A New Leaf

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The past few days have been tumultuous, but I’m feeling much better. I’m writing this as a reminder to myself in case I start feeling worse about this situation, and I want to let you all know what happened.

I was talking to my friend. I wasn’t planning to tell him I liked him, but it came out in conversation. He rejected me. He wasn’t as worried about my feelings for him as he was about the fact that I hid it from him. He wants me to fully acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. There were some past events I thought I had moved on from, but I hadn’t. I let those things influence my interactions with him. He wants me to acknowledge these things. He believes we can still be friends and that we can get through this. I decided to take some time and space away from him, and I let him know.

When he first rejected me, it was very painful. I told some of the volunteers what happened, and they were incredibly supportive (thank you so much!). I told my friend and my sister. Everyone I’ve talked to has been so sweet, and I appreciate that.

I’m now recognizing that I can’t be friends with him while hoping for something different. By doing this, I’m not accepting the reality of the situation. I know this path leads to suffering because I’ve been on this path. I was saying we were friends, but acting differently. I’m working on accepting reality: we can be friends, but nothing more. He’s a good person, but he may not be the right person for me, and that’s okay. I’m using some DBT techniques to help me accept this. The truth is painful, but not as painful as living in a fantasy.

As I’m going through this process, I’m writing a lot. It’s my way of working through things so I won’t have all this trapped in my mind. It’s helping me think about things differently. I’m glad I told him because I don’t have to keep this a secret anymore. By working through these things, I’m facing the past head on, and I can set it free. I’m examining all this, and it’s helping me feel better. I think we can be friends eventually, but after I have some space and self care.

Everything else is okay right now. I’m adjusting to the new semester and different internship hours, and I’m doing my best in terms of working from home. I’m working on trusting the people around me, and I think this rejection helped me do that. I don’t want to cope with this on my own, and I’m starting to trust people again because of the support I’ve received. We’re going to start online Sunday School classes next week, so that’s going to be interesting. I haven’t seen my assailant, and I’m doing okay in regards to that. My birthday was a few days ago, and even though nothing has really changed, I feel like it’s an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. I’m excited to see what comes next.


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39 comments

  1. Elvia29 Volunteer

    Hi music2799,
    I am happy to hear you feel better. I am sorry to hear that your friend doesn’t feel the same way. It’s great that you are expressing your feeling in writing. I also think you should take your time and take care of yourself and who knows what can happen in the future. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Hope to hear from you again and wish you luck on your new internship and classes.
    Take care,
    Elvia

  2. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear music2799,

    Rejection is never easy, it can definitely be a hard pill to swallow- but it seems like you are handling it all very well! I’m really happy for you, it sounds like you have some good copping mechanisms down for when things get a little stressful or the anxiety starts to kick back up again. I think it is great that you felt comfortable talking to some of us volunteers about what happened, along with your sister and your friend. It is good to get your feelings out in the open. Happy belated birthday! Hope you treated yourself and celebrated you. 🙂 wishing you the best as always. It is always great to hear from you. Keep us updated! Sending some hugs your way.

    – Jordan

  3. Ruby98 Volunteer

    Hi music2799,
    Firstly, Happy super be-lated Birthday! Secondly, thanks for sharing your story and finding support with the AVFTI community. It is not easy to accept that someone doesn’t share a mutual feeling with you which is why I applaud you for your bravery and willingness to accept this unfortunate reality. I know it will be difficult but in your own wise words, the truth is painful but not as painful as living in a fantasy. I’m sorry you had to go through this with the new semester just beginning. It is okay if he is not the right person for you because maybe there is someone great out there waiting for you. I hope you the best with your new internship and classes. Stay safe!

  4. mjy1999 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you are showing a positive mindset. I hope you do well in online school and classes.

  5. alexiswilliams

    Hi, and Happy (late) Birthday!
    I love to see that you wrote this for yourself, that is self care in itself. I think that it’a really great that you are being real with yourself and looking at th bright side. This is very inspiring, and I hope that Sunday School went well!
    Best,
    Lex

  6. jlanderos16 Volunteer

    Hey Music2799,

    Thank you for sharing with us! And I agree its’s better to let it out then being trapped in your mind. I’m glad you’re doing better and having a positive mindset throughout this situation. We are here for you and supporting you as well! Lastly, Happy Late Birthday! I hope you have a good day and good luck with school! 🙂

  7. cindy024 Volunteer

    Hi, music2799,
    I hear you, the fact that your friend had rejected you, it took a lot of courage for you to come on here and address your story to us. I am here to help you, and we are all here too. The braveness from you to tell your friend your feelings for him did take a lot of strength and courage. I am also glad that you are doing well, step by step.

  8. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thank you for coming back to share an update with us. I’m sorry to hear that your friend doesn’t feel the same way about you. It’s probably a good idea to take some space but that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends in the future. You’re so right, that the truth can be painful but it’s important to accept the truth. It must be nice to have that weight off your shoulder! Although things didn’t go the way you had hoped, now you can at least work towards moving past him. Happy late birthday!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  9. Ashley Day Captain

    Happy belated birthday, music2799!

    The fact that you recognized that you need to take some time to yourself and give yourself space is wonderful. When upsetting situations arise, it can be difficult to do what’s best for us and I hope you give yourself credit for navigating the situation in a way that ensures you’re taken care of.
    When you say that the truth is not as painful as living in a fantasy, I agree with you. It is okay if he’s not the right person for you. It’s great to know that writing has been an outlet for you because you shouldn’t have to keep anything trapped inside. There’s nothing wrong with needing space from someone and wanting to practice self-care.
    I’m glad that you’re getting into the swing of things with your internship, school, and work. Some time has passed since this update was posted, but I hope the online Sunday School went well.

    Ashley

  10. Neesha Volunteer

    Hi Music2799,
    I’m glad you are doing well. It is painful that your friend rejected you. I am amazed at your strength at identifying the reality of what you can and cannot do. It is wonderful that telling him how you feel means you don’t have to live with the pressure of keeping a secret. It sounds like you are using the right tools to take care of you self and move past it. Keep up the good work and I hope what comes next is exciting!

  11. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi Music2799,
    I’m glad you came & gave an update! I have to say that it takes a lot of courage to be able to acknowledge your needs. By you being able to recognize that you needed space was huge! I think you should be proud of yourself for being able to see this. I’m sure it is an extremely difficult decision for you but, telling him how you really felt takes the pressure off. I applaud you for listening to your heart verses remaining in a relationship where the lie of “everything is good” could be a disaster in the future. To me, this shows incredible strength! I am glad that he listened & is still friends. I’m sure no matter what comes with college, & your internship, you’ll be great at! Here’s wishing the best to you! I hope the on line Sunday school class goes well & you get a decent response of people wanting to attend.
    Dawn

  12. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Good to hear from you and thanks for the update. I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t go as you had hoped, but you have really been making the best of situations lately and remaining positive. Sometimes things just come out when we’re not expecting them too, but it can be a mixed blessing so that we can finally get our thoughts and feelings off our chest. It’s good to hear that you are feeling relieved about knowing what’s going on and that you are now on your way to moving forward. Taking the time apart will be good for you right now and I hope that you can remain friends in the future because he sounds like he’s been a good friend. I hope that you had a wonderful birthday and that school is continuing to go well!

  13. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey music2799,

    Thanks for giving us an update. First, happy belated birthday!!! I hope you did something fun! I’m sorry your friend rejected you, but I completely agree – it’s painful but not as painful as living in a fantasy. He sounds like a great friend and I’m really glad you are going to stay close. I totally support your decision to take some time away from him. You’re so strong and I’m sure you’ll bounce back! I wish you all the luck with school and your internship. You’re gonna kill it!! Take care.

    Marissa

  14. Lex Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thank you for sharing an update with us! I hope you had an amazing day celebrating your birthday! I am so sorry that your friend rejected you, but it sounds like he is a caring person who values you and your feelings. It takes a lot of strength to be able to admit your feelings towards someone, and although he did not reciprocate the same feelings towards you, you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and listening to your heart. I am glad that you are using some DBT techniques to help you work through your thoughts and emotions. I hope you adjust well to the new semester and your new internship hours! Wishing you the best of luck!

    Stay strong! We are here for you, always!
    -Lex

  15. lizzi

    Hey music2799,
    I’m so sorry that your friend rejected you. It sounds like even in his rejection, he really does care about you and your feelings. I’m glad that he’s still okay being friends, if that’s what you decide is right for you as well. It sounds like he’s someone you care about and enjoy spending time with, but it is true that you have to accept that you would just be friends. I like that you’re taking time to work on this and take care of yourself rather than just going on like nothing happened. Rejection hurts and takes some time to overcome. I hope that you can stay friends if that’s what you decide is best, as he’s seemed like a good person in your life. I like hearing that you’re excited about the upcoming things in your life. Lots of change right now, which a lot of us can relate to I’m sure. I just started school and it’s definitely an adjustment doing class from home. I hope that Sunday School goes well next week, as I’m sure it’ll be different than what you’re used to. Thank you for sharing this update with us, and happy belated birthday!

  16. pianogirl44 Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thank you for updating us on your situation. I admire your strength. I also want to acknowledge that it sounds like you have moved mountains in terms of recognizing what is helpful and unhelpful for you and your situation. I think oftentimes the most difficult part is for the individual to recognize what patterns, people, situations, or environments are contributing to their struggle. You have done the heavy lifting already. I think it’s wonderful that you have realized that writing helps. I encourage you to keep writing to us! I also encourage you write for yourself since it seems to really help you in examining your past.

    The next thing that I want to acknowledge is the importance of self care. People often neglect caring and maintaining themselves (emotionally, mentally, spiritually). I think it is important to alot a certain amount of time per day or week wherein you dedicate that time to engaging in activities, thoughts, and behaviours that only serve to support you and your mental health. For example, you can take the time to write, you can take a walk, you can exercise, you can have a conversation with yourself about what you’re feeling, or you can just take a moment to meditate. These are just suggestions, but I think that it is super important. Life is so fast-paced. COVID has likely slowed down this fast-paceness, but it is still important that we have this alone time with ourselves.

    I am excited for you and for your future. All the best!

  17. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Music2799,

    I wish I could kick him in the shin for you, but that wouldn’t help you or make him a better person. I just think that some of us have had enough and it sucks that people can be so, hmmmm, insensitive. I think that you are right and you are probably better off without him, but it still hurts. And I am sorry that happened.

    I am encouraged though by the way you are using your skills to manage that and to put it in its place and to continue moving forward. You are an inspiration. New semesters are exciting, and I am so happy you do not have to run into your assailant. It sounds like you are really doing good, that is actively engaged in moving forward (school), using your skills like writing, reaching out to others, and starting the sunday school class, and being excited about what is coming next. Good stuff. I am happy for you. I hope you had a Happy Birthday.

  18. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thanks for coming back with an update, and I hope you had a great birthday! I’m sorry that your friend doesn’t feel the same way about you, but it’s great that you were able to share your feelings with him and that it helped you trust people more! I hope school and work goes well for you, and I hope you are able to find time to practice self care. We’re always here for you!

  19. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    I’m so sorry that you endured that rejection from your friend. It can be difficult, especially as you are going through the healing process, to be faced with rejection. I think you are handling it very well and with a very healthy mindset. Rejection does sting, even when it is for the best. Happy belated birthday! Best of luck with your new leaf. We are here for you! Please feel free to share anytime you need to.

    All the best,
    Becca

    1. haesol Volunteer

      Hi music2799,

      Thank you for the update!
      First off, let me just say how brave of you it is that you confessed; admitting your feelings isn’t an easy thing to do. I’m sorry the outcome was a rejection, but your friend sounds like a nice person judging by what you’ve said about how he reacted, he also wants what’s good for you and that is great. It’s definitely a good idea to have a little space now, though, as you’ve said self care and a little of you-time might do you some well.
      I’m glad you’ve found an outlet for how you’ve been feeling; writing was a saving grace for me too and I’m happy to know you’re finding help in it too. Seeing things on paper sometimes makes everything a bit more clear.
      Best of luck with classes, your internship, and work!! adapting to these new circumstances is tough but I wish you the best. Hope you’ve spent a good birthday!
      We’re here for whatever you need.
      Stay safe!
      -sol.

  20. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello music2799,

    Happy belated birthday! What a strange time to have a birthday for sure, I still hope you were able to celebrate and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!

    I’m glad that you’re feeling better after a tough few days. You took a huge step admitting your feelings for someone and I hope you see that as an accomplishment as that takes an incredible amount of bravery. I know rejection can be painful but I know you will make it through this. I’m glad to hear that there’s DBT techniques that you’re using to assist you as well. I’ve learned that as you continue improving your mental health you rely on skills more instead of other less positive behaviors. It seems that you’ve mastered this well.

    I hope that the semester and internship are a good experience for you as well. I hope to see another update from you soon!

  21. zelda Volunteer

    Hi, Music, Happy Belated Birthday!! 🎉🎁🎈

    Glad to hear you are doing better! I think it’s smart to distance yourself from your friend while you focus on self care and healing. In my experience, I looked to men to fill the emptiness and pain I kept hidden in my heart. I didn’t do the work until I got married, which is playing with fire, in my opinion.

    While it’s never too late to make changes, if I could have a do over, I would work on my traumas and my mental health before getting involved with any man. As much as I love my husband, marriage can add a lot of stressors and life changes. The pressures of married life can either exacerbate mental health struggles, or make them much more difficult to work through. (In my opinion, any serious relationship will bring on those particular challenges.)

    When you have worked hard on yourself, and when you fully grow into who you are and what you want, you’ll be ready for a relationship with a man who treats you the way you know you should be treated: with respect, dignity, care, and love.

    But when you expect a man (or drugs or food) to fill the hole inside of you, the hole keeps growing bigger and bigger. And you’ll do anything to make sure it’s filled, even if it’s at great personal risk and cost to you. That’s been my experience, anyway.

    I’m sure your friend is a nice guy, but he may not be the right guy for you. I’m glad you’re giving yourself time away from the friendship to focus on your needs, your wants, your priorities. When the time comes, you’ll meet the right man for you. It just may not be the right time now.

    Once you start working on yourself, the stars start to align. It can be a long, painful and arduous process, but you have the strength to persevere. You can do this. ☮️

  22. musicislove

    Hi music2799,

    Happy birthday!! I hope you had a good birthday and I’m glad you’re excited about what’s coming next in your life. It’s never easy when someone you care about in that way just wants to be friends but I’m glad you’re working on moving on so you can continue a friendship. I hope the techniques you’re utilizing are helping you and I’m so glad you’re taking time for yourself and for self care right now. The longer you work on yourself, the stronger you’ll get and that’s awesome! I’m excited for you. I hope your Sunday School class goes okay and that you don’t see your assailant, and good luck with school!

    Delaney

  23. Thomas Volunteer

    Hey music2799,

    Thanks for the update and happy birthday! Rejection is never easy but I think it’s really incredible how you’re handling this situation and growing as a person. You’re continuing on your path of healing and self-development. You’re making the choices that are right for you while being very self-aware. This is great!

    I know it isn’t always easy, but these challenges aren’t just learning experiences; they are also making you even stronger. Stay on this path, you’re doing a great job! And as always, you’re not alone.

  24. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey there music2799,

    Happy belated birthday! You should be proud of yourself for finding ways to learn and grow from this experience. Rejection is hard, but you turned it into something positive. It sounds like you made the decision that was best for you by creating some temporary space between you and your friend. It’s good to hear that you’re turning to the supporters in your life for help coping with this. Wishing you best of luck on your new leaf!

    KatherineL

  25. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey again music2799!

    I’m very glad that you’re finding the positives and the ways to learn from this experience. It always hurts to be rejected, and I think you’re doing the best thing for yourself by taking some time and space from him. This sounds like a very healthy way to process. I’m glad that you’ve been using writing as an outlet, also! Finding those tools that work for you is so important.

    As for everything else, I’m glad that you’re able to adjust to some new sense of normalcy. Things are so weird right now, and it sounds like you’re making the best of it. I think that you’ve picked up some really great tools from therapy; those will certainly help you in this adjustment! Best of luck with school, internships, and Sunday School. You’re doing incredible things.

  26. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi music2799,
    Happy belated birthday! I’m happy that you are feeling better about what happened and you have a great open mind set. I know we talk about this before and I mentioned hanging out with new or other people. It sounds like you being open and talking to your sister and friend about this is a great start. Writing is also a great way to help when you are going through something like this. It seems like you got this under control in an extremely healthy way, which is amazing! Thank you updating us and letting us know. Continue to stay strong and good luck at school.
    -Alyssa

  27. Breanna Volunteer

    Hey music2799,

    Thanks for the update! I’m proud of you for sharing your feelings (even if you didn’t intend on it). I definitely get how you may have felt immediately after – I know the sudden heart-dropping, rejection feeling sucks so much and is so painful. I want to validate that feeling how you did right after that conversation with him is okay. I really admire all of the healthy steps you’ve taken to cope since then. You’ve found something that really helps you, which is amazing. Maybe you can explore doing that with other stressful/painful experiences. And I’m so happy to hear that taking the leap of bravery and sharing your feelings made you feel more comfortable and confident with opening up to others. It validates that you have people who care about and love you. I hope you can reflect on all of the growth you’ve done over the past few years and feel happy. You deserve it.

    Sending smiles,
    Bre

  28. larakopp Volunteer

    Hi, Music2799:
    Thank you for the update. It is always hard when the person we like doesn’t have the same feelings that we do. I am sorry that you’re hurting right now. Sending you a virtual hug!
    I agree with Marciad, in that it’s great that you recognize and acknowledge how you are feeling and creating boundaries. I’m glad that you’re writing more to help you process and think about the situation differently, that you’re talking about it with friends, and able to get some support. I’m really sorry that this did not have the outcome that you’d hoped for, but I think it’s great that you’re able to see the positives in this situation and how it’s helped you trust the people around you, accept support, and are allowing yourself to feel all the feelings — which can be hard.
    I hope you had a good Birthday and I’m excited to hear what’s next for you, too!
    Keep taking good care of yourself!
    – Lara

  29. ryannlashea Volunteer

    Hi, thank you so much for updating us! I’m proud of you. Rejection can definitely be difficult, but it’s inspiring to see you taking positives from it and using it to help you. It’s also great to hear that you’re writing! That’s one of my favorite ways to clear my mind too, and I’m glad you’ve found something that helps you. I hope things continue to get better!

  30. MarciaD Volunteer

    Hi music2799 – Thank you for coming back and updating us. I’m really proud of you for recognizing the boundaries you need in your relationships. I’m also glad you are writing. Journaling daily and then going back to read what you have written is amazing. You can see the growth and have understanding of how your life is changing and how you becoming all the things that you want for yourself. Happy belated Birthday!!! I hope this is a great year for you. Keep up the hard work and come back and let us know how you are doing.

    Much love,

    Marciad

  31. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear music2799,
    Sending you a virtual hug. Even though rejection can be hard to hear, it sounds like it freed you up in many ways. Sometimes, when one has experienced trauma, we tend to latch onto the first person who is kind to us. We put all of our hopes into them and don’t really see them as the person they are, but who we want them to be for us. It is good to hear that you have learned you can reach out in several ways and receive support. You’ve got this and we are here for you!
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  32. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thank you for your update. I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your friend, it must be difficult to deal with and I hope the DBT techniques are able to help you move forward. It sounds like you have great insight into what’s best for you at this time and that’s amazing. I’m glad writing has helped you throughout all this, it really is an incredible tool. Good luck with everything and happy birthday!

    -Rachel

  33. Starling Volunteer

    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to go through that rejection. I’m glad other things are going well in your life. Maybe with doing Sunday school online, it will make things easier to not see your assailant in person at least for a while. Happy belated birthday as well! If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  34. Rustin Day Captain

    Hi music2799,

    It is always incredibly hard to share your feelings with someone and then for them to not feel the same way. I watched some individuals that I still love to this day choose to love someone else. I view it that I’m still allowed to love these individuals, but we don’t have to be more than just friends. There will always be a connection between us but not a romantic one. As long as these individuals are happy and safe, I ask for nothing more. Take some time to accept that you two can be friends. Once you are okay with this, you can start to look elsewhere romantically but you know that you will always have that friend around and they will be around when you need to talk. Keep us updated. I know it may hurt seeing them with someone else if that day comes, but it will get easier (as tacky as it sounds).

    -Rustin

  35. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi music2799,

    Thank you for coming back on here and updating us with your situation. I’m sorry that your friend didn’t feel the same way about you, but I’m glad he’s encouraging you to come to terms with some of your suppressing feelings and processing them in a healthier manner. And although continuing as friends with him might be a bit difficult for you at the moment, I agree with your opinion that practicing self-care and keeping some space from him would be the best way to heal, and also to leave some scope for you both to re-kindle your friendship in the future, because he sounds like he truly cares about you. I’m glad you’re slowly getting adjusted to your new semester and internships and more importantly, working on trusting other people because forming meaningful social connections with others is so important for your own well-being. Some days are harder than others, but that is completely normal. Hang in there. We’re all here to support you through your healing journey. Happy belated birthday and stay safe! All the love.

    – Rohina

  36. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share-I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your friend, and I know rejection is hard. I’m glad you were able to share your feelings though, because that is really difficult, and you should be proud of yourself for that. Definitely take this time for yourself, and know that sometimes people just don’t like you back, and that has nothing to do with you! Also, happy belated birthday! I hope you were able to celebrate at least a bit, even though it can be hard to do right now. Keep coming back here to share whenever you would like!

    Erin

  37. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    I love that you are putting yourself out there! I know how bad it hurts when someone doesn’t recipricate your effection, but it will help you grow. It sounds like you are handling this perfectly. Most importantly, I’m just happy that you are giving the effort. Sometimes, I think, proactivity can be therapuedic for past trauma, even if that proactivity doesn’t lead to the results we were hoping for. Keeping going! If you have feelings for someone else, don’t be afraid to ask them out as well haha. Somebody will click. The fun part is trying to figure out who is the best match for you.

    Ryan

  38. Mahsadib Volunteer

    Hi,
    I’m sorry that you had to deal with this, and I can relate to you in some ways. When something similar happened to me, I told myself “why would you want someone that doesn’t want you?”I kept telling myself that I can do better and find people that will truly love me for who I am.
    Also, it’s good that you opened up to him; now you have your answer. When you get rejected by someone or something, that provides you with an opportunity to start over and make new changes in yourself and your life. I have came to this conclusion that self-love and personal growth don’t happen unless you experience something/go through a traumatizing event/ or simply get rejected. You have to start loving yourself and prioritizing yourself at some point, and I’m sure this will be a great beginning for you. One last thing, you ACCEPT yourself even if others reject you. You are worthy of love and you deserve to be happy.
    Hope this makes you feel better.