Guess Who’s Back?

Guess Who’s Back?

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It’s fuckin slim shady.

But also I won’t stand up, cause I’m a fake. *slaps knee*

But yeah, no, okeydokey is back. If you couldn’t spend the time to read my username the past 3 posts. For all those questioning, yeah, I’m in therapy. Been on and off the past 7 years, but was kept continuous 06-2012. I moved out of the most recent (gently covered over on the first post) situation almost 3 years ago.

But that’s just a cap over for what people have been questioning so far. I am as fine as I’ve ever been, just spewing out the shit I can’t say in front of others. 

But I kind of want to lead into another issue that still lingers to date, and really had fucked me over several times. Something that stresses me out and makes me feel nauseous to this day.

Fucking DCFS. Domestic Family Child (FUCKING) Services. A lie of a fucking name. 

You see, a couple years after “a thing” I finally told someone. They kept me after school and had me place a call with DCFS, the lady i had called with told me “you’re safe now.” Silly fucking me for believing that.

Do you want to know the first thing DCFS does? The first fucking thing they do, is call the suspect in question, tell them they are meeting after an incident that was reported, GIVE THEM DETAILS ON THE CASE THEY ARE INVESTIGATING, and tell them the SET DATE THEY ARE VISITING THE HOUSE. No surprise visit. 

So what does that mean? My father knew the day after I had placed a report on him. He was given all the details of the report, he knew exactly who placed it. He knew exactly how to plan this out because they gave him a set date.

DCFS made my life worse. Things got more violent. I placed in more calls, there were never any one-on-one interviews. Just him scheming out everything, and if you did dare to speak negatively of him.. ha.

Let’s just say things were worse. Much worse. No detailed memories today, they are constantly playing and I’d rather not focus on it. 


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38 comments

  1. Mary Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    Thank you for sharing. I am so, so sorry that you had such a horrible experience with DCFS. My younger sister had a similar experience. My dad charmed the hell out of them, and always knew ahead of time when they were coming. They did nothing to help her, and she lived with him until my parents finally divorced. The system is broken, and you suffered because of it. You never should have gone through any of this, and the people that were supposed to be helping you ended up making things worse. I hope therapy is going well for you. We’re always here for you.

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hey there Mary,
      It fucking sucks to know that someone went through the same bs, your dad sounds like a piece of work himself. I’m sorry you had to deal with the same scenario as well.
      I hope you’re both doing better now♡
      Thank you for writing☆

  2. mkyuellig

    OkeyDokey,
    I’m a social worker, and I often work on cases that DCFS works on, and you are absolutely right. The state of DCFS in an absolute abomination. You basically need to witness abuse happen, have video of abuse, or have a serious injury that was clearly caused by abuse. DCFS is on a new kick where they feel that it is more disruptive to families and children to remove them from their families, than to leave them in a house that is “less than perfect” (their words, not mine). In some situations that is true, but in other situations, such as yours, it is absolutely not the case. There has to be major structural change made in the way that DCFS is run, and in how we approach issues of familial abuse as a country, because it’s completely out of control. I’m so sorry that the system has failed you, as it has failed so many others. I hope it gives you some solace that there are a lot of people working on a macro level to change and improve those institutions to keep families safe and save lives.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hey there Sunshine,
      I forgot your username, because I’m a jerk. But, thank you for writing. I have seen a definite boost in the last 3 or so years of trying to help kids in these scenarios. But it’s still lingering.
      (I do appreciate your work and what you do though. I’m not talking about you and your field, mainly just DCFS.)
      But it’s always nice to know there are people actively out there trying.
      Thank you, Keight☆

  3. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, OkeyDokey. I’m sorry DCFS did that. I wish these systems handled things better. Is there anywhere you can go to be safe? Please let us know if we can help in any way. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay strong, we’re here for you.

  4. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    I appreciate the Eminem reference, gave me a chuckle! Thank you for coming back to update us on your story. I’m so sorry that DCFS wasn’t helpful with your situation. I don’t understand why they would warn your father that they were coming, that doesn’t make sense to give him time to look like he has cleaned up his life. I’m sorry that things are getting worse and that he is becoming more violent. If you feel unsafe is there a friend you can stay a couple of nights with? I don’t know about local options for you but under the find-help tab on the avfti website, you may be able to find a more effective group to help you through this!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hey there comrade,
      No worries this is a situation that I believed happened in 2004. DCFS is still a failure though, and apparently still notify questionable people of their visits to this day.
      Thank you for caring♡

  5. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi again OkeyDokey,

    I am glad you are able to come here and share what you need! We will always be on your side and here to support you. I am so sorry that your encounter with the DCFS was that way. That is not okay. I cannot even imagine what that must have been like for you. You are doing everything right and you are not to blame for any of this. You are so strong for pushing through all of this. I hope you continue to heal! Please come back anytime you would like. Stay strong! We are here for you!!

    -Natalie

    1. OkeyDokey

      It is hard to get over the guilt. But thank you very much for your uplifting message♡

  6. Jordan Volunteer

    Welcome back OkeyDokey,

    I cannot even begin to understand what it was like for you to have to endure all of that. You would think, that with contacting a service like this that they would take the claims very seriously, and take into consideration that the individual you are reporting about could have very well been your father or someone else in your family. It seems quite careless for a service like DCFS to not take that seriously. I am so sorry that you had to go through even more pain and suffering that day and the days to follow. I’m happy to hear though that you’ve been in therapy consistently for a while now, I truly hope that this is able to help you in some way shape or form as you continue to heal.
    What are some things that you enjoy doing OkeyDokey that could maybe help take your mind off of things when these memories find their way creeping into your thoughts? Self care is support important, do not forget that it is completely okay to take a day or two just for yourself and to focus on the things that make you happy <3 If you ever need us, we are here, and we will continue to be here for you no matter what. Thank you for continuing to be comfortable enough with us to share your story. You are strong, brave, and courageous, do not ever forget that.

    – Jordan

    1. OkeyDokey

      Thank you for checking in Jordan,
      My usual activities include journaling, angry tai chi, walking, push-ups, drawing, loving my cats, cuddling my dingus-lover and substance abuse. Yeah, not the best note to end on. But I don’t like lying. Weed and alcohol though, so that’s pretty much legal.
      But again, thank you for checking in♡

  7. zoeyb

    Hey again OkeyDokey,

    I’m so sorry. You did everything right, it sounds like it was a horrible experience to go through the system failing you in so many ways. You made it through, but that’s no easy feat- you are so strong. I’m glad you’ve found healing through this platform and through your experience with therapy. You can always keep coming to us when you need a way to vent- we’re here for you, stay strong.

    – Zoey

    1. OkeyDokey

      Thank you Zoey,
      It’s more being a resilient hateful bitch than having strength, haha♡

  8. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    I am so sorry to hear that you were not heard or protected in the way you should have been. We are here and believe you and are here to support and validate you. I am glad to hear you are in therapy and getting the help you need to heal.

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hello Gracie,
      Thank you for your uplifting message and caring♡

  9. Lizzi

    Hey OkeyDokey,
    I’m so sorry that DCFS made things worse. That’s just really messed up and it makes me so mad that the people that are literally there to protect children not only didn’t help but made it easier for him to get away with what he did. You have a right to be angry about it. I’m glad that you’re in therapy and that you have us to share your story with. I hope you were able to distract yourself from the memories for a bit.

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hello Lizi,
      Thanks for your message, unfortunately, I thought about things more. But, I was able to process them a little further having them written down. So I suppose that did help.
      Thank you for caring and leaving a kind message♡

  10. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi again OkeyDokey,

    I’m so sorry. You’re right. CPS and other agencies by different names can work against the children in dangerous or abusive situations more often than not. The system is horribly broken. What happened to you was in no way your fault. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re happy to listen to anything you feel comfortable sharing with us.

    All the best,
    Becca

    1. OkeyDokey

      Thank you for your kind message, Becca. And thank you for reading that whole page of shenanigans too, haha.
      DCFS/CPS is a failure though, in every state. I read news stories about it, and it only gets me more so frustrated. The whole thing is a sham.

  11. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    I’m so sorry this happened. This is not the first time I’ve sadly heard that DCFS hasn’t done anything to help a child. What they did to to “help” you is the wrong thing to do. They should have surprised visited your dad never called him after they spoke to you and they should have listened and trusted what you said.
    It’s good that you are in therapy. It can help you recover and talking about your trauma is good. Hopefully it is helping. Thank you for writing back.
    -Alyssa

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hello Alyssa,
      Thank you, for reading another post of mine. I’ve been seeing more and more stories of how DCFS/CPS has been failing kids. It stresses me out to see basically nothing change the past 14 years.
      Yet again, thank you for your message and caring, Alyssa.

  12. colton95 Volunteer

    I am really sorry that DCFS made things worse. That is really irresponsible of them to let your father know about all the details and the date. I hope that you will be able to find better help soon. Don’t hesitate to reach out to anyone on here if you really need help or simply want to vent. We are here for you!

    1. OkeyDokey

      Hello Colton,
      Surprisingly, it’s a routine act for DCFS. The only reason I didn’t say a word is because my parents told me if I said anything my, “siblings would get separated into foster care. You’ll never see them again.” I was petrified. They told me that, “Living here is better than living in foster care. No one will love you.”
      It was a ham time.
      Anyways, thank you for your message♡

      1. colton95 Volunteer

        Your parents really shouldn’t be saying or thinking horrible things like that. You really deserve better than that and better than how DCFS is treating you. I really hope that things will get better for you. Also, remember that there are people here who are more than happy to listen to you if you ever need to share anything and who genuinely care for your safety and happiness.

  13. Jess Volunteer

    I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. It’s awful to hear that your experience with DCFS made things even worse. It’s great to hear that you’re in therapy and things have been getting better. The path to healing is long and it takes a long time. You’re making your steps on that path. I hope that telling us the things that you can’t say to others is helpful for you. We are always here if you need anything at all. Stay strong and keep fighting.
    -Jess

    1. OkeyDokey

      Thank you for being upfront, honest and genuinely kind in your message.
      You’re the bomb diggity, Jess☆

  14. Jennifer Suhr Volunteer

    Heya OkeyDokey.
    I’m so SO sorry to hear about your experience and that DCFS made it worse. I’m glad things are going better than they were though, it’s progress! Healing takes time and it sounds like you’re on the right track by going to therapy. As long as it helps you! I’m glad you’ve been reaching out to us. Please don’t hesitate to continue reaching out! We’re here for you!

    – Jenn

    1. OkeyDokey

      Thank you Jess, for being so open to listening to people like me. And for providing a positive message, it means a lot♡

      1. OkeyDokey

        **Jenn, sorry a bit tipsy. Also I just learned how to reply, dont mind me☆

  15. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey OkeyDokey,

    Thanks for posting here. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. How your school reacted to what you told them in confidence was completely unfair to you. You didn’t deserve the backlash you received for speaking your truth, and I’m so sorry for that. The best thing I can tell you is to keep your head up. You’re so much stronger than you could ever imagine. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We support you, no matter what. Stay strong.

    Marissa

  16. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear OkeyDokey,
    Oh, I know this story well….. I had the same thing happen to me and the wrath when I got home. It was a hard enough day to tell the story and to finally trust that someone was going to help only to walk into the nightmare of parents who know you tried to get them in trouble. I am SO sorry…I have no other words to help things get better. I hope that being able to tell us about the things you cannot say to anyone else is helpful for you. Keep telling us; we’ve got you<3
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  17. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    I’m incredibly sorry the system failed you and that things got much worse after the report. You deserve so much better than that, and how you’re feeling about it is completely valid. That being said, I’m proud of you for having the courage to report and place more calls.
    It’s okay if you don’t want to focus on the memories. You can share what you feel comfortable with sharing. I agree with Lexi’s suggestion. Doing something that makes us happy can help us take our minds off of what’s bothering us, and it can be a great form of self care.
    Thank you for continuing to share with us. Please take care of yourself. Let us know how we can help you. We’re in your corner, and we want the best for you.

  18. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    Thank you for coming back and continuing to give us updates. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, that the system didn’t help you the way it should have, and that things at home escalated as a result. That is unfair and not what you deserve. You are so brave and strong for reporting this, and continuing to file reports. Sometimes not thinking about the memories is okay – it allows you to live in the present moment. Stay strong my friend, and take care of yourself. We’re here to listen to you!

    Love and support,
    Breanna

  19. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you continue to share your story with us! I’m sorry the system wasn’t able to keep you safe and in this case made the situation worse. You are so strong and not focusing on the memories sometimes is okay. Please continue to come back if you want and update us! Let us know if we can help with anything else!
    Kailey

  20. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story. I’m sorry that the system did not help you. Unfortunately this is not uncommon for victims to be treated like this. You have every right to be upset about it, because you deserved so much better than that. Please feel free to continue posting here any time you need to.

  21. Shannon Volunteer

    Hey OkeyDokey,

    Thank you for coming back and sharing with us. I am so sorry the system failed you. You deserve to feel safe and happy and I’m sorry they didn’t give you the protection you deserve. It’s ok that you don’t want to talk about memories today, take your time and be gentle with yourself.

    Shannon

  22. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry that DCFS was not there for you and did not keep you safe. That is so often the case with so many victims, both adult and child, when it comes to our criminal justice/social work system. You deserved better from them. I’m so sorry, again, that this happened. I understand not wanting to focus on the memories-it’s okay to push them out sometimes. Keep coming back here to share if it helps-we are here for you.

    Erin

  23. Leximcclelland Volunteer

    Hey okeydokey,
    I appreciate you for trusting us with more of your story. I really am so sorry you went through this, no one deserves abuse like this, it’s unfair. I’m glad you have gotten out of this situation and that your doing okay. Sometimes that’s the best way to start working towards healing, removing yourself from the situation completely.
    I am so sorry that this system put in place to help didn’t provide the help you needed. You have every right to feel frustrated about that. Let us know if you need anything, the crisis line is always there if you ever feel like you’re in a moment that you need to talk to someone immediately, just text VOICE to 741741.
    Remember… take your time. Healing and talking about it takes a lot of courage and strength but it can also be draining so please make sure you are taking care of yourself. What’s something that makes you happy? Do you like video games, reading, crafts? You’re deserve to focus on you and what makes you happy.
    – Lexi 💕