I asked for help… pt2

I asked for help… pt2

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Through all the craziness of my childhood o swore to myself I’d never be with someone that hurt me. In any way. My first boyfriend at the young age of 14 managed to ruin me a little more. 

He was older. 17. He was into drinking, drugs, and sex. Which I did not want to give him.  

I tried to leave. But every attempt came with a consequence. 

He cheated on me. I told him it was over. He beat the crap out of me and broke my cheek bone. Again.  I told my uncle when he asked what happened and he laughed  as if I was joking. 

I cheated on him in attempt to get him to want to leave. He drove me down a one way street the wrong way going 120mph and tried to push me out of the moving car. 

My best friend passed away, and he slit my wrists and said he was going to let me bleed out and everyone would think I committed suicide to be with her. 

I packed up my stuff and moved an hour an half away and he found me, sitting on my door step when I got home from school. (Age 15 now)….. he asked me why I left and I told him I was pregnant (which was partly true. I’d gotten pregnant, when I cheated on him… by his best friend, but shortly after he beat me up I lost the baby and that’s what made me decide I needed to move. He didn’t ask anything, didn’t say anything more…. simply started by saying “did you really think you’d get away from me?” And I said “we needed to”… he said “we?” And I said “yeah.” I showed him my ultrasound, that I’d kept from them telling me there’s no heartbeat…. he got up and walked away. 

He’s back. There’s no denying it. He had went to jail for a while for some other things. But he’s back. And he’s in the same city as me. And he’s sending me messages wanting to see me. 

Boom goes my PTSD. I can’t get him out of my head. 


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27 comments

  1. Megan Volunteer

    Hey BebaMa90,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You don’t deserve any of it. I really hope that he leaves you alone, but if he doesn’t it might good to consider getting a personal protection order against him so you can feel safer. It is really hard when triggers like this pop back up and kicks off your PTSD. Have you considered seeing a therapist? My therapist really helped me control my PTSD and work through everything I had been through. If you would like help finding one, we have a Find Help tab on our page that is a pretty good resource!

    I’m wishing you all the best. You are strong and you will get through this,
    Megan

  2. Amysue43 Volunteer

    You have been through so much at such a young age and I’m sorry you are still dealing with him. This is a dangerous situation and it seems you are more than aware of this as seen within your post. There are many resources that can support and guide you; for instance, we have a texting service that is available 24/7. Simply text VOICE to 741741. We are here for you and hope that these comments have reassured you in your thoughts.

    Stay strong!

  3. Lizzi

    Hi BebaMa90,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you. That’s so much to go through at such a young age, and none of it was your fault. You did everything you could to get out of this situation. I hate that he’s back and contacting you again. I agree with many of the other comments that it would be a good idea to at least report this to the police. I don’t know what they can do at this point but it would be a good start. Would it be helpful to block him from your phone, social media, anywhere that he’s trying to contact you? I know it won’t make this all go away but maybe you at least won’t have to see his messages.

  4. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this all happened to you and what he did was truly terrible. He should be locked up in prison for the crimes he had commit. Try to see if you can find resources or if you have any close friends you can use to help you throughout the process. You have a right to leave because you have a right to be treated with respect and love. I am sorry this happened to you just know you can reach out to support groups and other resources. You might want to think about a RO for him because you have enough to keep him away from you. Take care of yourself and let us know if you need anything!

  5. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi BebaMa90,

    I’m so sorry that your abuser is back and continuing to harass you. Please file a police report. Even if there isn’t enough evidence to have him arrested telling the police that you no longer want him to contact you is the first step in building a case against him. I understand how difficult this must be especially since it’s triggered your PTSD. When things get overwhelming try to focus on taking deep breaths and focusing on your surroundings. I like to run my hands under cold water, but you can also recite the colors in the room around you or snap a rubber band/hair tie into your palm. It won’t completely stop the flashbacks or anxiety but it can help control the emotional aftermath. Please know that we’re always here for you and that you can post as much as you need to. If you’d like to speak with some one immediately about the issue you can always reach out to our crisis text line as well. Simply text VOICE to 741741 and someone will respond to chat with you.
    All the best,
    Becca

  6. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi BebaMa90,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is not your fault. What he did to you is not okay. He belongs back in jail after what he did. Your uncle not believing you is just as bad. Have you tried to tell anyone else to help you. Try not messaging him and see if he leaves you alone. I hope he stops trying to talk to you.
    -Alyssa

  7. Ashley Day Captain

    BebaMa90,

    Thank you for coming back to share more of your story.
    It sounds like you were determined to leave the relationship and it’s not okay that he prevented you from doing so. I can only imagine how frightening and overwhelming it felt to be around this individual; I’m thinking that having him in the same city causes similar feelings to arise. Who else have you talked to about the messages that he has been sending? Having a support system can take some weight off of our shoulders. You have the right to be treated with respect.

    Ashley

  8. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there BebaMa90,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It can be so hard to carry around these stories, and I hope you’re finding relief in talking with us. What this person has done to you is terrible and is of course not your fault at all. Now that he’s back, do you think it would be helpful to perhaps file for a restraining order? Certainly keep record of his messages and any other evidence that can be used to your benefit. Try to continue to do things that bring you joy while you work this out.

    Please continue to reach out to us. We’re here for you.

  9. Jennifer Suhr Volunteer

    Hey there BebaMa90,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. What he did to you is beyond terrible, and you don’t deserve what he’s put you through. I would suggest blocking him from contacting you in whatever ways you can and refrain from responding to him. If you feel comfortable going to the police, make sure you keep a record of everything, including screenshots of any threatening messages. I’m sorry. It’s so rough to have to do that. Please try and get somewhere safe around people you trust if you can. Going to a therapist personally helped me with PTSD, is therapy something you’ve considered? Healing will take time, but most importantly just stay safe and don’t hesitate to reach out.

    Stay strong,
    Jenn

  10. mkyuellig

    Hi BebaMa90,
    I’m so sorry that you are having these feelings overwhelm you. I’m going to echo what others are saying and say that you should probably save any messages that he sends you, and block him on everything. If it comes down to it, you can use those messages to get an order of protection against him. If you are struggling with flashbacks, I recommend looking up some grounding techniques that are centering and calming when you are feeling overwhelmed. The app “breathe” has also been really helpful to me. Please continue to keep us updated and let us know how we can offer you support.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  11. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, BebaMa90. Thanks for sharing this with us. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You don’t deserve any of it. Have you tried a restraining order? If you’re up for it, reporting harassment like his messages or anything he else he does might be a good idea. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to deal with that though. Therapy has helped me a lot with my PTSD, and there are a lot of ways to reach a counselor including internet/texting. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do. Stay safe.

  12. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for reaching out to us. If he is harassing you, you have every right to go to the police and have a restraining order against him if you feel comfortable with doing that. I think him being out of your life is a very positive thing for you and I would not respond to his attempts to contact you. Have you thought about seeing someone about your PTSD? Maybe a therapist or support group? Please let us know how we can help and support you further; stay strong <3

  13. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey BebaMa90,

    Thanks for updating us. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s sick that he’s preying on you like that. I can’t remember if you’ve said – have you sought professional help? Either from the police or a therapist, to help you unpack everything? If he’s 18 by now, he could get into major trouble for what he’s doing to you. He definitely deserves jail time for everything. It’s disturbing, and it’s unfair that you’re going through this. Just remember, you’ve got us supporting you every step of the way, every decision you make. We’re here for you. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. You’ve got this!!! Stay strong.

    Marissa

  14. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hi BebaMa90,

    Thanks for coming back. I’m so so sorry that he treated you this way and now he is back and it’s understandable why it’s scary. You don’t deserve any of this. Is there anyone that you are comfortable talking about this with? Even if it’s not the whole story, it can be really helpful to have even one person know that there’s someone out there scaring and threatening you. If you’re comfortable, I highly suggest talking to the police and trying to get a restraining order. It can be really hard, but it’s helpful when they have some concrete documentation (messages, pictures from abuse, etc.) so they can better protect you. There are also other resources available in the Find Help tab. Please make sure to do a lot of self-care. You deserve to feel safe, and you are not alone in this. We are here for you. I hope you are safe. Stay strong.

    All love and support,
    Breanna

  15. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear BebaMa90,
    I am so sorry that you went through this and that now he is back and scaring you. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling. Please take care of yourself and let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. Others below gave some really good suggestions and I hope some of them help you. You are not alone and we are always here to listen.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  16. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi BebaMa90,
    I’m really sorry about what this person did – you didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry that he’s back and that he’s messaging you. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, but I will say that you’re not alone. I would recommend blocking him on social media and/or getting a new phone number. You could try to get a restraining order to keep him away from you, and I agree with Jordan’s recommendations as well. You deserve to feel safe.
    Thank you for updating us. If you need anything, please write back to us. We’re here to support and help you. You can get through this, and you are strong. I believe in you, and I hope you are safe.

  17. Shannon Volunteer

    Hey BebaMa90,

    Thank you for sharing with us, if there is anything we can do let us know. Please come back and update us with how you are doing

    Shannon

  18. Leximcclelland Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing again.
    I am so sorry this happened to you. I am so sorry he has popped up in your life again. It’s not fair. Have you tried blocking them on all social media platforms and his number? That might be a place to start so he can’t contact you easily.
    I know it’s hard, but you are strong enough to get through this and get him out of your life for good. Have you tried reaching out for help from law enforcement? And have you considered talking to a therapist for the PTSD/trauma? It might be a good place to start and they are full of resources to help. You can always look at the Find Help tab here on AVFTI.
    You deserve to feel safe and comfortable where you live.
    You are always welcome to come here if you’re comfortable and let us listen.
    Stay strong, you’ve got this.
    – Lexi 🖤

  19. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi BebaMa90,

    Thank you for coming back to update us on your story. We are all here for you! I’m so sorry that your first boyfriend treated you in such a horrible way. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. If you don’t feel safe you could definitely try and get a restraining order with the police. I had a friend do that, and although it was a long process it really helped her feel safe. I’m sorry that he is following you. Do you have someone who you can stay with? Strength in numbers is always a good thing.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  20. grothkat8 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this with us, and I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure this is a very scary, and unnerving experience but just know we are here for you whenever you need us. Also for more information that can help you, text VOICE to 741-741 for a 24/7 crisis hotline.

    We are here to support you and listen always.

    Katie

  21. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry all of this happened. You are doing the right thing by trying to get away. Do you feel safe from him? You don’t deserve to feel the way that you do. It can be very scary and we are here to help if you need! Check out our FIND HELP tab for some resources that might be helpful for you. Also, if you need to talk to someone, feel free to post here anytime or text VOICE to 741-741 for a 24/7 crisis textline. You are so so strong! Let us know how we can help! You can get through this.

    Sending support and love,
    -Natalie

  22. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi BebaMa90,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story. I’m sorry that you had to go through this and that he has returned. You don’t deserve any of this. Have you looked into legal advice to get a restraining order? I’ve had to get a restraining order on an ex before, and it was very relieving to have that protection. Let us know if there’s anything we can do. We’re always here for you.

  23. Kayla Volunteer

    BebaMa90,

    Thank you for reaching out to AVFTI, we are glad to see you back.

    I am sorry that you are having to remember this trauma with his presence in your city and his messages. I second Jordan – I would look into legal advice for issuing a restraining order against him. I had to utilize legal protection against an abusive ex when I was younger and it was a serious relief, and continues to be to this day. You deserve to feel safe. There is no guilt or shame in seeking protection. If you need help with this, I would be happy to assist you in any way. Your safety and well being is so important.

    If this is not the route you think is best, that’s okay. We are here to help in any way, even if it’s just to listen. Let us know if there is anything at all you need.

    You are so strong and resilient. We hear you, and we support you. I am sending you love.

    Clover.

  24. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there BebaMa90,

    Thank you for sharing your story. My hunch is that it’s terrifying to have him come back and contact you. Please know none of this is your fault and you absolutely do not deserve this. I echo Erin’s question – is there anyone who can help you stay safe? There’s some great resources available. AVFTI offers a section with some, which can be found at: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/.

    It’s normal to have PTSD flashbacks – you’re not alone in that. Our brains are weird, funny things. Small or large things can trigger flashbacks. It’s just your bodies way of trying to protect you. Please try to do something nice for yourself when you are feeling down or experiencing some of those PTSD symptoms.

    Keep fighting. Sending you light,
    SFM

  25. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m so sorry this happened to you, and that he is back. You didn’t deserve any of this, and this wasn’t/isn’t your fault. Is there anyone who can help keep you safe? Is there anything we can do? Please let us know-we are here for you.

    Erin

  26. zoeyb

    Hi BebaMa90,

    I’m so sorry that you are having to re-experience so many thoughts and emotions now that you know he’s back. Please continue to keep your happiness and safety a priority and know that whatever you think would be best for you in order to do so, is always the right choice. Do you have anyone in your life you could talk to about this or anything you can think of doing to get your mind clear? Sometimes a simple mindfulness activity or music could be helpful! If you need resources, we have a crisis text hotline (text VOICE to 741-741) and additional resources under our “find help” tab on this website.

    I know it must be tough right now. Continue remaining strong and know that we are always here to listen and support you.

    – Zoey

  27. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear BebaMa90,

    It is good to see you again with us. I am so sorry that, that was what your first experience was like being in a relationship. No one should have to endure the pain that you’ve had to endure at such a young age, and it continue throughout your life. First romances should be special, not traumatizing. I just want you to know how strong and courageous you continue to be as you navigate your way on this path of healing. In regards to this ex-boyfriend trying to get in contact with you, have you considered looking into free resources in your community that could help with your particular situation? For example, maybe legal advice on getting a restraining order, getting more tips or advice from a domestic hotline (given past experiences with him) and coming up with a safety plan, etc. It might be a good idea to keep record of all the times this man has tried to contact you, just in case he tries to find out where you are located, etc. Of course, these are all just recommendations. You should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable, because that is what is most important ♡ If you ever need to continue to vent, we at AVFTI are here for you.

    Sending my love and hugs your way thru this difficult time.

    – Jordan