Advice asap please it’s long bare with me ????????????????????????????

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iwas called to see the neurologist and I was anxious and btw still haven’t gone to the neruologist appointment because I was in the hospital.on the day of.the appointment because I was sexually assaulted well retaliated by my guy since I just had court and testified for a week agents him and it was trying hardest shit I never want to do that again I’m scared I loved him so much and it hurts so bad to plus because he was trying to bump into me and I just wanted to talk to him but they upped police security in the area for court because my worker was there plus the detective but it made me upset because I wannah hug him and tell me why he hurt my girl well ex girlfriend it hurt to know he did that to her but also I have trouble caring because he’s done fucked shit like that to me to also I found out that the whole time after pre triel they dropped my girls charges because she was over the age of 18 when she charged him were I was 17 when they put charges on him when I even say in the statement I don’t want charges laid but triel for that ends I’m hoping August because they had to postpone for the other witnesses after myself because there our alot of cases but my therapist is full and I’m on another waiting list so I’m trying so hard plus soon I think 2020 or before we have triel for the guy who retaliated and recently I got date raped and my girl called the ambulance Because apperently I was out of it and the ambulance had to call the police on me it was embarrassing but apparently I denied the rape kit but there is survlize footage and he did you know I don’t like to say this but cum in my mouth so I swabbed myself and he also brusided my hip somehow trying to get me down the stairs because he knew me because my guy has got us to get down when I was working he even knew my name when he came up to me and stole my pill bottle with my address on it this is a week after I testify and I was stupid one I was near were he was staying at my girlfriends friends place but that night had to stay outside because I couldnt go back to my husband but the police tried to be all like you were a Victim and we believe you but apperently I passed out and they found no drugs in me so that formed me to make me stay until the blood work came back from sick kids for drugs not shown in blood work I guess and because my blood pressure was low and I was falling apperently and they found some weird drug in it but I don’t know I still need I confirm and  call and make a tip to the police because they have the bottle as well as my clothing from the day as I did a kit in a different city but how they want me to contact the area it happend as because they didn’t have a kit at the time they closed it but it’s been maybe 2 and a half week since it happend but I did a kit he has my address and he even changes his numbers and threatens he knows my area with my baby girl and I tried telling police but they said tell the other police department but it just made me feel like I’m scared to I was wondering if it it’s still to late because I’ll be honest I used to be in porn for a bit as a teenager 16-but to 18 and police tried to take it down. But can’t so I’m figuring it out but he said the guy and I remember this him saying how he will help me see my guy and that I’ll make a good porn star and work good in it again and I tried pulling  back and said no 4 times but then I just shut up and did what he wanted and he said he’d be back but I was messaging my girl when it was happening to hurry and get him to fuck off but she couldn’t and I don’t blame her and im happy get and her friend called the ambulance but can I still report it they have video footage to and it I can how do I do it without feeling like I’m in a panic??  I need help if possible because I didnt show up to my neruologists area for a follow up after I had a sezuire and my girlfriend called 911 because she was there because I was with my husband and Then I had to testify the whole week 2 weeks ago agents my ex for shooting my girl but they then because at the time.17 they took him from me and forced charges on him when I said not to and they found so much new evidence of us getting down and photos I didn’t want to see or feel arnt true but the other day I was brushing my hair well more like 4 months ago and randomly a bunch of hair came out and it hurt so bad and I had 3 big Lumps on my head but also had lice but ended up going to the hospital were they helped me get Rid of the lice and theady who did it for me since I was formed due to my mental health making me sick because I’ve stopped using and because my mental health had made me not able to eat without getting sick but the lady who helped with the lice she told me the lumps wernt due to lice and she said she’d seen the ones that are and they are never like that but said she didn’t want to say that professionally because she not a doctor but her job is to remove lice for low income families she’s really nice but I was like no I havnt hit my head recently because she asked because she said it looked like you hit your head recently but I havnt I’m also apartment hunting I have to be put asap as I’ve been having some weird.amnesia but also going mad and I’ve been clean almost 5 months yet recently.i find.myself.fucking.some guy my husband finds out and hes kicking me out till I get my shit together which  I’m still trying to figure out how to because I’m not using and I know I need to separate so I can get back on track to raise my daughter idk I’m kind of scared and I don’t know if I should go to the hospital and how I could report an assult in Ontario and how to maybe have a support person alsoo on Monday and Tuesday I should hopefully have a lease for  my own room or apartment for me and my girl Because I have viewings also the minsatry gave me more money bless them for that for rent so.i can rent a place and do.a.semi.independt programwere staff come to your place daily for.5 weeks to help you get back into.school onto disability also to get a job then if I show stability for 5 months on my own I’ll be accepted also if I’m doing there school program but into a program were cas approved me and my baby Iive at and have staff support 24/7 until your ready to move into there housings unit’s were staff check on you I can do this for my baby girl for my brother’s for others suffering that I can help and all of you guys can I believe in you all and all we got this hopfully next time it’s a bit more positive but we can achieve whatever we put our mind to sincerely.annymous


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14 comments

  1. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry you have so much going on all at once, I know its been a little while since this was posted, but we would love to know how you’re doing now. Stay strong and if you need it, please text VOICE to 741-741. This will get you in touch with a crisis counsellor. You can do this at any time. But you are always welcome back here. Just know you don’t have to go through this alone.

    Shannon

  2. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that all of this is happening. Keep moving forward the best that you can! It’s a long road, but you’re strong and you can do this. Keep fighting. It’s so amazing to hear that you’re 5 months sober! Congratulations! That’s such an amazing step. Keep it up.

    If you need anything, please reach out. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  3. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Maria,
    I’m sorry all of this is happening right now. You are strong and can get through this just like you get through everything. Congratulations on 5 months sober! That is a huge milestone. Just remember you are strong enough to et through all of the lows.
    -Alyssa

  4. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Hey Maria,

    I’m sorry to hear about all the stuff you having going on but I know you’re strong enough to handle whatever comes your way , Congrats on being 5 months clean that’s amazing I’m so proud of you.

    -Brianna

  5. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Maria,

    Wow you’ve got a lot going on right now and you are so strong for making it through all of this. It’s incredible that you are 5 months clean!! Great job; I’m so proud of you! Remember that whatever you need, we are always here for you and we will do our best to help you out <3

    You are strong and powerful and you will get through this,
    Megan

  6. mkyuellig

    HI Maria,

    That certainly sounds like a lot to handle at once – but you are doing an amazing job handling it all. Testifying is so brave, and doing so will help to protect people. Also congrats on your sobriety. That is not easy, so you should be proud of yourself. Please keep us posted and let us know if there’s anything else we can do for you.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  7. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Maria. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. It sounds like a lot to take on, but you are a strong person. I think it’s incredibly brave of you to testify. And 5 months sober is huge! Keep it up. You can do this. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother who is working so hard. Keep the focus on her and your safety. You deserve to be happy and healthy. We’re here for you. If there’s anything we can do please let us know.

  8. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Maria,
    I’m really sorry about what you’ve been through since your last update. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault. I agree with the others. I think that going to the doctor is important so you can take care of your health. It can be scary, yet I think knowing what’s going on with us is better than being in the dark.
    I hope that you’ll be able to do the school program. That would be an amazing opportunity for you and your daughter. I’m also so proud of you for being clean for 5 months! Congratulations, and I have faith that you can keep going!!
    Thank you for the update. We’re always here for you. You are resilient, and you can get through this.

  9. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Maria,

    Thanks for updating us. First and foremost, congratulations on being 5 months clean! That’s an incredible accomplishment, and I want to make sure you realize that! It sounds like that will open some doors for you, so I’ll bet things are starting to look up. Fingers crossed! Just like everyone else mentioned, I definitely think you should see a doctor if possible. Your health (mental and physical) is very important. Take things one little step at a time. We believe you can do it.

    If you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to post again. We are here for you, and we support you!! Stay strong. You’ve got this.
    Marissa

  10. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Maria,
    Thank you for coming back to update us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know that you have been working really hard at getting better and keeping yourself healthy. Awesome job on staying clean for 5 months!!! If at all possible, try to get in to see the neurologist; going to the doctor is important and necessary to stay healthy. I hope you get into the program you are trying to for you and your baby girl. You are so strong and brave!!
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  11. Mindfully Em Volunteer

    Thanks for sharing your story, it sounds like it’s been one thing after another. It sounds like going to the hospital is something that would alleviate a lot of stress, so I encourage you to do that. They have advocates who can be by your side so you don’t have to go through things alone. I also recommend scheduling an appointment with your neurologist as soon as possible to get the follow up done and out of the way. You do know yourself better than I do, so please do whats going to help you most. Take some time to find peace today, you deserve it.

  12. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    If you think you need to go to the hospital, I definitely encourage you to do so-we want you to be safe. They may have medical advocates they can call to come in to support you and connect you to other resources-I would start with the hospital, to help with your most pressing needs first. Thank you for coming back to share-we support you.

    Erin

  13. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    It seems like you have been through a lot. Try taking things one moment at a time. Things will get better and it seems like things are starting to look brighter for you. Just remember nothing that happened to you was your fault. Try getting to your neurologist as soon as possible because thats important. Good luck.

  14. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Maria,

    I’m sorry things have been so hectic for you. I think it’s really important that you follow up with your neurologist as soon as you can. You are so brave and strong to face all of these obstacles while maintaining your sobriety. That’s no easy task! Remember if you ever need an immediate response to questions or just someone to talk to with a quick response you can always text VOICE to 741741 to reach a crisis counselor. You’re always welcome to post here. Hang in there. You got this!

    All the best,
    Becca