Hey everyone, it’s Jamie again with updates.
I started up a group therapy session on Wednesday, encouraged by the staff at the local hospital. Hopefully they’ll help me in time.
Lately, I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of the mental abuse (still deal with the PTSD brought on by the rape), and I honestly don’t know if that part will ever go away.
I’ve been getting extremely close with my guy friend (we’ll call him Benjamin for anonymous sake), to the point where I really care about him, and love him, too, and he 100% feels the same way. We both have endured abuse, so it’s easier for us to talk about it, but at the same time, thanks to the mental abuse, I feel I’ll never be enough for him. He reassures me, stays on the phone with me until I fall asleep, and looks out for me, but I just fear he’ll leave, and I wouldn’t blame him at all if he did. Why would anyone want to stay with someone who’s still dealing with issues from previous trauma? I just worry i’ll say or do something that’ll ultimately change his mind, even though he tells me he’ll never leave, or doubt our relationship.
That’s just how I feel, and what my ex (rapist) said still haunts me to this very day that’s it hard to maintain any friendship or relationship with anyone.
Will I ever move past this, let alone feel enough?