Hey everyone. It’s been a while since I posted an update on here, and that’s because things lately have actually been great…up until this past week.
This past week has been so upsetting and emotionally taxing for me. I applied to a bunch of jobs on Tuesday, and of course I was rejected by about half of them almost immediately after applying. After being unemployed for months now, I feel dejected.
I recently started a podcast where I could talk about movies (which I love) and even other stuff. I decided to ask a few friends Wednesday night for discussion topics for the podcast. Instead, they decided to critique my formula and tell me ways in which I could improve my podcast and speaking skills. I know that they were just trying to help, but their words and condescending tone really hurt me. I can take criticism, but only if the person makes it clear that they are trying to help me and use a kind tone when speaking. After Wednesday night, I feel angry.
I’ve also been arguing with my mom more often lately, and it’s usually over small and trivial things. I now have a desire to be purposefully lazy and disobedient just to teach her a lesson about not getting worked up over little things (she’s the one who usually starts the arguments, although I confess I could be kinder when responding to her).
And finally, I asked this girl that I like to hang out. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately and I decided to tell her that I like her when we would hang out, and I was really hoping that she would be the one that I would spend the rest of my life with. But I think that she caught on to my plan because she told me that she would be willing to hang out…but “just as friends.”
After this week, I am upset of course. But I’m mostly unsure. I’m not sure how to proceed, how to move on. I’m not sure what my future will be like now, and I’m not sure if things will ever really improve. I know that I’m probably overreacting and that my emotions are clouding my judgment, but to be honest I’m letting my emotions get the best of me. Because this week has been fucking shitty and I’m acting out now. For now I’m angry, dejected, lazy, and unsure of if things will improve for me.
I genuinely hope that you are all doing well, though.