a letter to my abuser

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it’s been about six months? seven months? since we spoke last. that’s good. i’m doing some healing and getting through what you put me through. i’m feeling a lot of injustice about how things turned out— you denying what happened and now me having to do all of this work and overcome all of this trauma that you inflicted while you go back to life as normal. that’s unfair. so i wrote this message in the hopes that it will make you think about your actions and feel regret and guilty for using and manipulating me. 

things were never good between us. i wonder if you know that. i always felt so left behind and uncared for, and constantly changing myself so you would accept me. i guess it’s true what they say, we accept the love we think we deserve. i deserve better than you.

my therapist and i spent hours tracking back our relationship and honestly it was all bad. i wanted to be loved so bad and you were there for that, but i lost myself. i became who i thought you’d like, i left my friends, and you stayed the same. i don’t think you ever considered changing yourself to meet my needs. you didn’t call. you didn’t facetime. i would cry and you would ignore me for days. it was never a relationship. and then your mental

health spiraled. 

and that sent me on a spiral i’m still falling down. when you visited me two years ago this weekend, i had my friend bring us a whole bottle of fireball so i could get drunk enough to have sex with you because i knew you wanted it and wouldn’t take no for an answer. you didn’t want to meet my friends and you didn’t care about what i needed. and then i was so hungover and you were so mad at me for being so sick. it hurt so bad. and it only got worse from there. 

i can’t believe i didn’t get out of this relationship when i could. i cannot believe how far i went into this abusive relationship. that’s what it was after all, toxic and abusive. 

so i write this to say that i hope you’re not doing well because i certainly am not. i am constantly triggered by you everywhere around me and am afraid of seeing you. i feel sad and angry and guilty and want to scream at the injustice that you’re doing just fine and don’t have to heal. don’t pressure your next girlfriend or you’ll traumatize her too. ever consider why women who were pressured, coerced, assaulted want to be with you? patterns repeat themselves. 

anyways, i hope that you are not doing well. it is unfair that you are allowed to live normally as if you didn’t put me in a corner of an abusive relationship at a time of extreme hardship for me. i laid motionless often crying while we had sex and said nothing because i was afraid you would hurt yourself. i hurt myself trying to save you. you did that. and you need to be reminded. do better. goodbye again. 


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63 comments

  1. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing this with us. I am glad that you are healing and found AVFTI as a place to express your thoughts. It is totally normal to feel like you were wronged based on the situation. You are right, you don’t deserve to be forced into processing through all the trauma while they get to deny it and go on with their daily lives. We believe you and will always support you!
    I was in a similar situation where I fell head over heels and was so willing to change everything about myself and my boundaries just to be loved. I didn’t see any of the red flags, which is normal when we just want to be appreciated. But I learned to love myself first and be with people who are willing to support me for who I am. I am so glad that you know you deserve better, to be loved and respected. I hope that time brings you more healing and peace.

  2. Neesha Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am glad you had a therapist to help you track back and objectively look at the relationship. I hope you are compassionate with yourself when one is inside the relationship it is hard to see just how bad things are. Therapy and hindsight can do wonders for perspective.
    Your angry is clear and justified. It is unfair that he get to live a normal life while you have to do the work to heal from his abusive behavior.

    Please continue to share with us as you need. We are here for you.

  3. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    It’s so good to hear that you have been taking space and healing. It’s so unfair of him to deny what happened. We believe you. We know what happened. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and cares for you. It’s good that you’re able to speak with a therapist often. It’s hard when you’re in a relationship to see red flags. It’s hard to imagine someone you love hurting you. You’re not to blame for not seeing it. He’s to blame for taking advantage of what’s supposed to be a safe space. We are all here for you.

    Stay strong,
    T

  4. slozoya1120 Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing this letter with us. I can feel your pain and anger at the injustice. I hope that you continue to work with your therapists in finding your way to healing. It is hard to see perpetrators move on and not acknowledge their guilt and wrong doings. You did not deserve to be put through this traumatic experience. We are here to listen and support you through your journey in healing. Stay strong, and I truly wish you the best.

    -Sam

  5. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi ktb1928,
    You didn’t deserve to be treated this way, and none of it was your fault. You’re right. You deserve better than this person, and you deserve to be in a relationship in which your individuality is honored and your needs are cared for. Please don’t blame yourself for not leaving sooner. It can be so difficult to leave an abusive relationship, and I’m glad you were able to leave. It can be very difficult to recognize abusive behaviors or cycles when we’re in the throes of the relationship. It makes sense that you felt you couldn’t leave. Sometimes getting out of the relationship and surrounding ourselves with people who truly love and care about us helps us realize what happened in the past.
    I empathize with you when you say that it’s unfair that the person gets to live normally while you’re putting in the work to heal. We can only hope that he knows what he did, feels remorse, and decides to do better. However, I think it is very important to focus on yourself and what you need at this time. I’m glad you’re working through this with a therapist, and I hope writing this out was cathartic for you. Thank you for sharing this letter with us. Please write back whenever you would like to share. We’re here to listen and support you as you tell your story.

  6. Stark21 Volunteer

    Hi Ktb1928,
    First I would like to thank you for sharing this letter with us that you should have never had to write in the first place. This should have never have happened and I’m sorry you had to experience this. I am happy to hear though that you are seeking help from a therapist on your healing journey. We are here for you. We are here to support and listen to you. I wish nothing but the best for you and your healing journey. Please use this space again for more of your writing

  7. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there ktb1928,
    I commend you for using your voice to write such a moving letter to your abuser, which takes a whole lot of emotional strength & courage! I am glad you wrote this letter. The things you’re feeling or experiencing are a normal reaction, & I’m sure in the days to come, there will be many more that will surface,when or if they do, keep writing, & sharing. The more you do, the less power it gives your abuser. Now, maybe you can have some peace, closure, & release. Healing is different for everyone, & takes time. I see so much strength, & positives in your letter. You were able to acknowledge the toxicity in the relationship & left him. You have sought therapy, while it is sad that you had to seek therapy to begin with, you did. You wrote this amazing powerful letter to your abuser. Take things day by day, & continue working on you. You are worth every minute! In the mean time, if you need or want further assistance, you can always look to our “find help” page. It is packed full of resources. Thanks for sharing your letter with us!
    Dawn

  8. aegardiner Volunteer

    Thanks for sharing this letter, ktb1928. Writing is such a powerful therapeutic tool. I hope that this letter was a helpful to you. I am so sorry that you have to write this letter in the first place and for what you had to experience. It was not right that you were not treated with respect and that you were ignored during your relationship. You deserve peace and to feel safe. You are a safe place here and our community will always support you. Please share with us as often as you need! .

  9. heretohelp101 Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    It is ok to not be ok. Healing is different for everyone.
    I am so happy that you are now in realization of how toxic and abusive the relationship was and that you are out of it.
    Although there are days that are more difficult than others, just know that as each day goes by, you are growing.
    Little by little every day. Stay strong!
    -Jan

  10. KevionS. Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    We really do appreciate the update that you shared with us. I am so sorry that you had to endure this pain and hurt from this person. Do not let what happen define you . You are a very strong and powerful person who did not need that toxic relationship. I am also proud of you for constructing a letter that you will like to send to him which takes a lot of strength to do. I hope that this made the healing process better.

  11. sarahj Volunteer

    Hey ktb1928,
    Thanks for sharing this update with us. I hope writing this letter to your abuser gave you a small feeling of hope and healing. I am sorry you had to endure such pain, but am glad to hear you are working with someone to overcome your trauma. You did not deserve to be treated this way — and as you said, it was unfair. This was not love. Love is not meant to be painful or give someone the upper hand. I hope you continue to do the hard work, you should be so proud of yourself. Feel free to come back and share whenever you feel. We are always here to listen and support you.
    Wishing you strength,
    sarahj

  12. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing this with us and I’m sorry you had to go through such an abusive relationship to know you deserve better than that. I am proud of you for looking back on the relationship and realizing it was not good for you. Writing emotions like this down can help you get out all the anger and sadness so thank you for sharing it with us. We are here for you and whatever you need to help you move past this traumatizing experience into bigger and better things.

  13. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this with us! I’m sorry for what you’ve had to experience. None of that is anything of which you deserved or was your fault. You are right. This was an abusive relationship. After reading this, it seems like you have done a lot of self-reflection and for that, I am proud of you. This is a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, but you are very strong and will-minded. Feel free to share with us your thoughts after writing this if you’d like. We are here for you.
    Stay Strong <3

  14. Lex Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing this letter with us. I am sorry that your ex treated you in such a horrible way. You endured so much and changed so much of yourself just to please him, yet he did nothing to meet your needs. You deserve so much more and shouldn’t have to change yourself to make them happy, they should be able to love you for who you truly are. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist and you have been able to discuss your thoughts and emotions regarding your ex.

    Stay strong. We are here for you, always!
    – Lex

  15. SarahLove Volunteer

    Hi, there ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing your letter with us. You should have never experienced this, and I am so sorry you did. I understand the feeling of injustice. You felt hurt, uncared for, trauma, and worse of all, this person is living their life as if nothing happened. I think it’s awesome that you are talking to a therapist about your thoughts and feelings about what you’ve experienced. I am glad you are healing and thankful you continue to reach out to us. You are never alone. We are always here for you.

    Stay strong,
    SarahLove

  16. Karenv12 Volunteer

    Hello Ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing such a personal and emotional letter with us. I am so sorry for the things that you went through, it is easy to confuse loving someone with thinking you need them to survive. I know it isn’t easy to leave someone you feel you love even if it is not a healthy place for you to be. but it is so important to put yourself first, regardless of how the other person might react. he manipulated you into believing that without you he would not survive which was wrong of him because he did not know how much that was mentally traumatizing you you.

    I am proud of you for taking the steps to properly heal and deal with your trauma. Facing your problems is one of the hardest steps and you are taking the positive steps.

  17. CSUN Volunteer A.M Volunteer

    Hi KTB1928
    Thank you for sharing your story with us , to share something personal that bothers you with others needs a courage which you had ,you are brave and strong, Im truly sorry about whatever happened to you in the past and Im happy your are visiting a therapist to help you go though this hard times , always remember “No bad acts go Unpunished” and don’t underestimate your self , you are good ad you are smart and brave don’t try to change because your surrounding loves you the way you are , Im also happy that you are healing and trying to move forward to a better and brighter future .
    We are here to listen to you always .
    <3

  18. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey ktb1928,

    Thanks for sharing such a personal letter with us. I’m so sorry your ex treated you so badly. You didn’t deserve to be put down like that. He didn’t deserve you. I hope you know that. It’s terrible how easy it is to get stuck in a toxic relationship. Just like JudithT said, it’s not your fault you felt like you couldn’t leave the relationship. He used his mental health to manipulate you which is not ok. You weren’t wrong for wanting to feel loved. He was wrong for using that against you.

    I’m glad you are working with a therapist to heal. Taking that first step is the hardest part! You’re so incredibly strong. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you through this. We are here for you, no matter what!

    Marissa

  19. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so sorry you were hurt by this person. You endured so much pain and manipulation that you did not deserve. There are many reasons why people don’t leave relationships, even when they are unhealthy or toxic, and it is not your fault that you felt like you could not leave at the time. It is not your fault that you wanted to be loved.
    I am glad that you have started to do some healing and it is so strong and courageous for you to be talking with a therapist and putting in the work that’s required to heal and overcome trauma. I hope that putting your thoughts and feelings into words helped give you some sense of closure. If you ever need to share anything else, we’ll always be here for you, to listen and support you!
    Judith

  20. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing this letter to your abuser with us. I am so sorry that you had to endure these awful things. You did not deserve what happened to you. Remember, it is okay that you did not get out sooner. Relationships are complicated even when they are healthy and toxic relationships make things even more difficult. You did the absolute best that you could at the time. You did get out and that takes a lot of strength and courage. Please feel free to share with us anytime. We are here for you, we believe you and we support you.

    All the best,
    Becca

  21. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    I am sorry that you had such and awful experience with someone who should have loved and cherished you. I am sorry that there are people who are toxic and abusive. I understand the feeling of injustice when we notice that they go on, seemingly thriving, while we are left broken, in need of healing.

    I hope that writing this letter has helped you to clarify and to have some form of closure. I am glad that you are getting help and working through it with a therapist. Have you considered what you want to have happen now? They say the best revenge is to live well. Can you imagine what your life would look like if everything turned out the way you want it to? Maybe you can make a plan, take some steps, toward a future that leaves this person in your dust. Good luck and we are rooting for you.

  22. lizzi

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Whether or not you sent this to your ex, it’s a very powerful letter and I hope that you feel some relief after writing it. I hear the pain in your writing, the pain that he caused you. I’m proud of you for getting out of this relationship, even if it took a while. It’s so hard to leave abusive relationships because they are amazing at convincing you that you want to stay. I’m glad that you’re working with a therapist, and I hope that you find some peace and healing from what happened to you. None of this was your fault. Please know that we’re here for you and we support you.

  23. haesol Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for trusting us with this letter. I’m so sorry you went through that experience, you didn’t deserve any of the abuse, and none of it was your fault. It is really unfair that he gets to live normally without facing the consequences and the punishment he deserves for what he did to you.

    I’m glad that you’re no longer in that toxic relationship; you are completely right when you say you deserve better.

    It’s good to hear you’ve been doing some healing. Retracing the way things happened is not easy, you’re doing a great job and I’m proud of you. Healing is different for everyone, it’s not always linear and it’s okay to find some bumps in the road. It’s okay to take this healing journey at your own pace under your own conditions. We’re here for you to support you along this journey, I sincerely wish you the best.

    Stay safe.

  24. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your message. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through so much suffering. The feelings you are having are totally valid, and I hope getting them out into the open has helped you in some way. There is also a Find Help tab on this website that has some resources that may be of use to you. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything. We are always here to listen to you and support you!

  25. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hello

    It takes so much bravery to come and share your feelings as you did. I hope you realize this is a big accomplishment and doing this leads to some peace. I know dealing with traumatic memories can be difficult but you are doing an amazing job and will continue to make progress. We all are here for you!

  26. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello,

    It takes so much bravery to come here and share your feelings like you just did. I hope you realize this is a big accomplishment and that doing this leads to some peace.

    I agree, what they did to you sounds so unfair. They seem to have done so many horrible things and I am so glad you are out of that relationship and safe now. I know that dealing with these traumatic memories can be difficult but you are doing a great job and will continue to make great progress. We are all here for you!

  27. jenniferb Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,
    I want to thank you for sharing this with us. You did not deserve to go through these experiences, and you are not at fault for not leaving the relationship sooner. And like you said, you do deserve better. The important part is that you are healing. I am sorry to hear that you are still being triggered and that you are feeling injustice, and I hope that by writing this letter you were able to alleviate some of the emotions that you are feeling. Writing is a great way to express yourself and we are always here to support you, so please feel free to write again. Stay safe!

  28. Caitlin Volunteer

    Hey there,
    I hope it brought some healing to write that out. I hope that you are able to continue to work through all of this pain and frustration because you don’t deserve it. You are not deserving of those terrible actions. You deserve to be with someone who supports you and see’s you. Let the anger and frustrations out on the page. Focus on you and your healing.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    -Caitlin

  29. AlisonDKaufman

    ktb1928;

    Thank you again for sharing your message with us. It is unfair that an abuser is able to continue to move on perhaps without looking back or realizing the pain they cause someone else; however, you are taking the steps to heal yourself by writing your poetry and messages. These never need to truly be shared with your abuser because all that matters is YOU and your healing. Your abuser is no longer of consequence – his mental health and other challenges are not of your concern, it is now time to focus on your healing – empowerment – and total control of your choices.

    The AVFTI community is here for you and will support your continued personal growth. I look forward to hearing from you again and wish you the best.
    Ali

  30. lilyk Volunteer

    Hey ktb1982,

    You’re an amazing writer. The healing process is difficult but I’m glad you’re able to channel your emotions through your writing. I’ve heard people mention writing a letter to the person who abused you can be helpful, so I hope this was able to take a little bit of the weight off of your shoulders. We are all here for you and support you. If you ever want to get connected with resources, there are a bunch under our “Find Help” tab. Stay strong!

  31. jyoung Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for trusting this community enough to share your letter with us. I really hope that doing so provided you with a level of relief, furthering your steps towards healing. I’m so sorry that you had to experience this; you did not deserve it. It’s great that you were able to get out of that toxic relationship when you did, and now you’re able to recognize that you are in the process of healing because, as you stated, you deserve better. Please know that we will always be here for you. I hope you never hesitate to share or reach out.

    With love,
    Jasmine

  32. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this; you didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m glad that you are seeing a therapist and are on a path of healing. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get to where you are now, and you should be proud of that. If you ever need anything, let us know or use the Find Help tab for any support. Stay strong.

  33. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing your letter with us. I’m so sorry that this all happened. None of this was your fault. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You are a great writer and I am glad that you are able to use writing to express how you feel. I have also found writing to be a really helpful to work through and figure out my feelings. You are so strong. Please let us know how else we can help. Thank you again for sharing this with us.

  34. Ana Espiritu Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,

    Thank you for sharing your story and trusting us with your letter. I want to say that this is a big step by writing this letter because you know it’s important that you are your own person and that no one can change that. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through this experience for months but know this was not your fault. However, I am glad to hear you are healing and seeking help. You deserve to be in the position you were in, you deserve better and always know that you are important and valued. We will always welcome you with open arms and support. Know that here in AVFTI are always here to support and listen. Stay strong always!

    Sending Support and Love,
    Ana

  35. tania Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing. This was so well written and I just wanted to say I am glad you got to write something like this. I am a big journaler myself and feel like at times these can help to clear your thoughts and just let everything out and try to move on from it. I am so sorry for you even having to have to write this and nothing you did was wrong. You did not deserve to be treated that way and deserved so so much better.

    Tania

  36. Ashley Day Captain

    ktb1928,

    Thank you for taking the time to share this letter with our community.

    “I’m feeling a lot of injustice about how things turned out — you denying what happened and now me having to do all of this work and overcome all of this trauma that you inflicted while you go back to life as normal.”
    That line touched me because I’m experiencing the same thing. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone when it comes to that. It’s unnerving that someone can inflict harm upon another person and continue to live their life as if they didn’t do anything wrong.
    I commend you for cutting ties with the person who abused you and taking the time to heal. I’m thinking it was challenging to think back on the relationship and discuss everything with your therapist. While you were in the relationship, it sounds like you didn’t know that it was abusive or toxic, which isn’t abnormal.

    You deserve to feel cared for, be treated with respect, and be with someone who listens to your needs/wants.

    Ashley

  37. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey ktb1928,

    I am so glad you found us and felt comfortable sharing this open letter with us. I hope writing it helped. I have written notes like this to those who have harmed me, and it’s always helped lift some of the burden I carry around.

    In relationships like this, it’s hard to notice the harm we’re experiencing while we’re in it. That’s what makes these relationships so dangerous, because the harm is entangled with love/care. You’re not alone in that. Please don’t be hard on yourself for not leaving sooner. The important thing is that you did leave and you survived. You deserve to receive love and care without any harm, and I hope you find that one day.

    KatherineL

  38. CarmenR Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this with us. You are right! You deserve someone that will make you happy, and you deserve the best. I am sorry for what you have gone through. It is wonderful to see your strength and your voice shining through. We are here for you on your path toward healing, and you are always welcome. Let us know if we can do anything to help.

    Carmen

  39. colton95 Volunteer

    I hope that things will be okay with your therapist and that somehow justice will be brought against the one who hurt you. You did not deserve to go through that but I hope that somehow you will find inner peace. Stay safe and strong!

  40. odishoe

    Hi there, thank you for sharing your letter with us. It must of been hard for you to share this but you did and I can tell you that you are one brave person to do that. The only thing you can do is move forward and never look back even know it hard but I’m sure you can do this.

  41. Araceli1090 Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,

    I will like to start off by saying I’m sorry for what you had to go through. Im sorry that you are still affected by it. Time. Give it time, you will get better. It’s good that you are seeing a therapist. and I am glad that you are in the process of healing. I am glad to hear that you left that abusive/ toxic relationship behind. You deserve someone that appreciates you. You deserve your love to be reciprocated. We are here for you.

  42. CSUN Student1 Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us and you did not deserve to be treated like that by someone that you gave your all to, but you didn’t get anything in return. It is unfortunate that you been through this difficult time, but I am extremely proud of you for finally standing your ground and leaving that toxic and abusive relationship, because you deserve to be with someone that shows you the same love and passion as you do to that person. I can say that you are on the right track by seeing a therapist because that would definitely help you and also its a great starting point towards healing. We are always here for you whenever you need us and we support you, please come back and update us with anything or if you just want to chat with us.
    Thank You

  43. Tokyo_Kaneki Volunteer

    hello again ktb1928, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so proud of you for saying “i’m feeling a lot of injustice about how things turned out” because you know in your heart that you did not deserve any of the trauma that you were put in. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, no one deserves to go through what you did. I am so proud that you were able to realize that the relationship was toxic and that you know that what he did to you was not fair at all in the slightest. I also read that your seeing a therapist and I am glad, i hope they are helping you cope with everything. Please continue to update us, sending you lots of love and support!

  44. Angela Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing this with us, you are very strong. I really hope writing this letter helped you, there was a lot of emotion in it and I hope taking these kinds of steps will help you heal. You did not deserve any of this, I really want you to know that I am glad you have sought for help from a therapist. Stay strong, I believe in you. Please come again, we are here for you.

  45. VolunteerNem Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,
    Thanks for sharing your story with us, it is one step closer in the direction of self healing. It sounds like you tried to give your all to your ex partner and they never gave anything back. You have been through a lot and I am glad that you are trying to move on from this past. I hope you get the justice or clarity you are looking for and make sure to keep us updated. Thank you and stay safe.

  46. Pamela Z Volunteer

    Hi ktb1928,
    Thank you for sharing. This letter has so much emotion and you have every right to let it go. You have a voice and I am glad that you are using it. You are healing from this relationship you had and you continue to be strong. Having a therapist helping you is great to help you with your journey, you are bringing closure to your life.

    Sending love,
    Pamela

  47. karinakalke

    Hi ktb1928,

    It takes a ton of courage to sit down and write a letter to your abuser, and I am proud of you for that. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure this experience. Please know that none of it was your fault. I’m glad you are taking steps forward in the healing process, and I hope your therapist continues to a be a helpful presence in your life. We are here for you whenever you need us.

    Sending love and healing,
    Karina

  48. alexiswilliams

    ktb1928,

    Writing a letter to someone who caused you trauma takes immense strength and courage, and you should be proud of that- Im proud of you! I hope that this brings you closure and allows you to feel some relief. You are so strong for writing this, you are heard.

    Sending love,
    Lex

  49. betterdays1

    hi ktb1928,
    I’m glad you let your feelings out and let us have access to your feelings. That being set thank you for sharing your story with us. Like you said what you are going through is not fair and I’m sorry for that. It is okay to feel the way that you are feeling and the process of recovery will take time but you’ll get there. We might not understand how you are feeling but we are here for you. Continue healing from this.
    -v.

  50. 123Ahmet Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,

    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about all of this but I am happy that you are taking the time to heal yourself. It is never good when you have to change your own self in order to please someone, the most important person is always yourself. It is better sometimes to be single in order to understand your self-worth, individuality, and needs first. Your feelings towards this person are valid and you have every right to feel the way you do towards him. Again, I want to end it here by saying that we are all so proud of you in your healing process and we are always here to listen to you.

    -Ahmet

  51. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear ktb1928 ,
    Thank you for sharing this with us. Hopefully, it will help you on your healing journey. Your letter expressed the thoughts and feelings that many in this community share. We are here for you. We understand and we know what it feels like to be abused in this way. You are not alone and you deserve to be loved in a safe and healthy way. Please feel free to write to us as ofen as you would like and let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  52. Jiggy Volunteer

    Hey ktb1928,
    I am sorry that you are still feeling the effects of an abusive relationship. You should not blame yourself for not leaving sooner, many people find it hard to leave and it takes strength to do so. Love makes us do crazy things and allows us to forgive or not see the bad sides of people. You are right, you do deserve better and no one should have to be in the position you were in. I am glad you are starting the healing process and are able to get the help you need.
    Hope for the best!

  53. Ramon Moran Volunteer

    Hey ktb1928,
    First off, so sorry that you had to go through this it must be tough. Glad to hear you are in the healing process. These abusive relationships are sometimes hard to spot and people many times only see the positives instead of the negatives. Everyone heals different so go at your own pace. I am proud of you for sharing your story. Continue the healing process and always feel free to come back and update us if you feel the need. You are strong and your voice is heard.
    -Ramon

  54. Starling Volunteer

    Hi there,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m glad that you are seeing a therapist and are on a path of healing. It must have been difficult to write this out and share it with us. It takes a lot of strength to get to where you are now, and you should be proud of that. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  55. musicislove

    Hi ktb1928,

    I’m so sorry for the pain you were put through by your ex. Abusive relationships are so hard to get over and work through the aftermath of, but I’m glad that you’re working through this trauma and that you’re starting to heal. No one deserves the pain you were put through and what happened to you was not okay at all. You should never have to change yourself for someone else and you definitely shouldn’t have to ever put up with abuse. I’m so sorry you were hurt so immensely and that you are dealing with so many triggers-those are sadly far too common. We’re always here for you and please come back any time you want to share again.

    Delaney

  56. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi ktb1928,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. You didn’t deserve what this person did to you. Please don’t blame yourself for this either because it is not your fault.
    When you said, “ i wanted to be loved so bad and you were there for that, but i lost myself. i became who i thought you’d like” that really resonated with me because I did the same. I changed myself for someone who never cared about me. My therapist and friends helped me get through that relationship too. Time is a great healer. What also helped me too was hanging with friends who liked me for me and wanted to grow, help, and support each other. I stayed single to help figure out exactly what I wanted and to help my mental health. Like I said before time is an amazing healer and it will help you too. You sound so strong and brave. Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story. If you need anything AVFTI is always here for you. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  57. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing with us today, that takes a lot of courage. I’m sorry for what you went through, and that you didn’t get the justice you deserved. I hope that writing this letter has helped you in your healing journey. You’re not alone in this, we’re always here to lend a listening ear and support you in anyway we can.

    Best,
    Rachel

  58. zelda Day Captain

    Welcome, ktb! We’re really glad you found us. Your letter made me a little emotional; it hits home for me, as I’m sure it did for a lot of people on this platform.

    I’m so sorry you went through abuse and assault. My heart breaks for you. You did not deserve what he did; you deserve a man who will love you, protect you, and be there for you.

    He sounds like a very sick individual who needs a lot of therapy. While you might need therapy for your anxiety and depression, you’re not sick like him. You were just caught in the crossfires of his demons.

    I hope you can heal from the traumas. I have faith that you can. You survived so much! Now that you are safe and free of his grasp, you can begin to thrive. It may take awhile to feel like you are happy and at peace, but you will get there. It just takes some time.

    Please message any of the volunteers if you need to get in touch with any number of resources. Also, we have a Find Help tab that you can browse on your own (if you’d like).

    Let us know if we can help or how we can help. Your letter is powerful and impactful. You have a strong voice, and I’m glad you chose to share that voice with us. Thank you. ❤️

  59. Lusine05 Volunteer

    Hello ktb1928,

    That is a lot to go through. I’m glad you’re safe now. You are right; you deserve the best, and it is great that you know that. It was never your fault, you wanted to be loved, and it is normal but what he did was not. And I hear you it is not fair at all. I just want you to know that you are not alone; we all have your back. We are here for you anytime you want.

    stay strong!

  60. coachdiggs Volunteer

    hello ktb1928,
    First I want to say thank you for sharing your story. I want to say I glad you got out of the Abusive relationship. You decided what was good for you not focus on your ex boyfriend. A relationship should have love within both of the people and not just one person. I know it is a hard to let somebody go but I am happy you decided it was the right time to let the person go. It is also good that your therapist is giving you great advise to help. I just wanted to say that it is going to take time to. I do hope you keep posting and keep everybody with updates of how you are doing. Lastly, I want to say again thank you for sharing your story
    Kevin

  61. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope it helped to be able to write out these feelings-I know that I have had previous therapists suggest I do this and it’s been cathartic for me. Come back and share more if you ever feel the need.

    Erin

  62. seanprender34 Volunteer

    Ktb1928,

    I want to thank you for your sharing your story. What he did in your relationship is abusive and wrong and I admire you for doing the best thing for you and getting out of it. A relationship should be a bond between the people involved and there should be love, care and respect intertwined in that. I can tell that you understand that and I am sorry you could not get that with him. It is always darkest before the storm ends and I hope that you will find brighter days soon. We are all here for you and you will always be welcomed back with nothing but open arms and understanding. I wish you the best!

    Sean

  63. ericasarkisyan Volunteer

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. What he put you through it not okay and I am so proud of you for finding a way out. You deserve so much better and it is amazing that you came to that realization, I know it wasn’t easy. No one deserves to be involved in a manipulative and toxic relationship to the point where they feel the need to change themselves for the other person’s gratification. You are perfect the way you are and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You showed true strength through your healing process and I will you contuse to flourish. I wish you absolute best.

    With love,
    Erica