Asexuality taken for granted

Asexuality taken for granted

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So this has happened on like 3 occasions. Partners have known I’m asexual and then pressured me for sex and to the point they threatened to out me as a trans person to the world who didn’t know. The pressuring for sex and ended up blackmailing me into it. It wasn’t something I realised the severity of for quite a while.


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29 comments

  1. genericbailey Volunteer

    hey there,

    i’m so sorry this has happened to you, and this situation is not okay, ever.
    it sounds to me like you may be confused about what has happened and that is okay, have you thought about finding other kinds of support ?
    along with being so strong in this dark time of yours, i wants to admire your strength for sharing your story with us. you are so strong and it does get better. x

  2. Kevin Casey Volunteer

    Sorry that you went through this no one should be forced into doing stuff they don’t want to do if you have any questions but you need anything always here to answer any questions you have thank you for sharing your story

  3. Roxie-heart317 Volunteer

    Thanks for opening up about this, I’m sorry you forced into having sex by blackmail if there is avfti can do let us know

  4. Colton Kim Volunteer

    I know it just seems like I’m copying what other people are saying but what other people are saying is TRUE. NOBODY has the right to pressure you into sexual intercourse or to threaten you in any way. You deserve much better and I commend you for having the courage to share what happened to you on here. I hope you are doing well and that you stay strong!

  5. Mary Volunteer

    Hi Asexuality,

    I am so sorry that you have gone through this. Nobody ever has the right to pressure you into sex or the right to out you as being trans. Manipulating you into sex with the threat of outing you is a terrible thing to do to a person. You never deserve to be treated like that by anyone. It was brave of you to take the step to come here and share your story. Is there anything we can do for you? Stay strong.

    Mary

  6. Jay Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry this happened to you, no matter your sexual expression you deserve to be treated with respect and not have your trust broken. I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing with us, and I hope you’re doing okay. You’re always welcome here.

  7. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there Asexuality,

    I’m so sorry that you went through this. You should never be pressured to have sex or be threatened into it. What they did was wrong, and please know that we believe and support you. Please know you are always welcome here.

    Carmen

  8. zoeyb

    I am so sorry you were taken for granted and disrespected in this way. Having partners selfishly threaten to take away your power to say “no” and come out on your own terms means that something is wrong with them, not you. None of this is your fault and what they did was seriously malicious. Nonetheless, I am glad you realized the severity. We are always here to listen and support you in whatever you choose to do next. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    – Zoey

  9. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. It’s sometimes hard to recognize that being pressured for sex within a relationship is wrong, but it absolutely is. It doesn’t matter the relationship, boundaries should be respected. I’m so sorry that your partners didn’t respect yours. It’s especially horrid to hear that they threatened to blackmail you, as well. I can’t even imagine how you felt, but I can tell you that it absolutely shouldn’t have happened.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how hard it is to open up and share what has happened to you. If we can help in any other way, please let us know. We have lots of resources under our “Find Help” tab, if seeing a therapist/counselor or finding a support group in your area seems like it may be helpful. We are also always here to talk/chat, if you need it. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  10. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Asexuality. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your boundaries deserve to be respected. It’s appalling that someone would try to blackmail you like that. It’s not okay. Thanks for sharing with us here. I hope it helped. You are definitely not alone in this. We’re always here for you if you want to share again or need connections with groups/therapy in your area.

  11. JFeeney21 Volunteer

    Hello Asexuality,
    I’m so sorry that that has happened to you. Please do not blame yourself, pressuring you into having sex is just as bad as if someone says no. Blackmailing you into sex by outing you is also truly disgusting I’m so sorry that someone used that as a tactic to get what they wanted. You are so brave for telling your story, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share with us. We are always here for you.

  12. blashea

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear that. No one has a right to your story or your body. You shouldn’t be forced to do anything. I hope that you are safe. We are here for you and support you. You are so strong and brave.

  13. SAL Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing with us. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s hard not to blame yourself in situations like this, but it is not at all your fault for what happened. They should’ve respected you and your wishes and not blackmailed you. They took advantage of you and that was wrong of them. Sometimes it takes a while for symptoms to pop up/realize what the cause of them is, but once you do, you can start working on it.
    Stay Strong,
    Stella

  14. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Asexuality,

    I am so sorry to hear this happen to you. What they did was wrong and you are brave to share your story. We are honored that you did. Please seek help if that is what you feel is right. We want to help in any way we can.

    Ryan

  15. jamie.lynn Volunteer

    Asexuality,
    I am so sorry to hear that people have used force and control to pressure you into activities you didn’t want to be a part of. I hope you hear me (and all the others) when we say this is not your fault. You are not to blame for the actions of others. I hope you know we are here for you and we hear you and your story! We have a lot of resources available and are willing to help you find more if needed. Please let us know if we can help you in any other way!

    -jamie

  16. Jade Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry for what happened to you. You deserve to have control of your own body and to never be pressured into something you dont want to do, especially sex. You deserve to be respected, especially about your sexuality. Please don’t let these people tear you down. Please stay strong and know that you are never alone, we are always here for you.

  17. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am sorry that that happened to you-no one should ever pressure ANYONE into sex, and this wasn’t your fault. Please come back and share more if you want-we are here for you.

    Erin

  18. Ashley Day Captain

    The fact that your partners used threats, to influence you to have sexual intercourse with them, is unacceptable. I hate that they pressured and blackmailed you; their actions are despicable.

    I believe you, Asexuality.

  19. rkr18 Volunteer

    Asexuality,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. That was not ok, they should have respected your wishes I am truly sorry. If you need support please check our site. We are here for you if you need anything!
    -Marie

  20. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Asexuality,
    I am so sorry this happened. That is not okay at all. Is there anything specific you would like us to do? We are here for you and we support you. I know how hard it can be to be transgender, scared to come out, and tell people. Telling your story on here is a great first step. If you need anything you can always write back, use the “Find Help” tab in the top right corner, or text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help. Again we are here for you and want to help. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  21. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Asexuality,
    I am so sorry that this has happened to you, not once, but three times. That is not okay. It will always be your decision in who you tell certain things about you, because simply it is your life! Know that this is not your fault, and you ALWAYS have the right to say no. You deserve to be respected, no matter what! Thank you for sharing with us. It is not always easy to share. We welcome you to our site. We are here to support you and we are on your side. Stay strong! If you ever need anything or want to share more with us, we will be here!
    Sending hope,
    Natalie

  22. Solongago

    I wonder if there is a forum for folks who are a-sexual that would be able to give you even better support, because they deal with the same thing. I am sorry you are having difficulty, but I don’t know… There was a time when I wanted nothing to do with either sex because what happened to me. But, I wasn’t a-sexual or homosexual. My brother is gay, though, and because of that I realize that folks who are can be very helpful within their circle because they understand each other and have shared experiences.

    Again, sorry you have had this experience.

  23. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Asexuality,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry people took advantage of you and treated you badly, but hopefully now you can recognize and stop these things before they happen. I’m not saying it’s your fault at all!! It is 100% NOT your fault. But there are some wicked people out there that will try to hurt you. You’re so strong. Don’t forget that. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We support you no matter what!

  24. Zoe Volunteer

    Hi, Asexuality.

    I am so sorry for what has happened to you, and for what these people have put you through. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and your partner(s) should never pressure or coerce you into doing anything that you don’t want to do. I hope you’ve been able to cut these people out of your life, and that you know you deserve someone who will accept and respect you, just as you are. You should be the only person who has control over your own body. That means being able to set clear boundaries for yourself when it comes to relationships, and the person that you’re with should respect those boundaries, or they don’t deserve to be with you.

    Thank you for opening up about this and sharing it with us. Please let us know if there’s any further ways that we can help you. We’re here to support you.

    Zoe.

  25. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi Asexuality,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you, this was not fair or okay at all. What this perso did was not right and you deserve to be treated so much better. You should feel comfortable and not be pressured into anything you don’t want to do and threatening to out you is completely wrong. Have you talked to anyone about this? It could help, if we can help you in any way please let us know!!
    Kailey

  26. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this happened to you. What they did was not right and you should not be pressured to do anything you dont want to do. You have the right to your choice and what you want to do. The whole blackmailing can be looked into by LE if you are up to it because its against the law. If you need anything we are here for you.

  27. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Asexuality,

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You didn’t deserve it and none of this was your fault. You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. If someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to, then they are failing to treat you how you deserve to be treated. It is sickening to read that they even blackmailed you with your identity. It is up to you, and no one else, to determine if and when you want to have sex and if and when you want to reveal to someone that you are trans. Are these people still in your life? Can we help you in anyway? There is no pressure, but we do have resources in our “Find Help” tab if you are interested. It is totally fine if you do not want to though. Everyone heals differently and it is important to only do things if you are comfortable to. I want you to know that you are not alone and that we believe you. We are always here to support you. I hope future partners treat you with the love and repsect that you deserve. You are incredible person and you have shown a ton of strength for you perserverence. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  28. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Asexuality,
    What these people have done is despicable, and I’m truly sorry that you’ve been through this. They should not be pressuring you to have sex; instead, they should ask for your consent and respect your answer. Also, it should be your decision as to who you want to tell about a part of your identity. Other people should not be outing you or threatening to out you, and they should respect your decision. You deserve to be around people who accept you as you are, and I hope you’re away from those partners.
    That being said, thank you for confiding in us with your story. You are a strong and courageous individual. Please let us know if you need anything, and we’re here for you. You can do this!

  29. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Asexuality,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. That is wrong of your partners to do that. They shouldn’t be pressuring you into sex at all, especially knowing that you are asexual, and they absolutely should not be blackmailing you, especially using your identity to do so. I hope that you are no longer with those partners because you deserve so much better than that. It is YOUR right to not want to have sex and YOUR right to tell or not tell people that you are trans. You are strong and powerful.

    If you ever need anything , we will always be here supporting you.
    Megan