Ok, so it starts yesterday. Cathy sent me an e-mail saying she waited so as not to interfere with closure with Karen. She was very nice in her e-mail and I felt better.
I had a tough time sleeping last night. I stayed here too long, then I started a roast when I got home. I did go to sleep and set my alarm for when I had to take it out. But even so it was 5:30 before I went to bed and I had to leave at 10am, and take care of the farm and shower and get ready for work, So I set the alarm for 8 am, to take the roast out and again for 9am so I could go to this appt. So now I am wiped out. I couldn’t get to sleep for the life of me. It was getting light outside before I dropped off. And then I got up at 8 and then back down.
On my drive in, I thought about what I would talk about. But I didn’t. She asked about my dogs, so we talked about dogs for a while. We talked about friends, and then how I regretted not having gotten married and having kids. We spent the rest of the session on that. I figure there are going to be sessions where we talk about stuff, but mostly to kind of get a feel for each other.
The idea of being in a relationship is both what I want, and what I am terrified of, and emphatically don’t want. I can see the benefits. And I was making up one excuse after another. Do I want to be in a relationship or do I want kids? At one point I suggested a personal ad, “SWF looking for DWM with kids. Send pictures of kids….” She said most of the guys my age out there, are divorced with kids. So I said, your chances of being murdered go way up when you get into a relationship. I was sitting there listening to myself saying that I wanted this, and then making up every excuse for not going for it.
She asked me when I wanted to come back. I said “Soon!” she set it up for next Friday. She said she liked talking to me. That I fascinate her. I decided that was a complement.
So I went to the Indian restaurant for lunch then to the library and then to work. Who hoo! My list of what I am supposed to do was a notice to see Joel, signed and dated by the line lead for test. Joel is my boss’s boss. Our company was just sold a few weeks ago. And, there had been very little to do for a few weeks. In fact Friday My boss called me and told me not to come in. So I got that note on coming to work, and immediately thought they were going to lay me off.
Well, I went to see him and he just wanted to show me and the other guy how to do something in productions for tonight. Yay! After working with him a while he was telling me not to panic. I laughed at told him if he didn’t want me to panic, then they shouldn’t give me notes to see you, after selling the company, and being told to stay home since there was no work. He laughed and said immediately that I was the last person they would lay off. That felt really good.
And the sun shone. And the puppy dog wagged its tail. It was a good day today.