Over the weekend, I made a very stupid decision, perhaps I will regret this decision for the rest of my life, I hope not, but I never felt that I deserved to feel or be loved.
Perhaps it’s cause of my whole life, and how fucked up it’s been, that I ask and wonder do I deserve to be and feel loved, and who am I to ruin someone’s life by being with them, when they can have so much better.
So here I sit in the pit that the world, and myself have created for myself. You know the living hell that I’ve created for myself.
So unfortunately I am where this hell first started in taking care of my mother.
I know that I feel like a damn ass, coming back to this way of life.
Friday was probably the hardest day in my life saying goodbye to my angel, knowing how much I wanted to be loved, but sacrificing that for the better good for my Angel’s sake, I know she can and most likely find more happiness, and love rather than being with my sorry ass.
I realize I most likely ruined the only chance I could have, but I couldn’t allow my Angel’s life be so fucked up by being with me, I just couldn’t.
Please if you can forgive the crazy decision I made, try to understand, and most of all don’t judge me, I have, as well as society has done that my whole life.
I just want to be understood and accepted, at this horrible moment in my life.