Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I’ve been busy over the past couple of months.
I would say the trip was a mixed bag. Most days were relaxing, and we had great food. We met family friends, and that was so much fun. Whenever I had moments to myself, I made the most of them. I listened to music, read part of a book every night, wrote about my feelings, and talked to my boyfriend. Those things helped me get through the more difficult moments. A couple of days were stressful due to a few car-related issues. Our rental car got broken into, and someone took one of our backpacks. I’m relieved to say that we were all okay, and we still had the important stuff with us. We got a different rental car after that.
I got back from the trip, and the rest of the summer was busy. I had a summer internship, so I was busy with a few projects, and I was having meetings with the other interns. It was very eventful, I learned a lot, and I put in more effort to meet and talk to people. I felt like I was being myself without putting on an act, and it was great.
During my internship, I had to prepare for the fall. I’m starting a doctoral program in neuroscience, so I had to get a lot of forms signed, meet people, and do orientations. I officially start tomorrow, and I’m equal parts nervous and excited. I’m excited because I feel like I’ll learn a lot from this program. I’ll learn about research, but I also have a feeling I’ll learn about being confident in front of people, taking on leadership roles, and handling stress. I’m nervous because things are up in the air due to the virus. My university is still figuring out how to handle in-person classes, so no one really knows what’s going on yet. My plan is to structure my days in a way that works for me, and that requires being flexible, especially when things are up in the air like this. I’m also nervous because I don’t know how much of a time commitment this will be, and I’m hoping I won’t burn out. I hope scheduling in self care will help me.
Sometimes I feel hopeless when it comes to moving out of my parents’ house and dealing with some of their toxic behaviors, and that feeling can be so powerful. However, I try to focus on the steps I’m taking now in order to move out in the future. I’m trying to do more on my own and save my money so that I’ll be in a good place to move out. I remind myself that I have people to support me (including all of you!), which helps so much. I also try to relax and extend self-compassion.
There has been so much change and uncertainty in my life, and it’s been overwhelming. There have been many high and low points in the past couple of months. But writing this made me realize that I’m definitely in a better place than I was a year or even two years ago, and I’m proud of myself because I’ve grown a lot.
This is a pivotal moment, and I want to see what else is in store for me.