Echoes of my rape

Echoes of my rape

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I have to pull myself together, let me tell you what happened, I severed my friendship with my best friends wife and that may affect our friendship as well don’t know I guess I have to know was I right in taking the action I took.

It started this past weekend I was enjoying lunch with them when she asked me straight up We’ve known each other for uh 15 years and I never knew you were raped, further she said that she feels sorry for my mother because how do you think she feels knowing her son was raped, the fact you didn’t fight, or report it means even worse for your mother cause you allowed this, ending by saying how could I commit this grave sin and live with myself.

My friends eyes were wide, he couldn’t believe what he heard the when instantly I shot up running to the bathroom I became physically sick, when I came out I saw my friend standing close by and he put his arm around me and told me she’s no longer there, and everything will be alright.

Since that fateful Friday I’ve had nightmares like never before, bouts of crying throughout the day at any point and time, nights are filled with me crying and rocking back and forth, migraines that cause me to vomit, questions like what kind of person am I to do this to my mother?, am I being punished for what indie or didn’t do?, did I ask for the rape in someway I’m not aware of?, is this why I can’t many people to love me?, is my mother better off if I was dead?, did I commit a grave sin that I will never be forgiven for?, more importantly was I right in severing my friendship with this woman who I consider toxic, vile, wicked and evil in every sense for opening up a wound so deep and causing pain that I haven’t had in so long, or am I being overly sensitive as my mother says?, sorry for bringing people down, and crying even as I wite and red this, but I have got to know. PS I know there are mistakes in this, please forgive and understand my pain


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7 comments

  1. CarmenR Volunteer

    What happened to you is in no way your fault. The blame is placed only on your rapist. I’m so sorry your friends wife acted the way she did. She was out of line and cruel. Even though you no longer wish to have your friends wife in your life, I believe that if your friend cared about you, then he will still be there for you. Please don’t apologize for your writing. We are here to help always. Stay strong!

    Carmen

  2. Jacqui

    You do not need to apologize for your writing. I am so sorry that your friends wife acted as such…that is absolutely appalling. You aren’t bringing us down, we are here to rise you up. You did not deserve what happened to you.

  3. Kristen Eby

    Hey love. I am so, so sorry she said this to you. Her words were ignorant, cruel, and completely unacceptable. It isn’t her place to discuss your story AT ALL, let alone pass judgment on how you handled it. You committed no sin. You did nothing wrong. The blame for everything that happened to you lies on one person’s shoulders: your rapist’s. Your friend’s wife was way out of line saying what she did, and clearly she has no grasp on what it’s like to live as a survivor, let alone one who is experiencing ongoing abuse from their family.

    You were right to sever your relationship with her. It’s important to care for ourselves and surround ourselves with people who support us and build us up, and she does the opposite. You deserve better.

    1. Helpme1968

      To be completely honest cause of what she did I know I am going to have a hard time not hating her or even forgiving her. The sad part is I don’t want to hate anyone she though may have caused me to hate. Is it wrong for me to have these feelings. I only maybe hate one other person and that would be my rapist, why would she do that to me?

  4. Erin Day Captain

    You don’t have to be sorry for any grammar mistakes you make. This is your story, and we are here for you. I reiterate (and always will) that you did NOTHING wrong. What she said to you was uncalled for, and blatantly untrue. You don’t have to be friends with someone like her. You only need to be friends with those who support you. We are here for you-and we support you.

    Erin

    1. Helpme1968

      Me and her husband became close friends 20 years ago, 3-5 years before he married her, and its like wherever he goes, she goes. I accepted her because of my friend, and no other reason, I was never fond of her, but wanted to be fair and not judge her. But like you said, I don’t need to have that in my life, thank you for support

    2. Helpme1968

      To be honest, I don’t know if I can ever forgive her, and have to work hard in not to begin if I haven’t already hate her, I can only hope I can, but I don’t know she is so evil