It was so long ago, 39/40 or so…

Karen told me to write,Cathy told me to write, Denise told me to write, So I wrote this and shared it in group on Tuesday and with Denise on Wednesday, I'll see Karen on Saturday.  Thinking too much yesterday in group, then at work.  I thought about what one of the gals said about hiding in the closet -- at least I never had to hide in the closet.  But I'd hide under the bed.  Sometimes I'd fall asleep under the bed and when I would wake up hours later no one knew or cared where I was. Dialectical.  Yeah I can be so angry with Mom, I think she was the cause of every thing, that she set me up (not deliberately) but evenso.  She was hard.  She had little time, too many kids, no help and raging depression.  Her rage would come out, and she would call us horrible things and let fly with her hands -- never fists, but she would pull your hair, slap your face, slap you anywhere.  Her idea of discipline was creative.  "Bring me the extension… Read more  »

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Heath

when I was about 10 or 11 my next door neighbor showed me his privates and asked me to hold it while he peed. I was afraid and didn’t know what to do so I said okay. He walked me home and told me not to tell anyone or he would get in trouble. He… Read more

I feel so ashamed.

I know it’s been some time, too much time but in dealing with my mother’s cancer, and my own sicknesses I haven’t had much time for myself. I find that I’m remembering things regarding my rape more and more. Why after 37 years am I now remembering this? Anyway the other night I remembered that… Read more

The Red Mustang

I was in my sophomore year of high school, I had many friends and would often go to parties and hang out after school. I began smoking weed at this time with friends but never participated in drinking. I met Him on my way home from the library one afternoon, he was leaning on his… Read more

My Story

I guess things started when I was 14, in my freshman year. I was so, so depressed. I didn’t tell anyone about my thoughts of suicide or my constant self-harm. It was only when friends in my gym class saw the damage I had done while we were changing that I was urged to confess… Read more

Why?

I was 13 years old . I had my first boyfriend. The first time I snuck out with him it was a party old me to drink I wanted to be cool and so I drank it the last thing I remember is being put into a car I don’t know how long I was… Read more

Holidays Suck

Hi.  I never posted here before but I was raped by someone I trusted and loved- my ex boyfriend almost 9 years ago now. However, I suppressed the memory until this last year. I am starting to do okay and feel okay. I spend a lot of time doing things that show I love myself… Read more

My story of abuse when I was 12 or 13

When I was 12 or 13 I think, must have been in 96 or 97.  I was hanging out with a man who was around 36 that my older sister became friends with and she became interested in dating.  I became friends with him too.  My mother was upset because the man my sister was… Read more

A Letter to my brother, Brian

Brian,  You are a selfish, worthless asshole.  I thought I was to a point of forgiveness.  Guess not.  Howe do you forgive someone who won’t acknowledge they did anything?  I’m going to have to — don’t worry, I’ll spare you the scene.  But forgiveness does more for the one who forgives than for the forgiven. … Read more

Manipulation

This will be the first time I have ever fully told my story. The last time I was abused was 16 years ago. It still affects me today. Hopefully with telling my story, from my perspective, it will help me heal. Here it goes… My mom was in a relationship with a woman 10 years… Read more

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