2nd post (Birth to 15)

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I decided that I should probably give some sort of updated. As much as telling a bit of my story and getting it off my chest helped. It also sent me into a very intense tailspin. Telling the story, even with very little detail, sent memories that I didn’t realize I had flooding into my brain and I don’t know how to deal with them. I also happened to cross paths with my mother for the first time in two years yesterday evening. She told me she loved me but neither of us mentioned anything about the childhood she made me endure. She also told me that my father and my older siblings miss me and invited me to christmas… I don’t know how to take that and i don’t know how im supposed to approach it.

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  1. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear wematter,

    Always trust your gut instinct and only do what you feel is comfortable for you. If you feel that maybe opening yourself up back to your mom and the rest of your family might cause more trouble than it is worth, then perhaps it might be a better idea to stay clear. But, if you feel that there might be a strong possibility of improving the estranged relationship you have with your mother, then go for it. However, if you get the impression that she is not willing to openly admit her mistakes and what she had you endure as a child, I think all you can do is ask yourself, is this relationship worth taking on?

    Also, in regards to therapy, I know it can be intimidating at first, but you really just have to find the right therapist that works for you. One that you mesh with nicely. Medication could always be an option in helping to treat individuals, but you have a very strong say in whether or not you feel medication is or is not necessary. It also depends on whatever it is you may or may not be diagnosed with. I hope this helps ❤

    Keep your head up. You got this.

    – Jordan

  2. Lizzi

    Hey wematter,
    I’m so sorry that sharing part of your story brought up so many memories that you had repressed. That’s the hard thing about trauma, and especially avoiding dealing with it. Our brains are so powerful in their ability to block out negative memories, and then when they get triggered, they sort of explode back into our conscious memory. I’m sorry that you had such a hard time dealing with them. It must have been hard to see your mother again. You are not obligated to spend Christmas with them if you don’t want to. That choice is 100% up to you. I hope you’re doing okay, and feel free to post another update if you’d like. We care about you and want to know how you’re doing.

  3. tayestlack Volunteer

    hello love, i’m glad you’ve come together with your mom. but you should take some time to determine if you’d like to see the rest of your family after enduring such a childhood. however if would not make you a bad person if you decided to decline their request for christmas. remember to focus on yourself and your mental health. thank you for coming back to us and i hope you keep your head high and stay strong

  4. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi wematter,

    Thank you for coming back and sharing this update with us. It is really hard to bring up the memories by sharing your story, I suppose it can be a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it can be really nice to talk about the story with people and get other people’s love, support, and help. But on the other hand, it can definitely trigger some unpleasant memories. I think it’s nice that your mum wants to see you for the holidays. This could be a really nice chance to see some of the family. You may want to set some rules for yourself before you go, so if you do feel that at some point you want to leave you have a plan to do so. I’m sure there will be some strong emotions when you see everyone.

    Stay strong,


  5. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi wematter,
    It makes sense that telling your story is making some painful memories resurface. Telling your story can be painful, especially the first time. When it comes to seeing your mother, how you’re feeling is valid. As for being around your family during Christmas, I can understand why there may be an internal conflict. It can be hard, but you can put your needs first. Please don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable for the sake of others. It’s incredibly exhausting to do that, and I unfortunately know from experience. If you do go, I agree with the suggestions that dzreid has made.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re here to support you through this. You are strong, and you can make it through. Please take care of yourself.

  6. dzreid Volunteer

    Hey wematter,
    I thank you for being honest & sharing with us how you felt. I am sorry that doing so caused you some unsettling feelings. I hope you will continue to share. It sounds that being invited for Christmas has left you with mixed feelings. That’s understandable. I think that if being around your family at Christmas is causing uneasy feelings, then maybe you might not be ready. Is there someone you have as a support that could go with you? Maybe, if you do go, try to set limits & establish boundaries if you can. Take care of you. You deserve it!

  7. Kayla Volunteer


    Thanks for the update. I hope you’re feeling well today. We are here for you to listen and help in anyway we can. As far as seeing everyone for Christmas – know that you don’t have to do anything that may make you uncomfortable. I hope you have somewhere you can be where you feel safe and loved during the holiday season. <3

  8. Shannon Volunteer

    hey there,

    I am so sorry that you experienced those feelings after sharing with us. but we are so glad you came back to update us. as far as spending Christmas with your family, make sure you do what’s best for you. take care of yourself first


  9. Ashley Day Captain

    I’m sorry that telling your story has caused unsettling memories to resurface, wematter. I get the impression that running into your mother was unsettling and I’m thinking it was difficult to hear about your other family members, which is understandable.
    When you think about visiting for Christmas, what kinds of thoughts and feelings emerge?


  10. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi wematter,
    I’m sorry this happened. Sometimes talking about your story even just a little can trigger things if you weren’t ready to say it. Just remember to breath and everything will be okay. You are in a safe space with AVFTI. Thank you for updating us and coming back. Continue to stay strong.

  11. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for coming back and sharing this with us. I am glad the story helped with the relief. Be kind to yourself and know we be here anytime you need to clear your mind. We care for you.

  12. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hello again, wematter!

    Thanks for coming back and sharing this with us. I’m glad that sharing your story helped you find some relief. Opening up that trauma box can be very intense and overwhelming. Feeling conflicted about your family relationships is also understandable. It can be super stressful to be torn between what you need to do for your mental health and what you feel obligated to do for them. Remember that blood is not thicker than water and you are allowed to put your needs first. Be kind to yourself, and we’ll be here any time you need to clear your mind!

  13. Jess Volunteer

    Thank you for updating us, especially given that sharing your story caused you pain. Telling your story can be incredibly painful in the beginning, as you’re starting your journey to healing and processing your emotions. Your feelings are valid regarding seeing your mother. Absolutely no one outside of yourself can tell you how to feel about the things she said and the things she made you experience as a child. It is completely up to you how you approach what she said and her invite. Don’t push yourself to do things that you’re uncomfortable with and try to focus on your healing here.

    If you need any resources, our “Find Help” tab could be beneficial. We are also always here for you and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3

  14. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear wematter,
    Thank you for coming back even though your first post caused you pain. Sometimes things hurt a little more at the beginning of the healing journey because there is so much that we repress in order not to feel it. Your fear about therapy is understandable. Our Find Help tab has a variety of resources that you may find useful. There are also some very good accounts on Instagram that have other resources (podcasts, YouTube, and websites) that deal with self-healing as well if that is of interest to you. I am happy to share some with you if you would like. Take your time and do what feels helpful to you. We are here for you!!
    Sending you love and strength,

  15. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share. I’m sorry that sharing triggered a lot of memories for you (it’s done that for me before), and I know what it is like to feel like you can’t approach your family because of the abuse you experienced and everything that your mom in particular did. This may not be helpful, but I have done what I can to avoid going back to my hometown and being with my family during some holidays, because being in my hometown can be too painful and difficult. I cannot remember, are you currently seeing a therapist? If not, it might help to see one to work through these new memories and the family stuff-I know that it’s really helped me. Let us know how else we can support you.


    1. wematter

      No, I’ve yet to see a therapist even though I’ve been thinking about trying it quite a lot recently. I’m just scared that theyll try to get me to take meds or that i might end up in some type of institute. I know that there is anything wrong with those things if it helps but it terrifies me