Birth to 15

Birth to 15

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I honestly don’t know how to start this story but i do know i need to get out off my chest. My father raped and molested me until i was 15 years old. He taught me that it was normal and that that was what i was made for… Kinda because it was. My mother knew he was that way and in order to keep him from doing it to her other children she had me with him in hopes thati would just think its normal. Hed sell me and pictures of me to his friends as well. The only reason i know that it was happening from birth is because he used to make me look at the pictures. I finally got out because i moved witg my grandma for completly different reasons when i was 15. I tried to tell her but she said she didn’t believe me and if i told the police i would be put in foster care and it’d be even worse. I’m mentally screwed but terrified of seeing a therapist.


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23 comments

  1. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear MasterK,

    I am so sorry that all of those happened to you throughout your childhood and adolescence, I can’t even begin to understand what you have gone through. Your parents are supposed to protect you, not be the monsters that we are all afraid of. I’m happy to hear though that you did get out of that situation. I know that it can be scary talking to a therapist, but therapy can be a great step in the right direction for your healing process. In the meantime, do you have a good support system that you are able to surround yourself around? Regardless, we will always be here for you no matter what. Just remember, you are strong, brave, and courageous, and none of that is your fault.

    Sending you hugs your way <3

    – Jordan

  2. Shannon Volunteer

    Hey MasterK,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you have found some relief in telling us your story, I am so sorry about what you have been through, you absolutely did not deserve it and it was not your fault. And I’m so sorry your grandma didn’t believe and I hope you can trust that we believe you. I know the thought of seeing a therapist can be intimidating, but I hope you continue to post here and share with us. Be kind to yourself

    Shannon

  3. Ashley Day Captain

    Hello MasterK,

    Thank you for making the decision to confide in our community.
    Your mother was aware of how your father acted and I’m sorry that she didn’t respond appropriately. Your mother and father had no right to place you in traumatic situations; they had the responsibility to care for and protect you. I’m thinking that it was a relief to leave the house, but I get the impression that your grandma’s words caused you to feel discouraged.
    If you don’t feel ready to see a therapist, that’s okay. Please know that you can post here as often as you’d like and that we’re here to support you. We believe you.

    Take care of yourself.

    Ashley

  4. Mary Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to open up! I want you to know how very sorry I am that this happened to you. Your parents are supposed to be your protectors, but they did the exact opposite. You never deserved to be hurt the way that you were by your father. It is good to hear that you are no longer in that living situation. While your grandma might not believe you, we do. It’s understandable that you would be feeling “mentally screwed” after this, but now that you are out you can begin to heal. Seeing a therapist does sound scary, especially if you never have before. Are you open to the idea of giving it a try? In the meantime working on developing a good set of coping skills would be a good start! Things like art, journaling, coloring, listening to music, or exercise can be very therapeutic. Always feel free to text VOICE to 741-741 if you need to reach out to someone right away. We are always here for you, too.

    Mary

  5. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi MasterK,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you have been treated so awfully by so many people. It’s terrible that your mom knew it was happening and that she used you as a scapegoat. It’s never okay to give your child up for something like that, regardless of if she was afraid of what else might happen. She had options, and she made the absolute wrong choices. Adding on to that, it’s disturbing that your dad had such a problem that he needed someone, a child, HIS child to be there for him at all times or else he would lash out at others. It’s sickening, and I’m so sorry you went through such abuse. You didn’t deserve that – no one ever would deserve something like that. I can’t imagine how hard it was when your grandma said she didn’t believe you and what she would do if you told anyone. Do you have any other trusted family or friends? It’s important that you’re in a safe space where you can heal from the trauma you have experienced. Please only do what you’re comfortable with. Going out of your comfort zone would be very detrimental to your progress, so the best thing to do right now is take things one step at a time.

    As for being terrified of seeing a therapist, that’s normal. Even if you can never bring yourself to see one, that’s totally fine. If you need to, you can write to us every day if it makes you feel better. Maybe it would help you open up. Like I said before, it’s important to go slowly and not push yourself to talk before you’re ready. We’re here for you, no matter what.

    Stay strong,
    Marissa

  6. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. This is a safe space and we are all here for you. I’m so sorry that your father did these things to you. I’m also so sorry that your mum supported him in this. Remember, none of this if your fault and you didn’t deserve any of this. I’m glad you were able to get out when you were 16. You are not mentally screwed, but I understand that is is really hard to work through this trauma. You deserve love and support. We are all here for you.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  7. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,
    I’m so sorry for what you’ve went through. I’m glad you were at least able to get away from it at 15. I totally understand your feelings of going to therapy. It can seem terrifying to begin therapy and to share your story with someone like that. It’s a huge step to take, but I think it can be incredibly helpful. A therapist can really help you work through your thoughts and emotions to help heal from what happened. I would suggest a least giving it a try, but it’s okay if you’re not ready to make such a big step. You can always continue to share with us. We’re always here for you.

  8. mkyuellig

    Hi MasterK,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that these things happened to you. Your parents should be there to love and protect you, and they hurt you and took advantage of you. I am glad that you were able to get away at 15, I only wish there was a way that we could have helped you sooner. I understand your apprehension about seeing a therapist, but I encourage every single person that I speak to on this site to at least give therapy a try. It sounds like you have so much to process and haven’t had the opportunity to disclose a lot of traumatic stuff to someone who believes and supports you. You are not “mentally screwed” although I do know how exhausting it can feel to constantly be dealing with the effects of your trauma. You are more than the trauma you experienced, and you deserve love and support, and you deserve a chance to process these things that happened to you so that you can fully experience some wonderful things in life. Please feel free to return and keep us updated as your continue on your journey to healing.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  9. grothkat8 Volunteer

    MasterK,

    thank you for coming to us with your story. I’m so incredibly sorry that you have been through all of that. Letting things build up can sometimes feel so overwhelming, and I hope writing to us took a little weight off. I’m sorry that you don’t have a good support system, but you always have us. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a therapist, you can keep posting here and see how it feels. We are always here for you when you need us, and we support you.

    Katie

  10. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hello MasterK,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you for so many years and at such a young age. Thank you for trusting us with your story. I know it is not easy to share and I am glad you were able to get it off your chest here at AVFTI. You are so incredibly strong for surviving this and getting yourself out. What you father did for you was NOT okay, and it was NOT your fault at all. It was not okay for your parents to put you in that situation. I am sorry that your grandma didn’t believe you. That was unfair. How are you doing today? Do you have a support system to help you through healing from what happened? We are here for you and we are on your side. Please come back and update us if you would like or let us know if you need anything <3

    Sending hope and support,
    -Natalie

  11. Lizzi Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,
    I’m so incredibly sorry for the trauma that occurred through your childhood. It was disgusting and wrong of your father to take advantage of you, especially at that age. He used his power as an adult to trick you into thinking this was normal, and it’s wrong of your mother to know he was doing this and not report him. None of this was your fault. I wish your grandma would have believed you and done something about it as well. As parents or caretakers of you, someone should have taken care of this. Seeing a therapist can be scary if you haven’t done it before, but it can be so helpful in talking about what happened and working through it to find healing. These are people that have chosen to help others for their job, and they are there to listen and help without judgment. The first time you go, it might be really scary and that’s okay. It’ll seem more comfortable in time. Please reach out if there’s anything we can do to support you.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  12. bless55

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve that abuse. Your first step is your talking abuse the abuse. I was like you a very long time. My 3 uncle forced me to perform oral sex on them every night while I was 5 years old. It mentally crippled me for over 30 years. I was terrified of the therapist as well, but I decided to see one when I got in my late forties. Its a process, but I believe you will be okay one day.

  13. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    I am sorry that you went through years of sexual abuse but we are all here to support you. Just know what happened to you is not your fault and you did not do anything to deserve this. It may take time to feel comfortable to seek out a therapist if you choose or what ever way will help you to heal from this. Nothing you are feeling is abnormal for what you have gone through.

  14. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Masterk,

    I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this awful abuse at the hands of your father. What happened to you was not your fault. You’re an incredibly strong individual, and you deserve so much more. Beginning therapy can be a little scary. I would encourage you to explore some of our resources and see if something might fit with your needs. Remember, your healing and recovery are entirely up to you. Therapy is a wonderful tool, but it isn’t mandatory. You know yourself best. Best of luck as you continue toward healing. We’re here for you. Please feel free to post anytime.

    All the best,
    Becca

  15. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What your father did was awful, and it’s even more terrible that your mother knew and just allowed it to continue instead of trying to put a stop to it. It’s totally okay to be scared of seeing a therapist. Whichever way you decide, we are going to be here for you. Take care.

  16. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi MasterK,

    I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of it and none of this is your fault. I am also sorry other adults in your life didn’t do more to protect you from your father. A therapist can definitely be intimidating. But look at it this way, you shared your story here. That took a lot of bravery and a great first step! You are stronger than you think. You have perservered through so much and you are still here! That takes a lot of strength. It is important to only do what you are comfortable to do, so don’t force yourself to see a therapist. It’s okay to take your time. But you’ve got this! You’re not alone. Please let us know how else we can help. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Thomas

  17. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this happened to you. You were used by both parents is really upseting. You did not derserve any of this and what happened to you was wrong. You can once ready text Voice to 741741. It could be a good start for you. Take one step at a time and please keep us updated we are here for you and truly care!

  18. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hello Masterk,

    I am deeply sorry that you were used by your dad and mom like that. You did not ask for or deserve that happening to you. I can imagine how difficult it was to share your story. You were really brave for doing so. Since you are scared of seeing a therapist have you tried talking on the phone with Or text with someone. As mentioned earlier text Voice to 741 741. It can at least be a start for you. Take one little step at a time. Please keep us updated and know we are here for you.
    -sending you love and strength Marie

  19. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi MasterK,
    I’m extremely sorry about what you’ve been through and that the people around you didn’t protect you like they should have. What he did was so wrong, and it wasn’t normal. I’m so sorry that your grandmother didn’t believe you – it can hurt when we’re not believed. You didn’t deserve to be treated like this, and it wasn’t your fault.
    I’m glad that you’re out of the situation. I understand why it can be terrifying to see a therapist and talk about what you’ve been through. I’ll say that it can help to talk to someone, especially a professional, because it can help us cope. That being said, I want you to do what you’re comfortable with and take your healing at a pace that’s right for you.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us – you’re so strong for sharing. We believe you and your story, and we’re here for you. If you feel like sharing and/or if you need resources, please feel free to write back to us. You can get through this.

  20. Megan Volunteer

    Hey MasterK,

    I’m very sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to be treated so much better than that. I’m glad that you are out of that situation now though. I know seeing a therapist can be very scary, but it can also be extremely helpful in your recovery and dealing with what happened to you. Therapy has helped me so much in my recovery. Just something to consider, but do what you feel comfortable with because your comfort and safety is the most important thing. If you ever need anything, we are always here for you and we support you.

    You are strong and you will get through this. Much love,
    Megan

  21. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry this happened to you for so long. You didn’t deserve any of this, and none of this is your fault. I’m so sorry that your grandma didn’t help you or believe you-we believe you. I believe you. I can understand that therapy could be really scary. We have a crisis text line, you text VOICE to 741 741. They could help connect you with resources, or talk you through what going to a counselor would be like. You might think group therapy is helpful at first rather than individualized attention-but I really recommend seeing someone. You deserve to be supported. Is there anything else we can do for you? Let us know-we are here for you.

    Erin

  22. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened. Your parents are supposed to protect you, and they didn’t do that. I’m sorry you told your grandma and she didn’t believe you. You didn’t deserve any of these things to happen to you.

    It’s okay to be scared to see a therapist. It is difficult trusting a new person. In the meantime, I’m so glad that you trusted us with your story. We are always here if you need anything. If you decide to see a therapist and need help finding resources, we have a lot of information under our “Find Help” tab. If you need immediate assistance, text VOICE to 741-741. You’ll be connected to a crisis counselor.

    If you need anything else, please feel free to let us know. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  23. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi MasterK,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. This is not your fault. You didn’t deserve this. I’m sorry your grandma didn’t believe you. Everyone here believes you. It’s okay to not be scared to see a therapist. Going to therapy is a hard thing to do. It makes it even harder if you have a hard time to find the right therapist. We are here for you. You can talk to us about anything, you can text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help, and you can also use the find help tab. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa