(This happened back in january)

One night I was staying at a resort with my family. There were about 40 of us staying there that night. For my family we all have an unbreakable bond and we all support each other no matter what. But with that comes alot of judgement and pressure. I’m the baby of the family, even though I’m not the youngest, so everyone is crazy protective over me. At that time i recently got out of a 2yr relationship, he didnt even break up with me. He literally just ghosted me and started dating a new girl. I was so heartbroken and depressed. So that night my cousins tried really hard to make me have fun and forget about him. So we ended up drinking and smoking throughout the night. Later that evening we had a bonfire on the beach. My aunt’s husband then joined us (he was close to our age so we let him stay). Then a few of my cousins fell asleep by the fire. I was so drunk i dont remember much. But i remember him touch me and asking me to leave with him. And i remember telling him no so many times but he wouldnt leave me alone. he kept touching me, but it was dark and no one could really see what he was doing to me. I remember that i noticed that we were almost out of alcohol so i finished the rest of it. Then i asked my older guy cousin to go out with my aunt’s husband to get more. He looked at me so confused and i asked him and my girl cousin to come with me to the ocean. And my aunt’s husband tried to follow us but i told him i was going to throw up, so he let us be. I told me cousins what was going on and we made a plan to get met aunt’s husband away. I felt like my attire was the reason my aunt’s husband come onto me so i asked me guy cousin if i could wear his hoodie. When my guy cousin and aunt’s husband left i slapped all my cousins awake because i was so scared. I didnt know what to do. But it took longer than usual and my cousin and the guy was back already. I was planning to wake up my cousins then run and tell my uncles and adults who were sleeping in the resort that was literally 50 metres from us. But they came back too soon. That night no one slept, I was so scared even though all my cousins were there and aware. The guy left around 5am but we were still too scared to sleep. The next day the rest of my family found out what happened and was determined to track him down. My aunt called me a liar and a slut, because she said her husband would never do that to her and her 2 little children. I feel guilty and ashamed because I’m the reason shes cut out of the family now. I feel like i couldve done more to stop him. I feel like i shouldve worn more than just my bikini and shorts. I feel like a home wrecker. to be honest i just feel dirty.

There are still nights I have nightmares about his hands on me. This isnt the first time iv’e been sexually assulted, but it hurts the most because its family.


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50 comments

  1. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi volleyball,

    I’m so sorry to hear about that breakup, that’s a really mean thing to do to someone who you’ve been with for two years. I’m really sorry to hear about your uncle as well. It’s so frustrating when someone within the family breaks that layer of safety we all deserve to feel. One thing to note is it’s not your fault for wearing what you were wearing that night. It’s his fault for not listening to you when you said no and for approaching you in the first place. You have full right to wear whatever you want and that doesn’t give anyone permission to touch you. Your aunt was wrong to side with her husband, what he did was unacceptable. I’m so glad the rest of your family listened to you and sided with you. We have some amazing resources here if you want to talk further: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/ .

    Stay strong,

    T

  2. Lex Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    I want to start off by saying how sorry I am that this happened to you. No one should ever have to go through this. It does not matter what you were wearing, he should have never taken advantage of you and touched you inappropriately. You have no reason to feel ashamed or guilty as you did nothing wrong. It is heartbreaking that your aunt does not believe you, but some people just have a harder time understanding and listening to things that they don’t want to hear. We have several resources that may help you on this journey in our ‘Find Help’ tab at the top of our website.

    Stay strong. We are here for you, always.
    -Lex

  3. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. None of what happened is your fault and you should not blame yourself nor your clothing for what occurred. I am happy that it seems like most of your family is supportive. For your aunt, it will definitely be hard for her to accept the facts, but she should believe you and realize that what her husband did was wrong. What business did he have hanging out with you guys anyways when he has a wife and young children? He sounds like he was just looking for the perfect opportunity to do something like this. Basically, I just want to highlight that you should not feel bad, nor should you feel like a home wrecker. None of this is your fault and I hope that you have the support of family and friends to heal. Please feel free to check out the resources that we have linked in our ‘Find Help’ tab. Please reach out if you would like to share more with us, but, of course, no pressure.

  4. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear volleyballplayer18,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing or what you were doing; he shouldn’t have been touching you and should have left you alone after the first time you said no. You are not a homewrecker; you didn’t want his advances nor did you ask for them in any way. He made his own decisions and is the only person responsible for the consequences. Be gentle with yourself and talk to you the way you would if this had happened to a friend. Our Find Help tab has some great resources that may help you begin to heal. Others have mentioned the Crisis Text Line and I would also recommend RAINN. They have a hotline you can call (1-800-656-4673) or a web-chat (www.rainn.org) to talk with a trained counselor about sexual assualt/abuse for free 25/7. Please feel free to write to us as often as you would like and let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. You are not alone in this; this community is here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  5. Solongago Volunteer

    I am sorry this happened. It is true that it being family makes it worse, both because you thought you could trust the person, and because the fall out, after the fact, where some family members won’t believe it, and blame you, because they just can’t put the blame where it belongs. If it is a stranger, everyone can stand up behind and beside you and support you and place the blame firmly where it belongs.

    It sounds like this isn’t resolved for you, if you are still having nightmares and are feeling dirty and guilty. It may be a good idea to work through it with someone trained and experienced with helping trauma victims. The sooner the better. The less time that we spend stuffing the feelings and blaming ourselves, feeding the shame, the less damage we have to slog through in the end. There is another thing too, you were victimized prior, and while that wasn’t your fault, nor this, victims are often vulnerable to repeated attacks by other people. When we work through what happened, and grow in confidence and self esteem, we tend to not be victimized as often, we become less vulnerable to attack. It is like the perpetrators can tell who is likely to be manipulated quietly and not tell. By taking the bull by the horns, we begin to let scumbags know that we aren’t going to take it. This is all internal, it is something like confidence, something like self-awareness. I am not sure what exactly it is, but it is so worth it to work through what happened for you, for your future, for relationships, for your family going forward.

  6. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey volleyballplayer18,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry your aunt’s husband did this to you. He had absolutely no right to touch you without your consent and you didn’t deserve that, no matter what you were wearing or what substances you had consumed. I hope you know that! That must have been so scary to tell your family and I am so proud of you for doing so. It’s not your fault that your aunt ostracized herself. Hopefully she realizes soon that her husband is a creep. She owes you an apology, and based on how you described your family, I have a feeling she will come around. Please keep this in mind – you are not the bad guy. He preyed on you and you did the right thing by exposing him. Maybe speaking with a professional would help you work through these thoughts you’re having and help stave off the nightmares. Regardless, we are here for you no matter what if you ever want to share your feelings. Stay strong!

    Marissa

  7. jao1820 Volunteer

    Hey Volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry you had to endure that traumatic experienece. I hope you know that nothing was your fault. When we reflect on past situations we always think of things we couldve done different, but in the moment you probably did whats best. Please dont feel like a homewrecker or guilty because of what your aunt’s husband did, he knew what the repurcussions of his actions would be. Im sorry you’re experiencing nightmares about the experience, perhaps talking to a therapist would be beneficial. If you need more resources or services please look under the “Find Help” page. Stay strong!

    – J.A.O.

  8. yailinrenteria Volunteer

    Hey volleyballplayer18,
    I am extremely sorry this occurred. No one should ever have to go through this. You are extremely brave for sharing with us. You are extremely strong for opening up to your cousins and family. You are absolutely not a homewrecker nor a slut. This was in no way your fault. The clothes you wear gives no man the right to touch you or assault you. Your family did an amazing thing by having your back and standing up with you. Please do not feel like you are at fault for the distance your family has with your aunt. You did nothing wrong. Don’t ever question yourself, like you did something wrong or lying. We believe you and so does your family. Here in A Voice for the Innocent, you will find support and help. If there is anything we can do for you do not hesitate to ask or check out the help tab at the top of the screen there you will find many different resources that may help you.
    Stay safe,
    Yailin

  9. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    I am sorry that this happened to you, but thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us. I could imagine this being a very tough situation, especially that your family is involved. I want you to know that your choice in clothing does not mean you are at fault for anything that happened to you. The clothing on your body does not reflect or give your consent to any kind of behavior. I am hoping your family continues to support your during this time — but know that we are always here to support you as well! Please feel free to keep us updated on your progress.
    Stay Strong,
    Sarah

  10. Ruby98 Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    Thank you for your bravery and sharing your story with us, I know it must have been difficult but we are here to listen. I am incredibly sorry that this happened to you. I hope you know that this is not your fault regardless of what clothes you were wearing. You have the right to dress your how you want and with out having to feel guilty about it. It sucks that society has led us to believe such a thing but society is wrong in that. You’re at the beach with friends and family and should be enjoying your time not worried about what will happen next. Your aunts husband is in the wrong and should have never done that to you. You tried to keep yourself safe in the best way possible, and i’m happy your cousins helped you. Please dismiss what your aunt said about you, sometimes people can say inappropriate things and out of frustration. Im sorry you have nightmares about this have you ever though about going to therapy or do you have other ways you cope with what happened? You can explore the “Find Help” page on the website. We are here to support you, we hear you..please feel free to come back and update us if you feel like venting or talking to someone. i hope you have a better week and stay safe, take care.

  11. almax Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    I’m so sorry for both of your situations. First, being in a relationship and ghosted is so wrong. They are completely in the wrong to not communicate at the very least what they do or do not want, and you deserve someone who treats you well and with respect. I am sure you well get through this and know you can keep writing and we will happily read and reply. For your second situation, you are 100% not at fault. No circumstance can justify what was done to you. Your clothes do not mean permission in any way, shape or form. You did what you could to say no, which is already so much. Even if you had not said no, it would still not warrant this. They crossed lines, and you have no fault in anything that may have resulted from this. Your aunt may try and find blame onto others because she can not process all that happened, and that is not fair to do to you. I am so glad you had cousins to tell this to. It is such a difficult place like you said, since it is family, but those who understand you are your family. Time will heal all your wounds. Please stay strong, reach out to the “find help” tab for more resources if you like as well. Thank you for sharing this, you are so much stronger than you know!

  12. Ochoa Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    First off I want to thank you for sharing with us. I’m sorry that you had to go through something like this especially it involving family. None of this is your fault and you are not a home wrecker. You should not be questioned about what happen as if you’re lying. We believe you. Please stay strong and comeback if needed and give us an update on how you are doing.

  13. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I do want to mention that this instance and those to follow were not your fault. Just because you’re wearing specific attire doesn’t mean you are giving someone a hint. You are at the beach and enjoying yourself with friends. Additionally, this person was related to you by marriage and knew of the power differential being married to your aunt. He knew it was wrong, but he still made moves towards you which is why your family reacted the way they did. It’s not your fault that he acted the way he did or that your family decided to cut ties with them. That was his decision and his decision alone. You did what you could to keep yourself safe considering the circumstance and I’m very proud of you for telling your family what happened. You are strong and don’t let anyone tell you different.
    We are here for you and want to support you in any way possible. I hope the comments are helpful and reassuring in that you are not to blame. Feel free to update us on how you feel 🙂
    Stay strong <3

  14. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am very sorry for everything that happened and that you are now living with the fallout from it. I echo what has been said by so many of our volunteers: what happened was not your fault and your aunt’s husband was wrong to do what he did. I know it can be hard to reason through all the emotions you’re feeling, but please don’t think of yourself as a home wrecker or dirty. The fact that your aunt chose to believe her husband’s side of the story and cut off the rest of the family as a result was her choice. I hope that one day for her sake and her children’s she realizes the truth. I am glad that you were able to wake up your cousins and that you were not alone for the rest of the night. I hope that you feel safe from him now. I’m truly sorry that you have been having nightmares for many months – would it be helpful to talk to therapist if you haven’t already done so? We are always here for you to talk to as well so please post as often as you need. Please take care!

  15. lizzi

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you at the resort. It was not okay for your aunt’s husband to touch you and keep bothering you when you were clear you weren’t interested. The first time you said no, he should’ve stopped and left you alone. It is absolutely not your fault what happened, and it’s not your fault that your aunt was upset. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing or that you were drinking or anything else. He did this, not you. I hope you know that you aren’t a liar, slut, or home wrecker because you did nothing wrong. I’m so sorry that you had to endure this assault, but that you’re also left being blamed for the family problems that followed because of his actions. Would it be possible for you to talk to a counselor about what you’ve been through? Otherwise the Find Help tab at the top of the page has some really great resources that can help you deal with what happened. Thank you so much for trusting us with this part of your story, and please know that we’re here for you if you want to share more. We support you and believe you.

  16. delvecchis1 Volunteer

    Dear Volleyball

    Nothing that happened to you was your fault. It was not what you were wearing. It was not because you were drunk. It was because that man is a predator. Please remind yourself of this as often as you need to.

    He is the reason they are not actively a part of your family anymore, and I hope your aunt is seeking the help she needs to understand the situation and steps she can take to feel safe as well. But she should have never said those things to you – they aren’t true.

    The nightmares can be intense and I am so sorry you’re having them. When we don’t consciously deal with our trauma in our waking, our mind will try to process it in our unconscious sleep state. Starting to talk about this, and finding trusted resources (check the find help tab) is a great step to take to begin your healing. I am so thankful you trusted us with this. We are for you.

    Be kind and gentle to yourself as you navigate this process. I am so happy your family believed you and was there for you when you told them what happened. I hope they continue to be a pillar of support.

    Please come back and share with us anytime you want or need to.

  17. mjy1999 Volunteer

    I am so sorry to hear what happened. I am glad you shared your story with us. It is not your fault and you should not be blamed for actions of someone else. Feel free to share again and look in the resource page on the site.

  18. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    I’m so sorry to hear what happened, and thank you for taking the time and courage to share your story with us. I hope you have been able to find some comfort in our responses. I just want to reiterate that what happened was not your fault at all; he should have respected your “no.” I hope your family is supporting you, and I hope you find someone like a therapist to confide in who will help you work through what you are feeling. You are an amazing person; you are not a homewrecker or dirty. Please come back anytime you want to talk to someone; we are always here to support you!

  19. haesol Volunteer

    hi volleyballplayer18,

    thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you went through that awful experience, that man shouldn’t have ever abused you. it was not your fault, you never gave consent and he didn’t respect it. the way you were dressed has nothing to do with what happened, and you didn’t deserve to go through that experience. it’s normal to look back on it and think things could’ve been different, but you did your part back then by saying no and trying to stay away—the rest is all his fault alone. I hope you’re safe now and haven’t met him since; your aunt should have believed you back then and I’m sorry she didn’t. you are not a homewrecker, and you are not dirty.

    I hope sharing the story now helped you one way or another, feel free to talk more whenever you want, we will listen. i hope these days are more gentle to you, you deserve to find healing.

    stay safe.

  20. Elvia29 Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry this happen to you and especially because it was someone that was part of your family. This was not your fault you shouldn’t feel guilty for something you didn’t do. You are not a homewrecker and you shouldn’t feel dirty. Your aunt shouldn’t have treated you that way she did and I wish she believed you. Don’t blame yourself for her cutting out the family. Your family had the right to know what he did to you. I am sorry to hear you have nightmares and that this was not your first time being assaulted. I hope with time everything gets better for you. Remember we are here for you. You are not alone Hope to hear from you again.
    Stay positive,
    Elvia

  21. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hello volleyballplayer18,
    Thank you for sharing your story! First of all, none of this was your fault! You have a right to wear whatever you would like, without fear of this happening to you. You have every right to hang out with family, expecting to have a good time and stay safe. I am sorry that your aunt’s husband took that away from you.
    You also are not a homewrecker and are not dirty. In fact, I think the effort you took to stay safe and get out of a bad situation makes you strong! It can take a lot of courage to stand up to someone, especially in a large family. I am glad that for the most part, your family listened to you and stood behind you. Your aunt’s husband was the one who violated your trust and ignored your firm refusal of consent. I hope that with time, things get better. Please feel free to come back and update us if you would like.

  22. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello volleyballplayer18,

    First off, I see this is your first post with us. Welcome! I’m really glad you found out about our website and we are glad you’re here.

    I’m so sorry to hear about that horrible night you had. It’s important to know that you did nothing wrong and nothing that happened was your fault. It sounds like you did everything you could that night. Also, what you or anyone is wearing in that situation doesn’t matter, the fault all comes on your aunts husband as it’s not okay to do what he did. I’m glad that your family found out, but I’m so sorry to hear that your aunt didn’t believe you. You have no reason to be ashamed as you did nothing wrong. I wish your aunt believed you, but sometimes people are just don’t understand and lash out. You did everything right this night, I’m sorry that he was around doing something that wasn’t.

    We are always right here if you ever want to speak with us again. We also have a great resource page if you need to contact someone else. Thank you for coming by and being so brave.

  23. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    I am so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I think it was very brave of you to tell your family right away. You are not responsible for your aunt’s husband and his actions. You did exactly what you felt that you needed to do to protect yourself and others. I understand the feelings of guilt and regret. Your feelings are entirely valid, just as your actions were entirely valid. You know what’s best for yourself. Please feel free to share again with us anytime as you continue to work through this. We’re here for you! We believe you, and we support you. You might also look into our resource section. There may be additional organizations that can help you as you continue to work through it.

    All the best,
    Becca

  24. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hey volleyballplayer18,
    Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. What your uncle did was a betrayal of your trust and in no way are you responsible for his behavior. You’re not a home wrecker and you’re not dirty at all. Your uncle is the one who’s a home wrecker, and it was wrong for your aunt to lash out like that even though it wasn’t your fault in any shape or form. I’m so sorry that you’re still hurting and having nightmares. You froze up because on top of being drunk, you were probably shocked that a close family member would even attempt to do something like that. All of us at AVFTI are here for you and we will try our hardest to help you and listen to what you have to say. Please check out our “Find Help” tab, it has some resources that might help you. Additionally, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, text VOICE to 741-741 to talk with a trained counselor. Feel free to come back anytime and talk more about what you’re going through.

  25. colton95 Volunteer

    Sometimes the ones who are supposed to care about us the most end up being the ones who hurt us the most. I’m sorry for what your aunt’s husband did to you, and it was wrong of your aunt to put the blame on you when you did absolutely nothing wrong. You should not feel guilty for telling the truth, and I hope that those around who still seem to really care about you will continue to do so.

  26. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. None of this is your fault. You are not a home wrecker or dirty. You weren’t the one touching someone who said no. Your aunt’s husband is in the wrong. If anyone is a home wrecker, it’s him. What you were wearing doesn’t matter. You were wearing what was comfortable for you. You shouldn’t have to change your style to accommodate someone who doesn’t understand the word no. Please don’t feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. It’s great that you were able to have family help and support you. Your aunt will come around and see that this is her husband’s fault. You did nothing wrong. If you need anything else you can use our resource tab on the top right of this page. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  27. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us. What your aunt’s husband did is a huge violation. I can understand how scary and unexpected it must have been, given that you were in a place you thought was safe with your family. When something like that happens by someone in our family or who we trust, it can feel like a huge betrayal. Your feelings of hurt, your nightmares are completely valid and a normal response to being assaulted. I am glad you have the support of your family. Have you considered speaking with a therapist or counselor?

    I also want to say that none of this was your fault. It didn’t happen because of how you were dressed or because you didn’t stop him. When we experience something traumatic, it’s common to freeze and be unable to resist, or even make the conscious decision to not resist out of fear of your safety. You have the right to drink, dress how you want, etc. and be safe. That being said, it’s totally normal to feel like it’s your fault, to feel shame, embarrassment, or like you disrupted your family. But you have nothing to be ashamed and embarrassed about. You did not ask for this. He did this and therefore the consequences of being cut out of the family is his fault. I’m sorry your aunt said those things to you; you didn’t deserve that either and none of that is true.

    I know these things can be a lot to process, so please feel free to come back and share with us anytime. We’re here for you.

    KatherineL

  28. musicislove

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story, I’m so sorry your aunt’s husband violated you the way he did. You should have been able to feel safe with your family especially when you’re on vacation and enjoying yourself, your aunt’s husband shouldn’t have done what he did. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing, your clothing choices aren’t an invitation to be touched or pushed into something you don’t want. Your no should have ben enough and I’m sorry he didn’t respect it. I’m glad your cousin’s were there and that you were able to get safe even though you didn’t feel like it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with nightmares and that this wasn’t your first experience of sexual assault, you don’t deserve any trauma in your life. Your aunt shouldn’t have taken her husband’s side over yours but I’m glad the rest of your family believes you. Please come back any time you want to share more, we’re always here for you.

    Delaney

  29. AlisonDKaufman

    volleyballplayer18

    I am truly sorry you had to experience this and it is especially hard to understand when the assault comes from a trusted family member. Please know YOU did NOTHING wrong – it doesn’t matter what you were wearing, drinking, or how you were behaving; no one has the right to touch you if you do not want it to happen. No means NO. The fear that comes along with such an assault is real and you are incredibly brave to have notified your family, even your aunt. Hopefully, one day she will realize the truth of the person she is married to for the sake of herself and her children.

    Please continue to share with us and also AVFTI has resources available to you for support in your area. When you are ready speaking with a therapist will help you work through the nightmares you are experiencing.

    Sincerely,
    Ali

  30. Ashley Day Captain

    volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with our community.

    Since you spent time at a resort with about 40 family members, I can tell that there’s a close connection between everyone. It’s upsetting to know that your previous boyfriend ended the relationship in an insensitive way; he should have communicated with you. Even if your aunt’s husband wasn’t close in age, it wouldn’t have been abnormal to allow him to stay since he’s part of the family. It’s not okay that your aunt’s husband placed his hands on you and asked you to leave with him. Since your cousins were asleep while he was behaving this way, it seems like he’s aware that his actions were inappropriate.
    The fact that you confided in your cousins on that same night is admirable and it’s wonderful to know that all of you came up with a plan to ensure you were safe. The reason that your aunt is cut out of the family is that she cannot accept the fact that her husband sexually assaulted you; the blame lies on his shoulders. Your uncle shouldn’t have placed you in a situation where it felt necessary for you to stop his actions. Wearing a bikini and shorts isn’t an invitation for other people to disrespect our boundaries. You are not a homewrecker, liar, or slut. I wish that he wouldn’t have made you feel dirty. Since this was a family member, it’s understandable that it hurts more. Our family is supposed to protect us, not inflict harm upon us.

    I believe you. You are not to blame.

    Ashley

  31. ZJC9753 Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    I am so sorry that your aunt’s husband put you through that and that he hurt you. I promise you, you are not dirty and you are not a homewrecker. You did absolutely nothing wrong, you are not to blame, and you have nothing to be sorry about or feel guilty for. The only person who is in the wrong and should feel bad is your aunt’s husband. You did not ruin their relationship and you are not responsible for her being cut out of the family, her husband is the reason. You had just gotten out of a long relationship that had a significant impact and you were vulnerable, he took advantage of you being drunk and of the pain you were in. That sounds like a terrifying night and I am so sorry that he did that to you and I am sorry that your aunt called you names and didn’t believe you, you deserve better than that. We believe you and are here to support you. I am also sorry to hear that you have been through sexual assault before and I know it is horrible when it happens again and when its somebody that you love and trust, I wish I could take away your pain. You are not alone and we are all here for you to talk to whenever you feel like sharing with us. We will always believe you.

  32. alexiswilliams

    Volleyballplayer18,

    It is important to keep in mind that this is not your fault, you did not deserve this. You are not alone, you are loved and you are valid.

    Sending healing,
    Lex

  33. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    I promise you, this wasn’t your fault. What you’re wearing is not an invitation for someone to assault you. Nothing is. He shouldn’t have done what he did, period. It hurts when the people around us say painful things, but what your aunt said isn’t true at all. You’re not a homewrecker. You speaking up wasn’t wrong – what he did was wrong. I’m so glad your cousins supported you and were aware of the situation. It’s understandable that you were scared, and you were protecting yourself.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re here for you, and we won’t judge or blame you. If or when you want to share how you’re feeling, we’ll be here to listen. You’ll always have a safe space here.

  34. Neesha Volunteer

    Oh volleyballplayer18,
    What you were wearing [which sounds like beach clothing] is not consent. Your uncle should not in any circumstances touched you inappropriately. It is normal that you feel shame, it is all to common that we blame ourselves when we are not at fault. I don’t see you as a home wrecker, your uncle made his choice to assault you and cheat on his wife. I am so grateful that you have other family members that you could rely on to protect you. Thank you for sharing, we are always here for you.

  35. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there volleyballplayer18,

    What happened to you was not your fault. Clothing and/or intoxication aren’t substitutes for consent. It’s incredible that you have a family that immediately came to your side to help you through this terrible experience, and I can see why it would be hard for you to cope with your family cutting off your aunt. You speaking up doesn’t make you a homewrecker, and your aunt’s husband should be held accountable for the harm he did to you. If your aunt doesn’t see that, it’s likely for the best that she doesn’t contact you. That separation from family always stings, but in the end, I think it’ll be better for your mental health and your healing.

    Stay patient with yourself right now, and take some time to do the things that bring you joy this week. We’ll be here the next time you want to share! Sending lots of warm thoughts your way.

  36. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for coming here and bravely sharing your experience with us. I am so sorry that happened to you. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing – clothes and attire is not consent. You told him to stop and he ignored you and violated you anyway. That is not your fault. I’m proud of you for speaking up and sharing this with your family. I can imagine it was very scary and intimidating, but I am really proud of and impressed with your courage. You are not a homewrecker, you didn’t do anything wrong. How are you coping with this? Do you have helpful support? You can explore our Find Help tab for some resources that may help you feel better. Let us know how we can support you and how you are doing. Keep your chin up.

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  37. ryannlashea Volunteer

    hi, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I would like to start by saying that no one of it was your fault. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing or doing, he never should’ve taken advantage of you. No means no. You are so strong and brave and I’m glad you had people there with you to help keep you safe. We are all here for you and support you. Thank you for trusting us with your story.

  38. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, volleyballplayer18-

    I hear your pain in this story that you shared with us. It was strong of you to write this all out and reach out about it. You did not deserve this or your other assaults and you did nothing wrong. You bravely tried to make it stop, removed yourself from the situation, then shared with your family what happened. You are a rock star for doing all of that courageously. It sounds like you feel guilty for the affect it had on your family, but that’s normal and understandable- you obviously care about the well being of your family and the unity of them. It’s obvious you care about them and that is admirable of you. You did a great job of taking care of yourself, too, though, by letting others know what happened and keeping yourself safe. Sometimes that feels selfish, but it’s necessary! Keep doing that when you need to and offer yourself some mercy, because it sounds like your family loves you very much. It is positive that you have that support system.

    Keep us updated as you feel comfortable! Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care,
    Adrian

  39. e.almaguer Volunteer

    Hi, I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for being brave enough to share with us your experience…so sad it had to be someone from your own family. Sadden people like that exist but do not let this ruin you. You got this, you’re strong! Just as you have the other times you will overcome this and this was the last time that will ever happen to you. Lets make sure you fully heal from this and check out our resources page there is really valuable and helpful stuff for you perhaps. Or come shoot us a post, we are here for you 24/7. take care of yourself, sending you lots of positive vibes your way.

  40. Sailboat22

    Hello Volleyballplayer18 –

    Thank you for being here and sharing your story. I am sorry this happened to you and that this was not the first time you were assaulted. Please know that this had nothing to do with you or what you wore. Everyone has a right to have fun and feel comfortable on their family vacations – and that was wrong of him to take that away from you. You did the right thing by telling other immediately and protecting yourself. That was very strong and brave to stick up for yourself and tell the truth. Please feel free to come back and share – we are always here for you!

  41. Starling Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this. You didn’t deserve it. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing. He had no right to do that to you. None of this is your fault. It’s good that you told your cousins, and that you had people to protect and support you. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  42. jlanderos16 Volunteer

    Hey Volleyballplayer18,
    Welcome to AVFTI and thank you for sharing your story with us! First off, I’m sorry this happened to you, but I’m glad you told your cousins what was happening to you and they all protected each other! That show how strong you guys are and how much you guys love each other! But you shouldn’t feel like you broke the family, it wasn’t your fault it was all the boyfriend fault! He shouldn’t have done that to you guys and your aunt shouldn’t be calling you those names, she should be the one saying that to her boyfriend who was harassing you guys! You guys did the right thing speaking up and protecting each other and just overall, your family having each other backs and tracking down the guy! But thank you for sharing and I hope you come back with an update! Be safe & be careful!

  43. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, that shows tremendous strength. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please know that what happened was NOT your fault in any way, no one deserves to be assaulted. We believe you and it can be terrifying to share such an awful experience. It sounds like you’ve been resilient through so much even though it’s not fair you’ve had to be. I’m so sorry for those horrible things your aunt has called you; that must have been devastating to hear, but please know that none of it is true. You are strong, brave, resilient, and worthy of support. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone. If you ever feel overwhelmed or need to talk to someone you can always reach out here or text VOICE to 741-741 to speak to a trained counselor.

    Wishing you all the best,
    -Rachel

  44. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there volleyballplayer18,

    I am so sorry for what you have been through. Please know that it wasn’t your fault, and you are not to blame. No matter what you wore, that is not an invitation for him. You should be free to wear what you want and feel safe, and I’m so sorry that that was not the case.

    It sounds like your family was supportive and helped keep you safe. You have an amazing support system in them. As for your Aunt, that is not your fault. You are not dirty or a home wrecker.

    You are an incredibly strong individual, and please know that we are here for you. We support you and we believe you. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

    Carmen

  45. zelda Volunteer

    Hi, volley. Welcome to AVFTI! It took a lot of courage to share your story. You are NOT a home wrecker, and you are NOT dirty! Your uncle was the dirty home wrecker the second he decided to violate you. And I’m so sorry you went through that. You have a friend in each and every one of us, and we’re all here for you. You’re always welcome here. 💕

  46. cindy024 Volunteer

    Hi, volleyballplayer18,
    First of all, Thank you for sharing with us your story! you did not deserve what he did to you at all! You are a strong and brave individual! Nothing was your fault! this happened because it happened but not to worry! we are always here to help and assist you!! Please feel free to check out our resources!

  47. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s incredibly difficult to not be believed and to be called horrible names, especially by family. Please know what happened is not your fault. You did not deserve for this to happen. I know those nightmares can be terrifying and displacing. Our friends at Crisis Text Line are always available, in case you need a more immediate response from someone. You can reach them by texting VOICE to 741-741. We are here for you and we believe you.

    Sending you light,
    SFM

  48. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened. You didn’t deserve any of this, and I promise you it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your job to stop him, and your clothing had nothing to do with it. You didn’t wreck anyone’s home. He did, by harming you. It is his fault, and his fault alone. I am sorry about what your aunt said to you. You didn’t deserve that either. We believe you, we are here for you, and we support you. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to talk through what happened? This may help with the nightmares. You can also come back here and share anytime.

    Erin

  49. Mary Ella Volunteer

    Hey volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you for sharing this with us! First, I want to say that you did nothing wrong. Everything that happened, including your aunt cutting herself out of the family, was not your fault. It was her husband’s fault for taking advantage of you. You’re not at fault, and your outfit was not an invitation (it never is). You were with family and you’re supposed to feel comfortable and safe around family. Guilt is totally normal, especially with the aftermath, but please remind yourself that this was not your fault. You didn’t deserve to go through that experience. If there is anything else we can do, we are here for you and we are here to listen. Take care! You are so strong.

  50. meg Volunteer

    Hi volleyballplayer18,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that your aunt’s husband did that to you. I want you to know that there is nothing that you did wrong. You were so strong and did everything you could do to protect yourself. I am proud of how you handled that situation. Your Aunt’s reaction is unfair to you… you are not a home wrecker. Your Aunt’s husband knew exactly what he was doing and he is the only one who is wrecking their relationship. I know it’s tough.. and I am sorry that you’ve been assaulted multiple times.. When you find yourself thinking back on what happened, think about the moments where you found your voice and your bravery. You asked for help. You told your family. You did everything you could. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to to help you navigate the guilt that you feel? If you need help finding one, check the FIND HELP tab on the top of the page for some really wonderful resources. Please continue to update us. We are always here for you. Thank you for trusting us. Keep reminding yourself that it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You did everything you could do.

    Be gentle with yourself,
    Meg