When I was in 4th grade, a classmate that had previously been bullying me began to make sexual advances towards me. He would say sexual terms to me, that at the point I had not heard of before. He taught me all about sex in a very disgusting manner. He would constantly try to touch me or stick his foot in between my legs when we were sitting down. He sat directly across from me and we faced each other. When I had spoken up to my teacher, he told me that it was my fault, and then this classmate was messing with me because I was so obnoxious and loud. My teacher blamed me for him tormenting me. This went on for the entire school year and I felt as though if I kept quiet, it would go away eventually. I’m now in high school and while I have grown and understood my experience, I no longer allow people to touch me, even friends, and most of my family. 


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49 comments

  1. Alyssa Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for trusting us to share your story. Please know this wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and your teacher should have protected you from the other student. I commend you for being so brave, and for recognizing and understanding what happened. Please know we are here to listen and support you. If you go to our Find Help tab, we offer additional resources to help further assist you if needed.
    Sending positivity and support.
    Alyssa

  2. coachdiggs Volunteer

    Hello Waveinthetide,
    I wanted to say thank you for sharing your self. I am sorry for what have happened to you. It is not your fault that your teacher blamed you wrong. You should not be responsible for someone for somebody else in that situation. I would say try to think about the positives and do not let somebody else try to bring your self. Lastly, I wanted to say thank you for sharing the story.

  3. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m sorry your teacher wrongfully blamed you. None of this was your fault. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions. He had no right to do anything like that to you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are not alone. See our Find Help tab for additional resources. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong!

  4. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for trusting us with your experience. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that and your teacher didn’t properly support you. Your teacher was wrong for blaming you. It was not your fault and he shouldn’t have been behaving that way. Feel free to explore our Find Help tab for resources that might be supportive, and let us know if there’s anything that we can do. We are here for you, keep your chin up.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  5. Brooke Volunteer

    wavesinthetide thank you so much for sharing your story. It is very brave. Please know that what happened to you was absolutely not your fault. What that boy did was abuse and the teacher was so wrong for acting that way. I’m happy you now understand your experience. Have you tried reaching out to a therapist yet? They could help process some of the trauma. We also have a Find Help tab with more resources if you need them. We are all always here if you need to share and support you. Sending lots of love.

  6. walvarenga1 Volunteer

    You did not deserve to be treated like that, and your teacher should have done everything they could to safeguard you. Regardless of how you acted in class, you should have been respected and the situation should have been handled immediately. You weren’t obnoxious, you were a kid that needed someone to protect you. Your teacher was wrong for encouraging that behavior. A health professional could be able to help you in communicating through the emotions you’ve been experiencing. I encourage you to browse through our ‘Find Help’ tab as it can provide you with appropriate resources. Please let us know if you require further assistance. We’re always here to listen, chat, support in any way we can! Stay strong.

    Sending light your way,

    Wesley

  7. musicislove

    Hi Wavesinthetide,

    I’m so sorry for what you had to go through with this classmate and your teacher not protecting you. You should never have been blamed for something someone else did, you didn’t bring any of these interactions on. He had no right to touch you and you shouldn’t have been put in a situation where you just had to deal with it. We have a ton of resources under our Find Help tab and we are here for you!

    Delaney

  8. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey
    I am so sorry you had to go through this. The boy had no right to touch you and your teacher should have helped you and not dismiss you. Look under the help tab for some resources. Take care of yourself we all are here for you!

  9. zelda Day Captain

    Wavesinthetide,

    I’m so sorry you went through this. I can relate to what you’ve gone through, and it is traumatizing. That boy had no right to touch you, and your teacher should have helped you. Not dismiss you and blame you. That’s terrible!

    We have some resources here in the Find Help tab of our site. We offer legal resources, as well as therapy options. Talking with someone can be helpful and beneficial. Trauma is insidious, and it’s unfortunately really sneaky. Flashbacks and panic attacks pop up at any moment and without warning. Sexual assault and harassment are serious traumatic experiences. We are here for you whenever you need to talk. Talking about what’s happened is scary, but it’s also liberating. At the end of the day, you are not the perpetrator here; you are the warrior who survived his victimization.

  10. Neesha Volunteer

    wavesinthetide,
    I ache knowing that you were exposed to sexual harassment so young. I am angry for you that your teacher blamed you, you were not in any way asking for his foot between your legs. It makes so much sense now that you no longer allow people to touch you. You’re are taking care of yourself the best way you can. I hope sharing with us helps you heal.

  11. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hello there,
    I’m so sorry to hear that you went through all of that since such a young age. Your teacher should not have put the blame on you and instead addressed his behavior. I’m sorry he blamed you and made you believe it was your fault. None of it was your fault and you never deserved any of it. It is understandable why you do not allow anybody to touch you. I hope that you are able to heal from those traumatic experiences, talking about it is a great start and I am glad you came to talk to us about it. We are always here to listen. Feel free to come back and let us know if you ever need anything. Sending you lots of love and positivity.

  12. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    I’m so sorry that happened to you. This is not your fault. That boy shouldn’t have been telling you about sex in fourth grade. When I was in 5th grade I had a bully who would bother me and hit me. When I had the courage to tell my teacher she said he does that because he likes you, you should be flattered. When teachers say that or say what they said to you, that is just an excuse for them to not have to deal with what was really going on. I’m happy you spoke up because it shows how strong you are and you are still so strong! Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  13. Starling Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. It’s awful that your teacher didn’t take your situation seriously. Regardless of how you may have acted in class, no one has the rights to touch you or make you uncomfortable like that. Have you considered talking to a professional about what happened? A therapist might be able to help you work through the emotions you have been dealing with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  14. cachonoah Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    We are all so proud of you for finally sticking up for yourself. What happened to you was completely his fault, and anyone who was saying it was your fault for that student tormenting you is unfair. They didn’t believe you, but I’m glad you finally grew from that experience and realized that they were always in the wrong. Also, it was completely unprofessional for that teacher to not take this situation seriously because it obviously bothered you. It is saddening that you couldn’t even go to the teacher, given that they are supposed to be looking out for their students. Continue growing as a strong human being! And never stop taking any crap from anyone! Much love from your friends here.

  15. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for coming to share your story with AVFTI. It takes a lot of courage to share and we are all here for you. I’m sorry to hear about how your classmate treated you. Your teacher was wrong. None of what happened was your fault. It’s frustrating to not get supported when you tell someone what is happening. We are all here for you. If you want to talk to someone further we also have some amazing resources here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    Stay strong,
    T

  16. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    What happened to you wasn’t your fault. He was wrong, and your teacher was wrong. He shouldn’t have been tormenting you, and you did nothing to deserve that. It makes sense that you kept quiet, especially after the people around you blamed you. You deserve to feel safe and supported.
    I’m glad you understand what happened. It’s understandable that you don’t allow people to touch you, and you’re not alone in that. Do you have people who can support you? That can be important as you heal from what happened. If you would like to, you could talk to a school counselor. I did that a few times during high school, and I found it helpful. You can do what feels right for you at your own pace, and there’s no pressure.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. If you click on the Find Help tab at the top of the page, you can find resources. We believe you and your story, and I hope you’re doing well this week.

  17. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. It takes a lot of courage to confront and process difficult memories, and it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable. None of what happened back then was your fault. You did not deserve to be bullied and you did not deserve to be blamed, especially by your teacher, who was supposed to care for and look after his students. You deserved to be believed and supported. You deserve to be safe. It sounds difficult to have this lasting aversion to touch, even from family and friends. Please know that there are people who could help you work through what you’ve experienced and resources that can be found on our website, if that’s something you’re interested in. You’re not alone, and we believe you and are here to support you.
    Sending strength and love,
    Judith

  18. Metalhead Volunteer

    wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your experience with us. It must have been difficult having that teacher saying that you are the one at fault, and that could not be further from the truth. You did nothing wrong for that classmate to touch you, and that’s a really poor way for a teacher to handle that type of behavior between classmates. I hear you and I would understand why you wouldn’t want to let anyone else touching you, even if it’s in a friendly manner. But hey, if you haven’t already, I would suggest maybe trying to talk to your high school’s counselor/therapist. I used to meet with my high school’s dedicated therapist once a week. I was super skeptical at first, but I feel that it really helped me in the long run.

    I wish you the best, and feel free to come and post again any time!

    Respectfully,
    Metalhead

  19. Caitlin Volunteer

    Wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing. I know it’s not easy to do. You did not deserve that type of attention and you didn’t do anything wrong. You deserved to be treated with respect and consent. The teacher was wrong. This was not your fault. You are not obnoxious.

    When it comes to your healing journey and how you take your power back, do you have a support system? Do you have ways to connect with materials and counseling? There are lots of resources on the “find help” tab here on this site. I wish you all the luck and support that you didn’t have in 4th grade to you now.

    -Caitlin

  20. Erika23 Volunteer

    Hello,
    It must be difficult to recall and talk about what happened to you. Just know we are all here to listen and support you through this. The trauma you experienced at the hands of someone who tormented you is something that was completely out of your hands, but you are stronger now for speaking out about what you experienced. I can’t tell you when you will get to the end of the healing process, but what I can tell you is that I know you can get through this. Hope to hear updates from you soon.

  21. brookeA Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to go through that when you were so young. Your teacher should have never blamed you for what happened- it was definitely not your fault at all. It’s totally understandable that you don’t want people to touch you. If you ever want more resources, check out our Find Help tab + the other resources others have listed. Please feel free to come back and share anytime! Wishing you the best!

  22. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your story with us. I’m glad you found out about AVFTI. Sharing your story takes a lot of bravery.

    I’m so sorry to hear what you went through in 4th grade. I hope you know that nothing that happened was your fault. I’m sorry your teacher told you it was your fault, he was wrong. I can certainly understand how you might not want to be touched now because of those experiences. I hope that coming here and sharing these thoughts was helpful to you. If you are able, sharing what happened with a family member could help as well. You can always come back here too! We are here for you!

  23. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you at such a young age in fourth grade. No one should ever go through what you have been through. You are not alone and it is okay to talk to someone about it. Don’t be afraid to talk with somebody. Find ways to cope and heal like reading, taking hikes, knitting, etc.. We are always here for you. If you need additional help or resources, click on the “find help” tab at the top. I’m rooting for you. Stay strong.

  24. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story. What your classmate did to you in 4th grade was not okay. It was not your fault and you did nothing to deserve that. I am so glad that you were strong enough to tell your teacher, and I am very disappointed in the response you got. He should have advocated on your behalf instead of blaming your behavior as a cause. The other student was the one at fault, not you, regardless of how you acted in class. I completely understand why you don’t want others to touch you now. Hopefully you can eventually take small steps towards building trust again with people you are close to. Is there anything we can do to help you continue to heal? There are resources on our Find Help tab if you thing those would be valuable to you.

  25. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey there wavesinthetide,

    I am glad you shared your experience with us. It’s great that you have grown to understand your experience, but I want to reiterate that this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Your personality and behavior is no way an invitation for this person to do those things. It’s not okay that you had to go through that and had no one to help you. It’s common to not want to be touched after experiencing things like this, you’re not alone in that. If you’d like to speak with someone professionally, there’s resources under the Find Help tab, and we’re here for you anytime you need.

    KatherineL

  26. hdezcinday07 Volunteer

    Hello wavesinthetide,
    First of all thank you for sharing your experience with us. Second, of all I’m sorry that your teacher made you feel like it was your fault when it wasnt. The teacher did not handle the situation the correct way, and allowed the student to continue to bother you, instead of putting a stop to it. I hope you now that you did not deserve this. You did the correct thing of reporting it to the teacher however you got shut down and that was not right because now you struggle to have contact with people. I want you to know that you were a strong little girl for standing uo for yourself and speaking up. I’m glad you had the courgae to do that. If there is anything we can do to tell you, please reach out to us.
    Best,
    Cindy

  27. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, wavesinthetide. I’m so sorry you were treated that way by your classmate and your teacher blamed you. I hope you know it was not your fault and your teacher did not handle that properly. I don’t think you did anything to deserve to be treated that way. Your reaction to keep quiet is a common one among children who don’t get support from adults. I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t speak up. I’m glad you have the courage to share your story now. Thank you for writing in, we hear you and you are not alone. I understand completely why you don’t allow people to touch you. It’s hard to feel trust with other people after being violated like that. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to further help or support you.

  28. Penrose Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry that it happened to you and it is in no way your fault. As Karina mentioned below, we have collected resources that might be helpful for you, if you are ready to get help.

  29. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you experienced this trauma, and I’m sorry your teacher blamed you. Please know that this was not your fault. I’m proud of you for setting boundaries to help your healing process, and I want to encourage you to check the “Find Help” tab for some resources that could be beneficial. You are welcome to share again at any time. We are always here for you.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  30. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing this with us. You aren’t at fault for this person harassing you, and I can understand how that experience would make you sensitive to being touched by others. You aren’t alone for feeling that way. I’m glad that you found us and had the strength to speak out!

  31. noobloop Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    Thank you for sharing your experience. I think it is brave of you to come to terms with what happened and understanding it. It takes a lot to face your traumas, so give yourself some credit. It is sad and concerning for an adult and an important figure such as a teacher to say such things to a child. It truly sends the wrong message. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to be touched, don’t feel guilty for it. If setting boundaries makes you feel safe, that is ok; you do what you have to do. However, I would like to suggest that maybe one day when you meet your favorite person and they are good to you, you might want to open up to them about this. Overcoming that, not wanting to be touched, who knows, it might lift some weight off your shoulders. I guess it’s something to think about. But I definitely encourage you to take all the time you need to heal because that is the most important thing; your healing, your mental and emotional heath. Always put yourself first.
    Much love and hugs,
    noobloop

  32. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry this happened. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry that your teacher also did not support you and blamed you-they should not have responded that way, and you deserved support. Have you told your family and friends about what happened? Do you think they would be supportive? Thank you for coming to share here with us and I hoped this helped.

    Erin

  33. nancylog Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    I’m sorry you had to experience such a rough school year. And it upsets me why teacher did not do anything. But I’m proud that you were strong
    enough to speak and fight this. You should use the “find help” tab if needed. We are always here for you. Wish you all the best.

  34. Brooke Volunteer

    wavesinthetide thank you so much for sharing. I am so sorry for the abuse you went through. What happened was not your fault. Your teacher was victim blaming. Please know you didn’t deserve any of this abuse. Have you tried speaking to a therapist? It sounds like you’ve set up some boundaries which is good but a therapist may help process the trauma. We also have a Find Help tab here with additional resources that may be beneficial to you. You can come back here and share anytime. We all believe you and have your back. Sending lots of love.

  35. rvmoss Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    I’m so sorry all these people made you feel like this and they made you feel like your feelings weren’t valid. It upsets me that the teacher didn’t do anything to make you feel safe and blamed it on you because no one deserves to go through this especially at a young age. Your feelings are valid and no one should go through this but I am glad you are healing, you didn’t deserve what you went through. If you feel like you need more sources to help your healing process, the “find help” tab can help you furthermore if needed. We are here for you whenever you need us! 💫

  36. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there!
    Your story makes me both sad & mad. It makes me mad at the teacher for blaming you & not listening to your cries for help. It makes me sad that you had to experience this, & remain quiet. It’s good that you are now able to understand your experience. I hope you know & believe that his actions, nor what the teacher said, was in any way your fault. It wasn’t! I can see how this would leave you with not allowing anyone to touch you. Our “find help” page is packed full of resources in case you may need any form of help. If you haven’t considered it before, maybe seeking a professional to help you get beyond these feelings & work through the damages he caused could be helpful in aiding your healing. You deserve to move forward without being silenced. You deserve to live a happy life without looking over your shoulder or fearing someone’s touch. I wish you the best!
    Dawn

  37. tolleytn Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    I’m so sorry that you had to experience this sort of trauma. No one should ever invalidate your feelings like that, especially with a situation so serious. I’m glad to hear that you’ve grown from this experience and made some progress in your healing, it must have been incredibly difficult. You’re always welcome to come and give us an update whenever you feel like it. We’re all here for you!

    – Tiff

  38. Dash35

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us and I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. First off, none of this was your fault and you did the right thing by telling your teacher. The teacher should have seen what was going on and has the power to stop it and he is in the wrong. I am sorry that you have to live with the pain that these boys and your teacher caused. I cannot even imagine how you must feel, but your feelings are valid and we are all here to listen and help. We will be here to support you and we have other resources in the “Find Help” tab that can be used. Whatever you decide to do we are here to listen and support you in any way. Thank you again for sharing your experience with us.

    Best,
    Dash35

  39. aegardiner Day Captain

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am very sorry for what you’ve had to experience and that it has continued to have such a lasting impact in your life. It is always so discouraging to hear when adults are not willing to protect children and blame them for things that happen. In your case you trusted your teacher and expected him to look out for you – he was wrong for not doing that. I hope that you have not had to interact with that former student over the years. Because you are feeling like you want to keep your distance from others, which is understandable given what happened, you may want to reach out to a therapist or counselor for support. It would be helpful to you to address how you are feeling now rather than let it fester. We have a resource tab called Find Help where you can look for these types of services near you. You can always reach out to one and ask them for a referral if you aren’t finding specifically what you need. We are here for you too – just reach out if you need any assistance. Please take care!

  40. lqui101 Volunteer

    Hello wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story. As an authoritative figure, your teacher should have handled the situation better and not put the blame on you, as it was never your fault for his actions. It is perfectly okay to set up boundaries on yourself. In terms with how to continue to set boundaries for yourself and others, there are many resources available and of course you can always come to us. Stay strong!

  41. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey wavesinthetide,
    I am so sorry something like this happened to you at such a young age. It was not right of him to do those things to you and you did the right things by telling someone about it, but they did not help you when they should have. None of this was your fault and I am sorry the blame got put on you. I know talking about it may be difficult now that you have already been neglected after seeking help, but maybe talking to a close friend or someone who cares about you would help? If not we are always here to listen and support you!

  42. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry your classmate did those things to you and that he turned himself into the victim when you spoke up to your teacher. His actions and the teacher’s reaction were 100% not ok and you didn’t deserve that at all. Do you still see this person? If so, I would suggest speaking with a school counselor or something to come up with a plan to avoid them in school. Please check out our “Find Help” tab if you need any resources – there are tons you may find helpful!! Stay strong and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help 💗

    Marissa

  43. kr1510 Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, especially at a young age. Your teacher should have never blamed you for another student’s actions. It was not your fault. Have you talked to your family about this? A school counselor? Or even a close friend? Talking about it to a person who supports you may be able to help you in your healing process. Please let us know of any updates in your life.
    Much love,
    Kr1510

  44. mirage276 Volunteer

    Hello there wavesinthetide,
    I would like to thank you for sharing your experience, it is very unfortunate what happened to you to say the least. It must have been something very difficult to go through especially at such a young age, especially with the little to no help provided by your teacher at the time. With that being said I am so proud of how far you have grown since then. What happened to you was in no way your fault. It is okay to set those boundaries even if it means placing them for your loved ones as well, your healing process is your own but you are not alone. Sending lots of love and support and if you ever need to talk remember that we are here to lend a listening ear and offer our support!
    Best,
    M

  45. alexa.zaragoza Volunteer

    Wavesinthetide,
    I am very sorry that this happened to you. No one should ever go through what you have been through. Know that you are not alone and it is okay to talk to someone about it. As a fourth grader, I can’t imagine what you felt when you told your teacher about it. Don’t be afraid to talk to somebody. We are here and we will listen to you. If you need additional help or resources, click on the “find help” tab at the top.

  46. Javi7295

    Hi wavesinthetide,

    Really appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us. What the classmate was doing must have been really scary for you. You are very brave in speaking up to your teacher about what was going on. It is important to know that you are not the one at fault here and it was your teachers job to protect you from your classmate. Everything you were and are feeling is completely okay. Opening up and understanding what happened to you are some great big steps towards beginning the healing process and its okay for you to not allow anyone to touch you until you feel safe and comfortable again. If you would like, please check out some of the resources we have in the Find Help Tab. Stay strong and remember you are not alone.

    -Javier

  47. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi wavesinthetide,
    Thank you for being brave and sharing your story with us here. I am sorry to hear about what your classmate did to you in fourth grade, and moreover, I’m so very sorry to hear how your teacher completely mishandled the situation. You were not to blame in any way, shape, or form.
    Have you talked to anyone else about what happened? A parent or trusted friend? If you would like, there is a “Find Help” tab here on the site that can provide you some resources. Take a look if you have a chance.
    For now, sending you strength and love.
    Take care of yourself,
    Sarahj

  48. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, wavesinthetides-

    It sounds like you’ve made some big strides in understanding what happened to you back in 4th Grade. That is a huge, scary step to take. You are brave and courageous to do that. What happened to you was not your fault. Your teacher was there to protect you from it happening again. Find strength in knowing you are not alone in this. Opening up like you have allows others to also not feel alone. You are a light in someone else’s darkness right now and you are strong for standing tall. It is hard to move through the healing journey after you take these two big steps. It’s okay to create boundaries to make you feel safe and comfortable in your own skin. If you have a moment, and would like to, please feel free to check out some resources to help you along the way in our Find Help tab. Keep fighting the good fight-

    Take care,
    Adrian

  49. vanessadmoreno Volunteer

    Hey wavesinthetide,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable that boy made you feel, and it is not okay at all that a professional like your teacher, blamed you for it. I just want to say that you and your feelings are completely valid, and you have every right to still feel the way you do about this situation, even though it did happen quite some time ago. Have you ever considered going to therapy? For me, therapy was a great outlet to be able to cope with situations that still haunted me from my past. I wish you lots of strength!

    -Vanessa