My story starts when I was in college. I was taking a women’s history class. We were in a discussion room with only about 20 students in the room. The professor was talking about the article we were supposed to read last night (I didn’t read it…whoops) and he stated a quote. Now, I don’t remember the exact quote but it went something like “1 in 5 girls are sexually abused”. At that moment a wave of anxiety and traumatic experiences flashed through my brain. I sat there, remembering that I am that 1 girl, I was sexually abused by my older brother. I have never said these words out loud. I never accepted it and I pushed it back into my brain. It wasn’t until that statistic was read that I remembered. I remembered my brother “teaching me” about my lady parts. I remember my brother dragging his penis on my stomach. I remember him “teaching me” how to kiss. I remember him telling me it was okay to sleep naked together. I remember him on top of me. I don’t remember when it started or ended. I would say around 7 is when it started. Probably around 10 when it ended. I remember when I realized it wasn’t right and pleading to God that I wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t realize I couldn’t get pregnant at my age so I would stay up all night worried and crying. My brother is now an alcoholic and lives with family. He can’t support himself and has been going through a rough time. I was informed by a family member that my brother was sexually assaulted. He was sexually assaulted after he sexually abused me. Right now, I am struggling with everything. I act like everything is fine, but no one knows what he did, no one has any idea. I am expected to help him through this time because I am his sister but I can’t. He leans on me for advice and I give it because that is what a good sister would do. I think he thinks I forgot about the abuse because for 8 years I did. But I remember now and I can’t tell anyone.