just laid there limp not being able
to talk while he did his business. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t move. I don’t
even know if I could breathe. I was just there. I closed my eyes tight hoping
to make it stop or maybe make myself pass out so I didn’t have to be there
anymore. Eventually, I passed out. I don’t know if it was pure exhaustion from
mentally trying to escape or if it was because I was just so drunk. I woke up a
few hours later in my bed, without pants on, with “Chad” next to me. I got up,
took a shower and went outside to smoke a cigarette. While I was smoking I
started googling how to get the morning after pill on a Sunday at 7am. I found
that unless you have money, there is really no way to get the pill until
Planned Parenthood opened up at 9am the following day. When “Chad” woke up, he
came out of bedroom and acted like everything was okay. I acted like everything
was okay. I wasn’t really sure what to do or how to act. This was new to me. Before
this, the only guy that I had slept with was my high school sweetheart. Before
this, I had only slept with someone that I loved. Before this, my friendship
with “Chad” made sense. 


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21 comments

  1. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear KittyRayne16,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you… one thing that I continue to have a hard time wrapping my head around is how can someone think that, that was consensual? It does not sound like you were fully there at all, so the fact that he was having sex with you when you were in a position that you could hardly walk or talk just baffles me that he could wake up the next day and act as if everything is fine. Again, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that by coming onto this website and telling us your story has helped your healing process in some way shape or form <3 We believe you no matter what and we will always be here for you if you ever need us. Having sex with someone is something that you should always be allowed to be in control of, and don't ever think that this was your fault because it wasn't. He's a grown man, he knew better, he should know better.

  2. Shannon Volunteer

    Hey KittyRayne16,

    Thank you so much for sharing with us, I know it must have taken a lot for you to post your story, and I just want you to know that someone cares about you, we are here and listening. I hope you come back and update us with how you are doing. Be kind to yourself

    Shannon

  3. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi KittyRayne16,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It’s so hard to learn to trust again, when someone you thought you knew could so blatantly disregard you as a person. It’s not fair, and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. Getting drunk doesn’t take away your humanity. Needing picked up by a friend doesn’t mean anything. You didn’t owe him anything, and it’s terrible that he took advantage of your state like that. How are you feeling now? Have you told anyone – friends, family, a therapist? If not, that’s totally okay. Take things at your own pace. If you’re uncomfortable speaking out about it, feel free to come back if you need to talk about anything. We support you 100%, and we are here for you unconditionally. Stay strong, and please take care of yourself.

    Marissa

  4. mkyuellig

    KittyRayne16,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I want you to know that this was not your fault. You should be able to have a few to many drinks and be able to trust your friend to get you home safely, and Chad betrayed the trust and hurt you. You cannot consent when you have been drinking so heavily, and you can certainly not consent when you are partially passed out. What he did was wrong. If you check out the resources tab of this site you can find links to all sorts of resources. If you decided you would like to meet with a therapist our counselor, or pursue legal action we are here to support you every step of the way. I know its not helpful now, but most cities have several health clinics where you can get a plan b pill outside a planned parenthood – just for future reference. I hope that sharing your story was some what cathartic. Someone who hurts you the way Chad did is not your friend.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  5. grothkat8 Volunteer

    KittyRayne16,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, and I’m so sorry this happened to you. Breaking up with someone can be one of the most painful feelings in the world. Healing a broken heart will take time, but it will get easier day after day. I’m sorry for what happened to you at the bar that night. Just know, that none of this was your fault and you have our full support. Try to take care of yourself as much as you can, and if you need to write us more, we are here to listen. We are always here for you.

    Katie

  6. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. Breaking up with a boyfriend is very difficult and it is okay to be sad and upset. Sometimes you have to cope the best way that you can at the time. What your friend did was not okay. And what happened was not your fault at all! I am so sorry. Do you have someone you are able to talk to about this? Having a support system is really important in healing from such a terrible event. We are here for you. We are on your side! please know you can come back to share anytime you would like. Stay strong. You are more than what happened that night.

    Sending hope and support,
    -Natalie

  7. Lizzi Volunteer

    Hi KittyRayne16,
    I’m so sorry that you went through this horrible experience. Breakups can be so depressing and painful, and you were coping the best way you knew how at the time. You did the right thing by calling someone to take you home when you were too drunk to get home by yourself, and he was wrong for taking advantage of you. You never consented to what happened and it was completely wrong of him to do this. That must have been a terrifying feeling not to be able to stop him, and then to have to face him in the morning. I hope that sharing your story here will help you find some relief, and please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you heal from this.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  8. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    I am so sorry to hear what you went through. You were coping with the break up in the best way that you had known and that does not give Chad any right to do what he did. Whether you had been drinking or not there still needs to be consent which did not happen here. I am hoping you are able to get some healing and relief from what happened to you. We are all here to support you.

  9. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi KittyRaine16,

    I’m so sorry you went through such a traumatic experience. Chad had no right to violate you that way. It doesn’t matter that you’d been drinking; what happened to you was not your fault. Thank you for sharing your story here with us. It was a courageous step forward on your healing journey. Please feel free to write again if you need anything at all. We’re here for you!

    All the best,
    Becca

  10. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi KittyRayne16,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s terrible that a person you thought you could trust did that to you when you called him for help. What he did was wrong, and please know that none of it was your fault. We are here for you. Take care.

  11. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi KittyRayne16,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. That takes a lot of courage. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Chad is absolutely in the fault here. None of this is your fault at all. Have you told anyone about this? And is Chad still in your life in any way? We are here for you. Please let us know how else we can help you. You are not alone. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  12. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story and i am truly sorry you had to go through all that. This was not your fault at all and know you didnt deserve it at all. Have you told any of your friends or anyone else? in times like this might be a good idea when you are ready to let a friend or family know so they can bring you support as well. I am so sorry this happened and know we are here for you and truly care!

  13. KittyRayne16

    Thank you everyone for the kind thoughts and support. It truly means so much.
    I have never told anyone what happened. This is the first time that I have actually told the story about what happened that night. I have kind of mentioned that something happened to me here and there to a few select people but have never once went into detail. Even just typing it out and telling all of these strangers online helped make it feel like a weight has been lifted.
    I have cut all ties with “Chad” so hopefully I never have to see him again.

    1. Ashley Day Captain

      Hello KittyRayne16,

      Thank you for taking the time to confide in our community. I’m glad that you felt like this was a safe place to share what has happened. Believing that your male friend would have kept you safe is completely reasonable. I imagine that attempting to piece together memories from the night is terrifying. “Chad” had no right to disrespect your boundaries and you are not to blame for what he chose to do. You mentioned that you have a few stories; please know that you’re welcome to come back when you feel ready.

      Ashley

  14. rkr18 Volunteer

    KittyRayne16,

    thank you so much for sharing your story. You were so brave to do so. I am sorry you had to go through this you did not deserve it. Have you shared your story with anyone yet? Please keep us updated and know we are here to help you.
    -Marie

  15. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this, and this wasn’t your fault. Have you told any of your friends or your brother about what happened? Do you think that would help? Let us know how else we can support you-we are here for you.

    Erin

  16. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your friend, “Chad,” betrayed your trust and then acted like it never happened. That’s completely awful. You didn’t do anything wrong and you never gave consent. You didn’t deserve for him to do this to you.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It takes so much strength and courage to open up in that way. Have you sought treatment or help anywhere else? If you haven’t seen a therapist, they are incredibly helpful in navigating healing from these traumas. If you don’t feel comfortable with a therapist/counselor, we have lots of other resources under our “Find Help” tab. Opening up to a friend or loved one can be healing as well.

    We are always here if you need something. We believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  17. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear KittyRayne16,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It takes a lot of courage to share such a painful event. I am so sorry that this happened to you and that “Chad” betrayed you and then acted like it was normal. You did not do anything wrong. Have you been able to find a way to begin healing from this? Do you have someone close that you can talk to? Our Find Help tab has a variety of resources; hopefully you will be able to find something that works for you. You are welcome to post here as often as you would like…we are here to listen and support you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  18. Megan Volunteer

    Hey KittyRayne16,

    I’m sorry that this happened to you. Chad absolutely should not have done that to you. You trusted him and he took advantage of that trust. You deserve better. I would definitely go to planned parenthood! They are really great there and can help you get the resources you need. Experiencing something like this can be really emotionally tolling. Do you have someone you can trust that can help support you during this time? We are always here when you need us, but it would probably be good to have someone you personally know there for you as well. Or a therapist to talk to if you are up for that.

    You are strong and you will get through this. I believe in you,
    Megan

  19. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi KittyRayne16,
    I’m so sorry about what happened to you, and I can’t imagine how terrified you were. You are not at fault for this, and you didn’t deserve it either. I’m really sorry that this person took advantage of your trust. You weren’t able to consent, and he is entirely at fault for what he did. Sometimes during a threatening situation, our brains tell our bodies to freeze. It’s called tonic immobility, and it’s a valid biological response to trauma. It may explain why you couldn’t move.
    I understand why you were unsure of how to act and why you feel like things don’t make sense. It’s not easy to process what happened or to figure out how to talk about it.
    Do you have anyone you can trust and/or a counselor? It can help to talk about how we feel so that we’re able to cope with what happens to us. Of course, you can do this at your own pace. This is your story, and there’s no pressure to share.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s not easy to share these traumatic experiences, and you are so strong and brave for doing so. We’ll always be here to help, so please write back if you need anything from us. You can get through this.

  20. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi KittyRayne16,
    I’m so sorry this happened. It doesn’t matter how much you had to drink. This is not your fault. You didn’t deserve to have a friend take advantage of you. Going to planned parenthood is a great idea. They can help you and make sure you are okay.
    How are you feeling now? Are you in a better place, away from ‘Chad’’? Have you told your brother or someone you trust? Sorry for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure you are okay. What you went through was very scary, but you handled the situation in a great way. You are very strong.
    If you need anything else you can always write back or text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa