Hi guys. It’s Alyssa.
So last night I went to a party at my friends dorm with two friends and one of them drove me home. Both of us did not drink (I just don’t have a license which is why he drove me home). Anyway he was in the mood and asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I didn’t want to tell that I wasn’t in the mood because I was tired and it was late, so I said “okay”.
He said it didn’t sound convincing and if I wanted to actually do it I had convince him. I didn’t know what to say or do so I was quiet and I thought about it. The more I thought the more my ex boyfriend/rapist came into my head. I was remembering him telling me how worthless and useless I was, that I was only good for sex, and all of these other horrible things. Because I was replaying all of that in my head I finally out loud said “yes I wanna have sex with you.”
During and after it I felt nothing and the next day (today) when I woke up I had really bad headache and my throat was hurting. Now I just don’t know what to do or who to turn to.
Thanks for being here for me.