Hey Everyone hope you all are doing well and staying safe. I wanted to share some heartbreaking news I lost my grandmother due to a murder Suicide about a week ago and it was so heartbreaking. I found out last week and I legit broked down. I won’t go into the details of the case but I felt like I got punched in the face. I just can’t believe she is gone I was talking to her a week before it happened. This hurts so much due to the event that occurred and how much complexity it now adds to my grandma and her family. My grandma actually built a school for underprivileged children and had one of the most beautiful personalities. She is the person who if you need to talk or need clothing she goes out and buys. I am so upset because of why you gotta take my grandma in a traumatic way. I got married two years ago and my grandma knew my wife’s parents were not able to come because of visa issues and she likes let me walk beside you. I miss her so much. The case does involve domestic violence which even makes me so upset because the way she was taken from us was so heartbreaking. I felt like I wish i could have done something to prevent or maybe bring more alerts. I just know that I lost one of the most genuine people in my life and this hurts. My grandma was in England but all four sisters are like my grandmothers. In our culture, our grandma siblings are treated like grandparents. At my wedding, All four siblings were reunited after 35 years and I got to see that which was beautiful.  I could use a hug right now and shoulder to cry on because this hurts as hell man. I have been trying to take care of myself by talking with a therapist and also using music to grieve. I am still in emotional disbelief and imbalance. I know Grief takes time part of healing is discussing it and expressing yourself.  This would take time but man its a gut punch for sure. 🙁

Hope everyone is safe and doing well. Take care and talk soon! :


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41 comments

  1. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    I want to offer you my sincerest condolences for the loss of your grandmother; it sounds like she truly was a beautiful soul. It must be so utterly devastating to have lost her under those circumstances, and I’m so sorry for all the pain this has caused you. Finding ways to cope during this time shows a lot of strength and insight, and I hope that expressing yourself here has been able to offer you some relief as well. Our hearts are with you, and please know you can always share with us.

    -Rachel

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for coming back and sharing an update with us. I hope you are staying safe as well. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Losing someone that close is so hard. We are all here for you. We have some hotlines here if you want to talk to someone: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/hotlines/. Your grandma sounds like she was an amazing person. Sending you virtual hugs! Everything you are feeling is valid, and it will take time to process things. I hope talking about it helps a bit. Maybe spending time with your other family members and sharing happy memories about your grandmother could help re-live some of the happy times.

    Stay strong,
    T

  3. laurenp34 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your grandmother were really close and that she was a meaningful person in your life. I hope she continues impacting your life, and that you can feel her spirit watching over you. I am glad you are taking steps to heal and I wish I could give you a hug right now.
    – Lauren

  4. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear about the news regarding your grandmother. Losing a loved one is never easy, but I can’t imagine going through all of that so suddenly. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful person with a personality that we need more of in the world, and she did not deserve what happened. You have every right to be upset, and just as you said, healing takes time. I know it’s difficult, but be kind to yourself during this time and allow yourself to grieve. It is great to hear that you are talking to a therapist, I hope that brings you some comfort. We are sending you lots of positive thoughts during this time!

  5. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thanks for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I remember when my grandma died, I was devastated and mournful. I sympathize with your feelings. It will take time for your grief to subside, so it’s good to hear you finding ways to cope with your situation. I really do hope you and your family can find peace and cherish the memory of her. Sending you lots of love and support.

  6. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone you love is never easy, especially when they’re taken unexpectedly and violently. It sounds like you’re taking some good steps to help yourself during this time like going to therapy and coping with music. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. We’re here for you.

    KatherineL

  7. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey Northlane1991,

    I sympathize with your situation–I lost a friend of mine to gun violence a couple of years ago. It feels unbearable and senseless, and your feelings are incredibly valid. You lost someone who it seems was a large, important part of your life. I’m sending so much love your way and hope that you can find some peace soon. You aren’t alone! We’re always here if you want to talk.

  8. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds really painful – I can’t imagine everything that you are feeling. Grief takes time, so I hope things start to get better soon. I think you’re doing great for turning to your therapist and music to help you cope. Maybe writing out your feelings, or even a letter to your grandma, can help. I’m so sorry again. I’ll be thinking about you and your family. Keep your chin up.

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  9. Neesha Volunteer

    oh Northlane1991,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Of course it was like a punch to the gut to lose your grandmother like that. It’s so natural to wonder if you could have done something to prevent this, that wish speaks to your own caring personality. Grief does take time and it goes in cycles. Be gentle with yourself and listen to music, I find movement to music as helpful. keep talking and we are here for you as you need.
    Sending you loving care.

  10. amilne9 Volunteer

    Dear Northlane1991,

    I am so so sorry to hear about your Grandmother passing away. I can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, and I hate that you are having to go through this. I know it must feel like such a shock, and like a piece of your family is missing. It sounds like your Grandmother was a very important part of your life and your family, and I know it will never be the same without her. However, I am sure that she is still watching over you and the rest of your family in spirit, and still loves you very much. It sounds like she was such a wonderful human being, and you should know that her impact on this world will never be forgotten. The lives that she touched, will forever be blessed to have known such a beautiful and compassionate, selfless woman. Please try not to blame yourself for what happened, I know it is easy to let your mind sift through all the different ways you could have prevented it, but in reality there is nothing that you could have done. I know you tried your hardest, and this is not your fault at all. I am so happy that you will have the precious memory of your Grandma and her sisters to cherish for the rest of your life. I am sending you a big virtual hug through this letter, and I want you to know that we are all hear for you. I am proud of you for practicing self-care, I know that takes a lot of strength and courage during hard times. You are doing such a great job, and I know it is hard but you will get through this. I believe in you and I am so grateful that you opened up and shared your story with us. Sending all the healing and comfort in the world your way.

    Much Love,
    Ari <3

  11. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi northlane1991,

    Thank you for updating us. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about. Your grandma sounds amazing, and I’m sure she will be remembered for all of the goodness she spread. Please remember that grief is normal and that all of your feelings in this hard time are valid. We are always here for you.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  12. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I’m so sorry for your loss, and your grandmother didn’t deserve to be taken in such a traumatic way. She sounds like such a generous, kind, and helpful soul. It’s understandable that this hurts. Everything you’re feeling is valid. I’m glad you’re coping in healthy ways, such as talking to a therapist and listening to music. Being around people who love and support you could also be helpful during this difficult time.
    Thank you for sharing this with us. We’re all here to support you through this. I hope you are doing okay today, and I’m sending love to you and your family. Please write back whenever you need anything, and take care.

  13. morganndelacruz Volunteer

    You were so kind to share this with us. It is so very painful to hear what happened to you and what you have been through. There is no reason why what happened to you deserved to happen to you. It is so nice of your grandparent to be so supportive of you. Human emotion allows us to feel our emotions. Feeling the emotions you feel is perfectly normal and within your rights. If you decide to return to us, please take good care of yourself and do not hesitate to contact us.

    <3 Morgan

  14. seanprender34 Volunteer

    Northlane1991,

    I want to thank you for being strong enough to share your story with us and let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman and any emotion that you are feeling right now is justified. The grieving process is different for everyone and it’s important that you take your time and do it your way. I love that you are using music as a coping mechanism and I also suggest trying to be around family, friends, or any loved ones at the moment that could possibly take your mind off the loss. Please take care and if you ever want to come back and share an update or another story you are always welcome to do so, we will be here!

    Sean

  15. coachdiggs Volunteer

    Hello Nothlane1991,
    First I want to say thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so so sorry about your loss. I know it is hard to lose somebody you love and also care about. I just wanted to say I hope you and your family are doing well. Just make sure that surrounding by people and friend who truly cared about you. Lastly, I want to say thank you again for sharing your story with us.
    Kevin

  16. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there Northlane1991!
    Grieving over a loss of a loved one is never an easy concept, in doing so, takes time. Everyone grieves differently. Your grandma sounds amazing! Her legacy will continue on because of all she did. It makes me sad how she was taken from you! Hold onto all the memories, those will help get you through the pain. It’s ok to take all the time you need to grieve, also ok to give yourself permission to cry. It’s great that you can turn to music as a comfort & that you have a support system! Take care of you!
    Dawn

  17. Starling Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    Thank you for keeping us updated. I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. The loss of a loved one is difficult on its own. I can’t imagine the pain of the loss occurring in such a traumatic way. It’s good that you’ve found a positive way to express your grief, and I hope you continue to take care of yourself. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  18. leoreslavick Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose someone that you care so deeply about. She did not deserve what happened to her and my heart goes out to her and your family. Your grandma sounds like such an amazing and beautiful woman. The fact that she built a school for underprivileged children just shows how much of an amazing and genuine person she is. The grieving process is long and it sometimes can feel like you are alone while in it. Make sure to surround yourself with family and friends during this time and take care of yourself throughout the process.
    Stay strong,
    Leore

  19. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry for your loss of your grandmother. It is so difficult to lose a loved one, and I empathize with what you’re going through. It’s important to heal at your own pace, and engage in the self-care techniques that are most helpful to you. We are here for you. Sending you love and positive thoughts.

    Carmen

  20. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hi there,
    I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your grandmother, especially in such an awful way. I understand the pain you are feeling, losing a loved one (especially a very close loved one) is something we can never be prepared for. There is no “right” way to mourn or heal from it. I hope listening to music and talking about it is helping you. We are always here to listen if you need to express yourself and how you’re feeling. Take all the time you need for yourself and to mourn. Grieving is a long process, but it will get better trust me. My deepest condolences for you and your family. Take care of yourself, sending you lots of love.

  21. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am truly so sorry for what happened to your grandmother. I have no idea what you are feeling, but I also have a grandmother who is so special to me, so I would feel devastated if she was taken away from me. I’m glad that you came here to share and write out how you were feeling, and that you are taking care of yourself. Lean on all the supports you can right now. So incredibly sorry for your loss.

    Erin

  22. tolleytn Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. It is difficult enough to try and handle the loss of a loved one, not to mention the added difficulty of what happened. We are always here for you if you need someone to talk to. You are absolutely not alone in this space and remember to take some time to take care of yourself. <3

    – Tiff

  23. zelda Day Captain

    Northlane,

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s cruel and untimely passing. She sounds like a pure-hearted person and a beautiful soul. It’s so heartbreaking to hear that someone chose to end her life in such a horrific way. She did not deserve to be murdered; nobody does.

    If you ever need to reach out to someone, I’m here for you. I also lost someone under a somewhat similar set of circumstances, and I understand the traumatic event is so complicated, maddening, and soul-crushing. It’s difficult to fathom, and it’s even more difficult to process.

    But you’re not alone. I want you to know that.

    You have a whole community here that will support you and be here for you during this painful time. Please come back if and when you’re ready. We’re here for you and your family. ❤️

  24. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for your loss. From her service to her personality, it sounds like your grandma was so generous and loving. Losing someone you love is so painful and hard. I’m sure you miss her so much, especially because she was so wonderful and such a genuinely good person in your life. It sounds shocking and frustrating, and I hope you can continue to find time to take care of yourself, through words, therapy, and music. I hope that people near you can give you that support with a hug or a shoulder to cry on, to help you find some sort of comfort through the pain. We’re all sending virtual hugs and we’ll always be here to support you.

    Sending love and strength,
    Judith

  25. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry about the tragic loss you are experiencing right now. Words cannot not take away the pain that you are feeling but my heart goes out to you. I understand the feeling of losing someone close to you and how hard it is to adjust to life without them there. I am sending you a big virtual hug! It definitely takes time to process and there is no time table for how that will be for you. That is good that you are taking care of yourself by talking to a therapist and also listening to music. It sounds like your grandma was a wonderful human being and that she contributed in her life in a way that had an impact on so many – a truly wonderful legacy. I hope your loving memories bring you peace and comfort at this difficult time. I have found that taking the time to talk and share with others when grieving has been a very helpful part of the healing process. If you find that to be helpful as well then please reach out as often as you need to here.

  26. Lex Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. She sounds like an amazing woman. I am glad that you have been taking care of yourself during this difficult time by talking with your therapist and using music as a means to heal. Please share with us again whenever you like and let us know if there is anything at all that we can do to help you through this. We are here for you, always!

    – Lex

  27. kr1510 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. She sounds like she was a great and kind woman. Loosing a grandparent can be very emotional and hard to accept. Like you said it takes time to heal. It’s great to hear that you have been taking care of yourself during this time and allowing yourself to grief.
    Sending you and your family love during this difficult time!

  28. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I am so very sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your grandmother – I can’t imagine how you are feeling. She sounds like such a generous and loving woman, I am sure she will be missed tremendously here. Thank you for taking the time to share some memories about her. Even though she is no longer physically with you — you can preserve and continue her legacy by sharing those stories with others. I know it is painful now, so please remember it is okay to be sad, to be angry, and to cry. I hope you are able to feel loved and supported by your family and friends during this time — and know we are always here to support you, too. I am thankful to hear you are working through your grief with a therapist and listening to music to help you process. It is so very important to take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts as you navigate this grief journey.
    Sending you love and virtual hugs,
    sarahj

  29. haesol Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I am very sorry for your lost, may your grandma rest in peace. Sounds like she was a wonderful person, and she will be remembered fondly. As the others have said, our words may not be able to soothe the pain you must be feeling, but I hope the support you have here can feel like a hug in this time.

    It’s alright to take some time for yourself, and you should be proud of taking care of yourself during this time, you are very strong. Grief is different for everyone and yours may take its own time, which is completely fine. I sincerely hope you’re okay and that you continue to take care.

    We’re here for you.

  30. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m sorry for the loss of your grandma. She sounds like an angel of a person who was always there for others, including you. I know that our words won’t be enough to make the pain go away, but I hope that our responses let you know that you’re not alone in this and all of us at AVFTI are here to support you. Despite everything you’re going through, I’m really happy to hear that you’re proactively trying to take care of yourself! Talking to a therapist and listening to music are both healthy ways of dealing with grief, and I hope they help you feel better as time passes. Please continue updating us on how you’re doing, and I wish you all the best.

  31. sarahsays Volunteer

    Hey Northlane1991,

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. She sounds like an amazing person and I’m really glad you came here to share some of your memories with us.

    I know that no words or anything we can say will take the pain away. I’m proud of you for allowing yourself the space and room to feel and talk about her and your grief because you are right, it’s so important.

    Please stay strong and know we are here if you need any support.

  32. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry about what happened with your grandmother. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling but I hope you know we are here for you if you need to talk about anything. I’m so glad you’re being proactive and taking control of your mental health by dealing with your grief in a healthy way.

    Your grandma sounds like she was an amazing person. She would be so proud of you! Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you through this tragic time.

    Marissa

  33. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    Thank you so much for coming back on here with another update! I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your grandmother. From the way you described her, she sounded like such a caring, humble, helpful, wholesome and an overall amazing person. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. She did not deserve to die in such a gruesome manner. I’m glad to hear that you’re going to therapy to process your thoughts in a healthy manner and using music as a means to heal – hang in there! Allow yourself to grieve once in a while, don’t be too hard on yourself, and as long as you’re actively working towards getting better, you will get there with time.

    The AVFTI community is sending you lots of love and virtual hugs. Please come back soon with another update – we’d love keep up with how you’re doing. Take care and stay safe!

    All the love.

    – Rohina

  34. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi northlane1991,

    I am truly sorry for what happened to your grandmother, it sounds like an absolute tragedy. Through your description of her, I got the impression that she was truly a beautiful soul and that you had so much love for her. Her loss is beyond words. It sounds like you have some great memories of her, so hopefully her spirit and memory will live on through those stories.

    There are many stages of grief and it will take time, but I am glad that you are speaking with a therapist. As cliche as it is, time is our greatest healer. You may have some good days and bad days, but over time, things will get better.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you all the best.

  35. silverliningsunshine Volunteer

    Hi northlane1991,

    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you have gone through recently. We are all here for you and sending our love and prayers to you and your family. Your grandma sounds like a wonderful woman who has impacted the world positively in many ways. I hope you have a support system with close friends or other family members to help you through this.
    I am happy to hear that you’re talking with a therapist and using music to help with the grieving process. I hope you are able to find peace and healing within yourself during this time. Please take care and stay in touch.

    –silverliningsunshine

  36. brookeA Volunteer

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry that you lost your grandmother. She sounds like she was an amazing woman. I hope there are some people around you to support you during this tough time.

    It’s great that you are trying to take care of yourself! Thank you for sharing this with us, and please feel free to share whenever you need to. I hope you are staying safe as well! Take care.

  37. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. This must be a difficult time and I am sending well wishes to you and your family. She sounds like an amazing person and it’s great to hear she dedicated her life to helping others. I agree, it is upsetting that this horrible event involved domestic violence. I hope you know that we are here for you during this difficult time! I hope that you take time to grieve this loss and just know that anytime you need to talk to us more we are here.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss and we are here for you!

  38. Caitlin Volunteer

    I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful soul your grandmother was! I hope you remain kind to yourself as you go through the grief journey. It has twist and turns and can show up in many ways as you probably know.

    Let the tears flow, take time to remember her kind ways, share stories with a trusted friend.

    She loved you so much and always will.

    Take care dear.

    -Caitlin

  39. Penrose Volunteer

    I am heartbroken for you. This is a kind of pain no one should have to endure. Thank you for sharing this with us. Please feel free to come back here and share more as you work through this terrible loss.

  40. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Northlane1991,
    I’m so sorry to hear this. I have a very close relationship with my grandparents and I I know how hard it is to lose a grandparent too. Sometimes domestic violence can get hidden especially when we don’t live with the people who are in these situations. You shouldn’t put any blame on yourself. Your grandma sounded really amazing and I can tell by the way you wrote about her that the relationship you had with her was very special. Grieving takes time, but time is a healer. If you need anything we are always here for you. Thank you for sharing this and if you need to share more we are always here to listen. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  41. musicislove

    Hi Northlane1991,

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandma, it’s so hard to lose anyone that close to you especially when the circumstances of that loss are so difficult. It sounds like your grandma was an incredible woman and the world definitely lost a gem, she didn’t deserve to be taken from the world the way she did. Im glad music is helping you in this difficult time and I hope that therapy is also helping. Thank you for sharing here and know that we’re here for you, sending you love and strength.

    Delaney