how to cope with your ex being convicted

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so my ex boyfriend got found guilty after a long and hard trial we will be having the final sentencing hearing in 2 weeks to decide how long he could go to jail for and how what will happen hes now on house arrest he got convicted on 10 charges of producing child porn selling child porn assault,buying underage sex, underage human trafficking and drug possession i made a impact statement which the crown read it was hard i was wondering also what it means for the crown to ask for money like example 6 grand for damages if the judge agrees he has to would i get the money asap?? also how can i cope through this it’ll mean a lot to get some support also sorry for not writing in a while its been hard i hope you’ve all been ok stay strong everyone 


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27 comments

  1. myazojo Volunteer

    Hi Maria,
    That trial must have been very hard for you to experience. I am glad you feel safe about sharing your story with us. I am glad you took the time to update and the impact statement you made is very important and a very brave thing for you to do! I hope you find some peace in the outcomes of this trial and can feel some relief!

  2. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Maria,
    I can’t imagine how difficult the trial was, but I am so proud of you for making an impact statement. That is incredibly courageous. I’m glad the trial is ending soon. I am unfortunately unsure about your legal question, but I think the recommendations provided below are great suggestions. As for coping, I think it’s important to do an activity that helps you feel calm. Sometimes this can be listening to music or even listening to nature sounds, etc. This could also be writing, drawing, deep breathing, etc.
    You don’t have to apologize for not writing – you can update us whenever you like. I hope things get better soon. If you need anything, we’re always here, and you can get through this!

  3. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear Maria,

    I just want to first thank you for coming onto our platform and sharing your story with us, if you ever need to vent do not hesitate to talk to us. We will always be here for you if you need us. I can’t imagine the roller coaster of emotions that you must be going through right now. Sadly, I do not have a lot of knowledge about how court cases work and such so I am unable to help answer your question for you. I hope that you were able to find some helpful resources that pertain to your situation. I am thinking of you and I truly hope that things start to look up soon. I am sure it will feel like such a weight being lifted off of your shoulders when everything is said and done. Sending hugs your way <3

    – Jordan

  4. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your story with us. I am unsure when charges would be given out after a court case, it may be a couple of months. (if it is anything like an auto court settlement, it probably has to go through insurances and taxes and such) This is definitely a really hard thing to work through. It’s hard when you can’t be in contact with someone for such a long time. However, this will be a good time for you to focus on yourself and not have to worry about your ex bothering you which could be nice? Spending time with your other friends and any close family members could also help you take your mind off things. You are also always welcome to post here again with any updates, we are happy to work things through with you.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  5. Ashley Day Captain

    It’s great to hear from you, Maria!

    The fact that you made an impact statement to be read in court is courageous. I get the feeling it’s going to be stressful to wait for the final sentence hearing to arrive and it makes sense that you want ideas on how to cope. What are some coping mechanisms that have helped you in the past? In regards to receiving money for damages, I’m not sure what the timeframe would be to receive the money but I see that other commenters gave you ideas as to who you can reach out to.

    Good luck and hang in there.

    Ashley

  6. Lizzi

    Maria,
    I’m glad to hear that the trial is coming to an end. I can imagine it’s been really tough for you to go through all of this. I don’t know much about your legal question, but maybe there’s someone helping you with the case that can answer that for you. Finding methods of coping that work for you is going to be really important, and that looks different for everyone. Have you talked to a counselor about what you’ve gone through? That could be a great source of support as you heal from this. Maybe finding someone in your life that you can trust would be helpful to be able to talk to them whenever things get hard. Finding a hobby can also be helpful to do in the more difficult moments: listening to music, watching Netflix, knitting, coloring, just whatever you enjoy that takes your mind off the hard things. I wish you the best with the rest of the trial and I hope you’ll reach out to us if you need anything. We’re here for you and we support you.

  7. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Maria,

    I’m sorry that you had to go through all of this. I’m glad the case is coming to a close. Hopefully you can begin to find some peace and put all of this behind you. As for your court question, I’m sorry but I am not very familiar with the legal system. Is there someone that you have been working with at court that could maybe answer your question? As for the coping, there are a lot of options. Have you considered seeing a therapist or finding a support group? I think both of those these are very helpful in processing everything that has been going on and helping you find a way to cope and get through this. If you need help finding somewhere, we have a lot of resources under our ‘find help’ tab at the top of the page that might be able to help.

    Stay strong, you will get through this,
    Megan

  8. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Maria,

    Thank you for coming here and taking the time to share with us today.

    This is a very tough situation that you were put through. I’m glad the trial is over and I hope that this can bring you some peace. Reading an impact statement is a huge accomplishment and you did a great job pushing through and doing that. Coping with something like this can be tough. I hope that coming here and sharing your story can help you with the coping process. We are always here to support you any way we can. I am not sure about how to answer your court question, but I am here to offer support. It sounds like you are going through a stressful time but you are doing great!

  9. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    It’s good to hear from you again. That’s wonderful news that your ex will face consequences for his actions. That was a huge step to make an impact statement, and I’m proud of you. Unfortunately I can’t offer any help in terms of damages or how they would be paid out for you locally. Maybe ask someone at the court or a legal representative? We’re here for you! Please feel free to share again if you need us.

    All the best,
    Becca

  10. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Maria,

    I’m glad to hear that the proceedings will be over soon. Trials can be exhausting. As someone who works in the criminal justice field, I just want you to know that every state/city/county work a little differently. It can be hard to say exactly what is expected or required of your jurisdiction. It can be helpful to ask prosecutors or court advocates what to expect. For damages, it largely depends on if he has the money now or would need to set up some type of payment plan. As for coping, please make sure you are taking time for yourself. Do something you enjoy doing when you are out of court. We are also here for you whenever you need.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  11. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. We are proud of you for writing and sharing an impact statement. I’m not sure about the legal aspect of this, but perhaps there is a legal advocate that the court can appoint for you or that you can find from an advocacy agency in your area? I know it sucks having to do the extra work of finding an advocate, but it may help alleviate some of the stress you may be feeling from the uncertainty of not knowing while you navigate the (very confusing) legal process.

    Katherine

  12. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    i am so sorry you had gone through and still are going through. When it comes to 6 grand the individual would have to give you the money. not sure when but as some point. I am sorry you had to go through all that.

  13. colton95 Volunteer

    I’m really sorry for what you went through and are going through. When it comes to legal stuff I know absolutely nothing so unfortunately I am not of much help there. What I can say is that I sincerely hope things will be better for you and that I and many others here at avfti care for your well-being and are more than happy to listen if you want to vent or talk.

  14. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there, Maria,

    Thank you for sharing this update with us. It’s wonderful to hear that justice will be served on your behalf, but it’s also upsetting that you’ve had to have this experience. We’re here to support you with anything you need.

    I did a very brief little search on what to anticipate from court proceedings, and I found some stuff from RAINN that might answer some of your questions. Here’s the link—I hope it might answer some of your questions! https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-expect-criminal-justice-system

    I also don’t know much about the legality of assault cases. I do know that you are so strong and are capable of incredible things. Any time you want to talk, feel free to update us. I hope this resolves quickly for you!

  15. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, Maria. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t really be of any help regarding the legal stuff. I think it’s awesome you made a statement. That takes a lot of courage. Take care of yourself during this time. Talk therapy and support groups have helped me a lot, and there is a lot of groups online or even over the phone if you can’t find any in your area. There’s a lot of resources on this site. Let us know if you need help finding any. Also exercise, writing, meditating, or anything that helps you feel calm. Self care can be a lot of different things. Stay strong, you got this!

  16. Jess Volunteer

    I’m sorry for everything that you’ve had to deal with, but so glad that it seems like you’re going to get closure soon! I don’t personally have any legal advice – I’m not well versed in that world. However, as far as coping with this goes, make sure you’re taking time for self-care in every way possible. Self-care could mean making time for walking/exercise, time for enjoyable activities (like coloring or writing or going out), time with family/friends, or as simple as making sure to relax daily. It is so vital to care for ourselves when we are going through hard things like this.

    If you need anything else, we are always here. Thank you for updating us and I hope we hear from you again saying the trial is finished and you finally have that closure you deserve! Stay strong and keep fighting, Maria. <3
    -Jess

  17. MH Volunteer

    Hello Maria,
    I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are extremely brave. Keep your head up high and keep moving forward. Do you have any support at home/with friends? Please feel free to come back and update us- we are always here for you!
    MH

    1. Maria

      Hi thank you everyone it means alot also no I don’t have any family support and I’m trying to learn to trust again it’s been hard but you guys really help give me a push your all strong and beautiful 🙂

  18. musicislove

    Hi Maria,

    I’m sorry for everything you’ve been dealing with but I’m glad it sounds like you’ll finally get some closure soon. I don’t have any legal advice but we’re all here to support you! On how to cope through everything I would just say to be kind to yourself while you’re going through all of this, try to focus some time on things you love, and reach out when you need more support! Friends, family, a therapist, and AVFTI are all great sources of support! Stay strong and we’re here for you.

    Delaney

  19. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Maria,
    It is good to hear from you again!! It sounds like you are finally going to get some closure with all of this. I don’t have legal answers or any different advise to offer. Take a moment to acknowledge how amazing you are for pushing through to the end of all of this!! Keep us updated if you can.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  20. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    Thanks for coming back for an update. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this. I hope it was healing for you. Unfortunately, I don’t know much about how the courts handle the money transfer, but I’m sure you can ask the judge or someone who works there. I’m glad to hear it’s almost over. Stay strong, we are here if you need anything!

    Sending love and strength,
    Bre

  21. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Maria,
    It’s good to hear back from you. I hope you have been well. I’m not too sure about how fast you would get the money. That is something you would have to ask the judge. I’m sorry that you are going through this trial, but at least it is almost over. We are here if you need anything. Thank you for updating us.
    -Alyssa

  22. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi Maria,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m glad that your ex was brought to justice. It must have been hard to be in the courtroom for that. As for the money, I would suggest asking the court or an attorney to find out the process for that. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  23. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you for sharing with us. You are so brave to give an impact statement, you should be very proud of yourself. As for the money for damages, consulting the court or an attorney would probably be the best option to find information. We hope to hear from you again soon, be kind to yourself.

  24. meg Volunteer

    Hello Maria,

    I am so sorry to hear about everything you’re going through. In my experience, even just being in a court room is incredibly stressful. You are so brave for making a statement. I am proud of you. I wish I had more information in terms of the legal side of the verdict and compensation. I would reach out to the attorney for clarification if you can.

    Know that even posting this is a major step towards moving forward. Asking for guidance is a sign that you’ve already begun the process of healing. Be gentle with yourself. Take a moment and focus on just being present. As dzreid said, deep breathing techniques could be helpful. I use the 4-7-8 method myself and it helps me bring my mind and heart rate under control when I find everything else overwhelming. If you need someone to talk to, please look through the Find Help tab for free resources/therapists.

    Remember that you’ve got this. As you told us, stay strong!
    —Meg

  25. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share with us-maybe you could see if there’s some legal support? That could help. We are here for you.

    Erin

  26. dzreid Volunteer

    Maria,
    I’m so glad that you are able to come back & share. I’m sure this is a difficult period for you. As far as the money & how you would get it, I think that would be a good question to ask the court or an attorney. It is good that you can reach out, use that support system (even if it’s the support from here). I would take one day at a time & allow yourself time to process all this. I believe that doing self care techniques (deep breathing, or journaling) could be applied to help you through & to cope. Take care of you through this. Come back again when you can. I know you can make it! Stay strong!
    Dawn