Thank you so much for your responses. I really needed an outside perspective on what happened with my parents last week, and your responses helped me realize that I wasn’t exaggerating. I think I’ll ask my counselor about my parents’ behavior at the beginning of the semester. I told my friends about how I had been struggling, and they were so helpful and supportive of me.
As for being more independent, one of my friends suggested we live together in an on campus apartment in the spring. I would be so happy if this happened, and I want to see if my parents will be open to it.
I’m a little worried about something. During the summer, we took breaks from church, so I didn’t have to see my assailant as often. Now that the school year is starting, I’ll have to be at church more often. I teach Sunday School, and I’m in the choir during service (which means I’m closer to him in proximity). I know I can rein it in while I’m there, but I’m worried about the physical, mental, and emotional toll it’s going to take on me.
I’ve also been thinking about something else recently. I’ve noticed that it’s very hard for me to assert my needs and wants with the people around me. I know that it’s so important to talk about what we need and want with the people in our lives. Yet this tiny part of me keeps wondering if they’ll get annoyed or I’m being a burden/too much. I’m thinking that the way my parents respond to emotions could have affected me in this way.
I’m trying to be more assertive with my family, but not too assertive so that my parents don’t invalidate me. It’s so painful every time that happens. I’m also trying to be more transparent with my friends and let them know how I’m feeling, but I’m not as worried about them invalidating me.
I know that it takes practice, and I’ve been trying to assert myself more often. Yet I still deal with resistance before talking about what I need/want. Have you ever been through this, and do you have ways to get through that resistance?
Anyway, that’s my update. I hope you’re all having a great week!