Hey everyone it has been a really rough past few weeks and i be sharing for the first time on here. So here it goes. A few weeks back i lost my best friend my dog to cancer which i started to grieve with music and granted i still miss him because he was part of my life for 13 years. He was my Buddy for 13 amazing years. I had him since he was 3 months old. We had to put him down which was really hard because you feel like you lose yourself after doing that. I know it was for the better but still left a hole in my chest. While still grieving my Dog death it was a week later it was a anniversary week for a friend who passed away due to cancer which was a trigger for me because it all happened within 10 days and i didn’t even have time to process my dog’s death. Few days ago i lost my uncle to the Corona Virus in England. I have only met him twice but when we met both times it was like we known each other for years. He was at my wedding and i have a few pictures with him and when i see them i get teary. This Virus had risen my anxiety up since i haven’t had access to my gym to let it out. I have been reading and writing to help my emotions but i feel like i needed to let it out through using words.Its been really emotional because i still go outside to call his name but he not their or even to put his food out. One thing i learned is not to bottle things up and so i am here to express myself because it is a lot to go through within a few weeks without proper grief and or support. The interesting thing is i usually help people when they are in need and let them express what is going on in their life. Today is the day i wanted to let it out on here because sometimes we all need a little support system to help each other. 

 Just wanted to say that i appreciate me letting it out on here. I hope everyone is safe during this pandemic and know its been a difficult time for all of us. One love to all! 


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25 comments

  1. dzreid Volunteer

    Dear Northlane1991,
    Thanks for sharing! Yes, I agree sometimes sharing with others can be therapeutic. I’m glad you decided to share! That is a lot to process. I can understand the feelings your struggling with. Pets, are more than pets. I’m so sorry that your source of strength has died. I’m also sorry about your uncle. Grieving doesn’t end just because the loved one’s life has. Take all the time you need to grieve your dog (& your uncle). This virus has created so much sadness & losses. Everyone has been impacted & each person sadly is left with tons of mixed feelings. I think, sometimes it’s easier to be the one to “help others” rather than taking that advice & applying it to our own life. The struggle is real. Your pain is real. You matter. Have you checked into possibly finding a grief support group? I know right now things can’t be done face to face, but maybe over the internet, you can find peace! Come back & share again. Take care of yourself!
    Dawn

  2. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there Northlane1991,

    I am sorry to hear you have had a rough couple of weeks. But, I am so glad you have found our website and decided to share with us! Thank you for trusting us with your story! I am so sorry that you have lost so many of those close to you. These difficult times with the virus are definitely very weird and troubling. I am glad that you have been reading and writing to help with your emotions, and I can understand how you are feeling. I hope sharing here helped you express some of your emotions during this time. We do all need a little support system from time to time! And I am glad you recognized that you needed some support and I’m happy to be here to respond to your thoughts! Thank you for helping others in need! Know I think you are an inspiration and very very strong!

    -Natalie

  3. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. AVFTI is a safe space and we are all here to help you in any way we can. I’m so sorry to hear about all of the losses you are dealing with right now. It’s good to hear that you are trying to read and write through the emotions in a healthy way. Listening to music as you mentioned, is also a really great way to help yourself process things. You’re so right, everyone needs and deserves a good support system. As you have helped other people, you deserve the same help! Processing loss is so hard. Being with people who also knew those you lost and sharing happy memories about them can sometimes help, it helped me in the past.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  4. Ashley Day Captain

    Hello Northlane1991,

    Thank you for sharing what has been on your mind. Losing a fur friend can be such a traumatic experience. Since he was around for 13 years, it’s not abnormal that you have tried to call his name or feed him. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and uncle. Although you only met your uncle twice, it sounds like you two connected quickly.
    I agree that we all need a support system now and then.

    Continue to stay safe and hang in there!

    Ashley

  5. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I hear that these past few weeks have been difficult and overwhelming. It’s understandable that you’re grieving – these heartbreaking losses can bring up many intense emotions. I’m glad that you’re writing and expressing yourself. You’re right – it’s good to talk about what you’re going through instead of bottling it up. Maybe instead of going to the gym, you could try some YouTube workouts. It might not be the same as going to a gym, but it may help you let it out.
    Thank you for sharing with us. We’re here to support you as you heal, and please write back if you need anything. I’m sending you love!

  6. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for sharing with us. You’re right – it’s helpful to share what we’re going through and use the support available to use. It’s really brave of you to share your feelings and experiences with us. I’m sorry that you’ve had such losses in your life. I hope that sharing was helpful, and please know we are here for you anytime you want to come back. Take care!

    KatherineL

  7. musicislove

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through the last few weeks. Losing a best friend is so heartbreaking especially when it’s a dog that you spent so much time with and losing family can be incredibly hard as well, even if they’re not super close. I’m glad you’ve been able to read and write to help with how you’re feeling since your gym has been closed, maybe you can find some at home workouts or take walks since exercise is such a big help to you. We’re here if you need anything.

    Delaney

  8. lexlh27 Volunteer

    Hey Northlane1991,
    I am so incredibly sorry to hear that all of this has happened to you, especially in such a short amount of time. I am happy that you came here and expressesd your feelings. It can be helpful to get everything off you chest. Keep taking care of yourself and allow yourself time to heal. If you need anything at all please come back, we are here to support you. Stay strong and keep your head up!

    -Alexis

  9. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I’m so sorry that all this happened. You are so strong and we appreciate having you on our team. I can’t imagine what is it like to go through all that pain and heartache. You are strong and you will get through everything one day at a time. You are allowed to feel how you want to feel. I know when you lose someone, it can hurt and there are so many different emotions going on in your head. If you can’t go to the gym try to take a walk or around your neighborhood, writing is a really good way to let your emotions too. If you write down all of your good memories with everyone it will help you remember the good and fun times you had with all of them. I’m so so sorry for your loss and I know over time you will feel better. Continue to stay strong and if you need anything we are here for you.
    -Alyssa

  10. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Northlane1991,
    Thank you for reaching out to us. You have been through a lot lately and I imagine it can be overwhelming, not to mention that the social restrictions of this pandemic have taken away your normal outlet for emotions. You sound like a loving person who is always there for others. Now it is our turn to be there for you. Please feel free to write to us as often as you would like; we will always listen and hold space for the hard feelings.
    Be gentle with yourself, but if moving your body is what helps you work things out, find a way to it too. I had a dance party with myself last week and I felt SO much better afterwards. I started with songs that had a good beat, but fit my lonely mood and then moved into happier songs by the end.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  11. Breanna Volunteer

    Hey Northlane1991,

    I’m glad you came here to share, thank you. I am so sorry that you’ve experiences so much loss over such a short period of time. Grief can be a lonely feeling, so I’m glad you shared with us. It sounds like you have some really good coping mechanisms in place, which is great, but I’m sorry you’re feeling a lack of support in your grieving process. Do you have anyone close to you, like a friend or family member, that you’d feel comfortable sharing these feelings with? Another suggestion I have is to write a letter to those who have passed and thanking them for the memories. Please come back if you’d like to share some of your memories, update us on your grieving process, or address anything else that is weighing down on you right now. We are here for you, we love you, we support you. Keep your chin up and stay strong.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  12. Rustin Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I’m very sorry about the past few weeks that you have experienced. The passing of an animal is horrible to experience because animals become part of the family. You’ve had to live through the passing of some friends and family as well and that happening all at once along with an anniversary of a friend passing can weigh on you. I know you can’t go to the gym to let some of this frustration and emotion out. If possible, a walk or jog might help with weather permitting. I hate to ask this of you, but try and be creative in terms of letting out these feelings. Some suggestions might be to use a youtube workout that you can do at home, some crunches, push-ups or planks on your floor. Just something that can help you to relax your mind. I hope this response finds you well and we are always here so make sure to reach out when you need to.

  13. meg Volunteer

    Dear Northlane1991,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is immensely difficult to share something like that when your heart is hurting, but it is so important that you do. I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much loss recently. My heart goes out to you. AVFTI will always be here for you, no matter what you need. We love and support you. Take as much time as you need to grieve. Try to find moments of joy and to let yourself feel. Keep us updated on how you are doing.
    -Meg

  14. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Northlane1991,

    That’s a lot to handle in a small time frame. I’m glad you found this a comfortable place to share. Grieving is hard enough for one person – so its understandable that being faced with multiple griefs can be confusing and overwhelming. It’s important to let yourself grieve in whatever way feels comfortable to you – screaming and crying, doing something productive, taking a nap – whatever it is, you deserve it. I can tell you love big and love deeply about those in your life. That’s an amazing trait to have. We’re here for you.

    Sending light,
    SFM

  15. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry to hear about your multiple losses in such a short amount of time, I can’t imagine what all of the grief is feeling like for you right now. It is never easy. I am happy to hear though that it sounds like you know what you can do to help sort out how you’re feeling about everything. Thank you for coming on to our website and sharing your thoughts/feelings during this difficult time with us <3 It sounds like you could use a huge hug, so just know that I am sending a virtual hug your way! <3 Continue to stay safe and healthy, and just know that we will always be here for you no matter what whenever you need it. Thinking of you <3

    – Jordan

  16. Stellablue Volunteer

    Hi Northlane 1991,
    It seems like you have gone through a lot in such a short amount of time. I’m glad that you are finding ways to make yourself feel better. Writing out your thoughts and emotions can be very therapeutic. This pandemic has been tough on everyone, but losing someone to it is very rough. I am sorry for your losses, but I hope you continue to push through and stay kind to yourself. Please post anytime we are always here for you!

  17. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Northland1991,

    Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry to hear about everything that’s been happening to you lately. It’s a really good idea to read and write to help with your emotions, but it’s a bummer that gyms are closed so a lot of people are deprived of their best way to release how they’re feeling. Have you tried home workouts? I have heard that a lot of my friends and family have found them helpful, but that may not be the same for everyone. If you’re interested in yoga, I suggest looking up Yoga with Adriene on YouTube! Her videos are really easy to follow and they are very relaxing, but also can be challenging which is a good thing!

    Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you during this stressful time. We’re here to help you however we can.

    Marissa

  18. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry that you have been dealing with all of this and that this happened. Thank you for coming back here to share with us, and I hope it helped to write this out. We are glad you are here.

    Erin

  19. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your precious pup. Losing a companion that has been through so much with you is incredibly difficult in normal times. I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience this during the pandemic where you don’t have access to your normal coping strategies. I’m also so sorry to hear about your uncle. This virus is a vicious disease. It seems extra cruel to both lose a loved one, and be denied access to your friends and family to grieve. Hang in there. We’re here for you! Please feel free to share again anytime you need to.

    All the best,
    Becca

  20. tbird830 Volunteer

    Northlane1991,

    Thank you so much for sharing here. It can be so therapeutic and healing to let your feelings and thoughts out. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of loss within the last two weeks and it’s understandable that you are having a hard time. It’s great that you have been doing what you can to help yourself through this really hard time. We are always here for you to share whatever will be helpful and healing for you. This virus has really interrupted everyone’s life and it makes it a lot harder to access coping skills and get the support needed, but there are alternatives and it sounds like you have figured that out. If you need any additional support or resources please feel free to reach back out. We’re here.

  21. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Northlane1991,

    Thank you for coming to share with us. That’s so much to go through in such a short amount of time. I’m so sorry to hear about all your recent losses. All of that coupled with the state of the world right now really is a lot to deal with. I think you’re doing a great job of coming here to let all this out. I understand how difficult it must be to go through all this without the proper grief or support. I hope you show yourself some compassion during these difficult times, there’s so much going on right now. Again, I think you’re doing a great job of handing all of this. I know it might not feel that way, but these things are all really difficult to talk about and you did a great job of writing out your emotions and sharing with us. You are always welcome back to share more, we will support you any way we can!

  22. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thanks for sharing that with us. It seems like you’ve been through quite a lot in such a short span of time. It’s good that you recognize the need for you to let things out instead of keeping them to yourself. Hopefully you were able to find some release in sharing what’s happening here. Hope you are also staying safe!

    1. Optimistic

      Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes. I hope you can find some sort of comfort, especially in loneliness. I’ve been going through alot, but reading your post made me instantly forget about myself, and write to you. Losing a dog, is equal to losing a human family member. I want to thank you for your courage to open up about how your struggling to cope. A little love goes a long way, so I send you lots of love and hugs… I know it must be overwhelming to be hit, hit after hit, with tragedy in such a short space of time. You got this, even if you don’t believe it at the moment. It all gets better with time. Keep holding on, speak to yourself when you begin to get too low. Talk yourself out of that moment of sadness, and reassure yourself that wave will pass. It will take alot of hurdles to get back to the mountain top, but you are not alone. I hope you can receive my words, and find comfort in them.

  23. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Northlane1991
    I am very sorry to hear about your dog and your uncle. Both are very hard losses. Losing a pet hurts a lot since they are a constant in our lives, they dont judge and are always there to support us when no one else isn’t. So I am so sorry. I am also sending my condolences to you for your uncle. It is funny how we meet people and automatically have that instant connection. Cherish that, your time with him was special. This virus is causing a lot of people to feel anxiety so you are not alone there, myself included. Since you cant access your gym have you taken advantage of all the free workouts all over the internet. There are Facebook groups for them, planet fitness does them, beach body is doing a free 14 day trial and of course youtube. I do think it is wonderful you are expressing yourself by writing your thoughts. That can be super helpful and therapeutic. It is hard when you help others all the time to recieve support when you need it so I am glad we are here to listen and support you in this time. You can write to us whenever you want we will always be here for you. I am sending my love to you and your family.

    Kristin

  24. Solongago Volunteer

    I am sorry for you losses, your friend, your uncle and your dog. I am not reducing the people that you cared about, but being a dog breeder, I want to focus on your best friend (dog) for a moment. It’s horrible to lose people and people are more important than dogs in some ways — I get that. But I hear over and over how folks say that they didn’t cry when their mother died, but lost it when they lost their dog.

    It is a different grief that we feel with dogs. We know when we get them that we have maybe 10 to 12 years. And that it will be up to us to make the hard decisions that rob us from them, but that we do because we don’t want for them to suffer. But there is no preparing. Not really. Not for losing a critter that wormed it’s way deep into our soul and that every day we cared for, every day they greeted us with a wag of the tail. Every day we thought of them, every day we smiled at an antic, or at them playing with something, or at them curling up at our side, or at them licking our hand or our face or just being there.

    They make an empty house a home.

    They give us a reason to get out of bed.

    They don’t care if we combed our hair, or took a shower, or brushed our teeth.

    If we yelled at them really bad yesterday, they are STILL so happy to see us today.

    We share history, past, present, and future, with people, we share generations, we share family and friendships. And so many ways we need humans to be complete. It makes me sad, as a breeder of dogs, when I hear humans saying that all they care about is or all they need is their dog. It’s a tall order for a dog. But what I am saying is that grief over the loss of a dog is real, very real. It may not be exactly the same as the grief you have for a person. Perhaps the folks that can cry for a dog when they could not for their parent, was because something in the nature of dogs allows us to be emotional, not that it hurt us more or less. But it can be intense, and it can take some time to muddle through.

    It is not forever. The grief does mellow with time into a place where we can remember more about our critter than the pain of losing them. One thing I try to remember is that it wouldn’t hurt so bad (losing them), if having them wasn’t so very good.

    Self care. In times like these. It is so important to listen to our bodies and give them what they need even if we do not feel like it. Take care.