feelin dizzy about life

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The dizziness that I was feeling today really scared me. I realize through the years that there has to be some strength and yet my body fails daily, I have lost interest in everything although I’m trying hard to get them back.

I know my mother has made it nearly impossible for me to get over my rape and numerous times my step father had tried to rape me and sexually abused me, I’m really confused though why does she want to continue to hurt me daily. She tells me she wants me to be a man, to be strong and do the right things like taking care of her and making sure her needs are filled, she has said numerous times which causes distress for me you had him fucking you that caused me shame so you will do things to make up by helping me. That hurts a lot and causes questions over and over in my mind.
Tonight I was trying to go upstairs as my head was spinning, I only wish I could stay upstairs but I know my mother will want something downstairs. I just wish my health was better, the panic, anxiety, headaches, and now dizziness to stop just for a day. Until that time I will continue to move through life whatever it throws me, the hardest part is how my mother talks to me, and feels about me. Am I wrong for thinking this way. Yes deep down I know, but at times I need to be reassured.

The dizziness of life gets me down and confused but with help I can and will make it.

For those who are going through hard times remember it is never too late to get help, nobody should live in fear and pain


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6 comments

  1. Erin Day Captain

    We can always be here to reassure you. You’re not wrong for thinking what you think and feeling how you feel. I’m sorry you are still experiencing all of these physical problems-is there a way we can help you find any medical resources in your area? Let us know-we are here for you to support you!

    Erin

  2. CarmenR Volunteer

    I’m still so sorry to hear about how your mother treats you. It is unacceptable and cruel. You are so kind for taking care of her despite how she treats you. Remember that this makes you a stronger person. You are kind and resilient. Your mother cannot take that away from you. Perhaps speaking to a doctor may help with some of your physical symptoms, such as the dizziness. Please continue to utilize the positive attitude you have. You are a survivor, and you can make it through these difficult times. Stay strong, and keep fighting because you deserve happiness.

    Carmen

  3. Heather GG

    I’m sorry your mother has treated you so poorly. My mother is mentally ill and I haven’t had a relationship with her in over a decade. That might not be the right step for you, but you aren’t alone in struggling with a difficult mother relationship.

    It is really hard to live in such a high stress environment. I’m sorry you are going through this.

    Have you thought about counseling? If you need to talk to someone now, text voice to 741-741

    Thank you for sharing an update.

  4. Kristen Eby

    It breaks my heart to hear how your mother treats you. You are working hard to support her and care for her, and she throws nothing but pain your way. You deserve so much better, and you are a compassionate and generous person for helping her the way that you do.

    Have you spoken to a doctor about your dizziness lately? Maybe there’s something they could do to relieve some of it.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Please always remember how valuable you are.

    1. focus.1968

      Doctors have told me that the dizziness that I experience may have to deal with rthe stroke I had 7 years ago, they are trying to put all the symptoms together, it scares me out of my mind, I have always tried to be healthy and take care of myself and over the past year I have suffered with much pain and suffering. I just want to have peace and rest, anything wrong with that?, I’m tired of fighting

      1. Kristen Eby

        There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. It certainly sounds scary, and I sympathize with your need for a break. Keep your chin up, you got this.