I’ve been going back and forth for years on whether or not I should share my story on here. It’s just a lot you know…

Where to begin. Well, I’m the youngest of a large family. I’m a male, if that matters. I grew up loved by my family. Only half of them were in my childhood home by the time I came around as the other half were off at college and what have you. I don’t fully recall how old I was when this event took place..maybe 6 or 7 years old.

One particular night, I had a bad dream and woke up in the middle of the night. I went to go upstairs to be comforted by my parents; but when I got to their doorway I noticed that they were asleep. I knew I would feel very guilty if I woke them up, so I went to turn around to go back to my room downstairs. That’s when I noticed that my brothers room had a light on still, so I went to investigate. What I found, was my brother masturbating to porn, although I was clearly much to young to understand what was going on.

He eventually heard me, (or maybe I said his name?), and he panicked, tried to hide his dick and turn off the tv. He tried to explain what was going on…and somehow that turned into him talking me into giving him a blow job. I recall there being several occasions where he would ask me to put my mouth on his dick, and me being afraid of him and not wanting to get in trouble, I would comply. I don’t really remember how many times he asked, but it was at least 5 times I think….

The last time something like this happened was the worst. He came home from school, hot and bothered, and demanded I go in a room alone with him. That’s where he took off my pants, and started to have sex with my ass. He raped me. I remember begging him to stop because it hurt so much. Eventually…he did stop. I think, at that time, it finally dawned on him how wrong the situation was. He never did anything like that ever again after that incident.

I tried telling my mom what happened to me. My Mom, I would later find out, also had a similar thing happened to her growing up. She cried a lot when I told her, obviously. She couldn’t believe the same thing was happening to her youngest child. But, after a while…I think she just couldn’t handle the information I just gave her, so she said “I think he was just trying to show you what to do if you are ever in that kind of situation.” I knew she was wrong….I knew she was….but for some reason I just said “Yea, I think you’re right”. I just don’t think she could handle that kind of development, that kind of information when the same thing happened to her. So instead she just, pushed it out of her brain and acted like she never heard me tell the story. She never mentioned it again after that. 

I decided not to tell my family. I saw how hurt it made my mom so I just decided to keep it to myself; until I got older that is. A few people know now. My oldest sibling (not the offender) knows for one…and they suggested that I go to therapy, which I’m still doing. When I told the oldest about what happened it felt like the weight of the world came off my shoulders. I literally felt like I could jump to the moon.. I think I’ve been going to therapy for 5 years now and I’ve had, what I would consider, great success with it. Past telling me to go the therapy however, my oldest sibling hasn’t really ever mentioned it again.

I told my, now wife, that it happened to me the first week we started dating. I think part of me was unconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship before it even began. To my amazement, she comforted me and told me that she was there for me if I ever need to talk, and to not hide anything from her. I don’t really know how I got so lucky when I met her, but she loves me and never looked at me for being anything less, even with my past. I knew I would marry her pretty early in our relationship.

I’ve told 2 other friends a very high level version of my story (not the same detail I’ve posted here). But again, I think they just took in the information and haven’t really mentioned it again.

I have my first child now, and as a father, part of me feels like I need to face my fears and tell the rest of my family. If not for me than at least to be a stronger person for my child. But…I’m afraid to tell my family, and part of me also doesn’t really know what the point would be to tell them after so long. I don’t want to split up my family with this information you know? I’m also not looking for revenge of any kind. I know most people would say to get the offender behind bars in jail…but I love his wife like family, she’s a sweetheart. And they’ve recently had a kid of their own…and the last thing I want is to have a child in the family that grows up without a Dad due to me. But part of me is also worried for their child, that they’ll encounter a similar event like I had. 

I heard about this website one day at church and always kept it in the back of my mind. I decided if I want to tell my story, I could at least start here and see what happens. It may turn out that I never tell my family besides the oldest, just to keep the peace. But at the same time I want to express my frustrations with telling my family somewhere, so here I am.

I don’t really know what else to add now. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.


Join the Conversation

35 comments

  1. jlanderos16 Volunteer

    Hey,
    Thank you for sharing your story and giving AVFTI a chance! First off, I’m really sorry to hear that you had to experience that in such a young age! Nobody deserve to be in that position! But I’m glad you let it out by talking and telling your mom, your wife, going to therapy, and telling your friends! You did a big step and let it out from your chest! It sounds like you’re doing a good work by talking it out and having support from your sibling and your wife! Overall, I’m sorry this happen to you and I hope you recover! Please stay safe!

  2. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello,

    First off, welcome to A Voice For The Innocent! I’m really glad you found out about our organization and came here to share a post with us. We are grateful to have you with us.

    First off, I’m really sorry to hear about everything that had happened to you. You didn’t deserve anything that happened. Sharing your story with others is a huge step and you’ve done a great job sharing with us as well as your family. I hope you celebrate this accomplishment as it really is a big deal! I know some people didn’t mention it again, but I think that’s a sign that they really care for you and don’t want to bring up something they feel might hurt you. It sounds like you have a lot of people around you that care for you.

    I know you’ve been going to therapy as well and that’s also a big step! It sounds like you’re doing good work there. I’m glad you heard about this website and decided to come to start here. We are always here to support you and you can come back any time for more updates to express what you’re currently feeling, and I hope you find our responses helpful. Hope to have you back soon!

    1. JWorks Volunteer

      This-Is-My-Username,

      I’m sorry to hear about what your brother did to you. I’m glad you chose to come to our site and share your story. It can be a rather difficult field to navigate when it comes to family relations. Especially after such a long time after an incident. It shows your strength that you went on to tell more people after your mothers denial (however subconscious it was) and that was very admirable of you. I’m also glad to hear that your wife is very supportive. Please keep us updated if there’s anything else you need to talk about.

      -Jay

  3. pianogirl44 Volunteer

    Hello,

    I want to thank you for your bravery in coming forward and sharing your story. I know how challenging it can be to come to terms with such a traumatic event. You have expressed feeling a type of relief in sharing your story with family members. I think your now-wife’s reaction was very special and probably helped you in so many ways. Since your mom kind of pushed you away and refused to believe this type of abuse occurred, despite her also being a victim of sexual abuse, it must have been challenging to open up to others about this part of your life. I am very happy to hear that you are doing well in therapy. Therapy is an important part of your healing and it is wonderful to know that you are doing well. I think there is never just one path to healing. I am so glad that you found us and feel like you can share this information with us. Part of your healing can include sharing with this community of volunteers; however, it’s hard to give you advice on what is best or right for you. We will always be here to support you and to listen to you along the way. Whichever way your journey to healing takes you, just know that you can always turn to us.

    You are a strong person and I wish you the very best in your healing.

  4. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is very brave of you to share your story. I hope it has helped. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t your fault and I’m sorry your mom didn’t do more to help. It’s great to hear that you’ve been going to therapy and that you’ve slowly began telling other people. I know it can be disappointing when they don’t bring it up again, but often people just don’t know what to do to help. Sometimes that takes time. But it’s great that your wife has been so supportive. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong, you can do this.

  5. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Welcome to AVFTI and thank you for sharing your story with us. Our community consists of many supportive volunteers who are always here to listen. It can be scary to share stories, but I hope that taking the time to write about your feelings and thoughts have been a comfort to you as well. I am very sorry for all that happened to you. As others have already mentioned, nothing that happened was your fault. That’s great that therapy has been so helpful for you. Have you yet had the discussion with your therapist about the possibility of telling your other family members? It sounds like you have a lot of concerns about what could happen if you did bring it up, but at the same time, it sounds like it would also be very helpful in your healing process. I think it would be valuable to discuss this further during your therapy visits so that you can weigh the pros and cons and consider the potential outcomes of such a decision. Perhaps there is no right answer to your question, but to do what brings you the most peace. This is not a situation you chose to be in, and now you are the one who gets to choose how you want the future to go. I have confidence that you will make the best decision for you. It sounds like your wife is a great support to you and you care about the well-being of those around you. We are all wishing the best for you. Please stop by here as much as you need!

  6. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there this-is-my-username,

    I’m glad you were able to find us and had the courage to share your story! We’re always here any time you want to share your thoughts.

    Everything that you’re feeling is absolutely valid, from being concerned about sharing your story with your extended family to the hurt you experienced at the hands of your brother. You didn’t deserve to be assaulted. We believe you and are here to be a community. There’s a number of other folks here, whether volunteers or fellow storytellers, who have been hurt in the same way that you have. You’re not alone.

    I think it’s wonderful that you’re in therapy. Therapy has given me a lot of really great coping mechanisms, and it sounds like the same can be said for you! I think that it would be a good idea for you to bring up the idea of sharing your story with your whole family in therapy. You can weigh those pros and cons in a safe environment without fearing repercussions. I haven’t told my family about my assault, so I sympathize about trying to keep that from them. Know that you’re safe here, and we want to help as much as we can!

  7. ZJC9753 Volunteer

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, it takes a great deal of strength to come forward and tell others what happened. I am so sorry that your brother did this to you and that your mother did not react in a supportive manner. Sometimes when a person has their own trauma it is unimaginable that what happened to them could happen to somebody else that they love so deeply but I wish she would have done better and you deserved better. Nothing was your fault, only his. I am so happy to hear that your wife supported you and responded in what sounds like a helpful way. I think it is so brave of you to disclose to some of your friends and your sibling what happened to you, I know this is not easy. I think a lot of times that people might not bring it up to you because they do not want to hurt you by bringing up a painful part of your life but I wish that there were more opportunities for you to talk about what happened with your family and friends.

    As far as choosing to disclose to more of your family, my advice is to do what is best for you and to focus on that as much as possible. I know it can be hard because it sounds like you genuinely do not want something harmful to happen if you disclose but I want to caution you that it isn’t your fault. I do agree that discussing disclosure with a therapist would probably be very helpful, I know for a lot of people that helps a lot.

    You are so brave and strong, I hope with all of my heart that if you disclose to more people that you are met with the love, validation, and support that you deserve.

    Thank you for sharing your story and please do so again whenever you need to or want to. We are here for you.

  8. Neesha Volunteer

    It is so brave to share your story, you’ve shown your strength over and over again. Telling your mom, some friends, your eldest sibling, and your wife. I can sympathize with your mother on how devastatingly painful it was to know one of her children raped another one of her kids. She should have done more to validate and protect you, not dismiss it. It is beautiful that your wife fully accepted your past and loves you and it is wonderful that your eldest sibling suggested you go therapy.

    Therapy is a difficult and rewarding process. As far as disclosing to your family the harm your brother has done to you is your choice. It would be worth discussing this with your therapist. You might or not choose to tell your whole family, may just a few members. It is difficult and painful to share these things with people who know the perpetrator. I trust you will find a way that works for you.

    Thank you for trusting us. We are here whenever you choose to share more.

  9. colton95 Volunteer

    Thank you for being brave and sharing your story on here! I’m glad that you were able to discover this site where people here genuinely care for your well-being and care. Feel free to share your thoughts whenever you want to and click on the FIND HELP tab for resources if you think that that will be beneficial for you. Stay safe and positive!

  10. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi this-is-my-username,
    What your brother did was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. What he did was wrong. I wish your mother had been more supportive when you told her what happened. You deserved that support and protection. What she said about your brother’s actions was wrong.
    I’m glad that your wife is supporting you! Your past doesn’t make you less of a person, and it’s awesome that she told you she was there for you. It’s also great that you were able to tell your older brother and a couple of friends. Maybe they’re not mentioning what happened because 1) they’re unsure about how to bring it up or 2) don’t know how comfortable you are with talking about it. I relate to you. I’ve told a few friends about what happened to me, and they’re very supportive. However, they don’t mention it. Whenever I feel like talking about something, I bring it up. This way, they know I’m comfortable with talking about it in that moment (since I’m bringing it up). I’m telling you this to say that you’re not alone.
    As for telling your family, I understand why this is a difficult decision. Would it be possible to share your story with a couple of people who seem supportive? Just something to think about – you can decide who to tell at your own pace. We support you no matter what you decide.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Please write back if you need to talk or if you need anything. We’re in your corner, and we’re rooting for you.

  11. MarciaD Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username: I’m so glad you decided to share your story with us. I can tell that you thought about this for a long time before you decided to share. I hope you feel supported and heard. It is so hard when something like this happens with someone that you are supposed to be able to trust and I’m so sorry this happened to you. What your brother did was wrong and for your Mother to not protect you is so heartbreaking. When the people that are supposed to protect us and hold us up either can’t or don’t is so hard to overcome. I don’t think people understand the lasting scars something like this leaves. I am so happy that you have found comfort and support in all this with your wife. It sounds like you chose well. I’m sure you will find peace in whatever decision you make with respect to telling the rest of your family. Again, thank you for sharing. Please come back and chat anytime you need to as we are all here for you.

    Much love,
    Marciad

  12. Breanna Volunteer

    Hey this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story with us. I hope it helped take some more of that weight off of your shoulders. I am so sorry you had those experiences with your brother – they shouldn’t have happened and it wasn’t your fault. And I wish your mom did more to support you instead of turn you away. You deserved that support, especially at such a young age. I am really glad to hear that you took your brother’s advice, sought therapy, and it has been very helpful for you. I really admire your growth. I think having a supportive partner is also helpful, and I’m really glad you found someone you love who has also been supportive. I’m sorry that it feels sort of isolated from your family and you don’t have the support there. Ultimately, it is your story, and you can choose who you tell it to and how much. You don’t have to tell everyone in your family; you can tell people one at a time, some people and not others, only one or two that you’re comfortable with, or none at all. It can feel like a double-edged sword, but ultimately you have the power to communicate it to whomever you want and however you’d like. Whatever you decide to do, we will be here to support you. You have us here to listen. Keep your head up.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  13. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear this-is-my-username,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It took a lot of courage to put it out there with all of the details, to a group of strangers. We are here for you though and will be as often as you want to write to us. It is great to hear that your oldest sibling was able to hear your story and point you in the direction to get started on your healing journey and that your wife is supportive and understanding. That cam make all the difference when you are healing. As others have said, we can’t really give advise on whether or not you should tell the rest of your family. That is a decision only you can make, but your therapist may be able to give you some guidance. You may also find some helpful resources in our Find Help tab; but we are here for you no matter what you decide.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  14. Rustin Day Captain

    Hi this-is-my-username,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. This may have also taken some extra weight off of your shoulders to tell your story here. As for what to do about telling your family, I think only you can make that decision. That is definitely something to discuss and put thought into. I admire that even after what your brother did, you still want what is best for your family and his family as well. It shows that you’ve grown throughout your therapy process. Keep in mind, that you also matter and your needs count just as much. I hope that you figure out a content middle between all of it. Please come back and share whenever you want. Keep us updated on how things are going with this process.

  15. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It can’t be easy talking about these things so the fact that you’re able to share your story and describe your feelings so clearly and eloquently shows a real strength and self awareness. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. None of this was your fault and it must have been devastating not to get the support you deserved from your mom. It sounds like you’ve been resilient through so much even though it’s not fair you’ve had to be. It’s great that going to therapy has helped, it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. It’s completely understandable to struggle with the decision of whether to tell your family or not, and it sounds like you’ve been struggling with this decision for a while. I can’t imagine how exhausting that must be, but after reading your story today there is no doubt you have the strength to make that decision and to continue making your wellbeing a priority. If you ever feel you need to talk this out with someone, don’t hesitate to reach out back here or text VOICE to 741-741 to speak with a trained counselor.

    Wishing you all the best,
    -Rachel

  16. nvehovc Volunteer

    Hello this-is-my-username,
    Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us. I can only imagine how much bravery and courage it took to write and post this, and I admire you very much for it. It’s hard to relate or imagine how going through that must have made you feel, especially with your mother not responding in a way that was helpful to you. It must have been very frustrating to have been vulnerable with her and not have had her understand and deal with the situation. It is important to know that your story has been heard and should not ever be dismissed by your own self or by anyone else, and I am glad to hear that you have found other pillars who have listened. I am glad that sharing with your oldest sibling prompted you to go to therapy, and that is a very big step that I hope is helping you find ways to handle the feelings from these events. It must be so conflicting trying to share this story with your family while also being worried about disrupting the peace. It is a major life decision that you should take as much time as needed to make, and to not feel rushed or pressured by anyone to do if you are not ready. You deserve to find more supportive relationships throughout your life and I hope they help you navigate all your feelings. I will always be here if you ever decide you need a person to talk to about your emotions. Although I will never be able to understand what you’re going through, I will always be willing to listen and do anything in my power to help.

  17. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hello this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for coming on here and trusting us your story; I can only imagine how hard it must have been to open up. I’m so sorry you had to go through that traumatic experience in your past, especially at an age where we find it difficult to comprehend such things. You didn’t deserve to go through that. We’ve always been told to trust our family the most, and yet, sometimes it’s the people who are closest to us that end up hurting us the most. Moreover, I’m really sorry your mother wasn’t a pillar of support to you during the time you needed it the most. The fact that she dismissed it and you understood the reason as to why she reacted the way she did, shows great maturity from your side. That being said, I’m really glad that your older sibling was your biggest pillar of support during that time, and directed you towards therapy. I can tell how much it has improved not only just you, but also the quality of your relationships with others as well. You deserve to have constant pillars of support like your oldest sibling, your wife and two friends. As for opening up to your family, I can tell that you’re feeling conflicted and that you’re scared of what they might start to think of you. That is completely okay. This is your decision to make. At the end of the day, you know what’s best for you. Take it one step at a time and don’t pressure yourself into doing something you don’t want to do. We’re here to support you through this journey and feel free to come back on here at any time to update us about your mental health. All the love.

  18. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi This-is-my-username,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. It can be hard to talk about these things. I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you with your older brother. He should have realized right away that what he was doing was wrong. It’s frustrating to hear that despite having similar experiences, your mother wasn’t able to support you when you told her. It can be hard to imagine something like that happening in your family but she needed to believe you and be there to support you. It’s good to hear that your oldest sibling has been supporting and suggested therapy, and even better that it has been helpful for you! You deserve to be in a relationship where you are supported and I love that your girlfriend/now wife has been there for you!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  19. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so glad that you decided to share your story here with us. I am sure that must have been very difficult for you. I think you are a very strong person! I am so sorry about what your brother did to you. It was not okay, and it was not your fault. I can’t imagine how difficult and confusing that must have been for you then and even still today. It is great to hear that you have gone to therapy and that you have felt comfortable sharing your story with some of your family members, and your wife. Please know that the decision to share your story is and always will be yours. You can share with whoever you would like and where/when you share. If sharing with your family is something you would like to do, we support you! It may be difficult, but as you mentioned in your story, it may lift some of the weight off of your shoulders.

    Healing is a long journey, so remember it is okay to put yourself first! You are so strong! AVFTI will be here for you if you ever would like to share again. We are on your side and we support you!

    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  20. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. I am so sorry for what happened-you didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m glad that you were able to get therapy, and that your wife is so supportive of you. I was harmed by a family member, too, and I understand the dilemma of wanting to share with other family members but also caring about that person, even though he harmed you. I feel the same way that you do. I’m still figuring out how to navigate all of those complicated feelings, but what I can say is do what feels good for you and your healing. I’m trying to do that more, and I hope you are able to, too. We are here for you, and we support you.

    Erin

  21. jao1820 Volunteer

    Hey this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. This appears to be a big step for you and illustrates your strength and bravery. I’m so sorry this happened to you and the trauma you endured. Speaking to others about your experience assists recovery, and recovery is a long process and different for every individual. I’m sorry that your mother did not provide much support or advice. But I’m glad your oldest sibling provided support and advised you to see a therapist.

    Telling the rest of your family is a difficult decision to make as it is a personal decision, one only you can make. Perhaps your therapist may be able to shed some light on the situation. I hope you continue to make progress with your therapist. Please don’t hesitate to seek for more support or more resources if you feel the need. Stay strong and safe.

    – J.A.O.

  22. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thanks for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that your brother took advantage of you like that. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment at all. I’m glad you told your mom about what was happening to you but I’m so sorry she kind of swept it under the rug. It must have been difficult for her to hear that coming from her baby, but that doesn’t excuse her from protecting you. Ignoring the problem doesn’t solve it, but I’m sure you know that.

    I can’t give you advice on whether or not to tell your family. Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that dilemma. Have you tried talking to your therapist about it? They might be able to present some pros and cons on the subject and help you figure out *why* you’re considering telling them. Either way, we support your decision. You didn’t do anything wrong in that situation, and you’re allowed to speak out about what happened to you. You’re also allowed to keep it to yourself. It’s ultimately your decision. I imagine it’s really helpful that your wife is so open and comforting when it comes to discussing your past experiences. That’s so helpful when it comes to the healing process, so I’m really happy you were able to find someone to spend the rest of your life with that you can lean on when you need the support!

    Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything or if you just want to chat. We’re here for you and will help however we can!
    Marissa

  23. lizzi

    Hey this-is-my-username,
    Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us. We hear you and believe you, and you’re welcome here. I’m sorry for what your brother did to you, and that your mom didn’t do anything to make it right. Especially if she had suffered through something similar in her life, the excuse of using it as a teaching moment is ridiculous. It was assault, not a learning experience. I’m glad that you’ve been able to tell others and work through what happened to you in therapy. It’s your decision if you want to tell your family, but remember that it’s not your responsibility to control how they react. They may not react well, but that’s okay. It’s your story and if it will help you to share it, they will react how they do. Would it be helpful to talk with your therapist about the idea of sharing this with them?

    Thank you again for sharing with us, and know that we’re here for you if you want to share more with us.

  24. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you and want to support you in any way possible! I’m sorry about what you’ve experienced. It was in no way your fault nor did you deserve it. Your strength is evident in your willingness to be open about what happened with those that are close to you. It is ultimately your decision on telling the remainder of your family and perhaps you can chat with someone about how to approach such – if you find yourself open to the idea of attending therapy again. Perhaps journaling more often could help you configure an approach as well.
    I’m happy that you are now in a relationship that is supportive and healthy! We are here for you!
    Stay strong <3

  25. haesol Volunteer

    Hello this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story, and welcome to the platform.

    I’m really sorry about what happened, you didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of like that. It wasn’t your fault, I hope you know that. You were really young and didn’t know much, so you going through that doesn’t mean you wanted it or consented to it unconsciously, it was still wrong but none of it was your fault.

    Your mom probably felt overwhelmed like you mentioned, so what she said might have been a way of self protection. It doesn’t mean it’s right, though, as you deserved to be comforted and validated back then.

    I’m glad you’ve told other people who helped you find other resources like going to therapy, it’s nice to know that it has helped you so far. I’m happy to hear you now have a family of your own and a wife that supports you all the way. I wish you the best!

    As for who else to tell, it’s ultimately up to you. It can be extremely difficult to open up about this, but at the end of the day only you will know for sure if and when you want to tell someone else. It will just happen, it might take longer or maybe not more than a few days, there’s no sure way of knowing so, but I am sure that you will know when the right time comes–if it comes.

    For now, telling your story here is already a huge step, just know we value your story and your experience and we believe you. Feel free to come back if you ever want to share again, we are always here.

    Stay safe,
    sol.

  26. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    hey

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What your brother did was horrible and I am sorry your mother didn’t give you the emotional or social support. It is really awesome you are going to therapy and having a supportive wife. It understandable that you want to share your story with the rest of your family and that is up to you. If you decide not to that is totally okay and we are here for you. Either way please take care of yourself and just know we are here for you. Take care!

  27. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What your brother did was horrible, and it’s terrible that your mother seemed like she just tried to forget about it when you told her what happened. What your brother did isn’t “showing you what to do if you’re ever in that kind of situation”, but it’s good to hear that you knew she was wrong. It’s great to hear that you have been going to therapy regularly and that it’s helping. It’s also amazing to hear that you have a supportive wife.

    It’s understandable that you want to share what happened with the rest of your family, and it’s totally up to you if and when you want to tell them. If you decide not to, that is also totally okay. We’re here for you either way you decide. Take care.

  28. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us! I’m sorry that your brother took advantage of you and that your mother didn’t give you the support that you needed. I’m so glad for you that your wife has been very supportive, and if you do decide to tell the rest of your family, I hope they will be just as supportive. This is such a tough situation to be in, but just know that we will support your decision no matter what. We are always here for you when you want to talk! Take care.

  29. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. That should have never happened, but it did. It wasn’t your fault at all, though it seems you’ve worked that out. I am sorry your brother did this to you. And I am sorry your mother wasn’t able to give you what you needed when you told her.

    Families are tough. We love them, even when they have hurt us. We feel a terrible need to connect with them over this stuff, and at the same time the fear that it will hurt them, they can’t bear it, etc. If we get the wrong reaction, it is a sort of rejection, and we will be devastated. We’ve known them all our lives and we will know them for the rest of our lives or theirs. We share parents and grandparents and siblings. And yet we never know how they will react to something like this. I think it is because the perp is also family, and even though what they did was horrible. Our families will often still want them in their lives.

    Whether you tell the rest of your family is totally up to you. You can tell the one or ones who you think will be the most supportive, or you can decide not to. In my less generous moments, I think, “I (we) have lived through this; they can live through hearing about it.” But for some reason, protecting them seems to be what wins out. I don’t know if it is particularly helpful to protect them from knowing. It makes for some awkward moments down the line, like sitting at your brother’s table at your sister’s wedding because no one knows and was able to figure that out better.

    You mentioned worrying about your brother’s child. I don’t know if there is any way we can protect children of a potential abuser. Will someone who as a child abused a younger child abuse their own child when they become an adult? We don’t know. But maybe your other siblings can protect their own children better if they know that the possibility is there. These are tough questions and tough decisions, and maybe something to run by your therapist.

  30. musicislove

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your story, that takes a lot of strength. I’m so sorry for what your brother did to you, you didn’t deserve to be violated by someone you should have been able to trust. I’m sorry that your mom wasn’t in the right state of mind to hear you and protect and support you the way you should have been, but I’m glad you still told her. I’m glad you felt close enough to your oldest brother, wife, and two friends, it’s important to have people you can confide in in your life. I’m glad your wife was so supportive, I told my husband about what I went through a week into our relationship as well. I’m really glad you heard about this site and were able to tell your story, we’re always here for you, please come back any time you want to share more.

    Delaney

  31. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey this-is-my-username,

    Thanks for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that your brother did this to you. That must have been really hard to cope with, especially at such a young age and without having support from your mom. I am glad to see that you shared with your wife and have her support. I can understand how you might feel like you need to disclose to your family to be strong for your son, but there are other ways you can be strong without having to tell your family about the abuse. If you don’t think it will help your healing, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell them or anyone else. It’s your story and you have full autonomy in what you do with it. Feel free to come back and share with us anytime.

    KatherineL

  32. tolleytn Volunteer

    Hi this-is-my-username,

    I’m so sorry you went through something so terrible. None of it is your fault and I’m sorry for how your mom took the information. I’m glad you were able to confine in people who love and support you and that you were able to find therapy.

    As for whether or not you should tell the rest of your family, I completely understand your hesitation. Perhaps discussing it with the people you trust could help clear your mind? Regardless, the time will come whenever you’re ready. If you choose never to tell them, that’s okay too and it should 100% be your own decision. Thank you for sharing your story with us and we hope to hear from you soon. Sending lots of love your way <3

    – Tiffany

  33. zelda Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing you story on here, username. We appreciate your honesty and bravery; talking about trauma of any kind is such a difficult thing to do, especially when it’s childhood sexual abuse. Welcome to AVFTI.

    I’m happy to hear you are married to a loving, supportive wife. Congrats on being a first time dad! Family can be a blessing. But I also know family can be many other things, too. Your story is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you were sexually abused. What happened was not your fault, so don’t ever blame yourself. The only person who should feel guilt and shame is your brother. Your brother committed these crimes. You did not.

    I’m sorry your mother chose to minimize his actions. I know how tough it is to tell a loved one, especially a family member, about abuse. And it’s even tougher to walk away feeling unheard and invalidated.

    You are so, so strong for speaking up and getting help. You’ve been through life-altering trauma. I’m glad to hear that you are receiving the care you need now, as well as the support from your wife. She definitely sounds like a keeper!

    If I hadn’t been through abuse with a loved one myself, I’d probably be confused as to why you wouldn’t hate your brother or want to see him locked up. But I do understand where you’re coming from. You love his wife like family, and you care deeply for his child. Like you, I would be worried about abuse potentially continuing at home with their son or daughter. Since you have been regularly seeing a therapist, I’d suggest talking out your fears to them. Maybe they can provide you with more clarity.

    Again, I want to thank you for coming here and sharing your story. I know that took strength, courage, and guts. Everyone on this platform is very welcoming. I hope you can find some comfort within the community, as well as camaraderie with the other survivors.

    Come back again any time. We appreciate your posts, and look forward to (hopefully) hearing from you again. Have a great afternoon. ☮️

  34. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi this-is-my-username,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve this at all and it is not your fault. How your mom handled the situation is not okay. Even though it might have been hard to hear, she should have helped you more. It’s great that you told your older sibling and that were were there for you. Therapy is a great way to help with coping and recovery.
    I think if you want to tell your family you should. You can talk to your therapist and then your older sibling that you trusted before and see what they say. If you don’t want to tell that’s okay too. It is totally up to you. If you don’t want to tell your whole family, but are worried for your nephew, maybe talk to your brother that did this to you. Again this is entirely up to you what you want to do. If there is anything you need help with please let us know. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa