episode 60.

Ok, so it starts yesterday.  Cathy sent me an e-mail saying she waited so as not to interfere with closure with Karen.  She was very nice in her e-mail and I felt better.  

I had a tough time sleeping last night.  I stayed here too long, then I started a roast when I got home.  I did go to sleep and set my alarm for when I had to take it out.  But even so it was 5:30 before I went to bed and I had to leave at 10am, and take care of the farm and shower and get ready for work,  So I set the alarm for 8 am, to take the roast out and again for 9am so I could go to this appt.  So now I am wiped out.  I couldn’t get to sleep for the life of me.  It was getting light outside before I dropped off.  And then I got up at 8 and then back down.  

On my drive in, I thought about what I would talk about.  But I didn’t.  She asked about my dogs, so we talked about dogs for a while.  We talked about friends, and then how I regretted not having gotten married and having kids.  We spent the rest of the session on that.  I figure there are going to be sessions where we talk about stuff, but mostly to kind of get a feel for each other.  

The idea of being in a relationship is both what I want, and what I am terrified of, and emphatically don’t want.  I can see the benefits.  And I was making up one excuse after another.  Do I want to be in a relationship or do I want kids?  At one point I suggested a personal ad, “SWF looking for DWM with kids.  Send pictures of kids….”  She said most of the guys my age out there, are divorced with kids.  So I said, your chances of being murdered go way up when you get into a relationship.  I was sitting there listening to myself saying that I wanted this, and then making up every excuse for not going for it.  

She asked me when I wanted to come back.  I said “Soon!”  she set it up for next Friday.  She said she liked talking to me.  That I fascinate her.  I decided that was a complement.  

So I went to the Indian restaurant for lunch then to the library and then to work.  Who hoo!  My list of what I am supposed to do was a notice to see Joel, signed and dated by the line lead for test.  Joel is my boss’s boss.  Our company was just sold a few weeks ago.  And, there had been very little to do for a few weeks.  In fact Friday My boss called me and told me not to come in.  So I got that note on coming to work, and immediately thought they were going to lay me off.  

Well, I went to see him and he just wanted to show me and the other guy how to do something in productions for tonight.  Yay!  After working with him a while he was telling me not to panic.  I laughed at told him if he didn’t want me to panic, then they shouldn’t give me notes to see you, after selling the company, and being told to stay home since there was no work.  He laughed and said immediately that I was the last person they would lay off.  That felt really good.  

And the sun shone.  And the puppy dog wagged its tail. It was a good day today.  


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17 comments

  1. Solongago

    Thank you all.

    I must not have been real clear. Cathy was the therapist that I was working with through the IOP. Because of the number of sessions and how long they were, I think I spent probably three times the actual time with Cathy than with Karen over the last year. So I had sent her an e-mail to let her know I was no longer seeing Karen or anyone at the practice, basically to tell her what happened. And she e-mailed me back.

    The new therapist is Angela. I see her tomorrow.

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Solongago,
    I’m so happy you had a good day! Your new therapist sounds like a good fit for you. To help you fall asleep it helps me to watch tv. I would try that if you haven’t or reading. Thank you for always updating us. It’s good to hear from you!
    -Alyssa

    1. Solongago

      Leviticus or Numbers. And Billy Budd. I can barely get through a page without zonking out. The problem is that if I go to sleep with the light on, I get poor sleep. Is that normal? My mom sleeps half the time with her lights on. I need it black dark to fall asleep, but once I am there, natural morning light coming through the windows doesn’t bother me. But having my over-head light on, waking up having had that on all night, I will be miserable and tired all day.

  3. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,

    Hooray! I am so glad to have this update from you. Cathy sounds great – I’m glad you guys are taking some time to kind of get to know one another and build rapport before diving directly into some intense stuff. I’m also really glad that you were able to set up an appointment within the time frame that seemed appropriate to you, because I know that’s something that caused a lot of problems with Karen. Things seem to be going really wel. It sounds like your job is really lucky to have you! Keep it up, it sounds like you’ve got a pretty good handle on things right now. Talk to you soon.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  4. Lizzi Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,
    I’m glad that you’re getting to know Cathy and that you’re hopefully becoming more comfortable with her. She seems like she will be really helpful in your life and I’m glad that you found her, even if things had to get rough first. I think it’s easy for anyone to make a million mistakes to avoid something we’re scared of (even if it’s something we really want). Relationships especially can be scary because you’re putting your heart out there for someone that it may or may not work out with, and that vulnerability can be terrifying. If a relationship is something you want, maybe take some time to make a list of reasons for going for it to help block out some of the excuses for avoiding it. Maybe you’ll find that the pros outweigh the cons. Glad that you’re not getting laid off!

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  5. Megan Volunteer

    Hey solongago!

    That’s great that you had a good day! I love indian food too. It sounds like your job is going well too! That’s awesome!

    Keep it up!
    Megan

  6. Graciegrace22 Volunteer

    Hello,
    I am glad to hear things have been going good for you. I hope things continue to get better.

  7. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Solongago,

    I’m so glad you had a good day, and that things are starting to look up. Hopefully Cathy will be able to provide the support you need. It sounds like you’re off to a good start with her. I’m also glad to hear that your job isn’t in danger. What a relief that must be! Look forward to hearing from you again soon.

    All the best,
    Becca

  8. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Solongago,
    I am so glad you had a good day! Knowing that you have job security is sure to take some stress off of you. Even though it is still the “getting to know each other” stage, it sounds like you are off to a good start with the new therapist. It is really good to read your happy post:)
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  9. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey
    Sounded like you had a great day. I am so happy to hear that. I am so proud of you for everything. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything!

  10. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Solongago,

    Even though you were wiped out, it sounds like you had a great day! I’m really happy to hear that. Hearing (or reading, I suppose) you say that you’re the last person they would lay off makes me feel as happy as if someone said that to me! I’m so proud of you for everything!!

    Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything! I’m sure you know by now that we’re here for you, no matter what. Stay strong!
    Marissa

  11. Jess Volunteer

    I am so glad that you had a good day! It seems like you and the new therapist are getting along pretty well. That’s so great to hear. Sometimes, a change is what is needed. I hope everything keeps looking up for you at work and with the new therapist. <3

    Stay strong and keep fighting. Reach out if you need anything at all. Thank you for updating us! We always love hearing from you. <3
    -Jess

  12. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Solongago,
    I’m glad you had a great day. I think it helps to get a feel for each other by talking about the other parts of your life and seeing how she responds. So far, this new therapist seems great! I’m so happy that work is going well after selling the company, and I hope it keeps getting better. Thank you for updating us, and I hope you have a wonderful week!!

  13. CarmenR Volunteer

    I’m glad to hear that you had a good day! Sounds like things with Cathy and work are going really well. Thanks for coming back and updating us.

    Carmen

    1. Solongago

      Hi, thanks.

      Cathy was the therapist who ran the IOP that I was in for 6 months. She has an office next to Karen’s. I got out of the IOP in January. But I had something like 60 session in those six months. More or less. So I really, really was connected with her. They were 3 hour sessions, but a group, right on top of each other — 3 times a week, and, well, everything about working with her was good. After karen chucked me, I e-mailed Cathy. Because well, when Karen ended my therapy there, she kind of snuffed out any chance of working with Cathy again. So it was a double whammy. I don’t think that I was hoping to go back to the IOP, but there was always the possibility down the line that I may have. The new therapist is Angela.

  14. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m glad you had a good day, and that your new therapist seems to be working out! This is all good news. Thanks for coming back to share.

    Erin

  15. MH Volunteer

    Hey Solongago,

    It sounds like your session went well. I am also glad that you had a good day and that work is going well!
    Thank you for the update. I hope the rest of your week goes just as well!

    MH