I am not my past.

He told me he had done it to our neighbor before she moved to Texas. I will never know if it was true, but that started it all. We we in the upstairs bathroom when we took our pants off and he made me sit with my legs open so that he could see me. All of me. I don't remember him touching me that night. But that didn't stop him from doing it later. He forced me to shower with him watching. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and his penis was in my hand. I wanted to break it but I was too disgusted by it to do anything. I remember the last time he fingered me. I told him no and then he shoved his hand down my pants and into me so hard that I wanted to scream, and I may have. It was after that I held a knife to his throat threatening him to try to touch me again, and watch me kill him for trying. I still remember holding… Read more  »

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Survival in Three Short Chapters

Hi All, I am a proud AVFTI volunteer and have posted here before. This past weekend, I felt inspired to write a poem (something I never do), but it is, I believe, what my heart has been longing to say for 25 long years. I wanted to share it somehow and figured the loving and… Read more »

part 2. . . .

I have a little more time to write. It felt almost like a therapeutic experience last time I wrote here so I figured I should try telling the rest of the stories… after I told my mom I was raped at 7 (though at the time I called it sex I didn’t know what raped… Read more »

It’s time to tell it.

When I was 25 ish, my husband and I were co-pastors of a little church. We were there for a couple of years, and while I was okay with it for the most part, there were things that disturbed me. The pastor had a habit of being really mean spirited when he talked about people… Read more »

part one

I was 7 he was 16 about to turn 17 i think. He is my brothers Godmothers son and mom let him watch me for a couple hours his name is keith . mom and I were always at his house all summer he had a pool and it was fun. Well the moment my… Read more »

Family Betrayal

Where to even begin. When I was around 9 years old, (not quite sure of how old I was because I repressed the memory for years) I was sexually abused by my older brother. Thank god it only happened to me once, as I know many sexual abuse victims are not so lucky. He also… Read more »

Trafficked

_Whats your price?_ “this is for men” Its friday night time with the boys, whats your drink? Whats your delight? Hittin the clubs? Hittin the pubs? Packin a joint with your favorite drugs? Goin to watch the strippers? Goin to hump the honeys? Jack off to your favorite girl cause you think its funny? You… Read more »

I still blame myself everyday

Its been almost a year. I’m so ashamed of myself. The one person who knows about it, besides the doctors and therapist, reminds me constantly that I was taken advantage of, someone targeted me, and that person is to blame, not me. I want to believe thats true. I tell myself it wasn’t my fault… Read more »

Four years ago

It’s been four years since I was sexually assaulted and I’m just now starting to deal with it. The last four years of my life have been plagued with self-harming behaviors, an eating disorder, and hospitalizations due to suicide attempts. I blame him for most of it. He wouldn’t let go of me. He held… Read more »

I just had to tell somebody.

When I was very little I was molested by my neighbor. I don’t remember very much of it except for what come back to me in dreams and flashbacks. I remember more of how it affected my childhood than I do the actual assault. I feel like it always made me different, or worse. I… Read more »

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