Where do I go from here?

Posted by Jamie Marie.

It's Jamie (again).It has been exactly three weeks since I left my ex boyfriend, and I just cannot help but play scenarios differently in my head...Like, could this have been avoided altogether? If I allowed him to calm me down instead of begging to get space, maybe I'd still be him with him in Ohio like I planned. Despite the gaslighting, the threats, manipulation, I love(ed) him. It's not his fault he had a traumatic childhood, which I told him constantly...all I wanted was for the two of us to get therapy separately (for different reasons, mine being the rape/molestation) and his for his severe anxiety attacks...how could two damaged individuals have a lasting, healthy relationship when our needs weren't being met? Without him, I just don't know what to do, or have no clue where I'm heading in life...and if he came back, I'd try once more to give it another go...people think I'm "trauma bonded" or downright crazy for saying it, but nobody saw the good in him like I did...

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