Episode 76, kudos for everyone who is still with me.

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I saw Angela today.  We did do EMDR.  I first talked about how the last week went.  She was happy with that.  She said I wasn’t burying it or denying it and that is good.  So I told her that I was doubting my recollection, that it may not have been him, and then I countered that with no way.  So she said that I was arguing with myself and that was good.  I’m waiting to find out what isn’t good.  LOL!  

Today the EMDR wasn’t too bad.  We started with my grandfather and that I can’t trust anyone and went from there.  Finally I told her I was feeling a little more relaxed and we left off when I was more relaxed.  Then we talked a little more.  Mostly about my killing deer (and wrecking my car), eating game, what she doesn’t eat — anything.  No meat, no sugar, no dairy.   I am like, “What DO you eat?”  For me, I do like to eat.  I like to eat food.  Not sweets so much.  Not junk food so much.  I like meat and potatoes, pasta, rice, vegetables, milk, and all kinds gooey stuff, like casseroles, gravies, stuffing, breads of every variety.  And we really do not connect here at all.  She said she was raised hillbilly so she used to eat meat and potatoes, but didn’t really care for meat even back then.  That rice and beans will give you as much protein as a steak.  (I asked what she did for protein).  No butter, no bacon.  If getting healthy means giving up food, I am out of there. 

As I get older, I am considering going from soda to tea, like hot tea, not sugary Snapple.  I can drink tea with no sugar or honey.  But I left her office and went to Bob Evans and had sirloin and eggs, loaded home fries,  a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and saved the biscuits and gravy for dinner.    

I do feel better today.  I hope it lasts.  

Join the Conversation


  1. Jevati Volunteer

    Hi Solongago,

    Thank you for coming back again and sharing your journey with us. I like what you said about waiting to find out what isn’t good. It sounds really nice and safe to know that Angela sees your reactions and your path to healing as being good. Having that kind of judgment-free zone sounds wonderful.

    I like hot tea, too, but I’m also starving now after your description of casseroles and loaded home fries. 🙂 I think I know what I’ll plan for dinner in the next week or so!

    I’m really glad you’re feeling better. Whatever you’re feeling, we’re here for you.

    – Jev

  2. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,

    Thanks for the update! This post made me smile – I’m really happy to hear that you’re feeling better. I am glad you are developing a good relationship with Angela (but also – no meat?? No CHEESE?!). Haha. But on a more serious note, everyone has different tastes and what works for one person doesn’t always work for the next! Of course, cutting down on sugar is good for mostly everybody, but some of these larger modifications usually depend on the person. Just like with the healing process, everyone is different. I hope you are enjoying this time of feeling good. And if/when things may feel bad again, you can remember this time and remember that the good days do come around. And on a side note I will say, your meal at Bob Evans made my stomach growl!

    Stay strong!!

  3. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Solongago,
    It is wonderful to see your posts get lighter because I know that it means you are feeling better. Thank you for bringing us along on your journey and for being so honest in your posts. They truly show the ups and downs that are normal while healing. I hope this feeling continues for you as well.
    Sending you love and strength,

  4. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Solongago,

    Welcome back, thank you for the update. It sounds like you are making progress with Angela which is amazing to hear. It’s funny how we all like such different things when it comes to food! It’s great that we all have different tastes and people can introduce us to many different things. Maybe Angela can show you a cool recipe she makes without meat for you to try. I love hot tea would highly recommend chamomile it calms me down after a long day. Also, Bob Evans sounds delicious. Glad you feel better today.

    Stay strong,


  5. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Solongago,
    I’m happy that therapy went better today. Every session with EMDR will get better and you will slowly see the improvement. Thank you for always updating us.

  6. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for coming back to update us. It sounds like your session with Angela was productive, which is good to hear! You are so strong, and you have made a lot of progress, even if you cannot see it. Stay strong, and remember that we are still here for you.


  7. Kayla Volunteer

    Sounds like you had a great session and a good meal! It’s cool to have differences with others and still find common ground in other ways. Good to hear from you in such a light and positive update 🙂

  8. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there!
    I like seeing your updates. Good for you for continue going to your therapist (as tough as it may be at times, you still stick with going.) Talking about what happened is never easy & sometimes taking a break from talking about the abuse is needed. Keep pressing in towards you’re healing. Healing is a slow process but worth it because you are worth it!

  9. Knina7 Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,

    Thank you for the update, I am glad to hear that you feel better! I used to love all those gooey things but since eating healthy for the past year I feel as though I don’t really eat carbs as much, I am however excited for thanksgiving and it sounds like you are too!! keep us updated!

    Sending Love and Hope,

  10. musicislove

    Hi Solongago,

    I’m so glad your session wasn’t too bad and that you’re feeling better. It’s good that you shared with her how you felt last week. I’m such a foodie and carbs are usually my go-to, so I get your love of potatoes, pasta, and rice! I’m excited for thanksgiving for all the stuffing, gravy, potatoes, and meat there will be. Good look this week I look forward to your next update.


  11. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Thanks for posting! It’s great to see that you took the initiative in sharing your feelings concerning last week’s EMDR session. That’s great feedback for you and the person(s) you’re working with! It’s obvious that you’re working hard with purpose in and out these sessions! It’s awesome!

    On the topic of foods, I love carbs… LOVE them! I definitely can understand you’re loving for meat, potatoes and milk! Thanksgiving is coming and that includes ALL the gooey stuff. What perfect timing for these cravings of ours!

    Stay strong <3

  12. Lizzi

    Thanks for the update! I’m glad that your session went well and wasn’t too bad. I’m with you on my love for meet, casseroles, stuffing, and all those really filling things! Sounds like Thanksgiving dinner! Hope you have a great week

  13. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,

    Thanks for the update! I am glad that you are having a good day and making progress in therapy. That shows a lot of growth and I’m proud of you for that!

    I hope you have a great week!

  14. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi solongago,

    It’s good to hear from you. I’m so glad that you’re continuing to make progress with Angela and your EMDR. Reading about your dinner made me hungry. Sirloin and eggs sounds soooooo tasty right now. I’m glad you’re feeling better, and I too hope that your good feelings last. Thanks for sharing with us. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

    All the best,

  15. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, thank you for returning to us. I am so happy you’re doing better and you’re working with Angela. I am also not a huge meat eater myself, but I do agree with you on loving potatoes and pasta! I hope your good feelings continue on, please return to us if you’re ever in need of anything. We’re all here for you. Sending good vibes your way. I hope you have a lovely day

  16. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi again solongago!

    It sounds like you’re doing well right now. I’m really glad that you’re feeling better and got to have a positive experience in therapy with Angela. We’re always here for you and are rooting for you. You’re incredibly strong and are capable of so much. (I also agree with you on eating game–my stepdad makes deer steaks every fall during hunting season, and it’s my favorite meal to go home to for the holidays!)

    Sending you lots of positivity for many good days ahead.

  17. zelda Volunteer

    I’m glad you’re feeling better, and I think it’s awesome that you have delved into EMDR. I like to eat a lot of food as well, which is ironic because I also struggle with an eating disorder (anorexia). But I’m trying to enroll in an outpatient clinic that specializes in those issues. Anyway, I hope you’re well! Reach out to me if you’d like. I’m here for you.

  18. rkr18 Volunteer


    So great to hear from you. I am happy you are doing better and that you had a good day. Thanks for sharing.

  19. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Solongago,
    I’m glad you’re feeling better and that the EMDR was okay. I think the way Angela encourages you is incredible, and she seems so supportive. It’s wonderful that you both are able to talk about a variety of topics and learn about each other. I hope this feeling lasts. As always, we’re here for you, and thank you for updating us!

  20. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Glad to hear you feel better today, and that your session went well! Thanks for coming back to share more with us.