Hi everyone. I’ll talk about the counseling appointment in another post because I don’t feel like thinking about that at the moment.
He came back after a few weeks. I couldn’t breathe when I heard him sing, and I had to leave for a few minutes. It was such a long and overwhelming day, and I didn’t get much of a break.
I feel worse than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m fed up, and this is so painful. I’m tired of carrying this weight, and I can’t stand seeing him on the altar. I can’t hear his voice. I don’t want to constantly be on edge whenever I’m in church. I don’t want to fake how I feel. It’s so hard to explain the weight I feel right now – the pain I’ve been carrying for the past 4 1/2 years. I’m close to a breaking point, and I’m tired of being strong. I feel like I’ve been walking uphill for a long time in order to cope with everything. I need to catch my breath, but I don’t know how. I want someone to tell me things will be all right because I don’t feel that way right now.
I don’t need advice at this point. All I want is understanding and support because this hurts too much, and I feel like I can’t do this.