I’m a 51 year old male. I have 4 kids 3 grandkids. Two of my kids live with me one is an adult and my other is 16. And I was sexually abused as a child. My family my mother and brothers were homeless at this time. We were staying at my brothers friends apartment his father was out of the country and he rented out his room to this guy, this guy one night he asked me if I wanted to go swimming with his girlfriend so I did they were going to the pool and also they were having a drink and than his girlfriend came into the pool while I was swimming she came up to me and started to touch me through my shorts I felt unconformable her boyfriend was right there, I swam away and she got out of the pool. I was over 12 but under 16 and she was 20/21 years old at that time My mother worked every day until my mother was in a freak accident with after saving enough money to rent a home for us, after she signed the lease and all she had to do was pay the landlord and get the keys, we were driving over to meet with the landlord after months of being homeless, my mother was in the front seat passenger, while turning right the passenger car door opened my mother fell out and was seriously hurt, she was admitted to the hospital, since I was the youngest I was able to hide under her hospital bed until I was caught one night and kicked out at 3:00am no where to go we didn’t have cell phones back than, and I didn’t have any money to call anyone I walked to a friends house knocked on her window no answer, so I slept in her car. The next few days I climbed into her room and slept in her room, well it didn’t work to long her Mom got suspicious with the amount of food she was bring into her room and I was caught. I did sleep in her car a few more nights but it was starting to get chilly at night, so I walked over to were my oldest brother was and when I got there about 2am he wasn’t there so I climbed into his friends room and slept I was scared to death, so I slept in his closet. The next morning they came back there my brother told me they had a hotel room at the beach I went with them, when we got to the hotel room no one else was there they said they had some girls there with them they must be down on the beach so I took a much needed shower, when I came out everyone was there and to my surprise the girl from the pool was there, it made me feel uncomfortable? It’s hard to explain. She asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with her? I did and she was drinking and offered me a drink so I drank some, it was nasty. We ended back up in the hotel room nobody was there she made 2 drinks gave me one and I drank it, it made me feel all warm and good, than I remember the girl in the pool was asking me to come to the bed, I did and I remember waking up naked with her in bed. And everyone joking about me and her, so that day me and her were together all day and again and I remember having sex with her and I remember her girlfriend telling her he’s kinda young isn’t he? She said no ,isn’t he cute her friend said yeah but he’s jail bait and I think I said no I’m not I’m 1* years old. From that time she moved with me and than she said she was pregnant and we went to some clinic and she was about 6 weeks pregnant, which I knew I was the father. I was scared. I was a big shot having sex with an adult and getting her pregnant. Well time went by until we had our baby and I even lied to the hospital staff saying I’m 18, until I had to put my brith date on the brith certificate, and thats when they had me do a blood test to confirm I was the father and they did confirm it. So the hospital staff knew my correct age the doctor even said good job? I was praised by law enforcement giving high fives saying ,”You hit that”, I never heard nothing but good, for you boy!!!! So I thought what I did was good and normal behavior, then one day when my baby was almost 6 months old she was already pregnant again around 4 months, my second baby was born only a month before the first baby the following year, but again when my first was 6 months old I woke up to her and the baby gone, I looked into the fridge and there was milk, I checked the baby cloths still there but hers were gone. So she was working I was to young to work thats where I found them, I ended up getting arrested for dis-orderly conduct, DCF Child Protective Services came to the jail and I was released to them, from there we drove to the social workers home were she called my girlfriend and spoke to her explaining she couldn’t leave the state and there would be some kinda court date? This was close to a holiday and I got a hand delivered a card and picture of my baby. My life stopped that day when I got home from the social workers house I liteary went into my mothers room and fell into the bed in shock and dispair, totally emotionally exhausted. I felt horrible thinking what I did wrong? What did I do? Well I didn’t become a Brian Surgeon,lol. I have never felt right I met my wife about 15 years later and we had 2 kids together and me and her split up, she was having problems and she passed away after 10 years of marriage, again I felt what did I do wrong?
We, me and my kids are my whole life and I finally started doing good had my own business and one day I was feeling bad about losing my companion dog passed away unexpectedly and it broke my heart.But one night me and 1 of my kids did a people search and found my oldest son after 30 plus years and I was told I had another kid a year younger from my first kid mother was the girl in the pool. And all those feelings have come back 1000 fold. And I haven’t been the same and need help dealing with all this. And what to do about the girl in the pool. I’m sorry about my grammar it’s hard to write all this to explain my feelings, I’m asking for help, I asked 30 plus years for help but none came.