I have a little more time to write. It felt almost like a therapeutic experience last time I wrote here so I figured I should try telling the rest of the stories…
after I told my mom I was raped at 7 (though at the time I called it sex I didn’t know what raped meant yet) she told me that we don’t talk about those things so I never talked with her about that stuff again until I was 19 but unfortunately between 7 and 19 I was molested many times and almost raped again twice.
I must have had a giant target on my head that attracted pedophiles and other abused teenagers / children after the first time I was raped because it seemed like I would make a friend and immediately they would try to touch me or kiss me etc the first time after the rape was a few months maybe closer to a year later when a girl across the street started to have me ‘play’ in her room she was 17 or 18 ish and she would lock us in her room and kiss me then it became using her fingers while we kissed and then she started using objects on me and made me do it on her.
while I was still being used by her another girl down the block closer to my age started taking me in her clubhouse and making me kiss her and then once we went to a drive in with her parents and we were in the back of a truck under a blanket and touching each other but more than just touching it was rough though and deep and her dad kept saying what a good girl she was when the mom went to buy us some sodas
next was when I was like 9 i think. a few houses down from my house there were like 6 or 7 kids none of them was very good at english except for the older ones . . . well my mom was always passed out drunk at like 7 pm and they would send one of the younger brothers to my window and i would sneak outside and go see the 15 year old in their garage he would mostly just kiss me and rubbed me outside the clothes though until he showed me a dirty magazine and then his big brother and 2 younger ones were all watching as he tried to put it in me from behind he couldn’t do it his older brother (who had to be 20 something ) showed him how to … he was not nice he treated my body like it was A grown womans and I felt like dying he made me stay there until I couldn’t walk normal and then told me if I ever told anyone he would shoot my mom and keep me forever I went home and in the morning pretended I sprained my ankle
around the same time or maybe before there was this girl i believe she was 14 and everytime i tried to play with her little brother (he was the best all we did was climb trees and brake stuff lol) she would take me into her dads trailer and make me eat her out EVERYTIME and that was it must have done it a dozen times
my cousin would make me grind on him until I was like 12 he called it horsey but it was just me getting off on his back or side and him just getting off . . .
next was random older boys always started as kissing always escalated to them having their hands up my shorts. . .
during this whole time till I was 12 ish I had a little friend who was 2 years younger than me and every weekend we would do stuff to each other but I initiated it though we always both liked it …..until I told her I would tell If she didnt let me do it to her thats when she realized it was wrong and she told on us but we still hung out after we just never did that again still feel very guilty about that and I think I always will.
I was almost raped twice once when i got involved with a drug dealer that i used to buy speed from at 16 but luckily he let me leave because his friend showed up. another time when I was drunk with my friends and one of the guys separated me tried to force it in and didn’t realize I didn’t want to until I started yelling for help.
all these times I never said nothing to my mom about what happened she was always drunk and to this day does not believe me about the first rape
sorry it is so long thanks for your replies last time and thank you for offering a place for me to get this stuff out of my head.
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