How to move forward

My brother sexually abused me when I was younger through inappropriate touching. I can’t remember all of the details, but I remember it happening at least several times when I was around the age of 6. He is 6 years older than me, making him around 12 at the time. I never told anyone at the time it was happening and didn’t even register that something had happened to me until I was in high school. After reading a book in which a girl was abused, memories came flooding back to me. I then later remembered that I had gone to the doctor for a UTI in first grade, which helped me place the time frame of when things happened. I feel confident that the UTI was caused by the abuse. Looking back, there are other inappropriate things he has done. When he was in high school, I accidentally caught him looking at porn on the shared computer and instead of being ashamed or uncomfortable, he wanted to show it to me. Another time, I had a friend over and we… Read more  »

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“Oh it’s fine, we’re both girls”

When I was in graduate school, my thesis advisor (who was 44, and I was 22) used to walk around in her bra and underwear, and then insist that I shower with her. If I chose a different shower in the gym, she would come and join me in the shower. When I started losing… Read more

Yes, In A Church (Update #13)

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I got dismissed from therapy.  Three months from now it’ll be a year since my life fell apart.  But I’ve gotten better. So much better, you guys. I never had to resort to medication to help with my anxiety or depression. I hardly ever have any of my PTSD… Read more

Life before I was born

I consider I was born when I was 10 years of age, why? Because before, life was Hell and I consider myself born when I was 10 years old and finally adopted. At age 2 my biological mother abandoned me at a babysitters home ( she never returned) and from age 2 until age 7… Read more

I didn’t graduate highschool

He seemed so lost. His girlfriend of three years had just passed away in a car accident. He seemed so lost and I wanted to help. If there was anything anything at all I could do to help, I’d do it, to help ease another’s suffering. His anything wasn’t something I wanted. But I had… Read more

Confused

The first time my boyfriend and I had intercourse it was very painful for me. I told him that vaginal exams were always painful and I thought I had vaginismus. I asked him to stop because I was in so much pain. He pulled out, but then inserted his fingers into me to stretch me… Read more

It’s my brother’s birthday today, eps. 44.

I came back from seeing Karen today and practically bit my mother’s head off.  I came in the door and she said, It’s Brian’s and Rush’s birthday.  I did not say anything, and she was walking behind me and I thought she asked me if I e-mailed him.  I asked rather vehemently, “Why would I… Read more

I was only 14

I was only 13 when I started helping out around my neighborhood. Babysitting, walking dogs, helping little kids with their homework.. you know, normal things 13 year olds can do for money. I started walking his dogs for money on every week day after school. I was only 14 when he first kissed me. Keep… Read more

It was so long ago, episode 43.

I saw Karen today.  It seems like these weeks are going by so fast, and yet it feels like forever since I was last in there.  Today was no different.  This week had New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day in it.  So she asked which days we had group.  I told her Monday and… Read more

Here’s my story

5I was 6 or 7 when things got really bad for me. I was an energetic kid like most others, but when these things started happening I became scared, quiet. Here is my story. My bus, bus 55 was never great. There was always fighting, blood, things to make me fear others. One day after… Read more

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