I saw Angela today. We did do EMDR. I first talked about how the last week went. She was happy with that. She said I wasn’t burying it or denying it and that is good. So I told her that I was doubting my recollection, that it may not have been him, and then I countered that with no way. So she said that I was arguing with myself and that was good. I’m waiting to find out what isn’t good. LOL!
Today the EMDR wasn’t too bad. We started with my grandfather and that I can’t trust anyone and went from there. Finally I told her I was feeling a little more relaxed and we left off when I was more relaxed. Then we talked a little more. Mostly about my killing deer (and wrecking my car), eating game, what she doesn’t eat — anything. No meat, no sugar, no dairy. I am like, “What DO you eat?” For me, I do like to eat. I like to eat food. Not sweets so much. Not junk food so much. I like meat and potatoes, pasta, rice, vegetables, milk, and all kinds gooey stuff, like casseroles, gravies, stuffing, breads of every variety. And we really do not connect here at all. She said she was raised hillbilly so she used to eat meat and potatoes, but didn’t really care for meat even back then. That rice and beans will give you as much protein as a steak. (I asked what she did for protein). No butter, no bacon. If getting healthy means giving up food, I am out of there.
As I get older, I am considering going from soda to tea, like hot tea, not sugary Snapple. I can drink tea with no sugar or honey. But I left her office and went to Bob Evans and had sirloin and eggs, loaded home fries, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and saved the biscuits and gravy for dinner.
I do feel better today. I hope it lasts.