grandpa in law

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Hey everyone, I want to share something in a safe space. My grandpa in law was recently put on an emergency restraining order against my grandmother and put in jail. He sexually assaulted a friend of my grandma’s, and when my grandma confronted him about it he hit her. After this was when my grandmother sought help and the restraining order was put in place. My mom works in the courthouse and was able to help my grandma legally and everything is okay in that regard. She is protected well legally. 

What I want to share is that my grandpa is law tried to touch me sexually a few years ago. He never remembers my name (I live far away and am not around often) and makes lewd comments to me and quite frankly scares me. I never had the heart to tell anyone in my family. With all of the recent events occurring, I thought about telling my grandma but she’s so stressed out I think it would put her over the edge. I think i’m going to keep this to myself unless she ever thinks about bringing him back into her life or to testify against him. 

He is finally away from my family, and I hope I never see him again.


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33 comments

  1. blashea Day Captain

    Hi, I am so sorry that you and your family went through this. I am glad that you are safe now, and were able to distance yourself from him. Thank you for trusting us with your story! We are so proud of you and your strength. Your feelings are completely valid. It is very kind of you to put your grandmothers feelings first, but I hope you know that it is not selfish or wrong of you to share your story. You get to decide when you’re ready to do that. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything or to update us on your journey!

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Kayla,

    Thank you for coming here to share. We are all here for you. I’m so sorry to hear about all the stress and fear that your grandpa in law has caused. None of your family deserves that kind of treatment. It is good to hear that he is away from your family. I agree right now might not be the best time to tell your grandmother but maybe when things settle you can. You shouldn’t have to keep it a secret forever. Maybe you can tell another family member first instead of her so that you can talk with someone in the family that wasn’t as close to him as she was. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  3. Ashley Day Captain

    I’m glad that you consider this to be a safe space, Kayla.

    I hope that your grandma, her friend, and you are doing okay. Your grandpa-in-law shouldn’t have placed his hands on your grandma; it’s a relief to hear that a restraining order was put into place with the help of your mom.
    Your grandpa-in-law has no right to disrespect your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable. If/when you decide to confide in your grandma, please know that we’re here to support you through that process.

    Ashley

  4. colton95 Volunteer

    I am really sorry about what happened and I think it is great that the restraining order went through successfully. I hope that you are staying strong and persevering. Bering honest is always good but feel free to share about your experiences when you are ready. Also feel free to reach out to anyone here if you ever want to talk or vent.

  5. Jevati Volunteer

    Hi Kayla,

    Thank you for coming here and trusting us with your story. I’m glad that your grandmother has the restraining order and was able to take action against your grandpa in law.

    It is such an awful place to be in, to know that he tried to touch you sexually, but that no one else knows, and it’s already a difficult situation. That puts you in a really stressful position. It’s totally valid for you to feel the way you do about him, and for you to be conflicted about whether to tell your grandma.

    I can see how you want to protect your grandma. I hope that you’re able to do what’s right and best for you, even if it’s difficult for other people in your life. There’s also the possibility of telling your mother, and getting her perspective on whether to tell your grandmother. Whatever you choose, it’s your decision and we support you.

    There are some great resources we have in the Find Help tab, and some of those might help you, too, as you’re navigating all of this. It can be really hard to feel like you need to hide what people have done to you in order to protect other people you love, and there are resources that can help with that. Plus, we’re always here for you. I hope you feel comfortable coming back and talking to us more if/when you need.

    – Jev

  6. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi there Kayla,

    I’m so sorry to hear about everything happening with you and your grandma and her friend. None of you deserve what has happened to you at his hands. I’m glad that your grandma is protected in the eyes of the law and hope that will keep your grandpa-in-law out of the picture for the time being. I’m glad that you felt comfortable to share your part of the story, as well. Have you considered talking to a therapist about your experience? If you’re not comfortable talking to family members about your experience, it might help to talk to a trained professional. In the meantime, you’re always welcome to share with us. We’re here for you and your family!

  7. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi Kayla,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you had to go through this. You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m glad he is out of the picture now. If and when you decide to disclose what happened is entirely up to you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing this with your family, that’s okay. Talking about your story here with us is a good step. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  8. Knina7 Volunteer

    Kayla,
    I am happy to hear that he is removed from your family. I am sorry for what you had to experience, and it isn’t your fault. Thank you for trusting us with your story and we are always here for you. Maybe you could consider confiding in a close friend or even journaling? It may help sort everything that is going through your mind right now. Please feel free to reach back out and keep us updated, or even if you just want to talk to someone!

    Sending Love and Hope,
    Kelly

  9. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I hope you find comfort and reassurance in posting here. We welcome you to the discussion and are here to support you. Your concern is definitely important and shouldn’t be taken with a grain of salt. Luckily, he is being punished for his actions and investigated further to determine his safety to society. As your grandmother did approach your grandpa-in-law about his behaviors towards her friend, I would think she would be supportive of you and your concerns. She stood up for her friend, so she will surely stand up for her grandaughter. However, this decision is definitely up to you and perhaps this moment may be too much but it could also reassure her in protecting her friends and family.

    Keep in mind you are strong and you have support <3

  10. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear Kayla,

    I am so relieved to hear that he has been removed from the situation and that you, your grandma, and the rest of your family are safe from him. Who knows what else could have happened if these measures had not been taken. In regards to what happened to you, I am so sorry that you had to experience that. I can’t imagine how that must have made you feel and how that has effected your interactions with him in the future anytime you had to see him. I would say trust your gut, perhaps when things have settled down and the timing feels right, then maybe you can disclose this information to her. It is all up to you. Like you said, if she ends up testifying against him that might be important for the court to know that, that this happened to you. In time you will know. I hope that this has helped <3 If you ever need anything, we will always be here for you no matter what. I hope that you're doing well <3 Sending hugs your way!

    – Jordan

  11. Lizzi

    Kayla,
    I’m so sorry to hear about the trouble your grandpa-in-law has caused for you and your family. That must be so hard to see your grandma having to go through all of this. I’m also sorry about him trying to touch you. That wasn’t right of him. It sounds like he overall is abusive towards many people. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell your grandma right now. You get to decide when/if you tell people what happened. I hope you never have to see him again as well.

  12. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Kayla,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you, your grandma, and her friend. That is no okay what he did. I’m happy that he is away from your family. That is exactly what you and your family needs. I think if you don’t want to tell your grandma you don’t have to.I think it is a good idea to tell your grandma if she wants him back in her life, but for now do what you think is best. If there is anything you need help with please let us know. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  13. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I know it’s really difficult. I’m proud of you for sharing your story. What he did was unacceptable and you have the right to feel safe. If you need anything please let us know we are here for you.

  14. Julia Mandel Volunteer

    Thank you for reaching out to us. Deciding to tell something like that is difficult, especially in light of everything else that is happening in your life. You need to do what is best for YOU, not anyone else. If you are scared and do not feel safe, you have the right to tell someone even if it may make them stressed. Is there someone else you would feel safe telling that isn’t your grandma? Again, it is completely your decision to tell or not; do what is best for your healing process and safety. We are always here for you <3

  15. musicislove

    Hi Kayla,

    I’m so sorry for what you went through in the past and I’m sorry your grandpa hurt your grandma and her friend. I am glad that she got the restraining order and that you are all safe now. It’s up to you whether you tell her your story or not, it’s always your decision to do what is best for you, and we will support you no matter what. We’re always here, thank you for trusting us.

    Delaney

  16. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi Kayla,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your grandma. That sounds so frightening. I’m glad that she was able to get a restraining order. I’m also so sorry to hear about what he did to you. You know yourself and the situation best. You’ll know the appropriate time to share. We’re always here if you need to discuss it any further. Don’t hesitate to write again if you need anything.

    All the best,
    Becca

  17. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, thank you for sharing your story with us. Only you can decide if you want to speak out to anyone or not, so if one day you feel the time is right, that is your decision and only your decision. I hope everything turns out okay for your family and that you never have to see or talk to him again. Please return to us if there is anything you need, we are all here for you and we’re rooting for you. Keep your head up and keep fighting. I hope you have a lovely day.

  18. Gamato04

    Thank you for sharing this, it took a lot of courage. It is your choice to tell or not to tell anyone of your choosing and know that everyone here at AVFTI will support you. I’m so sorry he tried to do that to you and that he makes comments to you – you don’t deserve it. It’s great that your mom is helping your grandma do everything legally and it seems like you are also being very supportive of your grandma. I just want you to know that you are also supported by the entire AVFTI community and that we are here for you.

  19. rkr18 Volunteer

    Kayla,

    I appreciate you for sharing your story with us. And I am sorry that he did that to you. You did not deserve it. You are very thoughtful to think about your grandma. However, if it is affecting you and you need to find someone to talk to about it we have resources you can go to on our site. Please keep us updated we are here for you.
    -Marie

  20. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Kayla,
    I’m really sorry about what you and your family have been through. It makes sense that you’re conflicted about telling your family what happened, and it can be hard to share our stories. Yet I think it could help to talk to someone about it – whether it be for support, help, etc. Of course, since this is your story, you can decide who knows about it, if/when you want to tell, etc. Do what you feel is right for your healing process.
    I’m so glad that he’s away from your family, and I hope that fact brings relief to you.
    Thank you for sharing this with us. We’re in your corner, and I’m glad that this is a safe space for you. We’re glad to help in any way we can, so please reach out if you need anything. You are strong and resilient.

  21. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Kayla,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you and that your family is having to go through this process of dealing with an abusive person. You sound like you are a very caring and thoughtful person who wants the best for your family. As others have said, it is your story and you should not negate your needs in order to protect someone else. Please find someone to reach out to if you need help with this matter. Being able to talk, in person, to someone about your experience often helps. Do you have a friend or other family member you can talk to if you decide that is what you want to do? We are always here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  22. Jess Volunteer

    I’m so sorry that your grandpa treated you that way. He had (and still has) absolutely no right to make inappropriate comments or attempt to touch you inappropriately. I’m glad your grandmother sought assistance when she needed it and that she is going through the correct processes here.

    It’s so difficult to decide when and who to trust with our stories. I’m glad that you felt safe sharing here. Do you have another family member or a friend you could trust and talk with? If you felt like sharing your story helped, it may be beneficial to share your story with someone in your life, as well. Remember to listen to your gut. Do what feels right to you for your healing process. Everyone heals differently.

    If you need anything at all, we are always here and we believe you. There are also a lot of resources under our “Find Help” tab, if you find yourself wanting to entrust a therapist or a support group with your story. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  23. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Hey Kayla,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your grandpa treated you horribly and I am glad he has been punished, even if it is for a separate crime. Whatever you feel helps you heal, I hope you do. Clearly you are incredibly considerate to withhold information from your grandmother until she is ready to hear it. Thank you for sharing with us and we are glad to help at any time!

    Ryan

  24. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hey Kayla,

    Thanks for coming and sharing this with us. This is always a safe place that you can come to. I’m sorry to hear that your grandpa in law was behaving so inappropriately – it is not right. It is not right what he did to your grandma, your grandma’s friend, or the comments/actions he made towards you. I am really glad to hear that your grandma took actions.

    I think that you can disclose your story to whomever you are comfortable with in your family. It is very considerate of you to be cautious of what your grandma is going through. But that doesn’t negate or should not over power your experiences and your feelings about him also. Even if you don’t want to disclose these incidents to your grandma, if you would like and if you are comfortable, maybe there is another family member that you can talk about these things with. If you are close and comfortable with your mom, she may be a good source of support. I hope that you are more at peace now that he is behind bars. You can always come here to talk to – we are here for you! Stay strong!

    Sending love and support,
    Bre

  25. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Kayla. I’m so sorry that happened and you’re put in this situation. I’m glad you were able to trust us with your story. I can see how conflicted you must feel wanting to tell your family but feeling like it’s not the right time. Is there someone safe you could share with? Holding on to that secret can be a lot, maybe it would help to tell a neutral party like a therapist or someone you trust. I hope getting it out here helped. Even if you don’t want to talk to anyone, that’s okay too. You’ll know when the time is right to talk about it. Writing has also helped me a lot when I felt like I had no one to talk to. Let us know if there’s anything we can do. We’re here for you.

  26. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Kayla,

    I’m glad you reached out for support in this safe place. That sounds like a scary thing to hear about and can be a lot to bottle up. It’s comforting to know that your grandma is protected legally. I understand that this situation can bring up past memories, such as that of a few years ago. It makes sense that you want to protect her and not add any more stress to her. Please know we are here for you anytime you need a safe place.

    Sending you light,
    SFM

  27. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi Kayla,
    I’m so sorry this has happened to you and to your family. I’m glad hes away from you all now and your safe. We are here for you and we support you. Thank you so much for sharing your story and if we can help you in any way please reach out and let us know! Your so strong!
    Kailey

  28. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Kayla,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you have gone through so much with your grandpa-in-law, but I am glad the restraining order is put in place. It’s incredible that your grandma had the strength to get help and I’m happy that she is so well protected. Have you thought about telling your mom about what happened with your grandpa-in-law and maybe she could give you tips on how to approach the topic gently? It’s not fair to you to have to stay silent, but I completely understand not wanting to push her over the edge. Please only do what you’re comfortable with. It’s YOUR story. Don’t feel obligated to disclose what happened if you’re unsure.

    Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We’re here to help! Stay strong.
    Marissa

  29. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi Kayla,

    I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. we will always be a safe space for you to share whats going on in your life, thank you for trusting us with your story. Be kind to yourself

    Shannon

  30. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Kayla,

    Thank you for sharing this with us! I am so sorry that this happened to you and your family. I am sure this must be a very hard time for you. What happened is part of your story and it will always be your decision to tell someone what you experienced or not to tell. Whatever you decide to do, do it for yourself! I am very glad he is away from your family. Please do not blame yourself for any of this! Let us know if we can help you at all. We are on your side! This will always be a safe space for you.

    Sending lots of love and support,
    -Natalie

  31. zelda Day Captain

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I was molested by my grandfather when I was 6 so I know how violating and hurtful it can be. I’m glad to hear that he’s out of your life, as well as your grandmother’s. If you ever need anything, whether it be support or resources, you can always message me. I’m here for you and so is the rest of this community.

  32. dzreid Volunteer

    Thanks for sharing with us! This is one place where you can share in a safe environment. We are here for you! I’m sorry about your grandma & also to hear that happened. What he did was not your fault. I’m sorry you had to carry that pain alone in silence. You’re not alone now!
    Dawn

  33. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened to your grandma and what happened to you. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you and we support you. You can always talk to us here-let us know how else we can support.

    Erin