Advice for Pressing Charges

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I am 18 and dated a guy for about a year. During that year he raped me while I was sleeping and sexually assaulted me multiple times (pressuring me into doing things, tried to make me suck his dick while I was sleeping, would get mad at me for saying no, etc). I knew these things were wrong but never thought much of them because it was my first sexual experience and what I was used to for a year. About 6 months ago, he cheated on me. That is when I started to realize what he did was messed up and I now have trauma and get really anxious anytime a man touches me, etc. I want to press charges but I am scared. I have messages of him admitted to touching my vagina while I was sleeping and I also have a message of him saying “you raped me and sexually assaulted me. I hope your mother knows you’re a rapist.” How would this evidence help me and is it good enough to press charges? He is 17 but turns 18 near the end of the year, if that has any effect.


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51 comments

  1. colton95 Volunteer

    What he did to you is absolutely horrible and you did not deserve to go through that at all. I hope that you will be okay and that when you do press charges that he wil truly face justice for what he has done. If you want him to really suffer for the awful things he did, then wait until he is 18 so that he will be tried as an adult and hopefully receive a much greater indictment.

  2. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, hope3600. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. It’s awful that he treated and abused your trust that way. I’m not qualified to give legal advice, but there are some resources on this site under the FIND HELP tab that could get you in touch with someone who can. Hang in there. I can understand how pressing charges can be scary, but you got this. Stay in touch with your heart and what avenues it is telling you to pursue. We’re here for you.

  3. bbbmjohnson Volunteer

    It’s sad to hear that someone violated your trust like that. Consent is a major thing and you should never be manipulated into doing something you’re not comfortable with, even if you don’t even know about it. No one should have to go through that.
    Press charges when you are ready, there shouldn’t be any rush. Unfortunately I don’t know a lot about the legal stuff, but don’t be afraid to use your resources. There are a lot of knowledgeable people out there wanting to help you.
    -Bailey

  4. Caitlin Volunteer

    Hello hope3600,

    Thanks for reaching out! You are going through many different aspects of what has happened. First of all you are deserving of so much more then what you have experienced! You deserve to be supported and treated respectfully. I am very sorry that didn’t happen. I am wondering if you have the support of a family member or close friend that can help you navigate this with you? Someone local that might know some local resources? As many others have shared you can check out the “find help” tab on this site, but having someone to traverse this with could be helpful.

    I am not sure what all would be needed to have a firm case, but I would say exploring all the possible outcomes to each extreme (good and bad) before you move forward could help you decide what to do next. It’s so overwhelming I would imagine and full of emotion.

    Either way taking care of yourself and getting through some of this trauma with a licensed therapist could be so beneficial. We are here to hear from you anytime you would like!

    -Caitlin

  5. musicislove

    Hi hope3600,

    I’m so sorry your ex took violated you the way he did while you were with him. None of what he did to you was your fault and you didn’t deserve any of the pain he put you through. You deserve someone that will respect your decisions and not push you into anything you’re uncomfortable with. It’s definitely understandable that it took time for you to process what he did to you it’s also understandable that you get anxiety with other men, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with these feelings. Whether you decide to press charges or not is up to you, but I agree with others below that you should keep those messages in case you do. We have a ton of resources under our ‘Find Help’ tab in case you need assistance with anything, and we’re always here as well. Thank you for trusting us with your story.

    Delaney

  6. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi hope3600,
    I wish this person hadn’t taken advantage of you. What he did was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. It can take time to fully understand how someone harmed us, and sometimes this occurs after the harm has been done. This is common, and this wasn’t your fault.
    It also makes sense that you’re scared about pressing charges. You can press charges if/when you feel ready, and you can take your time when it comes to making that decision. I’m not a legal expert, so I don’t know what evidence would be helpful. However, if you plan on pressing charges, I would recommend keeping any messages you have. I would also recommend the “Find Help” tab at the top of the page for additional resources.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. If you need any help and support, please feel free to write back to us. We’re rooting for you, and we’re happy to help in any way we can. You’re not alone, and we’re here for you.

  7. amilne9 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. It is so courageous of you to be able to talk about this, and I am very proud of you! I am so sorry about what happened to you, and I hate that someone you trusted would take advantage of you like that. I want you to know that you did not deserve any of that, and you are so much more than what happened to you. You are so strong for making it through this, and I think its good that you are holding him accountable for what he did. I am not sure about the legal process in this situation, and I honestly don’t know what type of evidence would be considered efficient to press charges or sentence him. But, I think it is amazing that you are standing up to him and reaching out to try and find out more about how to serve him justice. I know I can’t help that much in the legal area, but my advice to you would be to try to reach out to a local lawyer or law enforcement official, or do some research of your own on previous similar cases and legal facts. I know that this can sometimes be a long and difficult process, so I am wishing you all of the strength and love in the world so you can get through this. Know that you are not alone and that you are so cherished, beautiful, and kind! Please don’t hesitate to update us, and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Much Love,
    Ari <3

  8. jyoung Volunteer

    Hey hope3600,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of it, nor was it your fault. I know that this is a big decision and I’m proud of you for making it. Although I personally don’t have much experience with the process of pressing charges, if you take a look at our “Find Help” tab, I believe it has numerous resources that may be able to assist you in getting started. I hope you can find some answers and come across what you’re looking for. And, please feel free to reach out if you need anything at all; we are here for you!

    Sending love and support,
    Jasmine

  9. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you’ve experienced these traumas. I’m really proud of you for deciding to press charges. I know that can be a difficult decision. I don’t know much about the process, but there are plenty of resources under the “Find Help” tab that may be able to get you started. Please feel free to share again any time. We are always here for you.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  10. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there hope3600,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What happened to you is absolutely not your fault, and I support your decision to press charges. I personally don’t have experience pressing charges, but we have a lot of resources related to what you’re looking for in the Find Help tab. I think that telling your story is incredibly powerful. I hope that you’re able to find some answers! Sending you lots of good thoughts.

  11. Neesha Volunteer

    I don’t have much advice maybe talk to a lawyer and a forensic psychologist. The forensic psychologist would have experience knowing what it is like for a client to go through the legal process. I am so sorry you are going through this and I so admire your courage to try to find a path to hold him accountable. I am curious how you are feeling having a recording of him accusing you of being a rapist, it’s certainly shocking he would twist things like that. You’ve been through something horrible and I hope you take the time to feel what you are feeling and be gentle with yourself. Check out our resources tab and see if something there feels good to you.
    Take care of yourself.

  12. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there hope3600,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story, and sharing with us. I am so sorry that you had to go through what you did. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. You are incredibly strong, and it takes courage to share your story with others. If pressing charges feels like an option you would like to pursue, you have our support. Please check out the “Misc links” tab above for information about legal advice. Thank you again for trusting us. We are here for you. We believe you.

    Carmen

  13. Starling Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault.It’s very brave of you to share your story and to want to press charges. Others have mentioned the legal advice we have available. It might be helpful to talk to someone you trust about this so that they can help you through the legal process and gather information. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  14. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for your courage in speaking up and sharing your story. We believe you, and I’m so sorry for what happened. As others have mentioned, there are resources available that you may find helpful. Under the find help tab, there’s a section called “Misc links” which has information for various organizations that can give you legal advice. I can imagine what a painful time this must be for you, and you deserve to have support. Have you spoken to anyone about what’s been going on? Maybe a family member or a friend who can help you through this. Please know that you can always share with us, we’re here to listen and support you in any way we can.

  15. lilyk Volunteer

    Hi Hope3600,

    Thank you so much for sharing with us, I am so sorry this happened to you. The “Find Help” tab on the website will have a bunch of links to all kinds of different resources like legal help and resource centers that will be able to give you more information about pressing charges. Hope to hear from you again and sending you strength.

  16. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    I am a little late in responding to your post but we have such a wonderful volunteer community and it looks like there has been a lot of advice for you that I would likewise echo regarding speaking with a therapist and to look for services in the Find Help tab of our website. Both would be able to guide you further to services that would help with victim advocacy as well as how to approach the situation with law enforcement. I am so sorry that this has been something that you have had to endure and that it continues to have an impact on your life today. Please do not think that you need to explain or defend anything that happened here – we all support you and are here to help. It can take time before feeling like pressing charges would be the right next step and everyone here supports you as you move along that road. It will be very challenging and you will also need emotional and mental support as you go through the process. Do you feel like you have family or friends who can be there for you? Please reach out here whenever you need to as you begin and navigate your next steps.

  17. tolleytn Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for being so brave to share your story with us. It can be a really scary experience to deal with this trauma, let alone try and press charges. Although I do not have experience with pressing charges, try and check out the “find help” tab. It should have plenty of resources in dealing with the situation and may point you in the right direction. As always, don’t hesitate to give us an update whenever you need it. We’re all here for you and support you in whatever decision you make. <3

    – Tiff

  18. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for trusting your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to go through such traumatizing experiences with your boyfriend. If you want to press charges against him, our “Find Help” tab has some resources that could be useful to you, such as legal advocates that would be willing to give you professional advice. They would be able to offer some help as to whether the messages of him would be enough to find him guilty in court. Telling a trusted friend or a family member about what you’re going through might also help you emotionally throughout the whole process. All of us here at AVFTI will support you no matter what decision you make, and we’re here to help you as much as we can. Please don’t hesitate to update us, and know that we are here for you.

  19. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. We are all here for you. It takes a lot of courage to share and we appreciate your bravery. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your boyfriend at the time. What he did was wrong. I don’t want to influence your decision to press charges as I feel that’s really only something you can decide. Maybe you can talk with a family member or a friend to see if they could help you pull things together if you feel overwhelmed. Take time to think things through, and I’m sure you’ll come to a good decision for you!

    Stay strong,
    T

  20. Mary Ella Day Captain

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am sorry that your boyfriend sexually assaulted you and cheated on you. This must have been very traumatizing; as someone who has experienced something very similar, I want to let you know that this was not your fault and that you are not alone. If you are looking into pressing charges or taking legal actions, please check out our Find Help page (the tab is on the top of the page). There, you would be able to find local resources and some of them will have people, including advocates, that will be able to give you professional advice on the matter. You can also check findhelp.org, they might have more resources available too! Whichever path you take, we totally support you and feel free to come back and update us. We are here for you.

    Mary

  21. dzreid Volunteer

    Hope3600,
    Hi there! Sharing what happened is never easy. I’m so gad you did so on here! I’m no professional so I really like giving advice but I can however offer suggestions. First off, let me say how sorry I am that this happened. It breaks my heart. I hope you know that in no way was the rape or assault your fault! Our find help page is packed full of resources that’s available to you for free. I worked at a women’s shelter, & know that in most places, they have advocates (people who can hep you with legal issues, but also help you find the resources you need to help you) I hope you take time for you. You are worth the time to heal & recover. You matter, & I care about you, so please be kind to yourself.
    Dawn

  22. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey hope3600
    Thank you for being strong enough to share your story with us. My advice to you would be to inquire at your local police station and explain the situation and ask if there is anything you can do (it would probably help to ask to speak to a female officer). I am sorry you are having to go through this because none of this is your fault and you are just trying to find justice the best way you know how. We will be here for you for anything you need, stay strong girl.

  23. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,
    Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us here. You did not do anything to deserve what happened to you. I am so very sorry to hear of your experiences. I’m not quite qualified to give any kind of legal advice, nor do I truly have any solid answers to your questions — I think the “Find Help” tab here may be able to point you in the right direction to resources available to you. Taking the leap and pressing charges is a big step & only you can decide if it is right for you. Either way, know that we are always here to support you as best as we can! Feel free to come back and update us on your journey.
    Take care of yourself,
    Sarahj

  24. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that your ex-boyfriend coerced and hurt you. Relationships are supposed to founded on love and trust and respect, and you deserved better. It sounds horrifying to realize the truth about someone so close, that he could do such terrible things without your consent. It is so courageous of you to share your story, to stand up for yourself and want justice for what happened to you.

    I personally am not too familiar with legal questions, but I would encourage you to explore the resources on our “Find Help” page. There are counselors and therapists who could help you work through the trauma and anxiety you described and also support you as you continue your search for legal advice and action. Please feel free to come back here anytime–we will always be here for you!

    Take care and stay strong,
    Judith

  25. sarahsays Volunteer

    hey hope3600,
    I’m glad you’re here and thank you for sharing your story with us. I want you to know that what you come here to share with us today is terrible and at no point in time did you deserve what happened to you.

    1. sarahsays Volunteer

      It certainly did not matter if he was your boyfriend, you deserve safety and respect. I’m proud of you for coming forward and coming to terms with what has happened so you can take the steps and moving forward and pressing charges and finding peace. Like some of the others have said I would definitely recommend looking into some of the resources we have on our website and I would also try to find a support system and either a friend or family member who can be with you on this path. Be firm and your resolve and don’t let anyone invalidate you or make you think that you do not deserve to get Justice. Unfortunately along the way people may try to make this difficult for you but you know your truth and we are here standing at your side the whole way. I’m much older to you but something similar to me happened when I was your age and I just want you to know I look up to you and think you are very brave.

      Take care & wishing you all the best.

  26. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, hope3600-

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’ve been treading water for some time- you deserve some solid ground. You are brave to reach out and share your story, and strong to want to share it with local authorities. It sounds like you might not have realized what was going on while it was all happening; it can be scary to recognize it all now. Be sure to show yourself mercy as you begin to share your story, especially with local authorities. It can sometimes help to go with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, as well. Is there someone like that in your life- a friend, family member, or a therapist? It’s productive to walk through the process with someone before you go in. This helps abate some of the anxiety you may feel when you do report. Channel your inner strength that you are showing greatly right now! Just as others have said, there are a lot of great resources up in the Find Help tab at the top of this page. Take a look and hopefully they can assist you in this next chapter in your life. Keep fighting the good fight. We’re here to support you!

    Take care,
    Adrian

  27. timms_andrew Volunteer

    Hey hope3000,
    Thank you for reaching out. I understand that you feel violated, and I want you to feel safe and comfortable. I encourage you to look at the resources:
    https://apps.rainn.org/policy/
    https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-expect-criminal-justice-system

    We are not qualified to give you legal advice, but I hope these resources are helpful for you. I encourage you to reach out to a therapist or use a hotline to share your experiences, as the counselors can help you find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with your trauma. WE wish you the best, and please reach out if you have any additional questions.

    Best,
    Andrew Timms

  28. Ashley Day Captain

    hope3600,

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with our community.

    He had no right to place his hands on you or disrespect your boundaries. Since this was your first sexual experience and these behaviors were familiar, it’s understandable that you didn’t think twice about his actions.
    I wish that he wouldn’t have caused you to experience anxiety and trauma.
    It’s difficult to say how the evidence you have would help you since legal definitions of “rape” and “sexual assault” vary by state. I encourage you to continue to hold onto the messages since he admitted to touching you without your consent. It’s not abnormal to feel scared to press charges; I believe you should be an advocate for yourself and speak up about what he did. If you decide not to, that’s okay. The decision is completely in your hands.

    https://apps.rainn.org/policy/ – If you visit this website, you can find the laws in your state by entering your state or zip code.

    https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-expect-criminal-justice-system – I came across this article that explains the process of pressing charges and I hope it’s helpful.

    Please come back and share an update because I want you to feel supported during this process. Who else have you talked to about this?

    Ashley

  29. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi hope3600,

    Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry your ex-boyfriend treated you so badly. You didn’t deserve any of that at all. I totally understand being scared to press charges. Have you considered meeting with a professional to talk through this? I think both a therapist and a lawyer might be helpful for you to figure out what steps to take next. Regardless, whatever you do is ultimately YOUR choice and I hope you know that! Please feel free to check out our “Find Help” tab at the top of the page – there are tons of resources that you might find helpful. Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We are here for you, no matter what!

    Marissa

  30. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you so much for coming on here and sharing your story – I know how difficult it must have been. I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience with your ex. You did not deserve to be treated that way. I truly cannot imagine how hard that time must have been for you, and how hard your internal conflict about pressing charges must be. I can tell that decision must be a difficult one to make, and I would strongly recommend reaching out to others you trust and having discussions around that matter. However, I do want you to remember that at the end of the day, the decision is ultimately in your hands and this is your personal experience and journey. If, at any point, you feel overwhelmed regarding anything, feel free to visit the “Find Help” tab on our website which contains some useful resources that could be of great help to you. Whatever your decision may be, just know that the AVFTI community will support it no matter what.

    Please come back on here to update us about your decision or your life in general – we’d love to hear from you again! Stay safe and take care!

    – Rohina

  31. leoreslavick Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,
    You are so strong for talking about this as this is not an easy subject to talk about. What he did to you while you are sleeping is not okay. You did not deserve that and I am so so sorry that that happened to you. I am so happy that you got out of that situation and have realized the right way to be treated. Like others have mentioned, pressing charges on a rape is scary and I would recommend to seek help and advice from people that you trust and that can support you in the process.
    Stay safe and wishing you so much support,
    Leore

  32. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is really up to you on how you would like to proceed. I am not a lawyer and cannot give you legal advice regarding on whether a statement would be enough to press charges. Have you opened up to anyone about what happened to you? Additionally, you may be able to have a free consultation with a lawyer who would be able to guide you through the process and advise you on whether or not it would be enough to press charges. Also, I am very sorry for what you experienced. I am wondering how you have been able to cope with the situation and if you have spoken to anyone about it? We have some great resources in the “Find Help” tab. Feel free to update us at any point, we will always be here for you. I want to thank you for your courage in sharing your story.

    Take care.

  33. haesol Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m really sorry you went through those experiences; you didn’t deserve any of that, and none of it was your fault. Although I am not in a position to advice you over the legal aspects of your case, I really hope you get the justice you deserve, and hopefully the resources people have shared here can be of help as well. We believe you and we are here to support you. You are welcome to come back here and update us if you want, and you can also check the Find Help tab for more resources.

    Stay safe!

  34. brookeA Volunteer

    HI hope3600,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It was so wrong for him to do that to you, and none of what happened is your fault. I hope you found some of the resources that others have shared to be helpful, and that you are able to get the justice you deserve! I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you stay safe. Please feel free to come back and update us any time because we are always here to listen to you and support you.

  35. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi hope3600,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. While I can not personally offer any advice about the legality of your situation, I can tell you that you did not deserve what happened to you and it is not your fault. Please feel free to share with us anytime. We’re here for you, we believe you, and we will support you in anyway that we can. I would recommend browsing through our resource section. There are many wonderful organizations that could be local and many of them offer legal services. You can find them under the “find help” tab.

    All the best,
    Becca

  36. DY17654 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    I am sorry that this has happened to you. This is not your fault and he should not have taken advantage of you the way he did. Like many have said before me–there are resources that you can use. I am also not a legal expert and think it would be misguided of me to tell you what to do other than that you should be taking to people you trust and seeking the best way to move forward both mentally and legally. Stay strong and courageous in these tough times and I know we look forward to any updates you have for us as to how you’re doing.

    Dustin

  37. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello hope3600,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing with us. I know this takes a lot of courage and bravery. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you and I hope you know you didn’t deserve any of it. Since this is your first time posting I wanted to share our resources link with you in case you haven’t seen it yet: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    I understand that it might be scary to press charges. I think this is normal and I know that you are strong enough to make the best choice. Have you told anyone close to you about what happened? Someone in your family, if you feel comfortable talking to them, could help you navigate this process and make it less scary.

    Please know we are here for you anytime you want to come back!

  38. Penrose Volunteer

    I don’t have any advice to add on top of what others have said, but I did want to say that I am sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to come back here if you need support.

  39. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,
    Thank you for sharing with us. You did not deserve what happened to you. I am sorry he violated your boundaries and pressured you to do things. None of that was your fault and you should never feel pressured into anything.

    It is totally normal to be nervous about pressing charges. It is a big deal that can take a lot of time and energy. However, if it is something that would bring you peace then you should definitely pursue it. As others have mentioned, laws vary by state. You should consult either an advocate, law enforcement agency, or trusted source to help determine what your next step should be! I will say that texts/communications seem like they could help. Detectives often request different forms of evidence though so only they will be able to tell you if it’s “enough”. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. You are so strong, and we are here to support you!

  40. silverliningsunshine Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you’ve gone through. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and this was not your fault. And I’m sorry to hear about your emotional trauma that this has caused you. Our platform has a resources tab if you’d like to look through that, and if you’re currently in a crisis text “HOME” to 741741. Laws regarding sexual assault typically differ from state to state so I would recommend talking to a trusted member of the police department where you live. It’s completely valid that you feel scared to press charges, just know that this is entirely your decision, and whatever you decide to choose, we will always be here for you. I hope you get the justice you deserve and find some support.

  41. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming to share with us. I am so sorry for everything that you have been through. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. I am not an attorney, and I have never reported to the police, but talking with your local rape crisis center about your options or asking for a legal advocate to help you might be a good place to start and look at your options. They could also maybe even send a legal advocate with you to talk to the police if that’s what you decide you want to do. Is there anything else we can do to support you? We are here for you.

    Erin

  42. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Hope3600,

    I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. None of this is your fault. What he did was absolutely unacceptable and I hope that justice can be achieved.

    I’m no legal expert, but I’ll echo what others have said and say that a good starting point would be talking to the police and determining how sexual assault laws operate in your state. Regardless of what you choose do, you’re very brave and I wish you the best. You are not alone. Please let us know how else we can help.

  43. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi hope3600,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. None of this is your fault. What he texted you is not okay. If you want to press charges that is up to you. I’ve never filed charges, but a good first step might be to talk to the police and showing them what he said to you. I’m sure the police can help you from there or maybe see if talking to a lawyer too can be helpful. We also have resources on the top of this page in our find help tab. There you can find resources to help with your anxiety and there are a few resources to help you with pressing charges (if you go to links under the resource tab there is one called law help to help you find non profit legal help in your state.) In the resource tab we also have different crisis centers that have legal/police advocates that can help you. I hope things go smoothly and you get the justice you deserve. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong. If you need anymore help we are always here for you.
    -Alyssa

  44. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi hope3600,

    Thanks for sharing this with us. I am so sorry to hear about what he did to you and the emotional distress he has caused on you. I’m not a lawyer or well informed on the legal process in the US, but I could offer some advice. Like others have said, do research on your state’s laws and seek a legal expert to help press charges. Use any and all evidences to help your case. You could also file a civil suit, in which the accused will have to pay a certain amount of money if found guilty. This is the case with Deshaun Watson, an NFL star who is in a civil suit of SA by dozens of massage therapists. You could seek a therapist for healing. There are many ways to handle your situation, so choose whichever you are comfortable with. We will always support you and listen to you. Stay strong.

  45. zelda Day Captain

    As a quick side note, my advice is purely related to my own experiences. I’m not a lawyer, and I can’t tell you what a lawyer could.

    I also don’t want to put any pressure on you, either. It’s always your choice to press charges. Whether you press charges or not, we have got your back. And we believe you 110%.

  46. zelda Day Captain

    Welcome, Hope. First of all, I want to say how sorry I am for the traumas you’ve endured. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful experience; it’s not supposed to be about control, power or violence.

    Before I write anything else, I want you to know that we believe in you and in your story. You have our full support here, and we’ll be behind you no matter what you choose to do.

    As someone who has tried to press charges in the past, it was more difficult the more time had passed. Detectives wanted evidence I couldn’t provide them.

    But if he has sent incriminating texts, photos or videos to you, then that definitely could be evidence to help your case. If you have taken any pictures of any injuries you sustained during the assaults, then that is also important to your case. Journal entries or digital diary, too.

    Also, if there were any witnesses to him hurting you, get in touch with them (if it’s possible). What about any of y’all’s friends? The guys he talks to? The guys who know he’s a sleaze bag? If you can contact them, you will have other people to back up the truth of his actions, and that helps significantly.

    If the police choose not to file criminal charges, you can always hit him with a civil suit. In this scenario, the rapist wouldn’t go to jail or prison, but he would have to pay. If he was found guilty (or your lawyers settle outside of a courtroom), then he would have to give you an x amount of money for the damage he inflicted.

    In the Find Help section of our site, you can scroll down to see the various resources we offer. For example, when you click on the tab, you find several different sub links. One is called Misc Links, which offers many different links to help you on your journey to healing and justice.

    Law Help is one of those links under the Misc Links tab in the Find Help tab. Basically, it helps you find nonprofit legal help in your state. May be worth looking into. You can also find resources, such as: free criminal background checks, forums for sexual assault survivors and crisis hotlines.

    Let us know if you need any assistance navigating, and we can help.

    Have faith, and hold on to hope, Hope.

    You can do this.

  47. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hello there hope3600,

    I first want to say, I am glad you found us and felt comfortable creating a post. We are glad you’re here, and we support you. I’m so sorry that this person did these things to you. That is not okay. And it was not your fault in any way. It’s quite common to not realize these behaviors are wrong and harmful until later, so you’re not alone in that. And the trauma, anxiety you’re experiencing now is common as well, but it’s definitely tough to deal with.

    Regarding pressing charges, like others have said, it depends on the laws in your area. I recommend looking into that first, and maybe consult with a sexual violence legal advocate (check out our Find Help tab). Pressing charges and getting the outcome that you want is frankly quite difficult for many survivors – most who report to the police end up having a case that doesn’t go anywhere even when there is evidence. And many feel like they were mistreated during the process. This is by no means to deter you, but to prepare you for the possibility. My recommendation is to think about what will help you heal, what justice is for you. It doesn’t always have to be pressing charges, but if that’s what will bring you toward healing then you should try. And remember that we are here for you!

    KatherineL

  48. colton95 Volunteer

    I’m sorry for what you went through; you did not deserve to go through all that. Since it seems like you do have enough evidence, I would recommend first looking up laws in your state regarding sexual harassment and assault and then seeking help from a lawyer or someone in the legal profession to help you press charges against him. Since he is turning 18 soon, he should face serious charges and jail time even though what he did to do he did before he turned 18. But I highly recommended doing some research on your state laws first. I hope that things will work out for you.

  49. coachdiggs Volunteer

    Hello Hope3600,
    First I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with us. I am truly sorry for that have taken place to you. I am also wanted to say thank you did not deserved to go through of all of that. I am not that familiar with laws in different states. I would say you take the evidence of what you got but I would say it should be enough to get your justice. I would do whatever you can to tell them because you should be able to see justice and also feel safe. Also I wanted to say if you need more help maybe talk to counselor it will help you out a lot. Lastly I want to say thank you again for sharing your story with us. Do not be scare to keep us updated we will be here if you need to tell somebody.
    Kevin

  50. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hi Hope,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you- you didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of for so long while you were asleep. I’m not sure in which state you are living in nor how the laws are, but I feel as though those messages might be enough evidence. If you feel you are ready to press charges you can present those messages along with any other evidence you may have. I really hope this all goes well, and that you are able to heal very soon. Sending you lots of love and positivity, hang in there!