So this will be hard but to know there are others who know and understand mean a lot to me. I have never really told details but I want to. My father is still alive and believe it or is a nurse practitioner and it makes me so mad. When I was kindergarten I remember so we’ll the two story house and I had my own room and my two brothers shared a room. He would make me come to his room and lock the door and it just started small , you know like ( I have to say I am getting light headed telling this) he would make me kiss him and it was tongue and I remember wanting to throw up. It didn’t move beyond that until we moved to another state. So my mom comes back to him , why I don’t know as he almost killed her one night by choking her and I remember crying and just begging for her to live. She did and left for good and we had to stay as he would not let us go. So I am in 2nd grade now and so now it more than kissing it it I had to touch him and kiss his parts. I hated my life and I could not understand why this man my dad would do this and his temper , I was so scare of him and he told me if you ever tell I will kill you. Yes I am afraid telling this what if he finds out ? Then things get worse , from second grade to 5th grade here is life. Forced to watch dirty things with two women and one man, ( it was the old film projectors) and then he made me do those things like sucking his thing and he would at other times masterbate on me. Then now we add in when he tried to penetrate me I cried please Daddy it hurts and he stopped but just that everything else keeps going , like him telling me to tie him up and paint him white ( I loved that because he started to burn down there haha pay back). Then it was every day early morning before school he would come in my room and put dog chains on ankles and wrist so he do his thing and that includes him doing oral sex on me . But then there a friend I had and I remember her name to this day. He made invite her over to play Blind man’s bluff , that was him standing and masterbating and making me do oral on her and I cried and ask not to but his temper and I hated the hits and being held down under a blanket and not being able to breathe. I finally got away with his ex girlfriend who he almost killed by choking and I moved with her until things went bad there as she had forced my brother to have sex with her so I ran away. I got into bad things and was raped and end up in a girls home. Your wondering where is your mother right ? Well she had a new man and we we not a part of the program at first until I was in high school she finally let me come home from the girls home and made comments to me that I want to get into bed with my step dad and believe me that was not where I want to be. I tried to kill myself by taking alot of pills but I threw them up (God had other plans for me). There is my story and I have trust issues and I cannot seem to forgive and I don’t really have any friends and I do feel like an outcast but I am strong and have so much to live for and God is not done with me !