Holding on and letting go

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Hey everyone, it’s Jamie.

I’ve decided it was best, unfortunately, that me and my ex cut ties…I thought if he was a part of my life in a friendship way would help fill the void and yearning for him, but it was too much for me to handle. My feelings for him are extreme, and if there was no hope in getting back together, why lead on with false hope? It hurts not being with him, it hurts knowing we may never see each other again, it hurts knowing what happened and why it happened the way it did…it just hurts, and I’m not okay. Far from it.


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33 comments

  1. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thanks for sharing an update! I know this must of been so difficult for you, but as tough as it was to let him go, you needed to do so in order to take care of yourself. Letting go of someone that we once had feeling for is never easy, & trying to maintain a friendship could only lead to more uncertainties & emotional pain. I’m glad that you have made this decision to walk away. To me, this shows a tremendous amount of courage, & strength. That must of been one of the hardest decisions to make! You can still hold onto the good that you saw in him. Keep doing what’s best for you because you are so worth it & deserve to be happy!
    Dawn

  2. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    Thank you for updating us with what you’ve decided to do. It sounds like it was an extremely difficult decision, and I commend you for choosing what you felt would be best for you. It’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt, especially when you just cut ties with someone you have strong feelings for. However, we are all in your corner and we know you can get through this. We’re here for you if you need anything. Take care.

    Edjay

  3. Ashley Day Captain

    Jamie,

    Deciding to let go of someone who we deeply care for takes a tremendous amount of strength. Wanting to maintain a friendship with an ex isn’t uncommon; I’m sure many people (myself included) have tried to take that route. Unfortunately, holding onto a friendship like that can make things even more difficult. With time, the pain will lessen.

    Give yourself time.

    Ashley

  4. Breanna Volunteer

    Hey Jamie,

    Thanks for coming here to share. I am sorry you are in so much pain. Cutting ties with someone you you care about but who has also hurt you is so difficult. But I think you made a really good, healthy decision. I am proud of you. The next little bit will be difficult, but things will look up and get better. You will heal. You can do this. We are here to support you along the way. Stay strong, and let us know how we can support you. Keep your chin up.

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  5. april-federico Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,

    You did a good thing by realizing what was good for you. I’ve been in your situation, and I can tell you right now that it’s 100% normal to feel that way after you cut ties with someone. It’ll take a while to process, which, too, is normal. I can promise you that it will get better with time. You WILL heal from this, and someone better will come into your life and fill whatever void it is your experiencing. For now, I challenge you to focus on yourself for a while. Find some distractions.

    Sending all positive energy your way,

    April

  6. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    You made a decision based on what you needed for yourself at this time; that shows strength and healing. Letting go is awful. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief and to feel whatever you need to feel. We are here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  7. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie ,

    Thanks for sharing with us again, glad to hear from you again. I know it hurts right now but maybe what you did is the best for you. Know that is okay to not be okay and it may take awhile to get there but things will get better , we believe in you and are here for you always.

    -Brianna W

  8. Starling Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. You’re making a very difficult decision, but it’s good that you’ve recognized that cutting ties may be best for you. It’s painful to make a decision like this, and it’s okay to feel hurt and upset. You’re incredibly strong and can get through this. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  9. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    Thank you for coming back to share an update. I think you’re right that you and your ex should cut ties, but I totally understand how hard that can be. It’s hard to feel like you will never see or talk to someone ever again. However, I do feel that with time you begin to realize that you don’t miss them as much as you used to. We are resilient and we adapt to change and grow when faced with losing someone who is close to us. I’m sorry that you are struggling right now but know that in the long run, this will feel like such a relief.

    Stay strong,
    Tyler

  10. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi Jamie
    This is a very difficult decision and I am proud of you for recognizing what you need and what is best for you. I know it is hard and it hurts a lot and that is ok. Grieve. We are here to support you and be here for you.

    Kristin

  11. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for updating us. I understand that it hurts, but please try to remember that this is probably the best decision in the long run. You don’t have to be okay right now. You’re allowed to feel pain and be affected by loss. Please know that we are here to help you however we can, and we always will be. You will get through this. Let us know if there’s anything we can do! Stay strong <3

    Marissa

  12. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Jamie- I’m so sorry you are going through these emotions. Ugh, the feeling of letting someone go sucks! Emotions sometimes linger for years, at least for me. But I’m sure it will make the bond with the next person you are with even stronger. Thank you for sharing. You made the right decision and we are with you.

    Ryan

  13. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m sorry that you are upset by your decision. I think it is a good idea though that you decided that. You broke up with him because he was hurting you. If you stay friends with him he can hurt you again and you don’t deserve that. I know heart break is hard, but over time you will get better. You will find someone else who is better who deserves your love. Don’t doubt your self worth. You are amazing and deserve the best. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  14. Lex Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    I am sorry that you are feeling these emotions. A breakup can be very challenging, but it is important that you take care of yourself, and stay strong!

    Here for you, always!
    Lex

  15. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that pain. Those feelings can be absolutely terrible and hard too bear, but I think it’s important to acknowledge your ability to be real with yourself. You found that cutting those ties with your ex was important for your well-being. That is very hard to come to and shouldn’t be overlooked. You are making decision that are for you and only you which is so important. You are obviously very conscientious about your feelings and when it’s okay to not be okay, BUT you are strong in your ability to think for yourself.
    Stay strong <3

  16. Stellablue Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,
    I am sorry you are feeling this way. Breakups can be really hard. Just remember to stat strong and you made the best decision for yourself. It is ok to feel upset about the situation, especially if your feelings for him are/were extreme. We are here to talk whenever you need to! 🙂

  17. tbird830 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    I know that right now things are really hard for you. It is so difficult to cut ties with someone we were once so close with and so in love with, even if the relationship wasn’t a healthy one. Just know that you are doing what is best for you in ending that relationship. It is nearly impossible to stay friends with someone we were with romantically, especially so soon after the split. When dealing with a toxic relationship it is better to completely separate yourself from that person, even if it feels impossible right now. Healing takes time, but you will get there eventually. We all grieve in different ways (and you are grieving the loss of the relationship) and you are allowed to feel sad about it for however long you do. We are here for you. Please reach back out if you need more support.

    Tori

  18. Amel Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    Break ups can be really hard, but I am incredibly proud of your bravery to get out of that relationship. Your emotions are valid, and you deserve love and support in these times of need. Take this time to focus on yourself, remind yourself how brave and strong you are. It may be hard at first, but surely the healing will come with time. Feel free to update us at any time about any feelings you may have. Stay strong!

    Sending you love and support,
    Amel

  19. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,

    That was a big step you took, I’m really proud of you! It took a lot of bravery to make that move, and also to come here and tell us about it. After all, you had a long relationship with your ex. But I know you did what was best from you! From your past stories, I know this must have been a very difficult thing to do, but I’m confident that you made the right choice for yourself. There’s a saying I once heard that states “You can’t grieve something you’re still holding on too” and I feel like moving on is only possible once you go through the grieving process. I hope this big life change opens up new doors for you, and new healing opportunities. You deserve it!

  20. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    First of all, please remember if you ever feel overwhelmed and need to speak with someone right away don’t hesitate to reach out to our crisis text line by sending VOICE to 741741. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re not doing well in the decision to end contact with your ex. Break ups always hurt, and break ups from a toxic relationship can be even more difficult. I think you made the right decision. Remember you’re in charge of your healing journey and sometimes the best choices can still come with a certain amount of discomfort as the wounds begin to heal. Please don’t hesitate to reach out again as you need to. We’re here for you. We are happy to support you in any way that we can.

    All the best,
    Becca

  21. colton95 Volunteer

    Sometimes the people that you love the most are the ones that you have to let go. It seems like having him still be in your life was beneficial at times, but mostly an emotional weight on your shoulders. I think that you made the right choice and I hope that things will get better for you. It’s perfectly normal to not be okay right now. I hope that there’s someone in your life who cares for you who you can talk to about literally anything. If not, feel free to reach out to anyone here, share your thoughts whenever, and click on the FIND HELP tab unless you have already. Stay strong and safe!

  22. Thomas Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    That wasn’t an easy choice to make. That took a lot of courage. But the distance will allow you the space you need to begin to move on. Feel free to keep us updated. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  23. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey Jamie

    I know this was a difficult decision for you and you should be proud of yourself. Do what is best for you and your well being. i hope you can focus on healing. I am sorry you were hurting and that you are not okay right now. sending you love and strength during this difficult time. We are always here for you friend.

  24. musicislove

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I know this was a really hard decision for you but you should be proud of yourself for doing what is best for you and your well-being. I can only imagine how much pain you’re in right now, because you guys tried to stay friends I could see how that could prolong the heartbreak but I hope now you can really focus on healing. I’m so sorry you’re hurting and that you’re not okay right now, please be gentle with yourself right now and try to do things that you love that can be relaxing right now. Self care is so important when struggling, and is especially important with the world being in the state that it’s in. Sending you love and strength, we’re always here for you.

    Delaney

  25. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    I know you’ve been grappling with this decision for a long time. You should feel proud that you put a lot of thought into this decision, and ultimately made the one that is best for you and your healing, despite the pain that it causes. This is the hard part of self-care that people often neglect to mention: making hard decisions that we know are ultimately better for us. Your pain is completely valid, but you’ll make it through. Stay strong!

    KatherineL

  26. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m sorry that you’re not okay, and I know that must have been really hard. If you can, you should feel proud that you were able to do something difficult for you, but in the end that is good for you and your recovery. That is really hard for survivors to prioritize, and I hope in time you can feel good about that. Thank you for coming back to share.

    Erin

  27. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I think you are making a very good decision at a very difficult time. I know it is hard. But I think you have given this a lot of thought, and came up with what is right for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this. But I also think you are right, that having him in your life as a friend would probably lead to more heartache in the long run. This is a loss, and when we experience a loss we have to remember to pay attention to our needs and take special care of ourselves.

  28. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    Your pain is valid, and I hear you. It’s hard to cut ties with someone who was significant in your life. Even though cutting certain people off is painful, sometimes it’s the best decision for your healing in the long run. I imagine this was incredibly difficult to do, and I’m proud of you for making this decision. You can heal at your own pace and take things one step at a time. There’s no pressure.
    Thank you for sharing with us. We’re here for you, and you can write back any time. Please take care of yourself! I know you can get through this.

  29. blashea Volunteer

    Hi, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It is definitely understandable to have conflicting feelings. I hope you’re able to find peace soon. I’m sure with time things will get better. As always, thank you for continuing to trust us with your journey.

  30. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, Jamie. Thanks for coming back to update us. I’m sorry this is so painful. Ending a relationship is never easy, even if it is the best choice. I think you know what is best for you, and I think it shows a lot of strength making a difficult decision like that. It may not feel okay right now, but that doesn’t mean it will be this hard forever. I know you can get through this. We’re here if you need us.

  31. Jess Volunteer

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re hurting so much. It’s incredibly hard to separate ourselves from relationships that were important to us, but sometimes it is better for our mental health. It takes an abundance of strength to be able to walk away from those situations. Please recognize the strength there! You are so strong and so brave for moving on from that relationship and doing what you believe is best for you. Keep doing the best you can and move forward one step at a time. Thank you for updating us. If you need anything at all, we are always here for you. <3 Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  32. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,

    Good to hear from you! I am so sorry that you are hurting. But I truly think you are making the right decision for you right now. You are so incredibly strong! And right now it is okay to take some space from the situation and focus on healing! I am so proud of you! keep pushing through, you can do this!!

    Sending you lots of love and support!

    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  33. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there Jamie Marie,

    I’m very proud of you for making this decision. It’s really hard to leave any relationship, especially with your history with your ex. Sometimes it really is best for your mental health to just cut ties completely. I imagine right now you’re grieving the end of this relationship, and we’re here to support you through that. Keep us updated! If you feel that you’re in crisis, send a text over to the wonderful people at the Crisis Text Line. They’re here to help as well and can definitely get to you quicker than we sometimes can. If you text VOICE TO 741-741, they’ll connect you with someone trained in handling trauma related to sexual abuse.

    It’s okay to feel the pain that you’re feeling right now. Treat yourself kindly, and try to keep moving forward.